Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality?

Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (Full Version)

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BRNaughtyAngel -> Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:22:55 AM)
Was there ever a time when you as a dominant were faced with getting what/who you sought and what you wanted... yet had a difficult time moving it from the fantasy to reality? In other words, were you ever faced with the situation of "I got what I wanted, now what the heck do I do with her/him?" [;)] Were there ever fears that you couldn't make the reality match the fantasy or did you even want to do that? I hope this makes sense........ if not, I'll go have some more coffee and try to activate a few more brain cells. [&:] [:D]

MzMia -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:26:47 AM)
Where have you been Angel? Wonderful thread my pretty[;)] I have this problem, and I will comment on it later. Actually waiting for people like Robert to post something I can agree with

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:41:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia Where have you been Angel? Wonderful thread my pretty[;)] I have this problem, and I will comment on it later. Actually waiting for people like Robert to post something I can agree with Awww thanks MzMia..... I've been in the sugar cane fields and swamps of south Louisiana working on a movie being filmed here....... but I'm back home in the not-so swampy part of south Louisiana and so ready to reconnect with my fellow pervs. [;)]

MzMia -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:46:19 AM)
Sounds like fun, we missed you. I will be watching this thread, with interest! I will say this, many of us are very trepeditious about becoming seriously involved, especially say after the age of 35. I am so guilty of this, I often don't give relationships a chance, and I tend to run like hell, even when presented with a chance with a wonderful submissive. Again, I can't wait to see the responses.

hammernhoney -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:58:17 AM)
One time I pursued this slave until I caught her,after a year she wasn't what I thought she would be,Funny how the mind works.So we sat down to discuss her collaring and DIANE SAID I TOLD YOU SO IN THAT SWEET VOICE OF HERS,To make a long story short IT was painful to realize that myself as a dominate male had make a mistake.I bite the bullet and send her on her way,she left here in better shape then which she came, for in her time here had taught her some what whom she was and had gotten some good training..I guess that would be considered taking a relationship from fantasy to rt...There was some thing about that girl I keep in on my mind for years.Smacks himself back to reality smiles...

bladedom -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 8:21:43 AM)
Not really. I don't approach what I do as living out my fantasies or any slave's fantasy, I look at it as living life with BDSM at its center. It's always real and reality can sometimes be more or less than what we expected, but the joy comes from living the life I've chosen.

Kinkypupper -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 8:28:00 AM)
A lot depends on where you "started". I did not have any problems as there was no "fantasy as in on-line role playing involved, It was just a time of growth and learning who I was and going threw a lot of mistakes on ths way.

crouchingtigress -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 8:49:00 AM)
yes i have definatly had the experiance of ,Oh daddy i cant wait to be your slave, your servant, your pet, and then mooved in and then said wtf ? what do you mean i cant sit on the furniture??

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 8:56:58 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress yes i have definatly had the experiance of ,Oh daddy i cant wait to be your slave, your servant, your pet, and then mooved in and then said wtf ? what do you mean i cant sit on the furniture?? [sm=biggrin.gif] Thanks for the giggle Amy.

RaynaSub -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 9:04:11 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: crouchingtigress yes i have definatly had the experiance of ,Oh daddy i cant wait to be your slave, your servant, your pet, and then mooved in and then said wtf ? what do you mean i cant sit on the furniture?? This is so funny, but I think it really does happen all the time.

SirDominic -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 9:08:31 AM)
naughty, good to see you back. This has never been an issue for me. But I never think of it as fantasy. When I am corresponding with someone who might be a potential sub, it is because I believe there is potential there. I'm going for a physical meeting. We may end up not being right for each other, but that doesn't make it any less real. It is incredibly frustrating to me when someone seems very promising during the online part, seem very enthusiastic and excited, but don't have whatever it takes to move to the real life meeting. Seems to me either they are interested, in which case they should have the courage to make that first safe meeting to really meet each other in person, or they are not really interested, in which case, why are they hamming it up they are so interested? When it does click, I quickly know where I want to take that particular woman depending on their individual wants, needs and insecurities. That part has never been a problem for me, but then I have been told I have an evil imagination. Namaste, Sir Dominic

slaveish -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 10:12:35 AM)
I have experienced it but not within BDSM. The fantasy of this man was so big in my mind that the reality of him, the reality of me, couldn't match what we'd built up in our heads. It was a case of unrealistic expectations and too much time to build the fantasy.

