Loving one but having relations with others (Full Version)

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imthatacheyouhav -> Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:30:26 AM)

Is it possible to be in a monogamous loving relationship...but still want sex with others? Of course with both parties consent. I mean if you really love that person...and they are your "forever after"....how could you want to be with another?...I am sincerely interested if anyone has any insight on this....



Phin -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:32:53 AM)

its called swinging

that sounded blunt... sorry not intentional...



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:34:05 AM)

Touche' by i was really hoping to UNDERSTAND it...



kiyari -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:35:42 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

Is it possible to be in a monogamous loving relationship...but still want sex with others? Of course with both parties consent. I mean if you really love that person...and they are your "forever after"....how could you want to be with another?...I am sincerely interested if anyone has any insight on this....


The Skook : a novel. By: J P Miller
 
Strange book, I do believe written by a man....
if you can find it, a great read and does touch upon this exact question.



daddysprop247 -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:39:06 AM)

what does one have to do with the other? love and sex are not intertwined, they are two very different, distinct human experiences. i'm madly in love with my Master, as he is with me, but we both still have desires to be sexual with other people. me moreso than him actually. this is not because i feel dissatisfied with him in any way, it is simply because i am a very sexual person (even if not ultra horny and orgasmic), and i've always had a very strong need to be used by men. MEN, not a man. that did not change simply because i fell in love.



KatyLied -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:40:49 AM)

I would add that it is possible to love someone who can not meet all of your needs, actually it probably isn't that unusual, we can't be all things to all people.  And one of those less fulfilled or unfulfilled things can be of a sexual nature.



Mercnbeth -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:41:35 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

Is it possible to be in a monogamous loving relationship...but still want sex with others? Of course with both parties consent. I mean if you really love that person...and they are your "forever after"....how could you want to be with another?...I am sincerely interested if anyone has any insight on this....


this slave realizes it might be a bit of an oversimplification, but, here's a suggestion:
 
by not equating love and "forever after" with not wanting "sex with others" while participating in a loving committed forever after relationship?



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:41:51 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

what does one have to do with the other? love and sex are not intertwined, they are two very different, distinct human experiences. i'm madly in love with my Master, as he is with me, but we both still have desires to be sexual with other people. me moreso than him actually. this is not because i feel dissatisfied with him in any way, it is simply because i am a very sexual person (even if not ultra horny and orgasmic), and i've always had a very strong need to be used by men. MEN, not a man. that did not change simply because i fell in love.

This is what i long to understand......



tricia -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:42:27 AM)

Sometimes sex is just........sex.  No emotional commitments.  No meeting of the minds.  Meshing of the souls.  It's just fucking. 



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:43:07 AM)

It's not necessarily swinging, but sure- why would loving someone forever mean you wouldn't want or be able to enjoy lots of sex with others?



WhiplashSmile -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:43:14 AM)

It's called allowing somebody else to experience pleasure.  Where you give them permission to do something that they find pleasure in it.  Hell, it could be a hobby or some other activity.  Just in this case it's sexual..

Sex itself does not equal love.  Love does not equal sex either.  But for now think of swing more about a hobby or something another person takes pleasure in.  The question is this a limit or not in your own book.   How tightly coupled is Sex and Love in your mindset.  

The other aspect to swinging is feeling safe and secure in your partners safe sex practices and in their partners safe sex practices.   Generally swinging partners relationships are formed.   Just because somebody is swinging does not mean they are off fucking every tom, dick, jane and cheetha in the world.    Normally these people are rather close friends.  

Just some food for thought on this subject.  It's not for everybody.  Hope this helps you some. 



Wildfleurs -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:44:08 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

Is it possible to be in a monogamous loving relationship...but still want sex with others? Of course with both parties consent. I mean if you really love that person...and they are your "forever after"....how could you want to be with another?...I am sincerely interested if anyone has any insight on this....


Yes.  But to me desire to have sex with others, hell having sex with others is distinct from loving them.

C~

Edited to add: I think wanting to have sex with others but not doing it would still keep you in the monogamous camp.  Having sex with others puts you out of the monogamous camp.



