RE: A Serious Question (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> Ask a Mistress



Message

Grlwithboy -> RE: A Serious Question (7/6/2007 11:59:30 AM)

Being raised by a very passive and submissive woman. It's too bad the overarching power in her life is and remains her mother - I watched this unfold. I watched this person whose worldview is limited to "what I do for you" and I know some part of me said "damned if I ever."

No major trauma, no bad relationship with a domineering partner, just this fundamental inability to enjoy being placed in a position lacking control. And also a pair of shoes - and their first tonguebath. Talk about an "aha, yep" moment.




Lockit -> RE: A Serious Question (7/6/2007 3:34:48 PM)

Hummm... how to answer?

I was born to a very weak woman who had a couple of strengths, although hard to find.  My father was absent, thank the powers that be and I only had to see him once in a while.  Dad was abusive dominant.  From a young age I was very sweet, but dominant.  Throughout my childhood, I just seemed to take charge when no one else was in charge.  By age fourteen I was running the household and keeping mom in line emotionally and trying to help her see how to handle life.

I was attracted to dominant men, but challenged those relationships because I was not submissive.  I didn't even have the words to express it except what I found in the vanilla world.  Many men were abusive in their dominance all around me and I ended up fighting that and finding what I thought was my life work and now know was for a time... my life work is yet to come! lol

When I learned of the lifestyle from a freakoid dom... I researched... I did some submissive time I will always be thankful for because I needed to step down from warrior woman in life's battle and I learned even more.  Once I had words to discribe what I felt and who I was and could digest it all without the social training on dominance that I had learned, I was able to see myself in a better light and embrace my dominance and see it more as it was rather than just seeing a strong woman who loved good and kinky sex that was hard to find.  So I think the most important factor in my life and evolution was learing of the lifestyle.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: A Serious Question (7/6/2007 4:11:22 PM)

What an interesting question - I had not given it much thought before.  I would have to say my family.

I am Second Generation kinky.  My father is a submissive/bottom and my brother is a Dom married to his own slave.  Dad and both my brothers have a successful business manufacturing and exporting metal fetishwear (which you can buy in the US from Stockroom and the UK from Paradiso as well as Sax and Lucrezia de Sade's in Australia and The Den in NZ....plug plug!)

We also have a straight sister who gleefully describes herself as the White Sheep of the family.  She comes BDSM clubbing with us but she didn't inherit the sado-masochism gene.

My brother and I have a tactful arrangement to play in separate BDSM clubs although we do attend the same play parties (carefully avoiding one another's scenes unless we want one another's help, usually for more technical play like needles where my brother is the best in town)

My Dad is another story.  Don't ask; don't tell - who wants to think about their parent's sexuality?  Not me!  Every pro-domme in town asks me about "my lovely father" and I see them if they visit him at the workshop (to get special things made, boots fixed etc) but I really don't want to know what he gets up to.  Too squicky!!

I have never been abused although my mother was a manipulative, controlling, lazy, unfaithful, cock-teasing bitch (surprise surprise)  who I dislike and yet I am strangely the same (duh!)

So no external influences really. Just a dad who always treated me like his Princess and acceptance (awareness) of kink from a very early age

Some would say that making a child aware that you parents engage in bondage, anal play etc is a form of child abuse.  I don't think I would be as open (or careless) with my own UM if I ever had any (which I don't). 

But the upshot is, my being kinky was never a form of rebellion or a secret "dark side".  It was just always there and always OK.  My brother was into the scene in his teens and he had so much fun and met such interesting people, I followed him.



MsCfromMelbourne -> RE: A Serious Question (7/6/2007 4:22:18 PM)

Oh and needless to say, my submisisves find meeting the family very scary.  They immediately get the 20 questions about their kinks, experience etc

My Dad also does absolutely mortifying things like hand them a free cock cage as a present.  But we are all consenting adults. 



queencaliph -> RE: A Serious Question (7/6/2007 5:04:56 PM)

I was in my 20's and had hidden my dominance and the lifestyle I truly wanted my whole life.  I was in a loveless marriage, had most of my dreams on hold and was  in a dark place in my life.  I had a pelvic exam and the Doctor found a "mass" inside of me.  I had to take some tests and exams; praying the whole time that it wasn't cancer.  It wasn't the possibility dying that really scared me.  As I put it, I didn't want to die "like this",  with such an empty, unhappy, unfulfilled life. I swore to myself that if I was healthy I would take advantage of it and really start living the life I wanted.  The biopsy showed that the mass was non-malignant.  A round of hormone therapy got rid of it.  Now my life is just about perfect.  I am happy, dominant, divorced, have a beautiful little girl, a career I love, a couple of sub-males and I'm living my life like its golden.  Funny how something like that can literally "scare the life" out of you. 



SirGordonslil -> RE: A Serious Question (7/8/2007 1:13:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressRouge

Having a younger brother & siblings, and perfecting the art of manipulation.


[sm=biggrin.gif]hahahaha
 
on another note,am curious and just wondering... how does being abused in your childhood make you become a Domme.. i was abused, and in no way whatso ever do i attribute that to my submissiveness.. infact i never even heard of BDSM till a few years ago, and when i first become interested, it was because i am a massive pervert .. not because i was abused.. so am just curious how it contributes to being Domme.. and perhaps even submissive.. maybe i should ask the subs too.. hummm.. [sm=confused.gif]




YesMistressIrish -> RE: A Serious Question (7/8/2007 6:16:57 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

quote:

ORIGINAL: MstrssPassion

quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyEllen

HRT

E


[sm=lol.gif][sm=biggrin.gif]



I was waiting for someone to pick up on that! Trust it to be you!