SirDominic -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 12:03:16 PM)
quote: It was a case of unrealistic expectations and too much time to build the fantasy. Precisely why I try to make that first safe meeting as soon as possible. It has been my experience that the longer you play the online fantasy game, the less chance you have of it actually working when you do meet. If there is one thing I could drill into everyone's head, it is that online relationships are NOT an accurate reflection of what the person to person experience is going to be like. I understand actually meeting can be very daunting, but really no-one is doing themselves any favors by putting it off. Namaste, Sir Dominic

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 12:25:19 PM)
Thank you Sir D for the welcome back and the response. Thank you to the others who have responded as well. I figure a lot of people (myself included) have fantasies or daydreams (whatever you want to call it) about what their sought after relationship will be like, and of course we are then hit with the reality of the actual relationship itself. [sm=hewah.gif] [;)] It's not difficult at all for me to do what comes naturally to me, but doing it the way that pleases him may not fit my fantasy.... so I can see where it would be difficult in the beginning for a sub/slave. Reminds me of something Celeste (bitatrouble) wrote a while back about serving as he requires you to serve, not as you think you should serve. But I wonder sometimes if it might be more difficult for the dominant whose fantasy/daydream/whatever becomes reality as he/she is the one that is in charge, who guides the relationship, makes the decisions, etc.? Especially if they don't have much M/s, D/s experience or if successful relationships have eluded them...... or if they simply had difficulty with the fact that the reality was not going to likely fit their fantasy/daydream version of a relationship? I hope I'm making sense....... just some thoughts that have been whirling around in my head for a while. [:D]

MzMia -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 12:29:50 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel Thank you Sir D for the welcome back and the response. Thank you to the others who have responded as well. I figure a lot of people (myself included) have fantasies or daydreams (whatever you want to call it) about what their sought after relationship will be like, and of course we are then hit with the reality of the actual relationship itself. [sm=hewah.gif] [;)] It's not difficult at all for me to do what comes naturally to me, but doing it the way that pleases him may not fit my fantasy.... so I can see where it would be difficult in the beginning for a sub/slave. Reminds me of something Celeste (bitatrouble) wrote a while back about serving as he requires you to serve, not as you think you should serve. But I wonder sometimes if it might be more difficult for the dominant whose fantasy/daydream/whatever becomes reality as he/she is the one that is in charge, who guides the relationship, makes the decisions, etc.? Especially if they don't have much M/s, D/s experience or if successful relationships have eluded them...... or if they simply had difficulty with the fact that the reality was not going to likely fit their fantasy/daydream version of a relationship? I hope I'm making sense....... just some thoughts that have been whirling around in my head for a while. [:D] Many forget that Dominants can suffer from low self esteem, life baggage relationship issues, and just be damned scared of you submissives! Many forget that being a Dominant does not mean you have 10-20 years of experience. Many also forget that many submissives are intimidating, especially if they have a bigger toy bag, a better career, wealth and tangible assets, and more real time experience than you do! You can be the Dominant person, and be: overwhelmed by a submissive, intimidated by a submissive, wonder if you measure up, and wonder if you are even good enough or capable of managing a desired submissive. I wonder if ANY other Dominants with limited experience will post? Angel, don't hold your breath. How many Dominants will admit in all reality to what I just said {especially men}? Also, there is a BIG difference between being a play partner and being in a long term committed relationship It is always a lot easier to play, than it is to commit.[sm=whip.gif]

BRNaughtyAngel -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 3:23:05 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia Many forget that Dominants can suffer from low self esteem, life baggage relationship issues, and just be damned scared of you submissives! Many forget that being a Dominant does not mean you have 10-20 years of experience. Many also forget that many submissives are intimidating, especially if they have a bigger toy bag, a better career, wealth and tangible assets, and more real time experience than you do! You can be the Dominant person, and be: overwhelmed by a submissive, intimidated by a submissive, wonder if you measure up, and wonder if you are even good enough or capable of managing a desired submissive. I wonder if ANY other Dominants with limited experience will post? Angel, don't hold your breath. How many Dominants will admit in all reality to what I just said {especially men}? Also, there is a BIG difference between being a play partner and being in a long term committed relationship It is always a lot easier to play, than it is to commit.[sm=whip.gif] I have the utmost confidence that our male dominants will share their personal insights with us, should they have any to share. Quite a few of them have amazed me at their willingness to post some very personal stories about their vulnerabilities, bumps in the road and individual growth. [:)] As for the dominants who do have self esteem issues, relationship baggage, life baggage... etc.... well I know it doesn't apply across the board, but they should give some of us submissives a little credit for being realistic and understanding, ya know? [:o]

