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In a funk - 6/22/2007 12:43:13 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

I don't have a question, just more like random thoughts.

I'm new to the "lifestyle" if you will. Met a Dom here on cm a few months ago. We clicked well. Then he left because he said he got a job that was going to require him to travel quite a lot and he didn't want to have a relationship over the phone. Sadly, I've found myself questioning the truth of this story, but the outcome is the same so it shouldn't matter right? He's left, I need to move on.

In the beginning, knowing that I was new, he told me once I experienced it, it would be hard to go back to being "vanilla". For now, I'm finding that to be true. I'm finding myself craving those experiences. Oh to experience the pleasure of being bound and flogged; teased until I am a quivvering mess on the floor. I could go on and on but to do so would probably only increase my frustration at this point.

I've been talking to and met some other Doms recently, but none that do it for me. I can find something wrong with just about all of them. Too short, too old, too pushy, too non-commital. Ugh! What's a girl gotta do to get a good flogging!

Post #: 1

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 12:53:05 PM

mstrjx

Posts: 2045
Joined: 11/27/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

What's a girl gotta do to get a good flogging!

In a word (a word you might not like), patience.

You seem to be choosy. Keep that up until you find someone compatible.

Last year I met someone who had been looking for many moons. She didn't click or trust anyone until she spoke to me, and immediately knew that I could be trusted. We met, played (much to my chagrin, but she wanted it so badly), and she found the same thing - that vanilla doesn't suffice.

After I indicated that in the long term I wouldn't be interested, she figured she knew way more than she had before and didn't need to be so selective any longer. Within a week she was all-but-raped by someone less respectable.

Stick to your guns and your criteria. Be picky. You'll be well served for that in the end.

Jeff

< Message edited by mstrjx -- 6/22/2007 12:54:24 PM >

_____________________________

Know thyself. It's the best gift you can ever give yourself.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 2

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 1:13:39 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Damn! There's that word again. He kept talking to me about that one, but it seems the idea of it hasn't sunk all the way in through my thick skull.

Thank you for the story, that was enough to make me step back and say, "Yeah, that's a little more than I'm looking for!"

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 3

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 1:14:43 PM

julietsierra

Posts: 1841
Joined: 9/26/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: mstrjx

In a word (a word you might not like), patience.

You seem to be choosy. Keep that up until you find someone compatible.

Last year I met someone who had been looking for many moons. She didn't click or trust anyone until she spoke to me, and immediately knew that I could be trusted. We met, played (much to my chagrin, but she wanted it so badly), and she found the same thing - that vanilla doesn't suffice.

After I indicated that in the long term I wouldn't be interested, she figured she knew way more than she had before and didn't need to be so selective any longer. Within a week she was all-but-raped by someone less respectable.

Stick to your guns and your criteria. Be picky. You'll be well served for that in the end.

Jeff

Choosey women choose Jeff...er...Jiff.

Sorry Jeff, I couldn't help myself...the whole Jif peanut butter commercial just kind of popped into my head.

But you're absolutely right. One of the oddities of this lifestyle when you're new is the sheer number of people who really do try to make choosey people feel somehow prudish for simply having a standard that they are sticking to. The fact is, there is not one thing wrong with being choosey and when you look a little bit more closely at all those folks trying to make you feel all prudish, you probably will find that the relationships they tend to enter into rarely go the distance.

So... instead of buying into the schlock of "submissive women should be more available" (yep, someone actually said that to me once), stick to your guns, have a little patience, be a little selfish and don't let those who think less of you cause you to think less of yourself.

You may never find the person you think you're looking for, but chances are you'll find exactly the person you are supposed to be with - and even more amazing, chances are that the person you're looking for is right in your back yard. The two of you will meet when the time is right for the both of you.

And now...every time you have a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, you can be reminded that patience is a good thing...cause choosey women choose... well... they'll choose the person that's right for them.

juliet

(in reply to mstrjx)

Post #: 4

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 2:32:34 PM

slaverosebeauty

Posts: 1941
Joined: 12/12/2004
From: Cali
Status: offline

Patience, keep your eyes open, get some experience, read, more patience, make new friends, contact people in your local area if you are a social butterfly, patience, contact people from the boards that you agree with or are curious about, more patience, ask questions, do soem research on your own, learn who YOU are in tihs lifestyle your likes and dislikes, more patience. Finding a patners is a lot like the lottery, it can take only once or twice or it can take years and years, its all about choosing wisely and waiting.

MJ an I have known eachother for over 3 years, and in that time we have both had M/s and vanilla partners, heck, I TRIED my hardest to go vanilla, up until last month I was ONLY dating vanilla guys this year {and off adn on for the last 2 years, few lifestyle men thrown in on rare occassion}; then come the end of May, MJ and I decided to meet after being 'friends' for years, we met and discovered that we are more than friends and decided to go for it, it took a LOT of patience, growing up on both our parts, and learning. We are both actually fine tuning our skills. We have to work ar our relationship on a regular basis; it's worth every moment of effort.

