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getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 3:42:37 PM

alovelyone

Posts: 2
Joined: 9/15/2006
Status: offline

I was recently asked the nice broad sweeping question "what do you want?" In this case it was not appropriate to repy "World peace and 100 million dollars." And I was left to really examine myself and what I am looking for.

I already have a decent list going. Things I've found helpfull to think about are, "What would I be completely miserable without?" and "Things that when recieved on a regular basis make me a happier person."

My question to those here is, "Are there any questions or exercises you have found helpfull in determining what you really want in life and relationships

Post #: 1

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 3:48:56 PM

onmykneesforhim

Posts: 112
Joined: 6/18/2006
Status: offline

Hi,
I am most definately going to watch this theard.
The answers to the last bunch of questions were on the lets say...sarcasic side and be lady like about it, but maybe they really did want to know *those certain * things.

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 2

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 3:49:19 PM

spanklette

Posts: 882
Joined: 2/22/2005
Status: offline

My past is the one thing I look at most to determine what I want in the future. If I was happy or unhappy with something in the past, I make my move either towards that goal or away. It really depends on what I'm trying to decide, though. Sometimes, I don't have anything to go by other than my instincts and taking quality time to think about my actions and consequences.

...And when all else fails and I can't decide what I want, I flip a coin. If I'm happy with the decision the coin made then I keep it...if I'm disappointed, I change my mind. How else would I make decisions at Baskin Robbins?

_____________________________

~spanklette~

"The important thing is this: to be able at any moment to sacrifice what we are for what we could become. " Charles du Bois

"Please don't shout, can't you see I'm not listening." Billie Myers

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 3

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 3:51:40 PM

naughtygirlWa

Posts: 61
Joined: 2/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: spanklette

...And when all else fails and I can't decide what I want, I flip a coin. If I'm happy with the decision the coin made then I keep it...if I'm disappointed, I change my mind. How else would I make decisions at Baskin Robbins?

That is exactly what i do. Thought i was the only one..

(in reply to spanklette)

Post #: 4

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 3:56:56 PM

Eldritchdancer

Posts: 101
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

If one were to ask me such an idiotic question, so broad in scope, I'm afraid I'd half to laugh at the asker.

Wants are fleeting and often ephemeral. "No man is a complete mystery, save unto himself" after all.

Far better to ask, "What makes you happy", imho.

Master Darkmoon

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 5

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 3:59:40 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Ya know...i dont have a freakin clue as to what i want...LOL...isn't that Jim Dandy?

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Eldritchdancer)

Post #: 6

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 5:22:31 PM

octavia

Posts: 377
Joined: 5/20/2007
Status: offline

Personally I think this is a good topic. I know for myself those times in the past that I focused on what i didnt want rather than what i wanted, led me to make poor choices.

When I'm busy using a check list that qualifies people, places and things based on a process of elimination rather than a process of inclusion, (not sure this is the right term here)who the hell knows what your going to end up with.
Here are some things I have figured out that i DO want.

In a man:
Confidence
Integrity
Intelligence

In myself:
clear goals
better education
fitness
serenity

Just my humble opinion as always,
octavia

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 7

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 5:47:48 PM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

I started with a picture in my head of what the "ideal" household would look like to me. I then started to describe it and the people in it. What characteristic would each person have? Are there universal things that I want everyone to share? What would daily life be like? How would the household be run?

Then I started thinking about the relationships. What do I need in order to feel valued as a person? What do I need in order to feel valued as a woman? What do I need in order to feel valued as a Master? What am I willing to do to make my slaves feel valued?

Then, I thought about what makes it FUN. What do I like for fetishes, play and sex? What things do I want to happen in order to feed the Master side of me (i.e. protocol)?

Then, I thought about how I view my role as a Master in this household. What do I have to offer in every day life? What do I have to offer in spiritual life? What do I have to offer in an Ms relationship? What do I need to do for others in order to be fulfilled?

Finally, I thought about "what-ifs". What if I died, what would happen? What if a slave died, what would happen? What if the slave wished me to have more financial control than I originally offered? What if there was a dispute in the household, how would it be handled?

As I answered these questions, more popped up. This is how I ended up with a 70+ page manual! Once it was written down, I put it firmly in my head that these rules/points weren't written in stone. I could change my mind...but, if I did, I needed to remember to change the document AND talk about the changes with those who are collared because the document is our contract.

