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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:31:40 AM

queencaliph

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

i have noticed that female dominants want all the same things as female subs do,

Female subs want to beat a guy with a flogger and then use a strap-on on him??? Who knew?

Sorry, I couldn't resist teasing.

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:34:36 AM

Lashra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

quote:

ORIGINAL: queencaliph

Never forget the most dangerous animal you can run across is a mother protecting her young. Nature designed us this way. To me, submissivness in women seems to be forced. Why else would churches and society in general spend so much time "teaching" submissiveness to women?

*clappping loudly*

I have to say that I agree.

When a society spends so much time telling groups what they "naturally" are or what they should like, do, or expect, it starts to seem a lot like the society is really trying to control nature not correspond to it.

I have said this same thing for a long time now. Certain aspects of society want and count on women being submissive even though we are not all naturally so, so that they can control nature and us. If you control the hand that rocks the cradle you can control the world. People have been trying to do that since the beginning of human kind.

~Lashra

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:39:41 AM

Trampler

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queencaliph, that is certainly food for thought!

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:44:29 AM

LadyInControl

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I must agree with Lashra's post. It is unimaginable to me to live my life without being in control of it. It is even annoying to not currently have anyone else to control...*smiles* ...but I must get where I am going first. Also, thank you Queencaliph for the definition of "nurture"... I was thinking along those lines but had not yet looked it up.

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:47:38 AM

stockingluvr54

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quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

interesting. you have me thinking

however, i believe most male submissives are in it for the sexual part. am i wrong?

Many of us sub minded males are looking for the mind fuck much more than the physical fuck.... jmho

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Post #: 25

RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:48:07 AM

MHOO314

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ooohh ouch, "overly bossy"----let's clarify--many Dominants confuse dominate with domineer---not a good thing at all---I for one am a natural dominant, I have been in charge of My vanilla family for 17+ years, I have been the head of any business I was in, I set the rules, I don't bend to anyone ( except the UM) let alone any man---this is what I am--natural, comfortable and secure---with or without.

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 7:53:21 AM

jimbo747

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quote:

ORIGINAL: stockingluvr54

quote:

ORIGINAL: chrisy

interesting. you have me thinking

however, i believe most male submissives are in it for the sexual part. am i wrong?

Many of us sub minded males are looking for the mind fuck much more than the physical fuck.... jmho

I've asked past vanilla women to do things to me in bed. Sure it felt good but it was boring. Domination without the mindset is not worth a dime.

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Post #: 27

RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 8:18:36 AM

lateralist1

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What a superb set of answers.
I have always been naturally dominant it's just that I covered it up because I wanted to fit in. Now I don't care if I don't fit in. I always want to be in control of everything.
However there is one big downside of being female. You can't take a man's cock if it isn't hard. And even if it is phychological and emotional consent is as important as physical 'consent'. I can try and control anyone I want to in vanilla life.You don't need permission you just do it. However sadistic sex is different. That is against the law if you don't have consent and probably even if you do. Everytime a Dom/me does what she or he wants to do they are probably breaking the law. That's one of the major reasons that BDSM should be within loving consensual relationships. Cause it's so easy to abuse someone. I've been abused so often by men because some don't ask they take. And when it starts at eight years old as it did with me you get trained very easily into accepting it as the norm. As it's only fairly recently that women have been protected from rape within marriage men have a lot of changing to do. And because most men are bigger and stronger than women even Dommes have to be careful. We are still women and lots of men under their veneer of submission or being a gentleman still think they can do what the hell they like to us.

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Post #: 28

RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 8:22:24 AM

LadyPact

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If you are asking whether female Dominants are who they are by the old nature vrs nurture question, you should have already had an immediate answer. What stereotype in society are you looking at?

It seems to Me that, up until just a few decades ago, women in general were forced into the passive role. There were a lot of influences on how any female was 'supposed' to be. Women were brought up to act a certain way, talk a certain way, dress a certain way (in public, anyway). If anything, we were 'forced' to take on the submissive role. The same can be said in reverse for the men. They were reared to be x, y, and z because, supposedly, all men were x, y, and z.

