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MistressNoName -> RE: Embarrased. (6/24/2007 11:15:59 PM)
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I'm gonna try to answer some of your questions, patwi...but first I'm gonna say, "chill," just a bit. You're questions are normal, reasonable and not too many by any standard. You wanna learn, so give yourself a bit of a break so you can learn, ok?
The slashing of the pronouns was started by I don't know who...but the general consensus seems to be that it started on the internet as a way of distinguishing Doms from subs...and in a public forum like this, some people like to do the slashing thing as a way of extending general respect to all who might be participating here. There are some people who care a great deal about the slashing and caps, no-caps...there are others who could care less. You do what suits you best and leave the rest...that's generally how it works around here.
What's "the scene?" Well, again, generally speaking, this refers to the larger community of kinky folk and the stuff that we do and where we do it. And sometimes we refer to the goings-on in a particular region by saying stuff like, "oh, check out the Philly scene!" or, "Yeah, I'm into the NY scene..."
Now, as for social gatherings....there are so many kinds. Sometimes socials are play parties where kinky ppl get together and flog one another...or spank, or cane (you can tell where my tendencies lie...) sometimes sex happens, but most times not. Depends on whether it's happening at a public club or someone's private affair, usually. Always check this out before attending so you can determine whether you will feel comfortable going. There are also munches, which are usually lunch or dinner gatherings of kinky ppl...meeting at some diner somewhere and sometimes talking about kinky stuff, sometimes not. Then there are club/organization meetings. Here in NY there must be every kind of kinky/fetish/leather club ever conceived of in the world. And there are also bdsm/leather events of every kind all over the country and the world...As to showing up in jeans and t-shirt to a club...I've never seen anyone get laughed out of any club for being so attired...NEVER! There are some people for whom that's their usual gear!
Let me share a little of my beginnings. I started out by just reading and trying to find out as much as I could about this bdsm stuff. Next, I started finding out about local clubs and groups. Then I started looking for play partners...now I'm getting involved in the NY leather group scene...The trick is to take it all at your pace...and explore what interests you...And eventually, but asap, I believe you should talk to your husband about it.
Now one more thing I wanted to address...You are equating submitting to someone as being something a strong person does not do, when in fact, simply because submission is so difficult, it actually does take a lot of strength to give over one's power and control to another individual. But giving over one's power and control is not the same as taking crap from someone. I would never recommend that. No, in this life, the power exchange must be consensual or not at all. It's agreed upon and it's negotiated and the limits are understood. If not, at least for me, we don't play. But you may discover in your explorations that you are not submissive. Perhaps you simply desire to bottom every now and then...that's ok too. You can submit or bottom in a particular scene, but not fully submit in the relationship...ppl do this all the time. One person, Diane Vera, wrote an article suggesting there are 9 levels of submission. So don't go thinking there is only one way to do it.
Well, that's all I'm gonna write for the moment. Let you digest it. I hope this is helpful and that I haven't confused you further...but if I have, just ask more questions!!
MNN
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