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Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 8:53:53 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		In the past, I never thought I was one for a "bevvy of boys". I never looked down on My Sisters that did, I just never thought I could be that way---in My introspection of late--I have come to realize that My monagomous feelings are only extended to any sexual aspects that may enter in---So now My thinking, is I adore men---various types for various reasons, I always have--I have also realized that just one doesn't fill the bill as there are as many sides to Me as hours in the day--so I'm feeling, like hey---why can't I have more than one? Why can't I surround Myself with those that bring Me joy in differing areas---as long as they kmow they aren't the only one but that they bring Me the greatest joy in xxxx area or areas--why not??
 
So My esteemed Sisters---what are Your thoughts in this matter?  What challenges have you encountered in that approach?

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:06:13 AM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		I think that is a grand idea, if it suits you.  Some say people are resourses, human resources.  Good tools, people, and if you work with them alot you see one as a plier,  another as a screwdriver, and so on.  Do not use the plier as a screwdriver and vice versa.  Issues stem from self worth, that is; that you can keep the screwdriver satisfied that it is valuable as a screwdriver, and you don't want it to be a plier.  And of course to insure that the plier knows that it is not less regarded by the simple fact that you own a screwdriver.  Like pets or children or----
they are equally as pleasureable, you can't favor one over another. One is water, one is coffee.....each as refreshing and satisfying in its own time.

How's that?

Ron(ne)   

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Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:08:09 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		As you're asking the ladies, I'll be brief.  I find people who tend to lean towards quantity over quality are never satisfied no matter how much they have.  This isn't to say you shouldn't have many people in your life.  Rather, in establishing quality relationships with quality individuals, you may find your thirst for a 'bevy' to be sated.  In surrounding yourself with mediocre individuals, you'll always be surrounded with... mediocrity.

Good luck,

Stephan


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"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:13:25 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks as always Ron and Stephann----I think you are both saying the same thing---I can assure You that I never do anything that is not of quality---and My intent is not to have numbers for numbers sake, but to feel fine with having unique ones that fill certain gaps.
 
Thanks to You both!

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:18:44 AM   
MsKatHouston


Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline 		If it meets everyone's needs, it will work.  The problems I have come across are regarding sex.  If sexual activity (meaning oral, anal or vaginal sex) will not be considered, the pool of willing submissives drop drastically.  But if play is still available even without sex, I have found quite a few great subs willing to fill particular areas. 

Just make sure you are open and honest about what is and is not ok and be direct and realistic about your wants, needs and availability.  Make sure their wants, needs and availability coincide closely with yours.  If they don't, you will likely have a problem eventually.  I have found it is better to wait for the jewels than to run through multiple part timers once they figure out you were really serious about not doing ____.

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-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:29:51 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		Poly isn't just about sex, in my opinion, it's about opening up one's heart and life to multiple people.

That's the key to keep in mind -- these are other people. As people they need a certain amount of time to adjust to any situation. So if you are thinking of having multiple subs or slaves or even just play partners here is my advice based on my experiences.

Be completely honest that you are wanting more than one person.

Focus on each individual as you add them. Make sure you spend private time with them. Make sure the others who serve spend time with you and the new person. Make sure they have time to get to know each other without you there.

Consider all the opinions of anyone you are currently with. In order to make this flow smoothly you need everyone cooperating. It may be tempting to think "I'm the dom, they will just accept it" and for a short time they may. It will not last without problems creeping up.

Remember even when it all seems to go perfect all of you are just human beings. Stuff will happen that you need to focus on as indivduals and as a group.

Finally, never forget that you need your private time. It can be tempting, I think especially if you were raised with any traditional notions about being a woman, to forget to take care of yourself. Being the dom I think you need to take care of yourself first and foremost.

I've learned that for me four partners is my ideal. My husband and up to three slaves. That gave me enough people to never feel lonely or that I didn't have a ready outlet for whatever I wanted but it didn't tax my time from myself and my careers.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:35:53 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks thetammyjo----the sex part is still monogamy for Me, its the feeling for other people and just enjoying someone else's company, service, conversation---

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 9:39:52 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		In My opinion, I don't see a thing wrong with it, as long as everyone is aware of the situation.  In My mind, it is only fair to be as up front and honest as possible as to where they fit in your situation.  If your primary relationship doesn't have a masochist streak, and that person has no objections, there is nothing wrong with searching for a masochist to fill that need.  The same goes for other particular kinks. 
 
The challenges involved?  For starters, it shrinks the pool.  There aren't as many out there who will fit the situation you describe as you might think.  A lot of people can't handle being the "only" one and that is just something that you have to accept.  Many submissives don't care for casual play, just being a bottom for a scene, or want anything to do with anything that might resemble poly.  It can be tough to find quality submissives (at least for Me) in this situation.
 
Can it be done?  Sure.  There are posts on these boards everyday from those who do it and do it successfully.  Again, quality is the key.

