Will she change?

Will she change? (Full Version)

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stjosub67 -> Will she change? (6/5/2005 7:52:39 PM)
I have met my Dom four times. Each time has been pretty much the same. Normal type dates and then some light S&M and mostly (90%) regular sex. All of her talk is pillow type talk and she asks a ton of questions asking me if I like this or that. There is not really any Dom/Sub activity. She told me she has been a Dom for over a year and have played with several men. To me it appears that she is not really a Dom and is just doing it more or less to pick up guys. My question, Is this just her way, learning how herself or is going very slowly for me? She is a nice lady, but I need to be truly dominated. This is almost more stress than a regular relationship.

AAkasha -> RE: Will she change? (6/5/2005 8:10:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stjosub67 I have met my Dom four times. Each time has been pretty much the same. Normal type dates and then some light S&M and mostly (90%) regular sex. All of her talk is pillow type talk and she asks a ton of questions asking me if I like this or that. There is not really any Dom/Sub activity. She told me she has been a Dom for over a year and have played with several men. To me it appears that she is not really a Dom and is just doing it more or less to pick up guys. My question, Is this just her way, learning how herself or is going very slowly for me? She is a nice lady, but I need to be truly dominated. This is almost more stress than a regular relationship. Do you like this woman? As a person? Is there chemistry? If you just want to "know," you can always ask for a tour of her toys. If she's seriously into BDSM, you think she'd have some gear. Akasha

kc692 -> RE: Will she change? (6/5/2005 8:59:48 PM)
Nice lady?????I must say, don't hear that often when describing a domme, lol!!! Seriously, ask her, she might just be into kinky and that's enough for her personally, or she might be taking her time. If you have met four times, surely there is some chemistry though. I would take the time and be upfront, and ask her. Akasha is right, our toys give us away. Even if she doesn't have a lot, the type should tip you off.

brightspot -> RE: Will she change? (6/5/2005 9:12:17 PM)
Maybe she is just a very cautious person. Likes to get to know someone better before playing on a deeper level. And yes, she is most likely still learning if she has only been into actively "practicing" being a Domina for a bit over a year. I agree with kc, talk to her, communication is sooooo important! *Brightspot

stjosub67 -> RE: Will she change? (6/5/2005 9:34:48 PM)
Thanks for the responses. She has no real toys. Just a small rope to tie my hands, a couple of clothes pins and a few other simple things. She is a single mom and I know she has to be very careful with her money. The other thing that worries me is that during her life and even now she seems to have a billion interests and jobs. I think she loves trying new things for the sake of new things. Nothing wrong with that but... She is nice, but I am 38 and have dated nice girls who I liked. I am right now trying to explore the strong desire within me to serve a mistress. I just do not want to hurt her if this is all it is going to be. Thanks for reading this.

BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Will she change? (6/5/2005 11:39:20 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stjosub67 She has no real toys. Just a small rope to tie my hands, a couple of clothes pins and a few other simple things. She is a single mom and I know she has to be very careful with her money. The other thing that worries me is that during her life and even now she seems to have a billion interests and jobs. I think she loves trying new things for the sake of new things. Nothing wrong with that but... She is nice, but I am 38 and have dated nice girls who I liked. I am right now trying to explore the strong desire within me to serve a mistress. Talk to her about what you would like to explore; offer to buy instruments of your torture if she's Willing/able to use them on you (and you can keep them as your own if you'd like)... Talk to her in general to feel if she is what you seek... Are you in it just for the kink factor, or do you have good times, good conversations, good sex? Is it the demeanor? Because that might be her taking it slow.. Is it the kinky play? You definitely need to have an honest conversation with her. Good luck, M

