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Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 2:45:25 PM   
damia


Posts: 190
Joined: 10/26/2006
Status: offline 		I am a member of a group that is just starting up, and there are several people who are brand new to the lifestyle and looking for direction. They want to learn everything from the beginning up. We started by explaining the acronym of BDSM, as well as SSC and RACK, and the principles behind them.

I have been asked to help them learn from there, through articles, discussions, and demonstrations (what we can...they are not local to me). I have not taught anyone brand new to the lifestyle before...my pup is new, but he knew enough that I didn't have to start from the very beginning with him.

So my question is, where should I go after the basic definitions and principles of BDSM? What is the logical first step after definitions? I asked for them to ask questions, and I would answer them or find the answers, but they have pointed out to me that they don't know enough to be able to ask questions.

All three are females. Two are dominant; one is submissive.

~Jewel
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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 2:50:03 PM   
jauntyone


Posts: 543
Joined: 2/27/2007
From: Anchorage Alaska
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: damia

I am a member of a group that is just starting up, and there are several people who are brand new to the lifestyle and looking for direction. They want to learn everything from the beginning up. We started by explaining the acronym of BDSM, as well as SSC and RACK, and the principles behind them.

I have been asked to help them learn from there, through articles, discussions, and demonstrations (what we can...they are not local to me). I have not taught anyone brand new to the lifestyle before...my pup is new, but he knew enough that I didn't have to start from the very beginning with him.

So my question is, where should I go after the basic definitions and principles of BDSM? What is the logical first step after definitions? I asked for them to ask questions, and I would answer them or find the answers, but they have pointed out to me that they don't know enough to be able to ask questions.

All three are females. Two are dominant; one is submissive.

~Jewel


Greetings damia
 
from the sound of it, you are off to a good start. I started out knowing absolutly nothing about this life; everything I have learned I learned from Master, reading, and talking/meeting with others. My only suggestions would be pretty much along what you have already started with. Read everything you can; there is no end to education. Meet with others, go to demos, munches, clubs; observe and talk with others. Then, take what makes you comfortable and adapt it to yourself. I wish you all the best of luck.
 
I wish you well
 
melissa

(in reply to damia)
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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 3:04:47 PM   
BOUNTYHUNTER


Posts: 9259
Joined: 2/5/2004
Status: offline 		You are doing the correct thing,information,information reading and after enough info they will be curious enough to ask about what they have read...Then you can start out with light play getting them involved..bounty

_____________________________

US going to hell in a hand basket/

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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 3:36:30 PM   
Tenchi


Posts: 13
Joined: 6/12/2007
Status: offline 		It sounds like you are off to a soild start. Just keep them involved and keep them reading after a while the questions that they want to ask will start to come out and then your on to discussions it will be a slow progression at frist but keep feeding them the information they want and they will be up to speed sooner than you might expect.


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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 4:25:51 PM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		I'd treat it like a seminar. At one point I had six fairly new tops in our local community all coming to me for advice and feedback. I started a mentoring group co-hosted by another experience top in the area. It lasted about six months and we met every other week I think. (it was a while ago)

Find books that you have read before, every one get a copy of these them read through then and discuss.

Don't just choose books you like, look at things you have philosophical disagreements with as well. Give them mini assignments -- come up with two questions per chapter, write a paragraph that summarizes your feelings at the end of each chapter.

Encourage them to talk. Set up rules about "I" statements to get them to take responsibility for what they say and think and feel and not make general claims.

Do it around a table or a on couches, have some tea or coffee, but don't let it become just social. If you wish you might want to get a room in the local library but I found my house most comfortable for everyone. If they didn't respect me and trust me enough to approach me, why come to me at all?

Go really slow and do not get into hands on stuff for a while.

If you do get to hands on stuff, know yourself well enough to say "I'm not comfortable teaching you this, would it be cool if I ask X to come and show us?". Encourage them to bring a bottom partner to practice with -- yes, even the sub in the group because otherwise she may feel pressured into bottoming to the group for hands on stuff.

I had other teach basic fire play in the group I mentioned and even my own slave taught bondage (because he rocks at it).

As you go along, do everything you are asking them to do. That will demonstrate how seriously you take it and also that we can learn from the same sources again and again as we get more experience ourselves.

Good luck.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 4:33:44 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		Hi Damia,

I have quite a few "BDSM for Dummies" type articles in the Journal section of my profile. A lot of them are notes from workshops we ran. They might give you some ideas and jumping off points.

:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to thetammyjo)
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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 5:12:41 PM   
Joseff


Posts: 505
Joined: 6/2/2007
Status: offline 		I agree with Bounty, at some point soon they'll need to actualy play some in order to learn what questions need asking.
Joseff

(in reply to LadyHeart)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 6:14:45 PM   
Level


Posts: 25145
Joined: 3/3/2006
Status: offline 		Sounds like a job for some TRAINERS........ sorry, being goofy here.
 
Ask them what they want from kink, then if possible, explain what you can about how to get there.

_____________________________

Fake the heat and scratch the itch
Skinned up knees and salty lips
Let go it's harder holding on
One more trip and I'll be gone

~~ Stone Temple Pilots

(in reply to Joseff)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 6:19:20 PM   
NorthernMistress


Posts: 5
Joined: 2/5/2006
Status: offline 		here's some FAQ that might help
http://www.unrealities.com/adult/ssbb/faq.htm

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Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/22/2007 6:44:37 PM   
Elorin


Posts: 970
Joined: 8/22/2004
From: San Antonio, TX
Status: offline 		Start off with what a munch is like. What a play party is like.
Describe what limits are. Explain that liits can be different depending on who you are with or what your venue is.
Explain what safewords are and how they can be used.
Describe a power exchange, and that both partners are necessary and vital to the power exchange even though one of them is not in control.
Discuss with them "the sub is ultimately in control" and whether you feel that to be a truism or a falsehood, or maybe some of each.
SSC and RACK are great. Explain there are no absolutes...there is no right or wrong way to do things. Describe the acceptable level of risk method of choosing limits and play, and how to ascertain acceptable levels of risk. Explain that "don't ever do this THIS way" means "this is far to risky for (the speaker)"
Explain consent and that "you can do anything to me" is not the same as a sub being aware of the risks and then giving informed consent to play.
Describe blanket consent versus consent given for each play session or action.
Describe consensual non-consent and the kinds of scenes it is in.
Use a BDSM checklist to provide them 5-10 items at a time. Give definitions of the kinds of play, and examples from mild to extreme within that form of play.

Give them URLs and resources for where to find books, books you recommend, websites you recommend, as well as particular articles.

~E

< Message edited by Elorin -- 6/22/2007 6:45:53 PM >

_____________________________

'cause when i look down /i just miss all the good stuff / when i look up / i just trip over things

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RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/23/2007 2:48:22 AM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Approach it like any other teaching task - list all the main points and work through it bit by bit.

Setting and marking homework is going to be fun.

(in reply to Elorin)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/23/2007 7:20:24 AM   
CitizenCane


Posts: 349
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline 		Tie the subby ones up and spank them.  That should stimulate conversation.



(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/23/2007 7:32:41 AM   
MstrssPassion


Posts: 2444
Joined: 1/1/2004
From: West Palm Beach, FL
Status: offline 		introspection

have them write about why they are there, whats drives them to be there learning, what their natural tendencies are, what their fantasies are (the ones that they would most like to bring to reality)

They need to discover their inner dominant & submissive rather than attempt to be some cookie cutter image that a book or article describes one to be. The only way to become that inner dominant or submissive is to look within & embrace what you discover. Once they have that... then you can focus on refinement.

_____________________________

MstrssPassion


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Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/23/2007 7:58:10 AM   
grlneedstolearn


Posts: 728
Joined: 1/29/2007
Status: offline 		Good morning,
   i was the same way at first, not knowing what questions to ask. So my Dom basically just talked with me about different scenarios and the different toys and let me say whatever i thought about each. It's a time and patience thing that some people won't grasp as easily as others. i have also looked on the web for various BDSM sites and that's where i found most of my information about this lifestyle. i suggest they go on different websites to learn more.
   Best of luck

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Teaching from the Beginning - 6/23/2007 10:42:08 AM   
MasterFireMaam


Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline 		Start with SM 101 type stuff. In fact, that's a decent book for assigned reading. Check out the book in my signature.

Start bringing in local people who you know have decent skills on certain topics. Do hands on stuff, it as all possible...then offer "practice sessions", ie. DMed play parties.

Master Fire


_____________________________

The power of who we are can be intoxicating. The power of who we could be is humbling.
-----
Ms Relationship Books
-----
BDSM How-To Books

(in reply to damia)
Profile   Post #: 15
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