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How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 7:30:49 AM   
MistressJan


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		How to spot a player!

There are a couple of things a player will say to you that will give them away. When you are new, you are wanting to submit so badly that you will find yourself doing a lot of stupid things. I did. I know.
One of the first clues a player will tell you is that, I will do anything you want to try. That right away tells you they have never spanked anyone nor have the slightest clue how.
Another one of my favorites for them is a simple are you submissive or Dom? They cannot ask that question clearly, they probably are very new and have no clue.
My test for Dom prospects is be real smart and see what they say back. A real true Dom will not allow you to be sassy to them. They won't.
Just a few tips. What other tips have you all learned that will weed out a player?

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan


Profile   Post #: 1
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 7:41:07 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJan

How to spot a player!

There are a couple of things a player will say to you that will give them away. When you are new, you are wanting to submit so badly that you will find yourself doing a lot of stupid things. I did. I know.
One of the first clues a player will tell you is that, I will do anything you want to try. That right away tells you they have never spanked anyone nor have the slightest clue how.

This means they are clueless and new- not a player.
quote:


Another one of my favorites for them is a simple are you submissive or Dom? They cannot ask that question clearly, they probably are very new and have no clue.

Again not the same thing as a player, nor is being new and clueless necessarily bad.
quote:


My test for Dom prospects is be real smart and see what they say back. A real true Dom will not allow you to be sassy to them. They won't.

Hmm or a "real true dom" will take that to mean you don't have manners as an adult and doesn't want to get involved with someone like that.
quote:


Just a few tips. What other tips have you all learned that will weed out a player?

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan

None of your tips help weed out players, they just signify people who are not experienced.

A 'player' (meaning someone who bounces around without letting his partners know that's what he's doing) is someone who will make you feel bad for who you are and what you want in order for them to get what they want. A player will be unable to have regular contact, may disappear with weak excuses when they return, and keep your mind busy with other things rather than the actual relationship and its growth.

Really, it's the same as it is in vanilla.




(in reply to MistressJan)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 8:13:02 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		I think the best test is to just let them be themselves...

Though many of us wish to or already do live this way of life 24/7 we will each experience various levels of intensity within those 24 hours. If you can’t get along with someone in the most vanilla of these intensities, how can you hope to get along with them in the most intense times? We can’t all be ‘on point’ at all times that would just burn us out in a rapid fashion.

I will not place any limitations on the conversation. I will not play a 20 questions game. Questions & answers can be too easily rehearsed.

Often I find the best way to sort out the people that are just playing around is to let them talk freely & you can analyze them based on what they choose to speak about. Often it is isn't the specifics they speak about but an general overview & what they do want to talk about & the order in which they bring up certain topics. If a topic is brought up that you do not wish to discuss at that time comes up, simply say I am not prepared to discuss this with you at this time. If they continue to bring it up, they obviously have no respect for your position & are just seeking a quick thrill. If they aren’t the least bit interested in finding out all of the various layers that make you up, such as color of yours eyes, the music you like or the types of food you enjoy… they most likely just want a piece of ass.

Being sassy isn't always a direct tip-off... sassiness is often misunderstood as being playful or even an attempt at humor. It is very difficult to read text & derive the same sentiment in which is offered from the composer of the text.

I always look for certain key-words. Discreet often translates to "I'm married & the spouse isn't aware I am online looking for a hook-up". Sometimes a person may have a real reason for wishing to be discreet such as job or not wishing family to be aware of their kinks... but more often it is they are hiding it from a spouse.

Speaking as a Dominant... one of the best traits we can have is being able to read people. We need this in order to be able to effectively interact with our partners. Taking our ability to read people to a broader level & read people we hardly know takes a great deal of time to perfect. None of us are going to be able to do this right away, unless we are blessed & born with a 6th sense.

As for submissives... well, I'm not submissive, but I know one sure way to ward off a player. Refer a Dominant that wishes to interview you to a trusted Dominant that you know. It is not disrespectful to ask a Dominant that you do not know to speak with one you do know. Many people see this as a specific type of protocol (i.e. protection) for un-collared submissive. This would be very much like an un-collared submissive showing up at a public event. Un-collared submissives would immediately fall under protection of the hosting Dominant or at the very least, under protection of a Dominant they are familiar with.

The best way to weed out the players is to empower yourself with as much knowledge as possible. The more you know the less likely it will be that you will be taken advantage of by these players. If you are new yourself, you should have a friend or three to talk to about potential partners. Strength is in knowledge & in numbers.

Keep in mind that all of us fall subject to a player sneaking in on us. We will never be able to prevent these types from contacting us. It is important to take what you learn from each experience & learn how to not let it happen again. Paranoia is not what I am speaking of, but rather making sane choices. Keep making the same bad choices over & over again doesn’t make the other person a bad guy… just makes those of us that make the wrong choices over & over again foolish. How does that saying go? Definition of insanity is to repeatedly do the same thing over & over again & expect a different result.

Best wishes to those out there actively seeking. There are pros & cons as to being new in this at this point in time. Years ago it was nearly impossible to find like-minded people. Kind of like finding a drop of water in the desert & now it seems to be a tidal wave of people to sort through in order to find that drop of water.