Good luck and welcome to the 'dark side' as my vanilla friends call it, lol.

_____________________________

http://slaverosebeauty.livejournal.com/

"Friends live on in our hearts, regardless if they are here or not."

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 5

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 2:36:43 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

Damn! There's that word again. He kept talking to me about that one, but it seems the idea of it hasn't sunk all the way in through my thick skull.

Thank you for the story, that was enough to make me step back and say, "Yeah, that's a little more than I'm looking for!"

I sent you a message through mail, mainly because I felt the information might be helpful, and we have a requirement to keep the "secret" information from the dominants who might read these boards. :)

_____________________________

<---- FYI, this picture looks JUST like me

http://www.littlesarbonn.com/Stickman/Stickman.htm
The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 6

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 3:42:00 PM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra

Choosey women choose Jeff...er...Jiff.

Sorry Jeff, I couldn't help myself...the whole Jif peanut butter commercial just kind of popped into my head.

juliet

((falls out of her chair giggling)) OK that just really touched my funny bone Juliet!!
sorry, back to your regularly schedualed thread

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to julietsierra)

Post #: 7

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 4:29:01 PM

daddysliloneds

Posts: 1351
Joined: 6/28/2006
Status: offline

speaking as someone who has been there, done that, for way more years than most would believe, i have to tell you, sub frenzy bites(those cravings that you've been having)!!! it's even worse when you're single and picky...

soooooooo, i found that the best solution to having your cake and eating it too is while you're waiting or looking for your mr. wonderful, is to meet tons of people who are are into bdsm, whether that be at specialty clubs or those that sound reasonably sane on the internet(meeting for coffee)...

you'll find someone to flog you and other things that you may be craving right now, as well as be your friend first and foremost...

when you're meeting them, let them know honestly how you feel, what you desire, and don't lead anyone on to think anything other than what you want/need from them, such as friendship and casual play...

and maybe, just maybe, if you're real lucky, you'll find exactly what you were looking for in one of those friends/play partners; that's how my best relationships started out, just as the one that i'm seeing right now and i have/are starting out!

oh, and before you decide to blow off the idea of casual play, try it you may like it, as well as learn many things about yourself that will help you when it comes to choosing a partner, including how to form a strong and lasting d/s relationship...

worst that could come of it is that you gained more friends and experiences!

oh, and don't be so quick to turn those too old, etc. guys away when it comes to play partners; they might make you sooooooo happy you'd beg them to never leave!

< Message edited by daddysliloneds -- 6/22/2007 4:32:15 PM >

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 8

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 5:38:05 PM

Mystique567

Posts: 273
Joined: 6/11/2006
Status: offline

I find myself in much the same situation as you, and I join in the voices that tell you to be patient.

I do have a few other suggestions as well, I have joined several of the local (local is relative to everyone) munch groups. You can probably can find them in yahoo groups. Get to know them, they really can help you to keep your wits about you if you let them.

Casual play is also an option, and you can find that there as well.

(in reply to daddysliloneds)

Post #: 9

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 5:50:57 PM

SeeksOnlyOne

Posts: 2012
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline

i cut me off from orgasms when i feel a frenzy coming on.....kinda dom my own mind i guess....it works for me, keeps it close to my mind. i even set a date a week away or so to cum-and stick to it-i really think it is my job to keep that sensuality alive in me, so i have it ready when i do meet the one. so i play mental games alone kind of.

cept that week before aunt flo comes to visit-then orgasms save the world from me. i do it as an act of patriotism.

find a "happy place" in your mind and go there when you need to. it works for me so far.

herbal therapy can be nice also.

you know reading this i think i am nuts-lol-but im not going to edit it-will see what folks have to say.

_____________________________

it aint no good til it hurts just a little bit....jimmy somerville

in those moments of solitude, does everyone sometimes think they are insane? or is it just me?

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 10

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 7:28:11 PM

pandoravampire

Posts: 374
Joined: 12/6/2004
Status: offline

I think from reading, that's a thumbs up for patience then?
great,
now here is 'how' to be patient.
Get a good toy or 8. Treat yourself, your worth it.
Invest in some clothing that makes you feel aroused. Whatever that is for you.
Get a good book, others will recommend them.The loving dominant is usually recommended. Screw the roses, not a fave of mine.
Get out and meet people. There is minimal risk, in attending a munch. And who knows who you might meet, generally friends first, and casual play partner to boot.
And this lifestyle is FULL of people willing to share, their ideas, their bodies, there lives. It has its share of wankers too, dont all sectors of society?
Get a checklist, and start researching stuff youve seen written, but dont know what it is?
Learn a little first aid.
read some fiction, it will be a good description of the differing styles of play. Helps you make informed choices at the beginning.
and always remember you AA friend.
pandoravampire

(in reply to SeeksOnlyOne)

Post #: 11

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 9:30:23 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

Personally, I haven't found BDSM to be the "once you have it you can't go back" drug-type thing. I know people who have tried it and it just didn't click. However, it is something that (if you are wired for it) makes you happy, lets you have a better quality of life, better sex... why would you want to give that up?

