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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 9:57:14 AM   
cjenny


Posts: 1736
Joined: 11/27/2006
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Okay, I really do understand this. I have pictures on my profile so it really would be a no brainer for someone to figure out if I fall outside of what attracts them. I can see that someone who does not have pictures available may have to describe themself. But that leads me to another question. Do you stop at BBW, or do you go into great detail?..."I have a large/small nose, cellulite on my butt, pendulous/small breasts (although one is bigger than the other), pretty/ugly toes, my calves don't touch, I wear/don't wear glasses.....the list could go on and on. Any of those things could be the deal breaker or maker for someone. I don't tend to see those kinds of details related as a means of weeding out or as a means of not wasting someone's time. As women we ALL see ourselves as having faults and we also all see our strong points...but I don't see large groups of women using other attributes or faults (depending on how you personally view it) identifying in such a way as I see BBWs doing so.

(bolding and color by me to emphasize that you managed to say what I tried to lol)

Yes! That is exactly what I was trying to say.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 9:57:35 AM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		I believe:
A) She wants to know why the term is used by those who use it

B) She is curious about this term in particular because she does not hear OTHER terms being used in by such a particular group of people in a widespread fashion

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Profile   Post #: 42
RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 9:58:50 AM   
truesub4u


Posts: 2949
Joined: 11/17/2005
Status: offline 		My picture on my profile should let the smart ones know... if they're looking for the perfect model... i'm not it!..

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 10:17:23 AM   
SexyRed


Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual

Out in public, meeting people, going to events, I don't go up to someone and say "hi, my name is amanda and I'm bbw". -laughs- It isn't necessary, a person can see me and make their own judgments. Here, I do identify myself within a first conversation with a Dom (as rubenesque, not bbw, but it all means the same), simply because there are lots of people who prefer partners who are not overweight, and I have no interest in wasting my time, or someone else's, in conversation that's going to be totally meaningless once someone discovered I'm overweight. It would be wonderful if everyone could be attracted to everyone, but that's just not the way it works. So online, I identify my body type. Just easier all the way around. Has nothing to do with the way I feel about myself, my confidence level, etc, just a recognizable label for body type...
 
-a

-edited for spelling, dommit-


Okay, I really do understand this. I have pictures on my profile so it really would be a no brainer for someone to figure out if I fall outside of what attracts them. I can see that someone who does not have pictures available may have to describe themself. But that leads me to another question. Do you stop at BBW, or do you go into great detail?..."I have a large/small nose, cellulite on my butt, pendulous/small breasts (although one is bigger than the other), pretty/ugly toes, my calves don't touch, I wear/don't wear glasses.....the list could go on and on. Any of those things could be the deal breaker or maker for someone. I don't tend to see those kinds of details related as a means of weeding out or as a means of not wasting someone's time. As women we ALL see ourselves as having faults and we also all see our strong points...but I don't see large groups of women using other attributes or faults (depending on how you personally view it) identifying in such a way as I see BBWs doing so.


Sorry Erin, I still do not see what is confusing to you. Of course one can go into as little or much detail as they want, but one does not usually go into all of ones faults when trying to meet others.  However, many go into detail on attributes. Go on any dating site on the planet and people will talk up their attributes, we all do it, why wouldn't we promote ourselves? It is all marketing.  No one promotes their faults, why would you be interested in a person who went on and on about their faults?

As far as why do other groups not identify with one catch all phrase such as BBW, I think there are not as many categories that one could be placed in, unless you want to start one for spirited redheads, or something like that.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 10:21:32 AM   
MiladyElaine


Posts: 1086
Joined: 10/10/2004
Status: offline 		Part of the reson why W/we use the BBW is because society has labelled U/us as such!  Y/you go to buy clothing in O/our size and it will be in the Women's section marked 18-22W or whatever.  Basically when the size goes past Misses Y/you become a BBW.   The large BBW's are SSBBW (super sized).
As for why they don't have initials for Big Nose Females - give them time.  Everything else is going initialed.


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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 10:35:58 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: MistressNoName
I'm now thoroughly confused. Are you truly just asking why women identify as BBW or are you arguing the fact that some women use the term? I'm not getting what you're saying here.