Master Fire

_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 8

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 6:49:16 PM

DragonNphoenix

Posts: 617
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelyone

I was recently asked the nice broad sweeping question "what do you want?" In this case it was not appropriate to repy "World peace and 100 million dollars." And I was left to really examine myself and what I am looking for.

I already have a decent list going. Things I've found helpfull to think about are, "What would I be completely miserable without?" and "Things that when recieved on a regular basis make me a happier person."

My question to those here is, "Are there any questions or exercises you have found helpfull in determining what you really want in life and relationships

My former trainer asked me this.. "if you were trapped on a dessert island and could ONLY have 10 things (not counting what we need in order to survive), what would they be." My answers??
My Mate
My Children
My familer (my cat Jerrin)
My books
Chocolate
Never ending supply of hot temales
Never ending supply of Diet Coke
... and at this point I realized that the things that made me happy were my top 5 and that I really didnt need the rest.

I will always remember that little test...

1st girl Phoenix

_____________________________

**Pain is just pleasure with a twist**

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 9

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/20/2007 7:55:01 PM

SlaveBlutarsky

Posts: 491
Joined: 10/10/2005
From: Upstate, NY
Status: offline

I try and picture what I want my life to look like in x timeframe and then picture myself doing things to acheive those things.

Life is so broad, most people kind of ust bounce through it aimlessly from one day to the next. Few people sit down and map out what they want, who they want to be, how they want to live and what they need to do to get it.

I know it sounds like Tony Robbins self help crap, but by envisioning yourself working towards the person you want to be and the things you want, you will you will find yourself figuring out what you really want and what is really important to you.

_____________________________

Strong for all, weak for one

(in reply to DragonNphoenix)

Post #: 10

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 3:37:47 AM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Eldritchdancer

If one were to ask me such an idiotic question, so broad in scope, I'm afraid I'd half to laugh at the asker.

And yet, when we're looking, most of us are asked exactly this question. I especially loved it when I was new and had absolutely no clue what anything was in SM, but wascurious about it all. My response was "how in the world would I know this since I've never done ANY of it before? It's like asking someone on a tropical isle what snow feels like for goodness sake!"

I used to answer in completely vanilla terms - to which I obviously would invariably hear the phrase "those are vanilla things." (well, DUH! THAT'S what I KNOW!) Eventually, my answer became all those vanilla things followed with "yes, they're vanilla, but I want those things along with whatever I might learn along the way in bdsm, but most of all, I want someone smart enough to know that I know nothing and responsible enough to not take advantage of that."

And "what do you want" became part of the little things I used to cut the wheat from the chaff, so to speak. I figured if someone couldn't think of a better question than "what do you want." he probably didn't know what he wanted either, and worse, he was setting himself up as someone who knew his stuff enough to try to control me - and I walked away.

juliet

(in reply to Eldritchdancer)

Post #: 11

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 7:04:52 AM

Kidsphoenixx

Posts: 68
Joined: 1/29/2006
Status: offline

The things we want are not always the things we want, but often we do not discover what it is we really want until after we get what we thought we wanted.
lol
How's that for convolution?

Edited to add that this was supposed to be a "fast reply"...to no one in particular.

< Message edited by Kidsphoenixx -- 6/21/2007 7:05:55 AM >

_____________________________

T.A.N.S.T.A.A.F.L.

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 12

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 7:28:24 AM

michelleryder

Posts: 198
Joined: 5/18/2007
Status: offline

to be happy

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 13

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 7:38:18 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

i have often said i have no idea what i seek, but i knew it when i saw it .........i hope that will be the case should i meet someone else i long to serve.

in simplistic terms, i want contentment though i guess.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 14

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 7:40:47 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

I want to keep learning and growing.
I want to try new things.
I want to be proud of myself, and make my family proud.
I want to make the best use I can of all my resources, physical and emotional.
I want to keep surprising my Dom, and make him happy.
I want to not give up or settle.
I want to see where this road leads me. Then explore further.
I want, when my life ends, to look back at a wonderful full life.
I want to go back and do it over, avoiding all the mistakes I made the first time around. And choosing all the fun stuff I missed.
I want to be surprised, and overjoyed, and proud, and excited, and content. Not necessarily all at once.
I want to get my house painted, new carpet, and some landscaping.
I want there to be thirty hours in a day.
I want chocolate that doesn't have calories.
I want to be able to take the cane at full strength.
I want a really cool pair of leather boots.
I want to be more organised.

And tomorrow I'll have a whole new list.

