husband has natural Dom traits but.....

husband has natural Dom traits but..... (Full Version)

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Ownedslaveheart -> husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 5:52:46 AM)
this one is searching an experienced Dom within the Atlanta area, in hopes to help girl bring out the natural Dom traits this one's husband has. He is strickly vanilla but girl knows with some training he will come around to this L/lifestyle. Many thanks.

Kidsphoenixx -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 6:02:30 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Ownedslaveheart this one is searching an experienced Dom within the Atlanta area, in hopes to help girl bring out the natural Dom traits this one's husband has. He is strickly vanilla but girl knows with some training he will come around to this L/lifestyle. Many thanks. Hope you have "avalanche insurance" ( ducks back to her cave, and awaits the onslaught)

Stephann -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 6:05:01 AM)
Erm... Your profile suggests that you're in Georgia, and that your owner has given you permission to come here, and make friends. It also says that you're only seeking dominant women. Beyond that, you're better off talking your husband into attending a munch with you, or a play party. Buy a copy of The Loving Dominant, or S&M 101 or any of the dozens of 'intro' books. Read it with him, discuss it, and make him feel it's worth his while. Good luck, Stephan

Kinkypupper -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 8:13:59 AM)
Better to find a local Dom/sub group in your area and the two of you go to each respective group. He will have to find his own path. The chances of a "Dom" regardless if it be male or female coming into your life and taking over may not fit well with your husband. I think there is a Lot about what you seek that you are not speaking.

slaveish -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 10:43:57 AM)
So you're a sub with a vanilla husband whom you wish to force to be a Dom by making another Dom train him. That's already quite interesting. Bon fortune.

HeavansKeeper -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 1:30:43 PM)
What worked (very well) for me, may not work for you. When My Pet and I met, niether of us had any real experience into the BDSM world, outside of having kinky sex. It became evident that she wanted me to be happy. Along with my natural tendency to be an ass (in a cute way) it formed into a makeshift d/s dynamic. We explored and such, I would teach and train, she would listen and learn. We hit a few speedbumps, and obviously I was not as experienced as "everyone else to ever have a d/s lifestyle all combined" but we moved together. After a while, she re-pledged herself to me (May 13, a day that will live in infamy forever) after we learned a lot from reading, and writing, and asking questions, and listening to answers. We kept the rules we did like, we ousted the rules we don't like, we made rules that worked for us. My advice to you is simple. Buy him a crop, buy yourself a black teddy, and kneel in front of him and present the crop. Explain that you want him to give you a spank everytime you do something not of his liking, and that he should train you to better please him. Explain that you want to please him. (He'll probably think or oral first, but hey... that's the cost of being submissive.) Call him 'Sir' or 'Master' or 'Owner' or 'Sire' whenever you want to be his submissive. Many people will tell you so many things about the nature of each name, but in the end, it's just a word. Until you interact with others living a d/s world, the respectful term of your dominant does not matter. (/wave@OldGuard) ONLY follow the above advice if your relationship is fairly healthy already. If you cannot communicate, DO NOT give him control of you. Communication and attunement to one another are key. I would be remiss in suggesting that you engage in such activity if it would end in you being a victim. As My Pet explains... "A good submissive wants his or her dominant to be happy. A good dominant takes pleasure from his or her submissive. It is a beautiful circle." And I wish you the best of luck in navigating it forever. On the flip side: If your husband doesn't want to get into this, don't force him. He may only appear dominant because the current society forces a man to be a provider and a leader. Many powerful men are truely submissive, and love the change from having the magical ability to boss around 50 people to being told what to do, how to do it, and why they're doing it. If he is truely submissive, it could be harder for him to let that out. Some dominants find their true colors when submission doesn't work for them. Perhaps the opposite is true of Hubby.

ADom442 -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 6:48:12 PM)
quote: Ownedslaveheart wrote: ... He is strickly vanilla but girl knows with some training he will come around to this L/lifestyle. Many thanks. Slaveheart, He doesn't need "training." He may need information, but rather than training, he needs to get in touch with that part of himself that is already "Dom." If he can do that, the rest will take care of itself. (Assuming that "Dom" is a significant part of who he is.)

Celeste43 -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 6:48:18 PM)
The way to make him confident and self assured in the relationship is not to bring in another man while saying "He's the real deal, you're doing it all wrong". The way to do this is to start slowly. Start with sex. Every time he takes control in the bedroom, even for just a minute, you want to respond with positive reinforcement. You want to turn to him and say "You know when you pinned my hands above my head last night, that was just so hot. Could you do it again real soon please?" After he gets comfortable taking control in the bedroom is when you want to talk about taking it outside. Tell him that you think it would be very exciting if he took control one night, picks the restaurant, orders your food, decides where you sit etc. And then if he does it, respond positively. Even if he picks Thai and that's your least favorite restaurant, you want to tell him how it makes you feel all wet to have him be making all these decisions and telling you what to do. And when he starts to give you orders occasionally, even boring ones like take the car in for inspection, remember to reinforce how it makes you feel all feminine when he takes control. But the worst possible thing is to expect him to respond positively when you tell him he isn't any good at fulfilling your needs and he should watch while some other man does it all right. That really is a recipe for disaster.

jackalope -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 7:19:55 PM)
I have some suggestions. First remember that you made a deal with your husband. Try and work within that framework and don't be so eager to change the rules. By this I mean to communicate with him your desire to submit to him, and let him control you. You have in your mind what you would like, but if you don't communicate to him your desires, then he will have no idea, and you will end up with a problem. Get some movies that show things that you would like to do and while you are snuggling with him whisper in his ear that you want him to do that you. After the first attempt, be sure to reward him and tell him what you found pleasurable, If you would like something more, then suggest to him that you would like to try more. For his birthday, buy him a set of handcuffs and a flog. Include a little note assuring him that he may use you as he pleases. If you attempt to bring in an outsider, no matter how good your intention, this is likely to be viewed as cheating.

SimplyMichael -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/19/2007 10:12:29 PM)
have a sub train both of you.

crouchingtigress -> RE: husband has natural Dom traits but..... (6/20/2007 12:36:01 AM)
well first off, talking like that will drive him away, i know it feels yummy and sexy but honestly to an outsider and even to a lot of insiders it has a strange cultish air about it. second adding a third is like sewing and omelet on a bridal gown, obtuse and messy. what you want to do, is let him read when some one you love is kinky, or watch nine and a half weeks and talk about your fantasy's as an adult in a committed relationship.... and third the more submissive you act, in life the more dominant your boss, your mother , your neighbor and your husband will become....its just the way we are wired...the trick is to add education, efficacy and especially edification to the energy and off you go! blessings to you Amy (alliteration slut)

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