AAkasha -> RE: Will she change? (6/6/2005 8:36:15 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: stjosub67 Thanks for the responses. She has no real toys. Just a small rope to tie my hands, a couple of clothes pins and a few other simple things. She is a single mom and I know she has to be very careful with her money. The other thing that worries me is that during her life and even now she seems to have a billion interests and jobs. I think she loves trying new things for the sake of new things. Nothing wrong with that but... She is nice, but I am 38 and have dated nice girls who I liked. I am right now trying to explore the strong desire within me to serve a mistress. I just do not want to hurt her if this is all it is going to be. Thanks for reading this. It doesn't sound to me like she is into it -- but it's hard to say from the outside. I know that when I do anything femdomish, even casual during courting (like the way I kiss, or pulling hair, or take a man by the neck possessively) there is a "look" I get in the eyes and a change of tone of voice that is clear. It's the lust, hunger for domination -- it manifests its way pretty clearly. So in a situation with me, even if I had not done a fullblown hardcore BDSM romp with the guy, he'd still know loud and clear I mean business and am the real deal - just taking my sweet time. The only reason I wouldn't show glimpses of that by the 4th date would be lack of chemistry; but I wouldn't be sleeping with a guy I didn't have chemistry with, either, So I'm not sure what her motivations are. Akasha

MstrssPassion -> RE: Will she change? (6/6/2005 8:36:49 AM)
I thought for a bit before deciding to reply. I read over each post & even took a look at the OP profile. quote: All of her talk is pillow type talk and she asks a ton of questions asking me if I like this or that. There is not really any Dom/Sub activity. It would seem that she is doing just what you ask within your own profile. quote: I am looking for a mistress who would enjoy a nice, honest and intelligent man to use for her pleasure when she wants. A mistress who cares enough about her slaves that she takes the time to form an emotional connection. I would like to serve a mistress who will discuss and agree to boundaries and limits, practice SSC and enjoy molding me into what she desires. The one thing that sticks out as a negative within your post is that you seem to be impatient. You have only met 4 times & have already been sexual. A good dominant will show interest in what you like & don't like. Every one is different, so I won't suggest that this is the best & only way to proceed with interviewing. As for myself I want to know what the likes & dislikes are so that I can formulate proper ways to reward & to punish. What areas I would like to push & where I know I need to limit activities. I also believe that we need share many details about ourselves outside of BDSM & the D/s dynamics. I totally agree that you two must have a very serious conversation as to the path you are going in, communication is the key. If you are not on the same page, it is pointless to assume anything. You mention that she is very new, about one year. I would be curious as to your history. Best advice, definitely have a nice long talk & be patient. If the talk reveals that you are both seeking the same type of relationship in the end pursue it one day at a time. MstrssPassion

LadyAngelika -> RE: Will she change? (6/6/2005 3:18:49 PM)
quote: She has no real toys. Just a small rope to tie my hands, a couple of clothes pins and a few other simple things. For the record, I have more then just rope & clothespins. But oh my stars what I can do with a little rope & clothespins!! I will disagree with what Akasha & KC said. I don' think that you can judge a Domme by the amount of toys she has. I have very little toys to be honest. I don't really need many. I don't need many. My wickness is in my mind, not my toybag. I think what you need is a real heart to heart with this woman, getting to know what she expects from you and to do with you. You say she asks you a lot of questions but you have the right to ask her questions too. She may have a different vision of dominance then you. She also might want to harness her Domme side but something might be stopping her. I've been there before so I can understand that. In the end, it doesn't matter how Domme or not she is. All that matters is, are you 2 a right fit? - LA

GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Will she change? (6/6/2005 6:57:18 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion The one thing that sticks out as a negative within your post is that you seem to be impatient. You have only met 4 times & have already been sexual. Quite honestly, this is what struck Me the most!. The fact that you have been together only 4 times and 90% of your play is vanilla sex. It does sound like she is new, and she may well be using this venue to find sexual partners. Nothing wrong with that, but if it is not what you want, then you should be talking to her about it.

