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Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 2:54:40 PM   
Aimtoplease101


Posts: 319
Joined: 2/8/2006
From: San Diego, California
Status: offline 		I've heard dominant women claim that they can tell when a man is submissive from the way he acts, speaks, etc.  I've always privately had my doubts about this, since I think of my public persona as fairly non-submissive. 

What signals, if any, do you look for or pick up from a guy that might lead you to think that he's a submissive.  What are some of the things that a man might say or do that would signal to a dominant woman that he's submissive, without being too overt or otherwise inappropriate in a vanilla/public setting?  (Dropping to one's knees and offering to buff a woman's shoe with your tie, for example, is probably not going to fly in the normal course of events).

Thanks for your input.

ATP

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Pleasing you pleases me.
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 3:03:22 PM   
AAkasha


Posts: 4429
Joined: 11/27/2004
Status: offline
It's all about the subtle hints and jokes.  There are so many double meanings and "play-on-word" scenarios that can be turned into opportunities to see if a man "gets" it, moves the joke to the next level or brings it up again, or simply ignores the joke and never goes back to it.

I also think body language tells a lot.  If I am at the "flirting" stage where it's appropriate to show interest, I have found that I can tell submissive nature by how he responds to direct eye contact and tone of voice, commands instead of passive aggressive flirting (ie, "Buy me a drink," instead of waiting around for it), etc.

Akasha


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(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 3:26:54 PM   
MisstressNboytoy


Posts: 34
Joined: 5/6/2007
Status: offline 		I think a lot of times men who have submissive fantasies often act dominant in public. Whether this is because they are in denial about their feelings, or they are trying to hide it because it might not be socially acceptable, etc, I don't know. I like Akasha's idea of seeing how they respond to direct commands that are given in a subtle way. This might bring out their true personality in a subconscious way.

(in reply to AAkasha)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 3:46:23 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		The men I am attracted to will do things like the following.

Lean a bit toward me and tilt their head so that they are hearing me more clearly.

Let me lead the discussion and not try to change the direction of it.

Have a bit of difficulty looking me in the eyes but NOT look at my breasts or other body parts, they simply look down to the side.

Frankly it is often just a feeling you get as you talk to someone.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 3:57:56 PM   
switchsecrets


Posts: 133
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		I commented on alittle of this in another topic, but being a switch (who leans more naturally to the submissive side, but has a "learned" Dominant side), I think over the years I've unconsciously projected more of a sub side and as a result attracted usually Dom women. Some traits were, soft spoken, apologetic, "sweet", well dressed, caring, eager to please, shared inner feelings.... I thought that this is what would please all women. But, now realized that when i showed weakness, a strong woman would just take over me. I resisted this, because I felt I had to show my manliness (as a result, I've stayed mostly alone. Some of it I believe now, was out of fear of a strong woman taking advantage of me and basically because I just didn't understand myself like I thought I did). I think I surprised some of them at how I could be "sexually" Dom. Most of the women, I dated picked up on me. They initiated contact and sort of mentally seduced me.  Now, I look back and think they probably would have preferred me totally submissive. But, I didn't think they'd like that in a man. I click as friends with submissive women.(but, actually am attracted to Dom women) I didn't realize it's because I related to them (subs). I had a male "Dom" aquaintance, say to me "why do you try to be friends with women?"  Now, I think I understand more what he meant. I would guess that submissive women don't want a "soulmate-best friend" for a mate, they want a strict Dom, but I like their friendship. But, to address the question- I think there are alot of signals one projects whether they are sub or Dom. Now, that I'm more aware of them I'm hiding my submissive side. Not because I wouldn't enjoy being sub for a Mistress, but not ready for the financial humiliation of it, then kicked to the curb! (added note in response to the reply above:  i had a tendency not to look too much into the eye and not for extended periods if i did. tended to look down. Now knowing this and learning about posture, I stand erect, look forward and into their eyes and am confident in my speech and walk. But, if I met with a real Domme, she would be able to see thru it and snap me out of it.) yikesss!

< Message edited by switchsecrets -- 6/21/2007 4:15:36 PM >

(in reply to MisstressNboytoy)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 5:49:50 PM   
slaveboyforyou


Posts: 3607
Joined: 1/6/2005
From: Arkansas, U.S.A.
Status: offline 		I have to disagree about the eye contact thing.  I always look people in the eye when I meet them.  But, I do have to lean my ear toward women in a lot of places.  I don't hear well when there is a lot of background noise.  Also, I don't really think I am acting dominant by being confident.  I do think there are subtle little hints when I am talking to a woman.  The "buy me a drink" thing is a good sign.  I always get a huge grin on my face when a woman tells me to do something rather than asking.  Hand contact is another thing I look for.  If a woman has no reservations about putting her hand(s) on me when talking, I interpret that as confidence and subtle aggression.

(in reply to switchsecrets)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 6:58:24 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline 		There are very subtle specific things I do to test my theory of whether a male is sub or not. I maintain direct eye contact until he looks away. I invade personal space to see how he reacts. If I'm able to block him in against a wall or another object I'll do so and see how he reacts. I watch his respiration and the pulse along his throat. I'll brush away an imaginary piece of lint and touch them to see how they react. I'm rather soft spoken so I look to see if they lean in and listen closely. I'll "accidentally" step on their shoe or bump into them to see if they apologize or become embarrased. I give direct orders to see how they comply and respond. If we're dancing I'll grasp the back of his neck rather firmly but discretely

Then there's all those lovely little catch words that only someone in the know would recognize and react to as well. I've been wrong twice and they both turned out to be switches. LOL



_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to Aimtoplease101)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 8:11:29 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		I once went to a cafe with a pro Domme who has a powerful presence. She was one of those who can pick a sub male at a glance. She said, "See that guy there? I bet I can have him at my feet before we leave." She just gave him a few pointed glances, then after a while took out a cigarette and paused. He jumped to his feet and came across the room to light it. She gave him a sweet smile and said "On your knees then." He dropped to his knees and lighted it! It was incredible to watch.