Fast forward to the present. Guess what? We found out it isn't like that for everybody. Not all women are passive, and not all men enjoy taking charge. These are personality traits, not gender traits. It has very little to do with what is between a person's legs and much more to do with what a person has between their ears. It's the way they think, the way they feel, and no matter what those around them tell them they have to/should be.... it's the way they are.

(quote)
i have noticed that female dominants want all the same things as female subs do, that they (FemDom's) just go about having those needs met in an overtly bossy manner.It does not seem that they crave the control as males do.

We're all people, dear. Many of us want the same things. Companionship, love, satisfaction, and a whole list of other things. If you think We go about getting these things in an "overtly bosy manner", you haven't met many of Us. If anything, it's because We crave control that may have led to this perception on your part.

Good luck with your learning curve.

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 8:43:17 AM

Bella1965

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G'morning all:

To the OP. You've certainly opened a can of worms here. *chuckling* Personally, I've always considered myself a natural dominant. My definition of such; it is a extension of my everyday personality and not a reaction to "flip" from external inputs or roles in the vanilla world. My dominance is simply another facet of who I am. I enjoy being in control. It satisfies an element of my psyche. It's not forced or put upon. It simply IS.

As to the nurturing aspects discussed by others? Sorry, I have to disagree. I have no children, nor any desire to have any. I am protective over those that I love and cherish because I have those feelings for them and wish no harm to come to them. Labeling it as the maternal instinct is erroneous.

Last word to the OP. Don't confuse dominant with domineering.

Stay safe, play nice & share your toys w/ others...

Bella

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 10:40:36 AM

ocilla

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Most of the women in my family including those from past generations are solidly the dominant one in their relationships. I have notticed too that most of the men in my family are men who love that their wifes are kinda needy, and demanding and love to please, fix and generally serve as their primary display of love and affection. At one time I actually took an informal poll amoungst the men in my family asking them how they show love - and the overwhelming response was through their service to their mate first, family next and then community. All the men appear to be quite strong and gruff and manly on the exterior but almost univerally they are tender gooey marshmallows underneath it all. A more recent exanple is that my mother took up the ERA campaign in the 70's and my father ended up working form home and taking on most of the domestic activities to support her passion which was equal rights for women. And talk about a wonderfully dominant group of women - finding the ERA leaders from your community and interviewing them is a true treasure. Most are in their 70's or older and as usual herstory is in jeopardy of being lost with their deaths. Georgia State has been collecting our pioneering feminists' oral herstories and they are amazing.

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 10:49:03 AM

ocilla

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Also - to sum up the likely difference between a dominant woman and a dominant man I bet a comparison of matriarchal versus patriarchal societies would yield lots of good answers. Win win versus win lose, no one can own the land it belongs to everyone versus I want to just own my land and all the land that touches its borders, sky gods that rain down comets of terror and thunder versus earth goddesses in concert with the seasons and fertility, the inquisition cooption versus the gospel of the agnostics. According to ecopsychology women tend to be more collaborative no matter whether dominant or submissive due to a combination of nature (testoterone or lack there of) and nurture (even being raised by an ardent feminist the rules and criteria for my upbringing was radically different for me than it was for my brothers) and some fellows who want to let go of the constant turf battle that is often in the male world gravitate towards Dommes. I maybe making sweeping generalizations here - I look forward to hearing some feedback.

< Message edited by ocilla -- 6/20/2007 10:54:36 AM >

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 10:58:36 AM

MiladyElaine

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Have any regrets starting this thread yet?

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 11:36:44 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Also - to sum up the likely difference between a dominant woman and a dominant man I bet a comparison of matriarchal versus patriarchal societies would yield lots of good answers. Win win versus win lose, no one can own the land it belongs to everyone versus I want to just own my land and all the land that touches its borders, sky gods that rain down comets of terror and thunder versus earth goddesses in concert with the seasons and fertility, the inquisition cooption versus the gospel of the agnostics. According to ecopsychology women tend to be more collaborative no matter whether dominant or submissive due to a combination of nature (testoterone or lack there of) and nurture (even being raised by an ardent feminist the rules and criteria for my upbringing was radically different for me than it was for my brothers) and some fellows who want to let go of the constant turf battle that is often in the male world gravitate towards Dommes. I maybe making sweeping generalizations here - I look forward to hearing some feedback.