Seriously though, I think HRT may have had a lot to do with it; prior to my change the thought of males did nothing for me (quite the opposite), but I'm now more flexible, shall we say?

E

I saw the HRT thing also.
I have had many things staring back when I was 6 yrs old. Will come back and mention some of them, but have to give up ths pc for now!



MistressGala -> RE: A Serious Question (7/8/2007 8:37:01 AM)

Because Power and being the one in Control makes for delightful little twitches between my legs.



Lashra -> RE: A Serious Question (7/8/2007 8:41:31 AM)

Being born naturally Dominant was a big help. Having a Father who believed in equality was another as well as his encouragement to be the person I wanted to be, not what society felt I should be. Now my Mother was a different story, she was happy being a 1950's housewife and being "taken care of", unless of course things didn't go her way then there was hell to pay. Her example had an even greater impact on me, she showed me  exactly what I DID NOT want to be.

~Lashra



Ayanaev717 -> RE: A Serious Question (7/8/2007 11:26:15 AM)

When I realized that I AM a powerful dynamic womyn. I am still evolving. I have been resilient all my life through many aspects of hurt, pain, and suffering, but now I have and am coming into my own power- I realize only Me and of course God can truly define who and what I am. I am always learning, reflective, and willing to hear from others- but I let no one control me.

I enjoy the power I have over man whether in the lifestyle or not. I can walk into a store minding my own damn business, and a man will beck. I don't make them. Men and women alone seem to jump. I am also a person that people trust friends, strangers, family members and so forth. I am able to see into people. That for me is a perfect combination to join the D/s life.

I never claim perfection. I am a womyn and by that that it makes me marvelous.  



MisPandora -> RE: A Serious Question (7/8/2007 11:10:05 PM)

I grew up and learned to be assertive.  No abuse, and my mother is *not* a dominant.  I was first "in charge" as a paramedic, then as training director for an organization, as chief of an ambulance squad, trained as an incident commander for county government, et al.  It was a comfortable, familiar role for me, even at the ripe young age of 23.  I was not power hungry, but responsible wielding the power.  I was a good indian when I needed to be in the tribe, but served far better as the chief.

When I was introduced into the BDSM lifestyle, I was mentored by a gent who was dominant.  He quickly figured out that it was not the bottom side that I belonged on.  It wasn't that I was *bad* at being submissive, but it was unnatural.  I knew what needed to be done, thinking always from the top role "What are my expectations of that person at my feet", and acted, but it wasn't from 'the submissive heart' that we oft speak of.  He gracefully accepted that he was meant to place me on the path to being dominant for others.  I feel that my origins have always afforded me the opportunity to remain intuitive with regard to the submissive, the expectations placed upon them, and the fulfilment of their emotional and physical needs.



GuidingLite -> RE: A Serious Question (7/9/2007 8:11:38 AM)

in my pad my father ruled but only by muscle force. then moms got her decision together and about time stood up for us.



YesMistressIrish -> RE: A Serious Question (7/9/2007 9:10:26 AM)

I had a golden childhood growinp up on the beach, was very independent and also very open and friendly, My parents showed by example that you can be and do anthing you put your mind, heart and back into as a woman.
 
I was free to be me from an early age, and a natural leader. Into sports, 7 ft waves, tricks on bikes, and always a creative and coartoonish mind. I was the one tying my friends shoes in knots, and developed early in every way.

I was also the one who watched others jump off a cliff into rocky waters first, then deciding it wasn's a smart move for me. I was boy/girl crazy at an early age. My libido was distracting, so I got into studying and participating in many spiritual groups to help me to be wise starting at 17.
 
Sex was a very open topic in our household growing up, and open communication was expected.
 
I grew up in a very creative environment, surrounded by free thinkers and people who were accountable for their actions. Successful movie producers, actors, musicians, and many of these adults were my dear friends and mentors from an early age. this helped me to believe that being your self was an active, very alive and wonderful way to be, as long as no serious damage was caused to others.
 
I spent many years being a devoted single parent, woked hard, and now I am having a blast getting my needs met in the real world. I am thinking of starting a local subs/dommes group near me, and having monthly private parties/seminars at my house to train subs/slaves and be Served all at the same time. I have met and been served RT by several really good people. Life is grand, and my dreams are coming true.
 
There are a few dommes I have bonded with on a deep level and their friendships are very important to me.
 
My new toy has just been finished by a domme friend who has been an expert in strap-on for about 15 yrs. She has perfected the harness to be so comfotable it feels like your own (*Eyes twinkling in anticipation)
 
On vacation now, and meeting people I have been wanting to connect with for years.
 
I told a bunch of 'young domme stories to my friend yesterday and typing them out will take too long, as I already talked your heads off here!  Sheesh!
 
 



efficaceous -> RE: A Serious Question (7/9/2007 7:34:57 PM)

Well, no abuse. No drama. No special shoes or role models per se. Just the idea that any person of sufficient force of will and personality can live as she or he pleases. I quickly realized that I had sufficient will and personality. And from there, I read, I lived, I continue to learn and stidy and explore. Work in progress, not done yet! 



Page: <<   < prev  1 [2]

Valid CSS!




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy
6.152344E-02