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meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 6:34:25 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

have any of you ever met a man in a vanilla "setting" and even though they had no experience in the "lifestyle", you sensed their "domliness" in some way?

i wonder if it is me being more attuned to me, to the universe, to whatever, or if it is wishful thinking.

but i wonder, if someone had those traits or that aura, could they be made aware of them from a sub, and could it grow into reality. i am not in the position to try this right now, but a few months ago i was, and after watching the forums on here i think i can get some great ideas on the subject here.

and could it be done without the much talked about "topping from the bottom".

thanks in advance for the wisdom i am sure will show up here.

< Message edited by SeeksOnlyOne -- 6/21/2007 6:46:40 PM >

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

Post #: 1

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 7:12:57 PM

Viciousbabe

Posts: 61
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline

Yes, I've met vanilla men that have a dominant streak to them. One way to 'test the waters' is to talk candily with them. Ask about handcuffs, spankings etc etc...or what ever you think it is they enjoy. Then, try it out, see how they react and if they like it. If you give them a lil more control each time you can see if they enjoy it or not.

One of my fun friends would always make comments like "do it now, bitch" *while slapping the back of one hand and the palm of the other* or some dumb thing. The funnest thing I've ever witnessed was when we were laying in his bed, watching tv. I was making fun of some thing and he playfully slapped my ass. I got that look and got quiet right away. He raised his eyebrow and said "oh is that how to change your attitude?" Ever since then, we've explored more and more of the D/s (with out him really knowing what it is). He likes the control and he takes it, which is fine with me.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 2

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 7:15:06 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

So.... how do I place the proper emphasis on the word "yes"?

I didn't always know I was a sub. A man found me, thought I was hot, sensed it and the next thing you know I'm being tied up and starting down the path of exploring this on my own.

Now, when I met Valyraen, he was definately living the vanilla lifestyle. He had major reservations about this lifestyle, due to misinformation, when we started dating. I explained that I was a submissive, what it meant to me at the time, and touched briefly on where I might like to go with my submission. I didn't really know how it would work, but I felt a strong need to give this relationship a try. Well... wadda know... year and a half, and many serious talks, later and we are living a dominant/submissive relationship both inside and outside of the bedroom.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 3

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 7:20:19 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: Viciousbabe

Yes, I've met vanilla men that have a dominant streak to them. One way to 'test the waters' is to talk candily with them. Ask about handcuffs, spankings etc etc...or what ever you think it is they enjoy. Then, try it out, see how they react and if they like it. If you give them a lil more control each time you can see if they enjoy it or not.

One of my fun friends would always make comments like "do it now, bitch" *while slapping the back of one hand and the palm of the other* or some dumb thing. The funnest thing I've ever witnessed was when we were laying in his bed, watching tv. I was making fun of some thing and he playfully slapped my ass. I got that look and got quiet right away. He raised his eyebrow and said "oh is that how to change your attitude?" Ever since then, we've explored more and more of the D/s (with out him really knowing what it is). He likes the control and he takes it, which is fine with me.

i love it-thanks

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to Viciousbabe)

Post #: 4

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 7:21:46 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

So.... how do I place the proper emphasis on the word "yes"?

I didn't always know I was a sub. A man found me, thought I was hot, sensed it and the next thing you know I'm being tied up and starting down the path of exploring this on my own.

Now, when I met Valyraen, he was definately living the vanilla lifestyle. He had major reservations about this lifestyle, due to misinformation, when we started dating. I explained that I was a submissive, what it meant to me at the time, and touched briefly on where I might like to go with my submission. I didn't really know how it would work, but I felt a strong need to give this relationship a try. Well... wadda know... year and a half, and many serious talks, later and we are living a dominant/submissive relationship both inside and outside of the bedroom.

thank you so much for sharing that story.....i find ya'll to be one of the breaths of fresh air on here, and always love reading what you have to say. this story makes it all the better.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 5

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 7:35:14 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

I'm in the process of trying to figure this out myself. I have a "vanilla" friend who I've had a bit of a crush on for quite some time, and I've been trying to figure out for months just how "kinky" he is.
I offered up some more information recently and in the process found out he's much closer to this BDSM stuff than I thought. I'm looking forward to talking some more and seeing where it all goes from here.

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 6

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 8:03:22 PM

SexyRed

Posts: 529
Joined: 8/19/2004
Status: offline

I sensed that my last boyfriend, who was much younger than I and vanilla, was dominant. I basically got him into the whole BDSM thing, but it was because we had so much physical chemistry.

I created Frankenstein's monster with him; he ended up doing all the BDSM things physically that worked for me, but he never understood the psychological part.