No, I am not trying to argue anything. I am truly asking.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 10:38:12 AM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

I believe:
A) She wants to know why the term is used by those who use it

B) She is curious about this term in particular because she does not hear OTHER terms being used in by such a particular group of people in a widespread fashion


Thank you!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 11:02:22 AM   
SlND3R3LLA


Posts: 118
Joined: 6/19/2007
Status: offline 		i don't really get the whole bbw thing myself.  i suppose it's because society as a whole has told fat women they are ugly, so they took on the name bbw in order to show they can be beautiful also. 

Personally, i  (and Master) say i am an ACS(adorable chubby slut)... that fits my personality a lot better.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 11:19:38 AM   
pashun8flame


Posts: 31
Joined: 6/30/2004
Status: offline 		BBW  refers to Big Beautiful Women  back in the 1980's it was a fashion magazine geared to women sizes 18 and over. It featured many fashions designed by actress Delta Burke.


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Profile   Post #: 49
RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 11:51:54 AM   
Lucylastic


Posts: 40310
Status: offline 		All this is my personal feelings and experience only, I was a heavy baby, my father was built like a brick sh*t house, tall and big boned. My mother, shorter and very slender boned. my siblings took after my mother, me, I took after dad.

My sibs and I ate the same food, I danced three nights a week, walked to school and loved my bike riding regularly, yet at age 11 weighed in at 155lb, my sibs were called twiggy(anyone remember her?) I was called "fatty" by family, at school, "fatty four eyes". 

A lot of people equate fat being ugly,  useless, surplus to requirements, and something to look down on. I knew from an early age that I wasnt any of those things, I certainly wasnt "beautiful" by societys "standard", but I had a good heart, was smart, had a wicked evil sense of humour and very early found out that sexual feelings were not the domain of the "pretty".

For me, BBW meant that I  could have a sense of self worth, that it was ok to feel sexy, attractive, worth something inside  and that others did too.like a private club...... but it was a label at the time that seemed to fit what I was inside.
Now, I dont use it so much, but thats because I dont have a profile here, as Im not looking for anyone beyond friends... also I like "physically prosperous" to describe myself, if it bothers someone that much, then I dont need them in my life :)
Lucy




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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 12:58:51 PM   
BitaTruble


Posts: 9779
Joined: 1/12/2006
From: Texas
Status: offline 		~FR~

I think it's just a filtering system, like at the library. I head straight to the Sci-Fi section and I'm grateful I don't have to waste my time going through all the westerns, romance novels or every title in the joint to find something which interests me. It's no different than folks who put no smokers, or d&d free, or bi, or no marrieds and things of that nature. Saves time. If I were looking for a new partner, I'd put such things in my profile because I don't want someone who doesn't want me and time is too finite to waste. I don't want to have to read a whole novel, so the title of a book is what's going to capture my attention and either make me pick it up and at least read the back cover or move on to something that is more in tune with my particular taste of the moment.  If I have BBW, non-smoker, no children, dogs ok, allergic to cats, I will automatically weed out a large group of potential partners who smoke, have kids and cats, hate dogs and want someone who is HWP. As far as I'm concerned, no harm, no foul and I appreciate the effort that others make to save 'me' that time. In fact, I wish more people would put those sorts of deal breakers into their profiles, then we wouldn't have so many threads asking why emails never get answered. ::chuckles::

Celeste

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 1:10:24 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Lucylastic
For me, BBW meant that I  could have a sense of self worth, that it was ok to feel sexy, attractive, worth something inside  and that others did too.like a private club...... but it was a label at the time that seemed to fit what I was inside.