But that isn't really the point. I think that the others are right. You need to be patient, but if all you want is a flogging, you can try getting involved in your local scene. At play parties you can get some no-strings attached floggings. They are also a good chance to try out other activities.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 12

RE: In a funk - 6/22/2007 9:58:46 PM

daddysblondie

Posts: 181
Joined: 3/17/2007
Status: offline

Okay, I fear my lame attempt at humor sent the wrong message.
I was horny when I wrote this and was being silly when I made the comment about looking for a flogging.
I'm not against the idea of casual play, but I fear I'd end up getting attached.

Thanks to everyone for the advice though! I do have books, I have joined a few Yahoo groups, but yes I should probably get myself out to a munch one of these days. I am planning on taking some dance classes to get me out of the house since I am "out of school" for the summer and well, I'm bored!

And I think while I'm out shopping, I'll keep an eye open for that patience stuff you all keep talking about! It sounds like it's like shoes and I like shoes! So a good sub can never have too much patience or too many shoes?

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 13

RE: In a funk - 6/23/2007 2:29:49 AM

becca333

Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline

Forget patience.

My first Dom was the best Dom in the world, perfect in every way. I was so fortunate to have him to train me. When we finished I was shattered, and decided to leave BDSM forever, since I'd never find anyone like him.

Thirty seconds later I decided, 'stuff that idea' and started looking again. Kissed a few frogs. Then I found another Dom, nice guy, not really the type I was looking for, nothing like my first Dom. After our first session I decided we probably didn't have a future, but I'd got sick of looking and decided to stay with him till I found something better.

Three years later, I'm in bliss. He's brilliant, we're so in tune, we still fnd ways to amaze each other. He's still absolutely nothing like my first Dom, but he does things my first Dom wouldn't have imagined. Different isn't a bad thing.

Forget trying to replace someone irreplaceable, you'll never have the same as you had before. But don't miss all the great possibilities out there. Broaden your horizons, and see what you find.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 14

RE: In a funk - 6/23/2007 11:05:35 AM

Trampler

Posts: 580
Joined: 12/31/2006
Status: offline

Get in touch with your local community, ( if you are near one.) you could try a couple of play parties....(alot of communities have public ones.) Get to know people. Maybe meet a flogging Dom who can do for you, yet you would be able to keep your distance from.

(in reply to becca333)

Post #: 15

RE: In a funk - 6/23/2007 12:56:13 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

Find a public play venue. You won't be raped or left bleeding in an alley. You can watch other people play and then ask politely if they would flog you or whatever. But do warn them about your inexperience so they don't inadvertantly go too far.

(in reply to Trampler)

Post #: 16

RE: In a funk - 6/23/2007 1:28:13 PM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

le

quote:

ORIGINAL: daddysblondie

I don't have a question, just more like random thoughts.

I'm new to the "lifestyle" if you will. Met a Dom here on cm a few months ago. We clicked well. Then he left because he said he got a job that was going to require him to travel quite a lot and he didn't want to have a relationship over the phone. Sadly, I've found myself questioning the truth of this story, but the outcome is the same so it shouldn't matter right? He's left, I need to move on.

In the beginning, knowing that I was new, he told me once I experienced it, it would be hard to go back to being "vanilla". For now, I'm finding that to be true. I'm finding myself craving those experiences. Oh to experience the pleasure of being bound and flogged; teased until I am a quivvering mess on the floor. I could go on and on but to do so would probably only increase my frustration at this point.

I've been talking to and met some other Doms recently, but none that do it for me. I can find something wrong with just about all of them. Too short, too old, too pushy, too non-commital. Ugh! What's a girl gotta do to get a good flogging!

If you want one that is going to be coming from the same person for awhile...patience. If you want one from someone who doesn't have to last a long while, then patience and, as Mystique said, getting involved in local munches and finding out about tops or dominants who do really good flogging/spanking/whipping/waxing/whatever suits your fancy at the moment. Watch that person at a play party, approach and see whether or not they would be interested in doing that to you for a scene or two.

(in reply to daddysblondie)

Post #: 17

RE: In a funk - 6/23/2007 2:02:29 PM

bipolarber

Posts: 2792
Joined: 9/25/2004
Status: offline

I think getting into a local community would help. First, it keeps you from feeling isolated, like you are the "only one" into this sort of thing. Two, it exposes you to a larger number of potential partners in a shorter period of time. You can sift through to find more likely matches than if you were talking to people in small batches via your computer. (It's a little like that car commercial, showing how a service reduces a tidal wave of potential cars down to a single red sports car, parked in your driveway.) A greater number of choices equals greater chances of success.

(in reply to CreativeDominant)

Post #: 18

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