YourShyPet -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:44:50 AM)

I feel... and this is just me...human beings aren't monogamous by nature... it's a societal issue not an instinct one... of course people have argued, and debated this for who knows how long.... it's just the way I feel.... more simply put for me... Sex is sex.... and Love is love... but then I'm not an L word kind of person.

kittin



daddysprop247 -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:45:49 AM)

imthatacheyouhav...if you are not wired in that way, then maybe you will never understand. personally, i've never understood the way some people become emotionally attached to a person through sex. i remember a girl i knew in high school, she lost her virginity to some guy who basically fed her lines "i love you baby" in order to get into her pants, then never called her again. she was heartbroken and devastated because she actually believed this guy. her thinking was, "how could he have sex with me, when he didn't love me?"..my reaction to that was, what kinda idiot are you? lol, of course i did not say that to her. :)

so my question to you would be similar, why would being in love with one person extinguish any feelings of sexual desire or need towards others?



MissyRane -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:50:08 AM)

um alright so you can love one and have sex with them but also have sex with others but despite all that you'll still be monogamous?
The definition of monogamy is:

monogamy /m@"nQg@mi/
· n.
1 the practice of being married to or having a sexual relationship with only one person at a time.
2 Zoology the habit of having only one mate at a time.
– DERIVATIVES monogamist n. monogamous adj. monogamously adv.
– ORIGIN C17: from Fr. monogamie, via eccles. L. from Gk monogamia, from monos ‘single’ + gamos ‘marriage’.

So having read this definition I don't think this can be considered living in a monogamous relationship.



Phin -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 10:55:11 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

that did not change simply because i fell in love.

This is what i long to understand......


You my never understand. the Vanilla world does not understand this one. On this wonderful jorney of discovery I hav come to understand that not understanding something only makes it something I dont understand. If it is not something that you can wrap your head around, it may be best that you accept it as something that is not meant for you and yours and carry on enjoying what is meant for you and yours

My wife and I live the relationship that you are referring to, but I cannot for the life of me explain it. I will do my best. I love my wife with all my heart. We agreed from the beginning of our relationship that physical attraction was going to happen, we even made a list of people that if we got a chance at we wouldnt hold it against the other one (My list included Angilina Jolie, Lucy Lui and Juliya) this grew to say why are we going to limit ourselves to not doing more. I still love her. She still loves me, and after whatever happens between me and Lady B or her and Man B when it is all said and done, I kiss her goodnight and tell her I love her. I guess the easiest way to say it is that we have seperated the physical and the emotional.

Hope it helps more than my "its called swinging" comment



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 11:03:53 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Phin
You my never understand. the Vanilla world does not understand this one.


Actually most swingers and polyamorists are vanilla- only a minority are into kink/bdsm/Ds stuff.



szobras -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 11:04:41 AM)

 Yes, it is entirely possible. My wife and I are both deeply in love with each other. One of the things that we found compatable about each other before we were married, is that we want to share a life long committment together, while still sharing ourselves with others on different levels. Sex is only one.



ornjkitty -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 11:04:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysprop247

i remember a girl i knew in high school, she lost her virginity to some guy who basically fed her lines "i love you baby" in order to get into her pants, then never called her again. she was heartbroken and devastated because she actually believed this guy. her thinking was, "how could he have sex with me, when he didn't love me?"..my reaction to that was, what kinda idiot are you? lol, of course i did not say that to her. :)



Yeah, it's a sad thing.  I know in my case, it was more a matter of "This guy is telling me all the things I'm supposed to want to hear."  I was actually a little frightened that he basically started out talking about marriage and kids even before dating, but I was raised to believe that the white picket fence and all that hoopla was all that a woman was really supposed to want out of life, so I went along with it, because I felt it would make me a bad person NOT to want those things.  It would have been a heck of a lot easier on both of us if it had just been about the hook-up and move on (we spent three more months pretending we had a relationship)!

It's a lot easier to just say "Yeah, I'm horny" without pretending that I want to spend the rest of my life with someone.  Because my tolerance level for anyone else than my husband is about one month.  LOL



Mercnbeth -> RE: Loving one but having relations with others (6/19/2007 11:05:40 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: MissyRane

um alright so you can love one and have sex with them but also have sex with others but despite all that you'll still be monogamous?
The definition of monogamy is:

monogamy /m@"nQg@mi/
· n.
1 the practice of being married to or having a sexual relationship with only one person at a time.
2 Zoology the habit of having only one mate at a time.
– DERIVATIVES monogamist n. monogamous adj. monogamously adv.
– ORIGIN C17: from Fr. monogamie, via eccles. L. from Gk monogamia, from monos ‘single’ + gamos ‘marriage’.

So having read this definition I don't think this can be considered living in a monogamous relationship.


having the word highlighted purple and underlined above in the sentence of yours and the dictionary's definition means it can, as long as you consider marriage to = the OP's loving committed, "forever after" relationship she spoke of...



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