Thank you for sharing that Lucylastic,
I hope I don't offend you (or anyone else) if I say that I find it sad that it took such a label to give you a feeling of self worth. I do understand what you are saying but it makes me wish that we lived in a world where a person was not judged by or ridiculed for such ridiculously stupid things as appearance...and that self worth wouldn't need to be validated externally and could blossom and grow naturally from within. I guess that I should just feel thankful that I have never felt that way. I'm far, far from perfect, but I have never felt badly about myself. I don't think I quite fit the category of BBW....well heck, maybe by some people's standards I do, I certainly could stand to lose 25 lbs. I wish I was taller, my boobs aren't as perky as they were when I was 18, I need glasses to see, I used to be teased endlessly about my freckles, I've never been able to get a beautiful tan, I have stretch marks on my tummy, more scars than I can count....oh I could go on all day. But despite all of it, I love every bit of me.


_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 1:13:00 PM   
LuckyAlbatross


Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline 		As someone not freckled I haven't gone through it- but why would someone get teased for freckles?  I think they are very cute and a great addition to a persons look. 

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 1:13:40 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Hey, long time no see...Welcome back!

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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Profile   Post #: 54
RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 1:21:19 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
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quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross
As someone not freckled I haven't gone through it- but why would someone get teased for freckles?  I think they are very cute and a great addition to a persons look. 


I guess cause it's different, isn't that the root of all teasing? Yeah, when I was a kid the other kids used to tell me that it looked like I had stood too close behind a cow. Poop face, freckle faced freak....kids are wicked. The worst was a nun once told me that you got a new freckle every time you sinned, so of course I thought the whole world could look at my face and see I was going straight to hell.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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Profile   Post #: 55
RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 1:50:40 PM   
sublimelysensual


Posts: 298
Joined: 7/25/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

quote:

ORIGINAL: sublimelysensual

Out in public, meeting people, going to events, I don't go up to someone and say "hi, my name is amanda and I'm bbw". -laughs- It isn't necessary, a person can see me and make their own judgments. Here, I do identify myself within a first conversation with a Dom (as rubenesque, not bbw, but it all means the same), simply because there are lots of people who prefer partners who are not overweight, and I have no interest in wasting my time, or someone else's, in conversation that's going to be totally meaningless once someone discovered I'm overweight. It would be wonderful if everyone could be attracted to everyone, but that's just not the way it works. So online, I identify my body type. Just easier all the way around. Has nothing to do with the way I feel about myself, my confidence level, etc, just a recognizable label for body type...
 
-a

-edited for spelling, dommit-


Okay, I really do understand this. I have pictures on my profile so it really would be a no brainer for someone to figure out if I fall outside of what attracts them. I can see that someone who does not have pictures available may have to describe themself. But that leads me to another question. Do you stop at BBW, or do you go into great detail?..."I have a large/small nose, cellulite on my butt, pendulous/small breasts (although one is bigger than the other), pretty/ugly toes, my calves don't touch, I wear/don't wear glasses.....the list could go on and on. Any of those things could be the deal breaker or maker for someone. I don't tend to see those kinds of details related as a means of weeding out or as a means of not wasting someone's time. As women we ALL see ourselves as having faults and we also all see our strong points...but I don't see large groups of women using other attributes or faults (depending on how you personally view it) identifying in such a way as I see BBWs doing so.


Erin.. All I can tell you is my opinion..personally speaking, I have never met a man, gotten to know him (online), then met him to have him say.."oh my god, your nose is huge, I can't have anything to do with you."  I have told men online I'm plus-sized to hear things like "oh, so you're one of those fat cows".  I'll agree with you that people do have other preferences as far as long legs, big busts, small busts, etc, but none of these seem to be anywhere near as much a dealbreaker as weight. Weight seems to be a dealbreaker for a greater part of the population. I guess the other thing with me is that I do just use it as an identifier, it's not something like.."I'm BBW and I'm proud" for me. I am who I am, someone can like it or lump it, I'd just prefer they lump it after 20 min of conversation and not three weeks worth.
 
 
*Just as a sidebar, I will exchange pics with people, I just choose not to put it on my profile due to an a&&hole ex-husband and child custody issues.....
 
-a

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 3:06:08 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		FR

If a peron has small breasts, freckles, too tall, too short she bears no responsibility in the aquirement as they are simply part of her genetics.  She is not looked at with disdain and assumed that she's lazy, weak, gluttonous etc.  This doesn't apply if you are fat. People blame you for it.  They assume you can change it, would want to change it, need to change it, etc... but more importantly they assume should change it to be accepted.  Sort of like - well you bring on the riducule yourself because it's your fault you are fat.  i think adopting a term which turns around all those assumptions and turns around the image of fat into a positive image, these women are basically flipping off those who hold those assumptions, without actually using their middle finger. 