Petronius -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:09:06 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: BRNaughtyAngel Was there ever a time when you as a dominant were faced with getting what/who you sought and what you wanted... yet had a difficult time moving it from the fantasy to reality? It happens all the time. It's called erotic complexity. quote: Were there ever fears that you couldn't make the reality match the fantasy or did you even want to do that? Reality never never never never never lives up to fantasy. On the other hand, reality is a wonderful way to trigger or discover new fantasy.

MzMia -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 7:25:45 PM)
....fanning herself after looking at Petronius picture and profile. hot damn baby...... whatever Petronius said [sm=smile.gif]

mstrjx -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 8:07:39 PM)
I'm rather in this very sort of situation now. I've been in the Lifestyle a long time, and have had numerous relationships. To make a long story short, they have all been 'of a type'. My dominating and topping styles meshed very well with them, although part of it might have been that they were new, and everything I did was simply accepted and enjoyed. Unfortunately, the 'relationship' part of these affairs weren't enough for me, and couldn't have been. They weren't short, rather time wasted after a fashion. I'm now involved with someone who I want to spend 'the duration' with, but a lot of the things that I have done in the past aren't easily meshed with her. That's not a big problem, in that I'm flexible and patient in my approach. I'm also finding out things about her that brings out different methods in me, so that is being examined and explored. I have no doubt that things will find their way, it just hasn't been 'easy' this time (read: dreadfully simple as it has in the past). It would be terribly easy to be confused and quick to overcompensate, but that would only bring about problems of their own, perhaps irrevocably so. Fortunately, neither one of us are interested in allowing any issues get the better of us. If something doesn't work, we discard it or approach it another way. So for me, it has never been an issue making what most people call 'fantasies' into reality. It's just that this particular reality is different and better (wondrous even), and must be treated even more special. Jeff

ocilla -> RE: Difficulty moving from fantasy to reality? (6/25/2007 8:17:34 PM)
I am responding before reading all the posts - you hit a nerve here with me. quote: ORIGINAL: SirDominic quote: It was a case of unrealistic expectations and too much time to build the fantasy. Precisely why I try to make that first safe meeting as soon as possible. It has been my experience that the longer you play the online fantasy game, the less chance you have of it actually working when you do meet. If there is one thing I could drill into everyone's head, it is that online relationships are NOT an accurate reflection of what the person to person experience is going to be like. I understand actually meeting can be very daunting, but really no-one is doing themselves any favors by putting it off.Namaste, Sir Dominic I am 100% in agreement. I hate to dawdle around online - my imagination is far to powerful and fertile and I will inevitably get carried away and then be disappointed. It is really grounding for me to meet a person face to face as soon as we have a conection - worse that can happen is that we don't click and I would rather know that sooner than later. From the first face to face the getting to know you episodes can be accomplished in person along with the valuable mediums of email and phone. And in another thread on tributes and why Dommes want them - I mentioned that a face to face meeting goes along way to verifying and showing earnesty that the person is worth the time and effort and worth going pursuing the next phases of the getting clear and getting to know you dance that leads to something deeper and special. I actually discovered my interest in D/s through a theoretical sub I met in a vanilla dating site. It was that whole moment of him peeling back the curtain of my misconceptions to show me this fascinating world that suited me perfectly. I totally got into the fantasy of what he offered and how well we fit in terms of likes, dislikes, personality etc. But he to this day has never been "brave" enough to speak on the phone, much less meet in person. Even just today he tried to goad me into playing online - my response was to tell him to call me or go fuck himself, which he loved the little fucker. I know I should block him completely but just a little soft on him cause he pointed out the pathway. But I was prior to meeting him very cautious and insistant on earlier f2f meetings mostly because I know myself in addition to folks being such chicken shits or whatever it is that keeps them from getting real. I definitely broke my own rules with my first D/s friend or whatever it was - would have been more hard about it but this D/s world was so magnetic and juicy had to have it. No regrets - but still crave that fantasy some.

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