|
shatuga -> Exploring.... with questions (6/23/2007 8:13:14 AM)
|
Hello everyone...
It's nice to be here.
Being somewhat new to "the lifestyle" and not entirely sure what that means, I have some questions. Of course I'm seeking out appropriate forums whereI can to ask them but one question I have here doesn't seem to have a forum.
For 10 years or so I've been into roleplay in fantasy settings and I very much enjoy that. As an older guy, the barriers to participating in it have gone down over the years. Nobody cares about age so much anymore in those settings. Nor do they care about gender as much as they used to.
I still recall the first day I played my first female character. Everything about her was so natural to me, and at first the experience was confusing. Back in that day it was fairly common but not so acceptable to cross-play, either. So I just kept mum about my real life gender. As it turns out, people assumed I was female and after a few years of not correcting that assumption I learned a big lesson in ... honesty.
That being said, over the years I've questioned myself about my inner nature, and why it gets seen by so many people as "female" as opposed to "male." I've come to hate those labels, actually.... Yes I am a male physically but the things that define me as a person and how I interact with others are unique, as is true for us all.
Lately my best friend has discovered that she's well, a lesbian. For awhile in one our fantasy games, our characters were lovers, till she started exploring in real life and found some real life partners. I don't have that option. I've often had my own fantasies of sex *as* as lesbian, and certainly bondage and pain play into my own internal thoughts and fantasies, but.....
Fortunately my partner is starting to understand me. I'm here to understand myself better, to maybe make a few friends, and see what comes!
... this place seems to divide people into categories and relies on use of these labels a lot, and one of them that is not questioned is the 'male' / 'female' label for sure. I suppose many thing that you either ARE a male or a female - well, here in Asheville we don't really have a need to label our sexuality or our gender so much!
How do I present myself? If I said "male" I'd not be so honest about who I am inside as a person and how I make love. If I said "female" I'd be lying about my physical .. um... manifestation!
That's what I am currently struggling with.
Any advice is welcome!
|
|
|
|
