Is it me or is it them?

Is it me or is it them? (Full Version)

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tallicedvnowhip -> Is it me or is it them? (6/18/2007 11:05:37 PM)
I'm just curious .... Have you received many responses from male doms? Do you know why? I don't want to appear dense, but this practice leaves me dizzy with bewilderment. I read so much about the relative scarcity of female doms on the internet that perhaps I went into this with unrealistic expectations. Less than half of the responses I receive are from men listing themselves as submissive. Nearly half of those contain some reference to switch fantasies, a desire to overtake a dominant woman or my personal favorite... "...and so,after xx number of years spent in glorious servitude to my beloved mistress, I now seek a vanilla relationship and want you to be my girlfriend." Oh, lucky me! So that means about only 1/4 of my mail actually fall within the parameters of my interest. I decided today that I wanted some answers. I sent a note to each of the seven male doms who responded over the weekend. Only three have responded so far. The first said "My bad, I didn't notice that part on your profile." When pressed further, he declared himself to be " a not so great reader of profiles." OK, that's honest anyway ...I can accept that. Dom # 2 responded that he is quite well aware that every female heart harbors the deep seated desire to be dominated sexually by a male she considers to be superior. (I'm sorry, every time I read that out loud I giggle uncontrollably until I'm actually snorting and then coffee comes out my nose, and it's just a terrible mess. Ok...I'm calming down.) The third is perhaps the most creative and the most confusing... to me, anyway. I have heard this from male doms before, but I honestly can't tell if it's a line or not. He confesses having a secret yen to be dominated by a woman. Whenever I have inquired about previous experience, I basically get the same answer ... " I just haven't found the right woman, yet." I just don't buy it. Am I being unfairly skeptical and possibly shortchanging myself in the process?

sub7boy -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 4:33:45 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: tallicedvnowhip I'm just curious .... Have you received many responses from male doms? Do you know why? I don't want to appear dense, but this practice leaves me dizzy with bewilderment. [cut] " I just haven't found the right woman, yet." I just don't buy it. Am I being unfairly skeptical and possibly shortchanging myself in the process? RE: Is it me or is it them? It's "them". I realise a LOT of responses to "dommes", are frankly shit. And if this quote from a female dominants profile is anything to go by "I had 4 pages of messages, I went away for 3 days and wow, I deleted a load without reading sorry." You're not alone should you feel unexcited by them all. I am certain this is the reason decent messages from men who actually bothered to read the profile are ignored: just lost in a sea of crap. I don't even bother sending replies to womens' profiles any more. Half of them never even get read.

LadyEllen -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 4:52:11 AM)
Its them. But I must say having looked at your profile pictures that its understandable that men of almost any persuasion are going to stop by and try a mailshot in the hope of "getting lucky". That doesnt mean you should take them down or tone them down, but I think it maybe explains all the contacts youre getting. E

Lashra -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 5:11:07 AM)
It's them. I've recieved some of these type of emails in the past. Hence I put into my profile NO Dominant/Gorean males are to contact me requesting me to top or dominate them or if your seeking a submissive you will NOT find it here, so move along. I also put a line in there about men coming into town seeking a Domme's entertainment for their stay.[:'(] ~Lashra

m0rgan -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 5:11:58 AM)
y-e-e-s? i think what lady ellen is trying to say is that you should try to look less fuckable, and a bit uglier, if you want less attention. i almost emailed you myself until i realised we were on similar sides of the fence, if you see what i mean, and i read profiles and journals! my testosterone only noticed your shaggability. fortunately reason prevailed, but i am a reasonable man, many others may only listen to some of their voices!! good luck and don't complain about too much attention, 20% of them are fakers anyway!!!

thetammyjo -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 6:01:45 AM)
I think what you are seeing, tallicedvnowhip, is a factor of several things. People so horny they don't bother to read profiles. People so horny they don't care what role they play. People who are sexist and feel it is their duty to prove their theory. People who buy into the sexism and feel they have to hide their real desires.

earthycouple -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 6:06:11 AM)
I get at least one email from a male "dominant" every week. And it is always something like "I'd kneel at your feet in a minute. DAMN!" I usually retort with then you aren't a dominant. They get all pissed off which is simply fun for me. If you want to troll me and act as a sub then at least don't be lazy and go create a sub profile to do it S I did have one come back and say "oh I thought I was on my sub account" lmao....he didn't make it any further than the others. I love the wankers sometimes...they make me laugh.

Stephann -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:08:51 AM)
Hello Tallice, I'm a dominant male who occasionally wrote dominant females. I'll offer some insight as to why. First and foremost, I don't consider website profiles to be encompassing of an entire person. Many people post a profile on a website in an effort to portray a specific interest, at a specific time. Personal experience has suggested that a good half of female dominants started or continue to dabble in submissive or bottom roles as well. A polite email of interest doesn't suggest a lack of respect for a woman's preference; we all have profiles on this site with the intention of social interaction. If a woman's interest isn't piqued by who I am or what I write, she has no obligation to reply. Second, there is an incredible appeal for confident women. We commonly equate (rightly or not) dominance with confidence. Thus, a dominant, confident woman is seen as sexy, and desirable. Certainly, there are confident submissives as well, and they suffer no lack of email from submissive men either. Posting suggestive or erotic photos will, naturally, attract even more mail. Third, there is more than a few grains of truth in the 'switching' dynamic. It's my opinion that everyone can be a domininant or submissive, depending on who they are dominating or submitting to. Most dominant men won't advertise this fact, as there is a huge stigma against male switches simply being sex fiends or thrill seekers, just as many bisexual men won't advertise that fact for the same reason. That doesn't mean it isn't true. I'm not sure I've ever met a woman who has said she has never, and would never, at least try to submit to the perfect man or woman. I imagine men to be the same (though I can only speak for myself.) With these things in mind, it seems wiser to me to simply write people whom I feel I share common interests in first, and worry about D/s orientation second. I have friends who are female dominants. The last girl I dated was a female dominant. The relationship didn't get off the ground more because the age/experience gap was too stark (she is 20), with the D/s element having little impact. I hope this offers some insight, Stephan

