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Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 10:13:03 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
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Well, I figured this is the best place to post something like this. I just need some help.

I have been trying to find an adequate living space for quite some time. I moved home in October of last year to live with my parents when my mom developed ovarian cancer and then shortly after that my dad developed bladder cancer. They're both fine now, but the problem is, I haven't moved out yet. I live there for free.

I had planned to stay, just to spend time with them, as they are not as young as they used to be, and my father is my best friend. I didnt really want to move out, until they developed a trememdous set of rules for me starting with a 10pm curfew every night, and not being allowed to have any of my friends in the house at any point.

My mom has threatened to kick me out... "if you can't follow our rules, then you should just go live under a bridge somewhere"... and has, twice now, moved everything I have out to the garage in her moments of anger.

I have a great job, and I just recently came across afordable housing: a room in a house with a lady who's son just moved out... She's a "keep to herself" kind of person. I would have access to the kitchen, laundry, a huge storage facility in the back yard, and I could have people over "as long as they leave when you leave". Its a great situation, rent is very minimal, but it surely isn't free.

Now that I have this option, my mom peeks her head in my room and says "Just incase you haven't noticed, I'm trying to give you your privacy" and "ya know, i really don't want you to leave"

I don't know what I should do. The drama with my mom will return the second I don't have this moving out option any more... BUT I don't make an extreme amount of money, and I might be hard pressed to make it work financially if I find myself incapable of sticking to a budget.

What should I do... do I move? Or stay at home?

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 10:27:50 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
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I wonder what the main thing is that I should be concerned with. My quality of life is very poor right now. I have no in person communication with anyone hardly at all any more because of the restrictions set up for me in this situation.

And then they wonder why I spend all my time online talking to people... ha...

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 10:29:18 AM

KatyLied

Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
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You've answered your own question.
You know that isolation is not good.

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 10:40:18 AM

satyrsnymph28

Posts: 379
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yes, but i think i need to hear it from someone else... the direct statememt that this is what i should do. i am confused. my parents are my parents, and i love them dearly, and yes, my quality of life sucks... but what if i can't make it on my own... what if all their negative input gets smashed into my brain and i waste 3 or 4 months rent trying to make it work....

i really want to move, but theres a push and pull on the issue...

:: sigh ::

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 11:38:45 AM

Trampler

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Joined: 12/31/2006
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well you just have to weigh the options. Have you tried sitting them down and calmly explain that those rules and circumstances are not working for you? that while you don't want to leave them you feel as a result that there is no choice? If you do move out, here are some questions: Is there a way you can bring in more $$? like babysitting for a neighbor, do housework for others? are there any living expenses that you can cut down or afford to live without for a while? Like for instance, a friend of mine decided that since she lived near her work, and a Farmer Jacks, she didn't need to use her car that much and canceled her insurance, and left her car at her parents place. Is the place your looking at big enough for 2 people living there, if your landlord/landlady allows it? And of course cutting coupons can be a great $$ saver. Hope this helps, and good luck, ethier way I hope that overall you can maintain a healthy relationship with your folks

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 11:46:28 AM

kittinSol

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If you have a good job, you can afford to live somewhere that isn't free. It sounds to me like your parents have developed overwhelmingly posessive penchants towards you. I don't think it's healthy for any of you to remain in such a situation.

Move out to your own space: it's terribly important. And don't let your mother emotionally blackmail you.

Best of luck!

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 11:47:24 AM

satyrsnymph28

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thanks... that was a very helpful response...

i dont know what i can cut out besides my starbucks addiction :: giggles ::

i need my car... but it cuts my commute to work in 1/3...
so i can save on gas

thanks though... gives me something to look at. i really appreciate it :)

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 3:19:39 PM

Alumbrado

Posts: 5560
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Learn to stick to a budget now when money is tight, and you will be thankful for that skill when your income improves...
Don't learn how to do that and you will always be waiting for times to get better.

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 5:36:16 PM

popeye1250

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Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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If you have a great job just buy your own condo.

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 6:51:39 PM

Sinergy

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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28

but what if i can't make it on my own...

Welcome to adulthood, satyrsnymph28.

Having said that, it really is up to you. Write down the good and the bad and examine it, make a decision, and stick with it.

Your parents will be upset if you move out. You will have a hard time if you move out.

On the other hand, there is a cloying quicksand feeling to living with Mom and Dad. As you grow and mature you will never have it clear in your mind that you made it happen, and they will remind you of this eternally.

I wish you success whichever road you decide to travel down.

Sinergy

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 7:07:39 PM

Invictus754

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Joined: 12/16/2005
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quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
What should I do... do I move? Or stay at home?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ag8J2NMYmc
** looks around - I could have sworn I heard The Clash: Should I stay or should I go**

Create a budget. If your income is greater than your future expenses - move out. If you don't make enough to cover the rent, utilities, food, gas, insurance and unexpected repairs to your car...you better get used to living at home.

Of course, you could work a part-time job to help make ends meet. Or if you still have single friends whom you trust, rent an apartment and split the rent/utilities.

Good luck!

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If slavery is a gift, the Africans were pretty fucking generous in the 1700 and 1800s, weren't they?

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RE: Homeland Security... lol - 6/21/2007 7:25:21 PM

popeye1250

Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
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quote:

ORIGINAL: Invictus754

quote:

ORIGINAL: satyrsnymph28
What should I do... do I move? Or stay at home?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0Ag8J2NMYmc
** looks around - I could have sworn I heard The Clash: Should I stay or should I go**

Create a budget. If your income is greater than your future expenses - move out. If you don't make enough to cover the rent, utilities, food, gas, insurance and unexpected repairs to your car...you better get used to living at home.

Of course, you could work a part-time job to help make ends meet. Or if you still have single friends whom you trust, rent an apartment and split the rent/utilities.

Good luck!

Yes! Definately work out a budget.
And save money for a down payment on your own place and do it as soon as possible!
Many people rent in their early twenties up until their late thirties.
They piss away hundreds of thousands of dollars in rent money that they'll never see again when they could be paying a mortgage and building up tens of thousands of dollars in equity in something that is theirs.
I rented an apartment for 4 and a half years at one point in my life.
I figured that it cost me about $32,000 that I'd never see again.
You're always better off *owning* your own place than paying someone elses' mortgage for them in rent money!
We're in what's called a "buyer's market" now. That's when prices and financing are favorable to the buyer instead of the seller. Lots of good deals out there now but I don't know if it will be like this next year.
When you own a house or condo you set the rules, you decorate it the way you want, you come and go as you please!

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