He ended up crossing boundaries and just not getting it.

So, it can be done, but it does not always work out.

_____________________________

A trucker will slow down for a blonde, stop for a brunette, but back up 500 yards for a redhead!

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 7

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/21/2007 8:24:59 PM

subitodolce

Posts: 39
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

My Dom and I met up in college, dated briefly, and then I had to go off and graduate, and the relationship ended in a mix of him putting his foot in his mouth and both of our lives being at different points. It took a year before we started talking again (about a year ago), and through talking we discovered that we were both into Dom/sub and bondage lifestyles, but both stuck with non-willing partners (my then-fiance was so dense, this gentleman volunteered to make the 4-hour drive and tie me up so my fiance would get my not-so-subtle hints).

Needless to say, I broke off my engagement (I have no tolerance for freeloaders) and my Dom stepped up into the protector role. He has been absolutely wonderful to me, and has made sure than not only is the sub in me satisfied, but that he treats me "like a lady should be treated". Despite his being my Dom, he seems to take incredible pleasure in cooking for me! (though I still claim to be the better cook ;-) )

(in reply to SexyRed)

Post #: 8

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/22/2007 12:19:40 AM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

Yes, i had the opportunity to see a master blossom(about a year ago)...i casually pointed out a few things i noted about this fellow(we played an online game together and chatted "in game" everyday) and he took off like a rocket! LOL...it was very cool to see happen...as a matter of fact, i just chatted online with him a few days ago and he is doing just fine...
yep, another one drawn to the dark side

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 9

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/22/2007 4:43:00 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

thanks to all of you......i believe i will start trusting my gut more as i become more comfortable with me......i kind of figured i was 40 when i discovered this about me-who says a man cant do the same.

thanks again

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 10

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/22/2007 5:23:39 AM

Dave1947

Posts: 15
Joined: 5/2/2007
Status: offline

I have answered both vanilla and other ads. I have some questions I ask or stories I tell as a joke that give me a feel as to what she is like. For example I told a girl on her knee puting things on a shelf at a store that she did not have to be on her knees for me. She said she would be on her knees for no man. Not one I would get along with. Now another one I took to watch car racing on ice. I asked her a bunch of questions one of which was if she every played strip poker. She told me after that she told me things that she never told her best friends or parents. I could see she had some possibliities. I suggested she write me about her favorite fantasies and the ones she replied with involved bondage, being tied nude on a bed was one. When I called and said I was very experienced at doing those thing she said she had guessed i might have. I use humor to feel out those who are submissive and still have an escape not showing what I am into with those who are not into those things. So a sub can get a feel what I am into but it is because I give them a reason to see those things. Dave

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 11

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/22/2007 7:59:29 AM

lighthearted

Posts: 1165
Joined: 11/26/2006
Status: offline

oh, absolutely positively.

Master and I were together as vanillas...fast forward awhile, we met again after being apart, and I shared with him what I had learned about myself. my experience was a lot like Aqua's, he had a lot of misconceptions, but I had always sensed the "dominance" in him. so I was very patient in helping him understand, with a big help from "The Loving Dominant". turns out, this was the way he always envisioned himself to be.

we are now together again, with a new sense of understanding about ourselves and, in a way, a new relationship, one that has a much better chance of succeeding, because we are more open about what we need and want. the added element of kink binds us together in our needs and desires.

_____________________________

"Thou art to me a delicious torment." - Ralph Waldo Emerson

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 12

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/22/2007 8:47:22 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

quote:

ORIGINAL: AquaticSub

So.... how do I place the proper emphasis on the word "yes"?

I didn't always know I was a sub. A man found me, thought I was hot, sensed it and the next thing you know I'm being tied up and starting down the path of exploring this on my own.

Now, when I met Valyraen, he was definately living the vanilla lifestyle. He had major reservations about this lifestyle, due to misinformation, when we started dating. I explained that I was a submissive, what it meant to me at the time, and touched briefly on where I might like to go with my submission. I didn't really know how it would work, but I felt a strong need to give this relationship a try. Well... wadda know... year and a half, and many serious talks, later and we are living a dominant/submissive relationship both inside and outside of the bedroom.

thank you so much for sharing that story.....i find ya'll to be one of the breaths of fresh air on here, and always love reading what you have to say. this story makes it all the better.

Aww... thank you so much! *blush* I hope you always feel that way! We'll do our best to keep up the quality.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 13

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/23/2007 6:11:08 AM

womanworshipper

Posts: 71
Joined: 3/27/2005
Status: offline

i've had exactly the experience You describe, but with a Woman, not a man. We/we started out as friends/colleagues and grew over a period of around seven years to be Domme and sub. Madam had no previous experience of D/s, but certainly had a Dominant nature. i helped Her to develop this and take control of me. i do not regard this as topping from the bottom, just coaxing out Her true nature and enabling her to express it. She has always been in charge of what happens, i have merely been making Her aware of the possibilities.