We all identify with labels, whatever they may be - doctors call themselves Dr. Soandso, alcoholics define themselves as recovering or active alcoholics, athletes by the sport they play, musicians by the instrument they play etc... the list is endless, but most don't go, "Hi i am an alcoholic and my name is Lisa" unless they are at an AA meeting. i have never heard a fat woman say, "Hi i am a fat woman named Lisa".  Online you might just as others have said, to let others know as a weeding process because most prefer HWP women, just makes life easier and finding a match simpler.

The term BBW, for the most part as i see it, is less a label and more of a social movement towards making fat acceptable and giving those who are affected negatively by the judgments of others a safe, accepting place to identify. 

Fat, tall, thin, short, freckled, pale, dark, skinny are all adjectives, the word itself holds no malice, the person speaking it might though.  If i were speaking to someone and needed to describe a person i might say they were short or tall, blond, brunette, short or long hair but i probably would not say fat only because i know, to people in general, it is seen as a deragotary term, so i might say - heavy set.  The term is only derogatory because of attitudes we carry about this adjective. i have no problem at all using the word fat to describe me - it's just a word, there are many others i would use as well.  i probably would not say it in public because others would probably feel uncomfortable and be offended and my intention isn't to make others uncomfortable when i am in a social situation, so i follow the accepted social norms, for others sake.  If someone calls me fat, what of it?  i am.  If they say it to demean me they fail and only make themselves look bad. 

< Message edited by velvetears -- 6/21/2007 3:12:22 PM >

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 5:43:08 PM   
sweetnurseBBW


Posts: 2464
Joined: 1/26/2006
From: North Carolina
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: marieToo

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

I was reading the BBW thread and checking out a few profiles. It got me to wondering how people make that determination. Is there a certain weight? A certain size? I noticed some people using the term to define themselves that don't seem to be all that "big"....and others who are "bigger" who don't view themselves as such. How does one determine?

The other question that I have about it, is why do people classify or market themselves by this condition? I don't see women with big noses calling themselves BNWs, or women with toenail fungus referring to themselves as TNFWs. I don't see small breasted women pronouncing they are SBWs.


Erin:

Actually, if you browse the forums (these and others like it) and really look at names, you will find that people identify by all sorts of varying aspects when they choose a nick.  Some do use physical features, hair color, personality traits, professions, sexual orientations, race.  We see names like "ShortandSweet", or "RedheadedBiCurious" or "BlackDom4U" or "BigBodaciousBlonde", "SassyBrunette", etc

However, heavier women may be putting "bbw" in their name to weed out those who may have a problem with it.  There are many  profiles that specify "slim", or "in shape" only.   They even have an acronym for it now HWP---height weight proportionate---Its seems to be the new PC way of saying "Im not interested in an overweight person".  

I also get the sense (and I am hoping against hope this wont be taken offensively) that there is almost a "BBW Movement" of sorts the past few years,  and alot of larger sized ladies are now coming out and almost celebrating it, like "gay pride" and the like.   That could have something to do with the flood of BBW names too.



This is exactly why I put it in my name to weed out those that do not prefer bigger people. Thank you for explaining it so well.

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 7:49:44 PM   
mistoferin


Posts: 8284
Joined: 10/27/2004
Status: offline 		Okay, this is probably not going to come out right because I'm really rather emotional right now. I had an long conversation about this topic just now with a very good friend of mine who is morbidly obese. I just want to say up front that I have her permission and her blessing to discuss our conversation here. I have to say, our conversation reduced me to tears.

A bit of background...for this conversation we will call my friend Anita (she chose that). Anita says that she was born fat. Her parents took her to every doctor they could during her childhood (her mother is also large). She says her childhood was a nightmare. Her parents, while well meaning, were constantly on her about her weight and all of the messages that she got were about thin being "good" and "fat" being ugly and bad. They tried all kinds of things to encourage her weight loss, punishment, ridicule, starvation, pills, bribery and even using food for rewards.

