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addicted2it -> RE: She claims to want you but really isn't all that into you (6/24/2007 8:15:32 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: planomaid
quote:
ORIGINAL: littlesarbonn
I'm wondering how people may have experienced this phenomenon with potential partners. I had recently been with a person who has a lot more experience than I do and seemed interested in me from a bdsm perspective. At one time, she admonished me because I was not serious about pursuing this relationship with her, so I rethought my energy and went in a full 100 percent. It was then that I started to realize that she's not really all that into me. Oh sure, she loves how I clean nonstop, give massages that stem from actual professional training and never try to force my fantasies into the mix. But concerning me, I never got a single bit of energy from her that indicated she was interested in me. I kept getting this sense that I was being held accountable for needing to be proactive about being into her, but that energy was never reciprocated. I kept thinking it would appear somewhere down the line, but it never did.
This isn't a complaint thread or a rant (even if it may seem like one). I'm curious if other submissives have experienced this and if dominants have ever recognized this happening as well. And there's no need for commiseration or condolences. Everything's fine in the little sarbonn world.
It's quite possible that she just only wants you around because of the service you provide her and she has no interest in you - beyond doing the minimal amount of effort to retain you. It's really not much different than what a regular relationship that is based on convenience is. However, in the BDSM world, it seems that there is an additional "hook" that is used to keep someone (i.e. as a submissive some dominants simply expect you to submit and serve them because you are submissive and they are dominant. Your needs are ignored because, well, you are the submissive one. Total crap in my opinion).
Like any other relationship you need to ask yourself is there something there for you? Your desire to serve and please should not trump your desire for companionship and a meaningful relationship. But, this a question that only you can answer for yourself. I'd suggest you broach this subject to her, explain how you feel, and if you don't feel that she is or will reciprocate, then you either need to adjust your expectations to just serve her because it makes you feel good, or end the relationship and continue to seek what you desire elsewhere.
We often become trapped in relationships that are not healthy for us, but they still provide us with at least some of what we need. So, I can only underscore what planomaid said, so my question to you is this: What are you willing to endure within a relationship that may not address or satisfy all of your needs? Only you can make that assessment, and the decision to either stay or go. If you current relationship is providing some measure of satisfaction, then at least some of your needs are being met. In any event, it is a learning experience that you can benefit from in future dealings of this type.
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