Incidentally, Madam has a vanilla relationship (i.e. She is married). i am ostensibly a close family friend, actually a 24/7 servant.

(in reply to AquaticSub)

Post #: 14

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/23/2007 1:11:20 PM

BoundDragon

Posts: 265
Joined: 3/20/2007
Status: offline

Yes I think this is entirely possible. I havent exactly had the sub lifestyle I wanted in the past but since I have been with my man things are developing.

We first of started asking what each other liked in the getting to know each other stages of our relationship... but he found out that being rough got the louder ooohs & ahhhs from me.... infact he learnt that biting smacking & restraining could make me cum without him going anywhere near me with his penis.

From there it all just falls into place.... there is only so much we can do as we dont have our own place yet but he has hinted that things will be more "full on" when we can be alone & undisturbed...

I am saving every penny I have as quickly as possible now.... I just cant wait to serve him

(in reply to womanworshipper)

Post #: 15

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/25/2007 5:06:01 AM

angelicslaveMDF

Posts: 43
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline

personally...i never started doing that until now....i meet people and start to wonder if like me...they were or are a "closet" lifestyler...you read many profile who say they cant/wont post a pic because of their job/family or such....i was in that position as well...but i have changed that because i didnt want to stay hidden forever...i enjoy being who i am...and want to help others as well...so i want to be out there...*smiles*

_____________________________

*thats my opinion and Master says i am entitled to it.*
angelicslaveMDF

(in reply to BoundDragon)

Post #: 16

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/25/2007 5:11:57 AM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: SeeksOnlyOne

have any of you ever met a man in a vanilla "setting" and even though they had no experience in the "lifestyle", you sensed their "domliness" in some way?

Ive had the opposite happen. Kitten and I met completely vanilla, discusing movies. We both had broken lunch plans, and we were in the same area so we decided that we would eat together. Somehow, during the conversation, the movie Quils came up. He was coaxed into discussing his interest in BDSM, if he had any. He admitted he did, but never tried anything becasue he was usually the Dominant one in his relationships out of necessity. We have been together since that night.
If you want to hint at someone's potential for the lifestyle, and see if they might actually go one way or the other, discuss it. Bring it up somehow unrelated to just out and asking if they are into it and you might be surprised what you elarn. I was, though I hadnt intened on anything with kitten, I am defiantely enjoying what fell in my lap so to speak.

DV

_____________________________

I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 17

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/25/2007 5:16:38 AM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

i am definately not going to be shy about dropping hints if the opportunity arises again.......i adore all these stories and thank yall for sharing them with me.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to DiurnalVampire)

Post #: 18

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/25/2007 9:39:07 AM

GhitaAmati

Posts: 3263
Joined: 5/30/2007
Status: offline

I wanted to add my experiance here...hope no one minds cause this might get a bit long..

I met my current husband at the place we both worked almost 4 years ago. Even though I had been very active in the lifestyle previously, for almost 7 years, I had taken a step back to concentrate on some other aspects of my life. I hadn't dated at all since my collar was removed 18 months previously. I was pretty much against even trying for a relationship, when two of my best friends insisted that I give this guy a chance. I thought he was cute, and I really enjoyed the conversations I had with him in passing at work, so one evening I asked him out for dinner. (First time I EVER asked anyone out...glad I had the courage for it!). We went out for barbeque with my son who was at the time 4. We ended up seeing each other on a rather regular basis after that dinner...and almost 3 months after our first date, I asked if he wanted to go to a party a friend was having. Now, I knew this was a play party...but I didnt tell him. I just warned him that he might see some strange things and not to worry about them. So, night of the party comes around, we drive out there, knock on the door...and darn it if he hasnt known the guy for 15 years....sigh

Turns out he knew several of the people at the party, and had a great time. Over the years we have worked on our relationship, we are married, have had two more kids, and he legally adopted my older son right after we got married.

I spent years in a 24/7 relationship, where i was ALWAYS a sub, but I took a break from that life for a reason, and met a wonderful man to whom I have an equal marriage first. Because of that relationship, that trust, we are now truly enjoying our play parties. He is still pretty much a novice, but is learning, and although sometimes we hit a snag...for the most part, everything is wonderful.

ghita amati

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 19

RE: meeting someone vanilla and it turning to D/s - 6/25/2007 4:19:34 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

congrats to you and light.... i so adore happy endings

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to GhitaAmati)

Post #: 20

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