She said that school was torturous. The kids, as you might imagine, were merciless. She doesn't remember ANY days at school that did not end in tears. As she grew older it only got worse. As she hit puberty and that strong pull towards boys came, it only became painfully obvious that boys wanted nothing to do with her. She had one good guy friend throughout high school...and he was gay. But boys she said, were far from the worst. Girls took every opportunity they could to find ways to antagonize, torture and humiliate her. So she built really tall walls and withdrew into her own little world and concentrated on her studies.

In college she said she weighed about 275. She met a guy who was also large and fell in love. He was the first man who ever cared enough to find out what she was all about beyond her exterior shell. He graduated college a year before her, got a little house and asked her to marry him. Together they shared the next 10 years and she was blissful because she knew love. They were not easy years. They wanted to have a child. Six times they thought they would be blessed....and six times they were disappointed by miscarriage. The doctors said it was because of her weight. After the last one they did a hysterectomy. A year later her husband was killed in an accident and she was more alone and isolated then she had ever been in her life. Her weight skyrocketed.

Anita is a remarkably strong woman. She managed to get herself together and go forward in her life. She moved to another state in hopes of better employment and cheaper real estate. She had difficulty finding work. She got many calls, interviews....her qualifications were outstanding. It seemed though, the moment they met her in person she could tell that their interest in her immediately waned. She persisted and eventually found her "dream" job. She was a dedicated and dependable employee who worked hard to work her way up. She achieved success by most people's standards though she feels certain that if she had been thin, she would have gotten much farther much faster. She recently had to retire early, her weight ballooned to nearly 400 lbs and became too much to continue. Still, she is an amazing lady. She has a wonderful, warm and welcoming personality, a terrific sense of humor and a beautiful caring heart. She is far, far from the stereotypical view that people have of those with weight issues. She isn't a lazy person who sits around and eats bon bons all day. She is up at the crack of dawn, always dressed to the nines, her home is immaculate, she is very socially active (not lifestyle) and she eats far healthier and much less than I do.

So I asked her...does she consider herself a BBW? Her words...."Oh hell no!, Honey I'm just plain fat!". She went on to say that she thinks that in some cases, the term BBW is a term that women latch on to because it allows them to not have to face the reality of being fat. "It's an acronym that let's you float along on a river of denial. You look in the mirror and think to yourself, 'God I'm fat!', and this little voice in your head corrects yourself with 'BBW'. Somehow that makes you be able to finish fluffing your hair and go on about your day". I read her some of the responses here and she said that she doesn't look down upon anyone who uses the label, she said "it's not an easy life in a body like mine so you do whatever you can do to make it better. If using BBW makes you feel better, or if it makes you feel like you are doing your part to take some of the ugly stigma out of being fat, or even if you just feel it gives you the one up and keeps the wolves at bay, then that is what you need to do." But she said for "her" it doesn't make much sense because when you use the term BBW the first thing that comes to mind is fat.

Now please, don't misunderstand me(or flame me)...I am not presenting this because I think that it's a true, across the board view that is shared by the masses....or even a view shared by a minority. I present it because it is her view and I think it comes from an understanding of the issue that I can never have. I find it interesting, I find it sad and I find it to be so foreign to my own reality that I have great difficulty trying to imagine how I might feel if I were where she has been.

_____________________________

Peace and light,
~erin~

There are no victims here...only volunteers.

When you make a habit of playing on the tracks, you thereby forfeit the right to bitch when you get hit by a train.

"I did it! I admit it and I'm gonna do it again!"

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RE: BBW? - 6/21/2007 8:49:54 PM   
FatDomDaddy


Posts: 3183
Joined: 1/31/2004
Status: offline 		I think it would be far less an issue if there wasn't the double standard that Fat Women impose on Fat Guys.

There is also a direct correlation of Pretty (or Handsome I suppose) to lbs over weight.  

< Message edited by FatDomDaddy -- 6/21/2007 8:51:59 PM >

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