What is a sub/slave? Am I? (Full Version)

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jthaddeus -> What is a sub/slave? Am I? (6/18/2007 2:43:36 PM)

Hello,

I know this is no place for personal ads, (the forums that is) and I don't intend to make this one, however, i would like to try to toss out some thoughts, and see how they mesh against the thoughts and beliefs of those who are here. If this is not appropriate, I appologize, and if so, please simply let me know and it will not be repeated.

I was in the Army for a very short time. (only basic, before getting a medical discharge) While there, all social interaction was codified. Not only did this relieve a lifetime computer geek of social preasures he'd felt his whole life, but also, there was a singleness of purpose. One soldier'd. That was all one did. In so doing, you were releved of all stress beyond that directly associated with doing your job.

Segway this into someone in a relationship, who wishes for simplicity, and to find joy and happyness in their relationship. One can dream of an ideal relationship where you intimately know the mind of someone else, but really, I lack that subtle empathy. I find it so much more liberating to trust that my lover would tell me what makes them happy, to do this, or to do that, without worrying that this might offend me, or that I might be put off that they would think I need to be told.

Finally, there are habits I have gotten into. I like to take care of people. I like to serve. Even at friends houses, I' find myself either giving backrubs, or doing dishes or whatnot. I seem to have a certain empathetic reaction which I have not walled off, such that in service if those around me are happy, I am happy, likewise, if they are not, I am not.

In all honesty, I desire to be taken care of, to know that I will be safe. This can mean discipline, but also it should mean caring and being molded, and submitting myself to someone without care for myself, knowing that THEY will care for me, and that I can hence abandon myself fully to this one task at hand (being of service to them)

On the other hand I see so much on here that is about things which I have a hard time not seeing to be harmful. Inflicting pain on someone for fun, etc. I understand that for many these are good things, but it makes me question if what I'm really looking for is this type of dynamic, or if I'm deluding myself and really I should be in a vanilla relationship, and that what I desire is not something to be desired, but rather simply trying to shift responsibility for my social failings.

Does this make sense to anyone?

Advice?

Thanks.

-- j.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: What is a sub/slave? Am I? (6/18/2007 2:50:44 PM)

Be yourself.  Apply whatever label you want- tons of people will tell you that you're wrong no matter what label you choose.

As long as you and the people you are involved with understand and agree, then you're fine.



shyinini -> RE: What is a sub/slave? Am I? (6/18/2007 3:22:10 PM)

Hi j.... you have an excellently written and articulate profile.  The child within allows the man to speak and think well.Something about your profile and post reminds me of the time I found my self in the desert places.  Much like the Israelities for 40 years.  They had a destination, they had a strong sense of who they were, they were taken care of, guided, protected and yet they questioned.  Their destination eluded them time and time again.
Much like wondering aimlessly, which I call my desert experience.
 
You seem to be standing where
Two roads diverged in a yellow wood,
And sorry I could not travel both
And be one traveler, long I stood
And looked down one as far as I could
To where it bent in the undergrowth;

Then took the tother, as just as fair,
And having perhaps the better claim,
Because it was grassy ans wanted wear;
Though as for that the passing there
Had worn them really about the same,

Might I say, dont let "the labels" be who you become; allow that to be the choice of your Dominant.  Your beloved circle of freinds will carry you even while you find the right path.
 
Yes your post made all the sense in the world to me.  I wish you the best.
 
Sir's property 



Stephann -> RE: What is a sub/slave? Am I? (6/18/2007 3:25:59 PM)

Plato.  Myth of the Cave.

I think of most people as being the prisoners, chained.  They can't see anything but the shadows.  You're looking at the sun right now, and realize it for what it is.  Now you're looking at yourself, and wondering "what am I?"

Whatever you are, you are.  The label you assign yourself isn't for your benefit, but for the benefit of others.  If you can look at others who call themselves 'slave' and find that to be a useful rolemodel, than it doesn't hurt to strive to be a slave; but if you're looking to be any form of submissive, you'll quickly find that your world, your rules, your limits will be set by that dominant.  My last slave wasn't inherently a slave; she was a slave because I demanded she be one.  She found contentment not in the label, but in following the role I set for her.  Others might have looked at our relationship and said we are just kinky, or she was a poorly behaved subby at best.  Fortunately, our relationship didn't depend on others; it depended on our own sense of fulfillment.

Instead of asking "what am I?" you'll be better off asking "what kind of person do I wish to serve?"  Once that person has earned your trust completely, you might then be able to let her (him? them?) define your role.  Don't give that trust too quickly, take things at a pace you're comfortable with.  Don't be swept up by the urge to be everything, do everything from day one.  Be suspicious of people who demand otherwise.

Good luck,

Stephan



farieanne -> RE: What is a sub/slave? Am I? (6/18/2007 6:33:48 PM)

Hi jthaddeus,
 
Being submissive and being in D/s relationship does not mean you have to be masochist or that your partner has to be a sadist. Being submissive and in a D/s relationship does not have to include BDSM at all or even sex. You do not have to enjoy or endure pain to be a submissive or to be in a D/s relationship.



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