(in reply to Kidsphoenixx)

Post #: 15

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 7:51:34 AM

MasterLordguru

Posts: 73
Joined: 7/2/2006
From: Syracuse, NY
Status: offline

mmmm. I had to ask someone this question. Not becuase I expected an answer as this person is incapable of speaking the answer. It is an illness and I can accept that. I knew her answer and accept it. When she asked me.. It old her frankly straight out what my answer was. And then she asked again. Its how I know that your answer doesnt fit their undrestanding of an answer.

Truthfully what I want is irrevelent. As a Man, a Dom, A Master, a Lord or anything (titles, nothing more.. just a matter of perspective to any who deem another one of these titles).. I am entitled to one thing.. being true to myself and answering to myself. But if I was to be traditional or a conformist to the world around me.. what I want.. in no particular order.

I want peace of mind/serenity of the soul
I want to be the spirit I am and be it openly in a world that would kill me due to the ideologies cast to us by the french.

I want to continue go grow and LIVE. That means, all roads continue. There are rest stops and places and people you meet, but their time come and go and you continue. Life is ever flowing like the river and when LIFE ends, then you LIVE. The adventure continues.

And I want one more thing. To know with certainty that no matter what I say or do, that I do it with the intergrity and honesty that I live my life by.

_____________________________

IDIC: Infinate Diversity in Infinate Combinations

“Knowing others is intelligence; knowing yourself is true wisdom. Mastering others is strength; mastering yourself is true power.” ~~Tao Te Ching

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 16

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 7:55:38 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Course in my literal world, if/when someone asks me that, and it's not a job interview, I'll just tell them "I want to go pee" "I want some ice cream" "I want to snuggle" Very immediate and direct answer.

But that's just me :) Otherwise, my answer aligns pretty much with MasterFireMaam and to add that when things come to a crossroads, it forces me to prioritize and make choices on where I want to go.

_____________________________

Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

"Sometimes my whore logic gets all fuzzy"- Californication

(in reply to MasterLordguru)

Post #: 17

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 8:07:07 AM

littleone35

Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline

Good question. In the unattrtinable categroy i want perfect health for my self and my loved ones. I want my Master to spend 23 out of 24 hours with me ans yes world peace is a good one.
For real..... in a man i want confidence, *humor*, loving, some one who can make me feel safe and secure, strict yet gentle. (found them all with Master)
In life in general. I want to pass all my classes so i can become a teacher. I want to keep learning and growing, please my Master make him proud, to continue bettering myself.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to MasterLordguru)

Post #: 18

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 8:25:23 AM

Mercnbeth

Posts: 11766
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelyone

I was recently asked the nice broad sweeping question "what do you want?" In this case it was not appropriate to repy "World peace and 100 million dollars." And I was left to really examine myself and what I am looking for.

I already have a decent list going. Things I've found helpfull to think about are, "What would I be completely miserable without?" and "Things that when recieved on a regular basis make me a happier person."

My question to those here is, "Are there any questions or exercises you have found helpfull in determining what you really want in life and relationships

this slave spent 3 years purposefully single and celibate, taking her own self out for her birthday, buying her own self valentine's day chocolate...not as if she was in mourning, mind you, this was a celebration and exploration of self. yes, friends and those who wanted to get down this slave's pants were shocked...but, they got over it.

during that time, this slave meditated, prayed, went on long walks in the forest, spent countless hours alone with introspection and really got to know/gained confidence in her "self". she then put on her best "swimwear" and dove in the "pool".

in the end, knowing absolutely what she didn't want (from firsthand experience) was most helpful in directing her to find what she did want.

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 19

RE: getting to know what you want - 6/21/2007 12:07:13 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: alovelyone
"Are there any questions or exercises you have found helpfull in determining what you really want in life and relationships?"

Know what YOUR personal, needs, wants, desires and must haves are. Physically sit down and make a list. Must haves are NON compermising. Desires are would love to have. Wants are those things would be delighted to have and crave. Needs are those things you need to survive, ie clothing, water, etc.

I did that a few years ago, and at times I move things from one place to another or I add things or remove things. And for me, being as neurotic as I am, I have to give 5 reasons for each thing to me in that catagory for it to stay there, most have many reasons to stay where they are, others, I have to stuggle to find 5.

What do I want out of life.. love, my son, family, to be a size 2 and be healthy, great friends, chocolate malted crunch on a semi regular basis, tri-tip, happiness, and no more freakin medical issues.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to alovelyone)

Post #: 20

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