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 10:16:54 AM   
earthycouple


Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline 		I enjoy poly very much.  I don't see this as a quality vs quanity issue.  I see it as quality in quantity.  Just because I have several people surrounding me doesn't mean I'm not choosey.  My husband is an amazing man.  He loves me for who I am and respects my needs.  Robert respects my family and gives me what I need in a full time live in slave.  I have a play partner who is a die hard masochist whom I see maybe 4 times a year even though we live less than an hour from each other.  He's a quality masochist to say the least.  I have a friend learning more about the life who I give "tastes" of things every so often.  A wonderful man who is successful, kind, generous, and fun to be around.  Of course we can't forget my weekly house help whose primary purpose is to accomplish various tasks around my home for me.  She's a lovely person with a unique personality and great ability to get a project done.

I agree with LadyPact in that the pool becomes smaller.  Finding people who are happy with being a part of something instead of being "the something" isn't always easy.  It is possible, it can be done with success and I wish you luck in finding what you need. 

Be true to you and everyone you bring in and you will have success.



< Message edited by earthycouple -- 6/19/2007 10:18:50 AM >

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D~

Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 10:22:51 AM   
Stephann


Posts: 4214
Joined: 12/27/2006
From: Portland, OR
Status: offline 		The question I'm posing, is what is it that you require from a negotiated D/s interaction that you can't find from ordinary friendships?

Stephan


_____________________________

Nosce Te Ipsum

"The blade itself incites to violence" - Homer

Men: Find a Woman here

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 10:28:40 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

The question I'm posing, is what is it that you require from a negotiated D/s interaction that you can't find from ordinary friendships?

Stephan


 
The question is the answer.

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 12:37:49 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Stephann

The question I'm posing, is what is it that you require from a negotiated D/s interaction that you can't find from ordinary friendships?

Stephan



*blink*

Authority.

While I may have influence over my friends and my spouse, I do not have authority over him. I am the authority when I own someone and for me at least that is a much more relaxing way to live for me.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 3:40:10 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
Divine Ms. M,
If the question is this answer in a previous post...then perhaps the question is the answer in your original post.

I think from each of us you will find a different perspective, but in your world, it is only your perspective that matters. In my life, if I have pondered something and cannot come up with a reason to do or not do something, I find it best to satisfy my curiosity. I think if you give this thought a chance to become a reality - you will find your answers.


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Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 4:12:35 PM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Hello Cloudz, how sweet to see you, My post about the answer is in the question refers to the "what can you find in a negotiated that you cannot find in vanilla"--and as tammyjo says---authority to which I would add negotiation and agreement--I also think this thread takes away the hmm what's the word--bitch, whore, slut aspect of Domina's who seek submissives for different reasons.
 
And the pitfalls are what I suspected---the beauty is that it is a new phase of My life--smiles
 
and I have missed You---

_____________________________

SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 5:01:14 PM   
Cloudz


Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MHOO314

Hello Cloudz, how sweet to see you, My post about the answer is in the question refers to the "what can you find in a negotiated that you cannot find in vanilla"--and as tammyjo says---authority to which I would add negotiation and agreement--I also think this thread takes away the hmm what's the word--bitch, whore, slut aspect of Domina's who seek submissives for different reasons.
 
And the pitfalls are what I suspected---the beauty is that it is a new phase of My life--smiles
 
and I have missed You---


Dear One,
I have missed you as well :) What I meant was - perhaps only you can answer the question you pose. It is a personal decison made for personal reasons.

Happy journey!

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."


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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/19/2007 6:50:36 PM   
LadyAlzara


Posts: 38
Joined: 3/31/2005
Status: offline 		I don't know about Others...but I have several boys in My life....all of which are submissive in some way or another.  Some are domestic...some service oriented...others targets...a few I even consider dear friends.
One of the things I do to ensure a fit, is tell them all upfront how My life works.  W/we set ground rules...there are no jealous fits in My world...simply because when they agree to come petition for My time..they give up the right to get jealous....it doesn't always work...but so far, it's been no real problem.  There is a pecking order...who gets My attention first...so they compete for the chance..to see Me, to play...to have a larger share of My free time.
Hope it helps, Doll.
Z

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~We lead our lives like water flowing down a hill, going more or less in one direction until we splash into something that forces us to find a new course~ Memoirs of a Geisha

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/20/2007 6:37:18 AM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		I am proof that it can be done.  I do not have "sex" with any of my subs...only with my husband.  I am upfront about this during the negotiation stage and me having other subs is also discussed.  It has taken me nearly 2 years to get my current 2 boys and mesh our different needs together.  It is not always smooth sailing and requires a lot of communication.  Since I am not looking for something exclusive or romantic or live in I had to be more willing to consider subs who had other committments in their lives (like a single father) so that opened up my pool of potentials to others who can understand a non exclusive relationship.

Is it worth it?  I think so.  Both of my boys together let me fulfill my sadistic needs and my needs to explore D/s further.  I say it is a worthy challenge and I have the feeling you are up to the challenge.  I find much satisfaction in having several men in my life with whom I can explore and experience all the different facets of me, my domination needs and my womanly nature.

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RE: Rethinking Me---Seeking Advice - 6/20/2007 7:56:06 AM   
MHOO314


Posts: 3628
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline 		Ahhhh I love that: " My Domination needs and My womanly manner"----
 
how marvelous!

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor


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