I am tall, which seems to project Dominant. I often have men sidle up to me and try to start a conversation, and I can tell it's the Dominant side they are responding to by the way they talk. They are deferential, they don't invade my space, they often look down or away, but can't stop looking either. It's a subtle thing, but all the body language adds up to "sub"

:))
LH

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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 8:39:27 PM   
switchsecrets


Posts: 133
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		re: turned out to be switches... lol         well, you know a switch can be very submissive under the right direction.  they're just a little more reluctant, but once you get them there,  hmmmm. 

(in reply to LadyHeart)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 8:46:12 PM   
switchsecrets


Posts: 133
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		yep, it's true LadyHeart.  About  10 yrs ago, I  used to date a  lady  who was  6'2".  she sure turned alot of heads!  this was before i knew about bdsm, but  she presented a  powerful  image to me. Not  to say a short lady couldn't do it either.  the mind is really what matters.

(in reply to switchsecrets)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 9:10:14 PM   
undergroundsea


Posts: 2400
Joined: 6/27/2004
From: Austin, TX
Status: offline 		Frequent peeks at feet is a good sign of a fetish, and while a fetish can exist without an interest in submission, it's worth testing the waters ;-)

Physical posturing can be a sign. At parties where it is ok to sit on the floor before someone seated on a couch, I might do as much. As another example, sometimes when I am showing something to a seated customer and I have no surface to rest the item, I am known to drop to a knee. And if she then seems happy, I offer a foot rub. Ok. Just kidding. But boy did I want to today! It was the end of the day. The heels were off. There's more to this story. Her boyfriend was there. She said something to him about her neighbor making reference to her grass that needs mowed. He offered to mow it for her. I wanted to jump in and say, no, I wanna do it! Later she told me how he spoils her by cooking for her all the time. At the time I just made regular conversation. But driving home, I was feeling like George Costanza. I wanted to drive back and say, yeah well that's how it should be! You're doing great training him!

;-)

I agree with Slaveboyforyou about eye contact--I think avoiding eye contact can mean different things.

If a woman was to step on my foot or bump into me and then apologize, and I had my wits I would say, "anytime." ;-)

When I am doing the testing, I rely mostly on jokes or topics of conversation (reference to a film, video, etc) that are likely to draw the attention of someone who has interest. But sometimes these jokes come back at me and I lose my wits.

In college I worked for a grad student who sent me to the library to return her books. When finished, I went back and as a joke said, would you like me to make you coffee, Maám? She looked straight at me and said, yes, and that after that she wanted me to rub her feet. I think five minutes passed before I was able to utter a word.

I had an appointment yesterday with a customer who caught me off balance a bit during a prior visit. At one point, I needed a dab of nail polish for what I was doing. So I asked her if she had any nail polish. When she asked why I needed it I said that we also provide complimentary salon services. She surprised me by saying, Oh you do, and looked straight at me with a smile of some kind. It was different than the response you might ordinarily expect. Alas, I retreated by saying I was kidding and explained the real reason for needing the nail polish.

I don't mix business and pleasure. Especially when the husband is a 5th degree black belt.

Cheers,

Sea

(in reply to SDFemDom4cuck)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/21/2007 11:26:47 PM   
SDFemDom4cuck


Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline
quote:

re: turned out to be switches... lol         well, you know a switch can be very submissive under the right direction.  they're just a little more reluctant, but once you get them there,  hmmmm. 


So I found out LOL

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to switchsecrets)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/22/2007 7:29:16 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I just wanted to clarify that I was talking about avoiding eye contact when I mentioned difficulty in looking at me directly in the eyes. It's a sort of shy look away that happens usually because I've said or done something that pushes a button.

It certainly isn't all the time because then that would suggest to me that they lack any confident or are embarassed by their desires -- neither of which I find attractive.

And the touching thing is certainly something I see as dominant. Anyone touching me without permission is sending me creep signals and depending on the vibe I get might get a violent reaction from me.

Its all very difficult to explain.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to undergroundsea)
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RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/24/2007 2:39:12 PM   
Samwhiplash


Posts: 191
Joined: 10/5/2005
Status: offline 		I find incredible manners, gentlemanly behaviour and chivalrousness (is that a word - pardon my spelling) often indicative of a sub male. Their assisting you in small ways without being asked.

(in reply to thetammyjo)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Signals you pick up on - 6/24/2007 3:08:52 PM   
switchsecrets


Posts: 133
Joined: 6/3/2007
Status: offline 		interesting observation Samwhiplash. here i was raised to be kind, polite, gentlemanly by my single parent mother, thinking women would look up to me! interestingly, she divorced my Dom dad when i was very young and about 8 yrs later happily married a sub. reflecting back i could see that my mom was a sub, then got into a career (which wasn't all that common for women 35 yrs ago) and became more Dominant. She was very Domme with me, but more of the Dominant switch with my stepdad. now, you have me wondering if the only woman that appreciates a true gentleman is a Domme! lol    subs, don't seem to care much for this behavior, at least in their mates.

(in reply to Samwhiplash)
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