stjosub67 -> RE: Will she change? (6/6/2005 7:38:32 PM)
Thanks for all the advice. Yeah, I was probably impatient, but I while I know it is not a good excuse, I am a guy. We had spent a lot of time exchanging emails and phone calls discussing this lifestyle so I do not think I met her just hoping she was what my "dream " was. She, if anything, is getting more vanilla. I will talk to her like all of you said. That is good advice and the right thing to do. Thanks

kc692 -> RE: Will she change? (6/6/2005 8:24:07 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: She has no real toys. Just a small rope to tie my hands, a couple of clothes pins and a few other simple things. For the record, I have more then just rope & clothespins. But oh my stars what I can do with a little rope & clothespins!! I will disagree with what Akasha & KC said. I don' think that you can judge a Domme by the amount of toys she has. I have very little toys to be honest. I don't really need many. I don't need many. My wickness is in my mind, not my toybag. I think what you need is a real heart to heart with this woman, getting to know what she expects from you and to do with you. You say she asks you a lot of questions but you have the right to ask her questions too. She may have a different vision of dominance then you. She also might want to harness her Domme side but something might be stopping her. I've been there before so I can understand that. In the end, it doesn't matter how Domme or not she is. All that matters is, are you 2 a right fit? - LA quote: our toys give us away. Even if she doesn't have a lot, the type should tip you off. I agree with you, LA, I was talking about the type, not the amount, and clothespins and ropes do fit the type, lol..Good luck with your talk stjosub67!! Edited to add: Woo Hoo!!!! Now I'm officially twisted, and speaking of toys, now have two handcuffs to play with instead of one!!!

LadyAngelika -> RE: Will she change? (6/7/2005 4:55:26 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 quote: our toys give us away. Even if she doesn't have a lot, the type should tip you off. I agree with you, LA, I was talking about the type, not the amount, and clothespins and ropes do fit the type, lol.. Ooops! I missed that bit. I'll blame it on the sweltering heat ;) quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 Edited to add: Woo Hoo!!!! Now I'm officially twisted, and speaking of toys, now have two handcuffs to play with instead of one!!! Congrats kinky Diva! - LA

kc692 -> RE: Will she change? (6/7/2005 7:14:02 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: LadyAngelika quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 quote: our toys give us away. Even if she doesn't have a lot, the type should tip you off. I agree with you, LA, I was talking about the type, not the amount, and clothespins and ropes do fit the type, lol.. Ooops! I missed that bit. I'll blame it on the sweltering heat ;) quote: ORIGINAL: kc692 Edited to add: Woo Hoo!!!! Now I'm officially twisted, and speaking of toys, now have two handcuffs to play with instead of one!!! Congrats kinky Diva! - LA Don't forget, it was Monday too....lol Kisses, chica!!!

BeachMystress -> RE: Will she change? (6/12/2005 10:27:44 AM)
She might change as time goes by and she learns more, but at time, it seems like she isn't the Domme for you. You seem to be looking for someone more established and confident in their role. It often takes several years for a Domme to reach that point. Akasha's mentions not "Domming" up on someone if there isn't chemistry. I'm the same way. I don't waste my Dominance on just anyone. It is for my special person/people. If there isn't chemistry, I might agree to a second date, but no way shape or form is he "getting in my pants." Sex isn't Dominance. It can be a part of it, but often new people, both Dominant and submissive, take a while to figure that out. She is a single mom and financially constrained? Start gifting her with toys you'd like to have used on you. You might also want to get her a book or two on Dominance. Perhaps Training With Miss Abernathy: A Workbook for Erotic Slaves and Their Owners and either Female Domination by Elise Sutton (first choice) or The Mistress Manual: The Good Girl's Guide to Female Dominance by Lorelei Not all Domme are supremely confident right out of the gate. She may need time to learn and come into her power. You can be the one who helps her do that.. or you can go off and try to find a Domme who is already secure in herself and her powers. I will warn you, Domme are few and far between.

kc692 -> RE: Will she change? (6/12/2005 11:09:37 AM)
quote: Domme are few and far between. Some are happy about that, some are sad, but you're right...good or bad (of course I share the good viewpoint, smiles) we are definitely in the minority. Congrats on your marriage, BeachMystress!!!! Glad you found the best of both worlds, smiles. I wish you both great luck and fortune for your future!!!!

asissyforher -> RE: Will she change? (6/13/2005 12:17:42 AM)
She is a nice lady, but I need to be truly dominated. This is almost more stress than a regular relationship. gawd.. don't i know what that..stress..is! and it has been a major problem for me. i crave to be fully dominated. and i think, this time? i may have found THEE Goddess! a sissy

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