MHOO314 -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:15:06 AM)
OOHH yes and except for the few that are friends, they either: *1. Cuss Me out and call Me a whore* **2. Try to get Me to say I am a lost misguided little girl who really needs Daddy and a big d&^%, a good fucking and whipping will straighten Me out* 3. Want Me to explain to them what I do to men so they can wank 4. Are really submissives in Dom disguise. pfffttt.**

MsKatHouston -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:22:20 AM)
I get a lot of emails from male dominants and the 3 cases you cite are the most typical for me. The other one I get is the email from a dominant who is simply looking to share ideas and form a friendship. I also get the "I am looking for a female dominant to co top my fem slave". I did not read your profile is pretty common or it is a common excuse when rejected. I simply ask them if they are looking to experience submission and they usually reply um no sorry. quote: harbors the deep seated desire to be dominated sexually by a male she considers to be superior. I would say something akin to "While I do not agree with your philosopy in general, for argument's sake, let's assume you are correct. Obviously you are not someone I consider to be superior, so no sexual dominance for you." The looking to experience submission line is the most common one I get. I usually just say I am not interested. Sometimes, though, I will make an exception. But they will have to jump through some hoops. I am just not into someone who has to hide who they are. If I have respect for the person and they just want to do it once as play I would consider it.

KatyLied -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:24:42 AM)
quote: Have you received many responses from male doms? Do you know why? Because they are desperate? Female subs get messages from male subs..."I can be dom for you..." I figure it translates into "I am desperate for sex."

mnottertail -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:26:34 AM)
Bullshit!!!! I never held that many thoughts in my head at once, and you know it. My one liners never ever run over one line.

LadyPact -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:28:47 AM)
It's definitely them. For one, if you're attractive, be thankful any of them are reading your profile. Most don't and that's just the nature of the internet beast. I've found that most males who are thinking with the 'little head' are usually illiterate. (It's a joke, not an insult.) For two, no offense to our Gorean friends, but My last understanding of that lifestyle was a belief that all women have a desire to submit. It is a possibility for some, but not true in all cases. Since there's a chance, some are probably fishing a bit. Which leads to three. Some men who list dominant on their profile, do in fact switch. It's just not considered very "domly" on their profile. They may like to bottom on occassion, either for the learning experience, or (heaven forbid) for the sex. In all fairness, the Doms who have contacted Me by email have been, in many cases, pleasant to have conversations with. I don't seem to get as many wankers as a lot of the Dommes. I really don't know what the secret to that is, but I'm not complaining either.

mnottertail -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:34:43 AM)
Actually, there is a discussion on that very subject doing the Hokey Pokey in the Gorean Forums. The postulate that all women want to be slaves is profoundly flawed. Leonidas (grande frumage Gorean, in my book and a hell of a decent man) calls bullshit on the proposition. I did earlier, but the car was careening well out of control before I ponied up the view. No, Dominant Women exist in Gorean Philosopy. No problems there. Ron(ne)

Lordandmaster -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:39:16 AM)
It's you. It's a rule of nature that if you post a sepia picture of a toned woman wearing garters, men will respond dick-first.

Stephann -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:44:22 AM)
Kat, I completely understand what you mean about not wanting to get involved with a dom who isn't willing to be up front about his switch (submissive?) interests. I still think it to be a rock and a hard place, though. Many submissive women will have nothing to do with a man who admits he might enjoy being topped. Many repress that curiousity, out of fear of being branded an HNG or just out for sex (as Katy points out.) For a lifestyle where people are encouraged to be themselves, we are often very harsh with anyone who doesn't meet our pre-conceived labels. Obviously, I'm not disagreeing with you, just illustrating point I find interesting. Stephan

LadyPact -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:47:16 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: mnottertail Actually, there is a discussion on that very subject doing the Hokey Pokey in the Gorean Forums. The postulate that all women want to be slaves is profoundly flawed. Leonidas (grande frumage Gorean, in my book and a hell of a decent man) calls bullshit on the proposition. I did earlier, but the car was careening well out of control before I ponied up the view. No, Dominant Women exist in Gorean Philosopy. No problems there. Ron(ne) Ron, I noticed that particular thread, and steered clear of it. Thank you, for pointing it out, though. I might just have to go read it.

mnottertail -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:49:55 AM)
Tons of people over there wading in over their heads in the East river with their cement overshoes on tho.........don't take umbrage too quickly.

Stephann -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:56:45 AM)
Ditto. Why do I have visions of fording the river, in the old video game 'Oregon Trail?' Seriously, please keep in mind Gor forums cater to male dominated oriented lifestyles. Stephan

LadyPact -> RE: Is it me or is it them? (6/19/2007 7:58:05 AM)
And this is an issue because??????

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