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GoddessDustyGold -> RE: Big Sigh (6/11/2005 4:25:48 PM)
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ORIGINAL: fillepink
i have another question, which i also journaled but which will not be available until my profile is reviewed.
i am seeking a long term relationship...i hope to wear only one collar in all my life. so i care about whether the man i am in contact with is someone i could respect to that degree. the men, on the other hand, want to cyber and have phone sex. i am confused. i am told real Doms have good manners at all times, and this seems rude; to ask a woman You have just met to cyber. on the other hand, i am also told that D/s is not like vanilla, and here, it is important to find out whether O/our kinks match first. it's hard for me, because i'm a novice..and would do what my Dom asked..so i have really no "kinks" to offer apart from liking role playing, light bondage, wax play, oral sex and SEX, laughing.
As already stated elsewhere, I would treat this the same as if you are dating a vanilla. Meet and greet online, chat if you like, but if cyber sex or phone sex is all they are interested in, then I think you have your answer. I have a firm policy of no cyber or phone play. I would also ask how anyone would know if your kinks matched. If He wants to discuss kinks and experience, that is fine. If He wants to act them out over the phone or internet, well, anyone can do that. He may say he is tying you up, but that doesn't mean He can tie you up in r/t! And you can't prove how much pain you can take or how obedient you are during a cyber session. That's very easy.
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so how do i ever turn the conversation to what i care about -- His character? integrity, confidence, compassion, kindness, faithful, not bigoted, votes, self-control, financally responsible (whether pauper or prince), loving, and so forth?
Simply do your best to revert the conversation to conversation level, rather than phone or cyber sex level. A little teasing and a little flirting is usually harmless If He won't have any normal conversation, then I guess you have your answer. you can log off or hang up. And if He tries to say that you have to do this to prove you are "real' or "true", run as fast as you can in another direction.
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in addition, i feel strongly that a real life meeting -- actually a series of them -- is the only way to really know a Man. i have been lied to so many times, and i have been so alert; it's just impossible to know online and by phone what is true. i'm not saying IM and phone are useless; of course they come first; and most people have restrictions based on cost that prevent travel; but i feel the relationship does not start until the Man is here, in real life.
Correct! And if He can't wait for that, and also invest the time in both email, internet chat, phone chat and some real life meetings within your comfort level, then He probably isn't the one for you. I know how insistent some men can be. you just need to hold your ground, and don't get discouraged.
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one of the kind people who wrote said she found no munches, etc in cleveland; actually there are some; although i have probably lost the information. a married couple offered to take me right before i started dating a Dom; so i did not go; and now their profile is in suspense. i cannot go alone; i just cannot. i have a friend in the next county i am hoping will agree to take me eventually but i have been asking for months. and the other problem is -- i want to leave clevveland -- so i do not want to find my Dom here. but i'd love to make friends in the lifestyle, in real life.
That was Me. I am glad to hear that there are activities in your area, and I do understand why you might be shy about attending alone as a submissive female. If you are relying on moving or relocating because you want to get out of Cleveland, then it might be good to put some though into relocating now, instead of trying to make a long distance relationship work and then get stranded somewhere. I don't know what kind of work you do, but maybe there is some place you are attracted to? I would move now, rather than later.
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i am amazed so many people wrote so quickly; i guess this is a "hot button" issue for many people. i am not only sighing because of the inappropriate people who have written me; but also because i think in all the time i have been here, i have probably spoken to only a few real Doms and i wonder what i am doing wrong; how should i change my profile; i genuinely do want a collar; i am not here to hurt A/anyone by playing a game; i wish i knew the magic words to entice real Doms to contact me. Many Blessings on all who added to the thread.
Only you have your own magic words. And, yes, it is a sensitive issue for many of U/us. Just be yourself, and settle into the firm idea of what you are looking for. The questions you should ask, and the answers you need will come naturally.
[image]local://upfiles/72910/5AC6A3FB993947C9B778B9A231DFBD1C.jpg[/image]
If you go to profile in the upper right, you can fill out your profile info for the boards, and add your image so that is begins to show up in the left under your screen name. And like chris said, as you post more, your status and symbol changes automatically. There are lots of places to visit, read and participate including the lounge, humor, off topic, polls etc. It isn't all about BDSM, and it is alot of fun. Most of U/us are very three dimensional! I bet you are too! *W*
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