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julietsierra -> RE: Peafowl posturing (6/25/2007 4:23:47 AM)
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Well, I'm going to take a chance here and speak on what I can gather from his post...
Here's the thing.
I don't care who introduces whom to who (or is it who to whom?)... when you meet someone face to face, things are always much easier to sort out than when you attempt to meet someone online. It's the way things are. It's not all that amazing.
Sure the people who are on CM are here because they want to be, but even amongst this crowd, there are people who are interested in bondage only, SM, service, not service, transparency, monogamy, polyamory, Gorean, not Gorean, submissive, dominant, switch, those who live in your state and around the world. There are people whose idea of "extreme" is a crop used really hard and those whose idea of "extreme" is cutting and stapling - and every variation in between plus some I haven't thought of. There are people who are on CM saying "what is bdsm?" and some who've been doing this for their entire sexual lives; there are predators and prey and those who like being one or the other as well as those who don't. In short, while those you may talk to on CM are here because they want to be, there are all SORTS of people on this site and as such, no matter WHO you are, all you're left with is their words and how creative they were when they made out their profiles.
When someone introduces you to someone they know, you have an instant reference on both sides of the introductory fence and things can flow much more smoothly. And above all, when you meet someone face to face, you have the ONE thing you can't get on CM or any other internet personals site - vanilla or bdsm. You have body language, which as someone said in another thread, is fully 70% of the communication spectrum (although I may have the percentages off). In other words, when you meet someone face to face, you have a LOT more information at hand than when you meet them on sites like CM - no matter HOW open and informative they are regarding their views, wants, needs, desires and dreams. So of COURSE things are going to appear easier and more natural in real life verses via the internet.
I'd suggest that the best route to take would be a combination of the two. As has been stated over and over again in thread after thread on this site, go to munches and other bdsm events around your town or city. Cultivate a network of FRIENDS (you know what they are...the people you don't necessarily play with but who you trust and actually get along with). The know others who know others and so on. Through them, you can get the real life, natural introductions you are commenting on with the added extra that the people they introduce you to are likely to be interested in the same things you are - at least with respect to bdsm. After that, criminal background checks et al not withstanding, you're on your own - just as you would be when meeting people via CM.
From my personal experience though, real life (FOR ME) was the way to go. I have never spent even 5 minutes online with my Master and we never will. People find it amazing that even when we discover that we're in the same chat rooms at the same times, we still don't talk to each other. It's just not what we do. And yes, I too used to fuss about how hard it was to meet someone. But when I finally stopped trying to meet someone and started going places I enjoyed going because I enjoyed going there, I met the person who would eventually become my Master. I believe that my mindset in those venues made all the difference. When I was looking, I appeared desperate. When I stopped looking, I appeared available.
It really was just that simple.
juliet
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