Sincerely & with respect,
MstrssPassion

(in reply to MistressJan)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 9:44:38 AM   
FuriousAngel


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressJan

My test for Dom prospects is be real smart and see what they say back. A real true Dom will not allow you to be sassy to them. They won't.
Just a few tips. What other tips have you all learned that will weed out a player?

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan


I can't imagine speaking in a sassy tone to anyone in an attempt to test them, be it Dominant or otherwise. I would also expect that if I did, regardless of whether they were a 'true Dom' that they would care to continue the discussion on any level, nor would I blame them. If I were at any level to subscribe to this theory (which I don't), I'd be more inclined to think a genuine Dominant would walk away, while a 'player' would be the one to rise to the 'challenge' of exerting is 'Dominance' by attempting to 'not allow' the behaviour. *Shrugs*

I really enjoyed what Emerald and Passion had to share though!

(in reply to MistressJan)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 9:55:07 AM   
sarbonn


Posts: 203
Joined: 3/23/2004
Status: offline 		I agree with FuriousAngel in the last response. I know without a doubt that if I was to speak in a disrespectful tone to a potential dominant partner, that woman would drop me in a heartbeat rather than "correct" me instead.

I don't think any of these methods really do much to find a player. I know that as an experienced submissive, I can pretty much walk the walk and talk the talk a dominant male would use in this lifestyle, but I know that if I ever did, I'd personally feel I was being a player because I'm not dominant. I'm sure I could get past every one of those tests and be considered "legit", even though I really wouldn't be.

Unfortunately, there are a lot of people on these boards who are only interested in "scoring" or achieving some spectrum of success that doesn't translate to an actual sincere relationship, and as long as they exist and pour themselves into every avenue they can, they make it difficult for the rest of us. It's very hard trying to be taken as a sincere individual when there are so many people who think that saying the right thing might help them get laid or help them get their rocks off.

Equally unfortunate, I think the players amongst us do quite well because they do talk the talk well enough to be considered long enough to do the damage they do. But it's that way in the vanilla world, too.

_____________________________

Give a man a fish, he eats for a day...
...teach a man to fish, he steals your fishing hole and then charges you for the fish.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 10:54:10 AM   
MistressJan


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Hello all. Good advice for a Mistress with a submissive side.
As far as my remark on being sassy to a Dom, I probably should have said I was demanding of a Dom. For example, I may tell them No. Just to see what they are going to do. Usually by that point, I can pretty well tell that it is not for me. I nerver curse at someone, or anything like that. More or less, just patience stuff.
Mistress Passion had some invaluable information on her post for us all. Knowledge is the key to looking, and it is very scary out there for someone. I have weeded out a lot of inexperienced people that in the beginning I wish I had been able to do. I have been down that road with the players, and especially the one who is living with his wife and will never leave. I don't see why people like that will try to approach me, but they do. I guess they are trying to live out their fantazies, but I am just plain ole me.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan



I may never find that someone. I am happy as I am. If I do run up on such an individual somewhere, it will be an awesome thing.

(in reply to sarbonn)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 11:47:22 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		hmmmm...

Miss Jan
I see that you are seeking a dominant, yet identify as dominant.

I see your method as more of a challenge than a test to see if they are a player or not. If this is perceived as a challenge by me just reading your words & I am not one whom you are potentially seeking, can you see where it might be perceived as such from one you are seeking? I have been approached by switches & that topping from the bottom, sammy attititude will get them nothing more than an instant view of my backside... & I don't mean to worship. It will be the last thing they see as I walk away.

Yet now I am completely off topic.

MP

(in reply to MistressJan)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 1:46:03 PM   
MistressJan


Posts: 42
Joined: 6/3/2005
Status: offline 		Mistress Passion,

I am Dominant. There is part of me that is still a bit submissive. I am engaged to my slave so that is one reason I am pretty happy with who I am at the moment.
I am not really a switch. I have been lucky enough to be able to learn as a submissive and test my Domme side. That is how I found out I was Dom. IT comes naturally.
There is a strong desire coming from within for me to still search for that Dom. I know it is confusing, and I certainly am not playing a game here. It is just who I am.
I guess I am comfortable in the Dom role, but still a submissive at heart.

Respectfully,

Mistress_Jan




(in reply to MistressJan)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/6/2005 3:22:04 PM   
LadyAngelika


Posts: 8070
Joined: 7/4/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2
None of your tips help weed out players, they just signify people who are not experienced.

A 'player' (meaning someone who bounces around without letting his partners know that's what he's doing) is someone who will make you feel bad for who you are and what you want in order for them to get what they want. A player will be unable to have regular contact, may disappear with weak excuses when they return, and keep your mind busy with other things rather than the actual relationship and its growth.

Really, it's the same as it is in vanilla.


Agreed Em. I believe the OP has the incorrect definition of a player.

- LA


_____________________________

Une main de fer dans un gant de velours ~ An iron hand in a velvet glove

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: How to spot a player! - 6/7/2005 5:27:28 PM   
mnottertail


Posts: 60698
Joined: 11/3/2004
Status: offline 		You only need to view my profile


Ron

_____________________________

Have they not divided the prey; to every man a damsel or two? Judges 5:30


(in reply to LadyAngelika)
Profile   Post #: 10
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