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fetish if you please - 6/25/2007 5:16:54 PM

wldchld

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/23/2007
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Hi all,
I have written on a couple of these threads. I am new to this, so Im still learning the "ropes." My question to all the Domme's is this. If you have a sub who has a fetish, such as cross dressing, would you consider this a positive thing, negative thing, or irrelevent? Now this questioin states cross dressing, but I am sure there literally hundreds of other fetishes out there, like leather, latex, wax, foot, boots, stockings, food, etc, etc, etc.
I am in part asking because, and I could be very wrong, it seems that there is some sort of role reversal here. A submissive is all about pleasing his Domme who is in complete control. The Sub male is supposed to surrender himself to his Mistress. She is then the one who is in control. Now in the Vanilla world, the man is supposed to dominate. But the way I was brought up was that ss a man if you are to be the one to make the desicions, you have to take into consideration your family (Wife, girlfriend, family,pet) So, what am I driving at with this, I believe that I am asking as a dom do you care for the wellfare of your sub, so that if he has a fetish do you allow him to enjoy it or keep him from it?
Sorry to have rambled, and I will try to be more clear in the future.
Thanks,

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/25/2007 5:23:28 PM

earthycouple

Posts: 4462
Joined: 2/19/2006
Status: offline

If someone has a fetish I am wholeheartedly against, then we have no future together and we move on to find those with whom we do connect.

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Seeking, searching, hoping, living, loving, jumping. So what's new with you?

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/25/2007 5:23:30 PM

DiurnalVampire

Posts: 8125
Joined: 1/19/2006
From: Nashville, TN
Status: offline

Caring for his welfare and catering to his fetishes are 2 immensely different things. Taking into consideration my boys wellbeing has nothing to do with wether or not I allow them to undertake in certain activities. You are comparing apples and oranges.
For me, it greatly depends on the fetish the boy has as to wether or not I will allow them to entertain it. If their not being allowed to have that one thing is a problem for them, they shouldnt be with me. Angel has some fetishes I dont mind, and some we enjoy together. He has others i will never have anything to do with. I endulge his pantyhose fetish as a reward for good behavior, rather than an everyday thing.

DV

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I will be your Dominate if you will be my submit - Fox

Snarko Ergo Sum
If you cannot change your mind, how are you so sure you still have one? -proverb

*Owner of Fox - collared 10/13/07*
VampiresLair

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/25/2007 5:24:29 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

A lot of people have fetishes. That in and of itself is neither here nor there. If it is something you enjoy, it would be best to find someone who equally likes it or who is willing to indulge you in it. The power of the dominant does not decrease if she just so happens to like the same thing you do.

The problem with a fetish is when it becomes all consuming and the needs of the dominant are pushed aside. Or, the woman who is the dominant is ignored in favor of the fetish. For example, if you had a foot fetish and did not care who you were submitting to as long as they had feet you could worship, that would be an issue for most. If the fetish, however, is incorporated into a well rounded arena of play and service, then most would not have a problem with it. In fact it could be used to help enhance service or play with teasing, denial, etc.

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/25/2007 5:52:17 PM

LadyPact

Posts: 32566
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I completely agree that these are too different catagories. The well being of My sub doesn't have anything to do with whether or not he has a fetish. However, I may understand where you are making the connection from. The problem with it is that you skipped a very important step.

When I initially begin talking with someone who would like to be My submissive, I go through a long range of topics. Part of those conversations are to see if our kinks are compatable. Do We enjoy the same activities? Do We have the same interests? Are there hard limits that are not acceptable? Do We have fetsihes that We both enjoy?

If the sub in question has a particular fetish, such as cross dressing, that doesn't match what I am looking for, he is not the submissive for Me and that is the end. That to Me is a deal breaker. (I know there are some others who frequent the boards who also will not accept CD's, so I know I am not alone on this one.) Since it is an activity I do not accept, I do not accept that particular submissive as Mine.

CD's are often known for a very strong craving for their fetish, so it is a good example. It is also exactly why I do not take anyone who has this fetish as one of My own. I would not allow it with Me, yet he would want it very much. It just reeks of a bad match. Sooner or later, the fetish would create a barrier, either by him wanting it so desperately that he would wish to serve someone else, or I would want to release him because it is an activity he needs. This is the part where it comes down to taking everyone's needs into consideration. However, since I would have never picked a submissive with this particular fetish, it is not an issue.

One other thing I would like to say regarding the OP is this. From this writing and others, you seem to have a huge consideration for what the vanilla world expects for the role of a male and the role of a female. If this is the case, this lifestyle may not be for you. Those of Us who live this way do so because what We are, is more important than what society thinks We ought to be. Just some food for thought.

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/25/2007 6:06:01 PM

MisstressNboytoy

Posts: 34
Joined: 5/6/2007
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quote:

ORIGINAL: wldchld

Now in the Vanilla world, the man is supposed to dominate. But the way I was brought up was that ss a man if you are to be the one to make the desicions, you have to take into consideration your family (Wife, girlfriend, family,pet) So, what am I driving at with this, I believe that I am asking as a dom do you care for the wellfare of your sub, so that if he has a fetish do you allow him to enjoy it or keep him from it?

For one, I couldn't help but cringe when reading "in the vanilla world, the man is supposed to dominate," but I guess there is no need to get into that can of worms.

Any decent dominant will take into account the welfare of a submissive. Do you want someone flogging you who couldn't care less how you feel about it, or isn't going to stop if you use a safe word? This might mean ending the relationship before it begins because of incompatible interests, but as many know from personal experience, this is much better than trying to make it work only to have it become an even bigger issue later.

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/27/2007 9:55:59 AM

wldchld

Posts: 22
Joined: 5/23/2007
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Glad to have gotten so many responses from a lot of the people I notice in the threads. All of which are people who are subject matter experts. I must say that the vanilla world is the only world in which I have had sex. So right now it's my only frame of refference. But, certain moments, and encounters, have led me to believe that I might be missing out on things I want to experience. Still learning and growing.

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RE: fetish if you please - 6/27/2007 10:23:54 AM

DiannaVesta

Posts: 1087
Joined: 2/6/2006
From: Mid-Atlantic area
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There are some fetishes I really enjoy and some I can do without. Some of you won’t like the answer I’m about to give and it may seem selfish. In 20 years as a Domina and training countless slaves I have learn some secrets in getting what I need while creating constructive relationships.

YES I want them to have a fetish and I want it to make them absolutely crazy. Why? Because I have enough experience to get right down to the core of it and seduce him/her to extremes. It’s like my own private arsenal along with my powers of sexuality. It is by far the best method of control. If I know you have a foot fetish then WATCH OUT because I will TEASE, CONTROL and manipulate you to complete subjugation.

In fact this IS what female domination is all about. IMO.

Bring it on!

Now what I won’t do is perform for anyone. I will listen, collect data and IF they interest me I will begin my strategy to own his soul.

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