I don't know of any matriarchical societies.

Matrilineal, yes, some of those, but not matriarchical.

Could you tell us some?

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 12:13:56 PM

Sylverdawn

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chrissy.. I think at best your naive and as worst your full of s**t

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 12:29:30 PM

DiannaVesta

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quote:

ORIGINAL: queencaliph

Strange you should say that. I was taught that my whole life and for most of my life I tried to mold myself into the image of the "Submissive woman." It was completely contrary to my nature and it took me years to finally come to terms with my Dominant side. Yes, females are nurturing and I consider myself a nurturer. but have you looked up the definition of nurturing?

nur-ture
-verb (used with object)

1.
to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.

2.
to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.

3.
to bring up; train; educate. –noun

4.
rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.

5.
development: the nurture of young artists.

6.
something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

All that training and educating and protecting and developing sounds like a Dom/me doesn't it? Regardless of the gender steretypes that are put upon us in society both men and women are nuturers as well as protectors, and providers and both want to be protected, provided for and have our needs met. Both genders sometimes want this done in a passive way and sometimes decide to take charge of it ourselves.

Never forget the most dangerous animal you can run across is a mother protecting her young. Nature designed us this way. To me, submissivness in women seems to be forced. Why else would churches and society in general spend so much time "teaching" submissiveness to women?

Nicely put. You should write more about this. Its so very true. Kudos

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 12:31:39 PM

MistressDolly

Posts: 917
Joined: 8/24/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: queencaliph

Strange you should say that. I was taught that my whole life and for most of my life I tried to mold myself into the image of the "Submissive woman." It was completely contrary to my nature and it took me years to finally come to terms with my Dominant side. Yes, females are nurturing and I consider myself a nurturer. but have you looked up the definition of nurturing?

nur-ture
-verb (used with object)

1.
to feed and protect: to nurture one's offspring.

2.
to support and encourage, as during the period of training or development; foster: to nurture promising musicians.

3.
to bring up; train; educate. –noun

4.
rearing, upbringing, training, education, or the like.

5.
development: the nurture of young artists.

6.
something that nourishes; nourishment; food.

All that training and educating and protecting and developing sounds like a Dom/me doesn't it? Regardless of the gender steretypes that are put upon us in society both men and women are nuturers as well as protectors, and providers and both want to be protected, provided for and have our needs met. Both genders sometimes want this done in a passive way and sometimes decide to take charge of it ourselves.

Never forget the most dangerous animal you can run across is a mother protecting her young. Nature designed us this way. To me, submissivness in women seems to be forced. Why else would churches and society in general spend so much time "teaching" submissiveness to women?

Ahhhhhhh, Women

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 12:37:00 PM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
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quote:

ORIGINAL: ocilla

Also - to sum up the likely difference between a dominant woman and a dominant man I bet a comparison of matriarchal versus patriarchal societies would yield lots of good answers. Win win versus win lose, no one can own the land it belongs to everyone versus I want to just own my land and all the land that touches its borders, sky gods that rain down comets of terror and thunder versus earth goddesses in concert with the seasons and fertility, the inquisition cooption versus the gospel of the agnostics. According to ecopsychology women tend to be more collaborative no matter whether dominant or submissive due to a combination of nature (testoterone or lack there of) and nurture (even being raised by an ardent feminist the rules and criteria for my upbringing was radically different for me than it was for my brothers) and some fellows who want to let go of the constant turf battle that is often in the male world gravitate towards Dommes. I maybe making sweeping generalizations here - I look forward to hearing some feedback.

<smile> You sound like me when I was in my late 20's. I know how you feel, really I do but you may land on deaf ears here or open up a huge can of worms.

I am in my 40's, own a lot of land, have very spiritual views in reference to female domination & the path of The Divine Feminine. We have some interesting projects coming up. Why don’t you visit us at Femsupreme?

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RE: Naturally Dominant - 6/20/2007 2:36:57 PM

LadyIce