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ORIGINAL: slaveluci

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ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave
even as a kid the "Because I said so" reason was never good enough for me and most of the time made me withdraw from the task at hand

Interesting.  I'm not like this personally but I do know people who very much are.  Some people just need a reason and I don't see any harm in that.  If a Dom/Master is aware of this upon entering into the relationship, perhaps they would see it as just a natural trait of that sub/slave and not see it as challenging, questioning behavior.

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This may make me seem like the most terrable slave alive and some may even say Im not really a slave

Who gives a flying f**k?  People outside your relationship can say/think whatever they want.  That doesn't mean they know jack about what works for you and your master.  I find that people who spend excessive amounts of time fretting over whether someone else is "really a slave" don't usually have too much going on in their own lives.  And, if they do, they should perhaps be focusing on pleasing their own master instead of dictating how you please yours.

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Master understands my need to know his thinking and the reason behind things and he has never had a problem explaining the why to me. And he has never once told me "becuase I said so"

Congrats to you and thanks for your answer..........luci

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ORIGINAL: slaveluci
Ok...with all that said.....that got me thinking.[sm=idea.gif]  My Master also makes all final decisions.  Some of those are ones I would not necessarily make myself.  Yet, like kyra spoke about, they are abided by for better or worse, so to speak.  So, my question is this:  To all you subs/slaves out there whose Dom/me or Master/Mistress does have such final authority in all/most matters, when they make a decision that you find painful (and one different from what you would have decided), do they explain why to you? 

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ORIGINAL: slaveluci
But.....I think Knight and Kyra helped to change my view on that by their explanations of how she has grown alot in their relationship over the past couple of years and how she doesn't feel the need for as many explanations now. 

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ORIGINAL: laineyjade
Master will explain at great lengths why and how he arrives at certain decisions, he is a natural teacher so it delights him for me to understand. It's funny when he changes his mind about something, he will explain the entire process from Point A to Point B, and it's become helpful to me both to understand him and to learn more insightful decision making skills for myself.
But, explanations are given after I am obedient. "Do it, then we will talk about it" is something standard I hear. That feels good to me, like I am allowed to question and challenge his decisions but not disobey them. It feels both safe and secure that way.

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ORIGINAL: velvetears
There came a point where one of his "decisions" came in conflict with something he agreed to right from the beginning of our relationship.

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i felt this gave me cause to questions "why" and in fact point out to him the discrepency.  This all came about perhaps 2 to 3 years into the relationship and it made the last 2 years slowly crumble into an eventual impass which led to us parting ways.

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i suppose a "Master" doesn't owe a sub any explanation but sometimes, for the well being of the slave, the relationship, her feeling secure and safe, it's really in the best interest of the slave for the Master to offer her one.  In the end it was important enough for him to hold his ground on and risk loosing me and as well for me eventually to have to walk away.   This is actually one of the reasons why i would never enter into an M/s relationship again - i would not invest that much of myself and give up that much power to someone who in the end can use it to literally, if i allowed it to, crush me.  If i am not in the know i am out the door.

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ORIGINAL: kyraofMists
I am happy that we were able to provide a different perspective and new thoughts to consider.

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One of the reasons it was so important for me to move in this direction was because wanting to know why was a way for me to retain authority in the relationship.  Retaining any authority is contrary to the type of relationship that I want to have, so I had to learn to let go of wanting explanations.

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The next step for me is to even stop making the decisions in my own head.  I no longer do this for most things, but some of the bigger things I still go through my own decision making process and make a decision even though I know that he will decide.  When our decisions match there is little stress, but when they do not match it can generate a lot of needless stress in my life.

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I am learning to do this by developing patience.  One of my favorite things to do is to have to wait.  It is a chance to practice patience and to center myself.  I am just there waiting for his instructions and I am learning to use that mindset to stop myself from making the decisions that are his to make.

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I have found peace in letting go of the desire for explanations.  Of course I fuel that desire in other areas of my life  *g*