RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (Full Version)

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MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:52:08 AM)

Quite frankly, if people are so damned unbalanced, they shouldn't be playing in the first place.



slaveish -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:55:07 AM)

Your heart was in the right place, eva.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 7:26:51 AM)

I can understand two new people not knowing what might happen after a scene (but AGAIN, a dom can drop just as badly as a sub, this is NOT a sub only phenomena), or a new sub not realizing she/he needs to discuss aftercare to include the days following a scene and having a bad drop experience.

But that's only once- and again, drop WILL go away in a few days or less.

If people spent as much time on how they will interact AFTER the scene as they do PREPARING for the scene, they'd be a lot better off.  But they get all focused on getting their kink on, that they end up train wrecks afterwards.

And the solution to that is NOT "sub drop support groups."

As for what is sub drop, here you go:

http://www.collarchat.com/m_743958/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#744221
sub drop please help

http://www.collarchat.com/m_649399/mpage_1/key_subdrop/tm.htm#649697
Coming down from the glorious heights

http://www.collarchat.com/m_522013/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#522021
sub drop, definitions, causes, cures, and prevention

http://www.collarchat.com/m_512884/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#513003
Your insight is needed please

http://www.collarchat.com/m_487853/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#488083
sub drop (2)

http://www.collarchat.com/m_460639/mpage_1/key_subdrop/tm.htm#460834
regaining balance after deep subspace

http://www.collarchat.com/m_202168/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#202459
sub-drop what is it?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_345419/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#345462
highs and lows

http://www.collarchat.com/m_398653/mpage_1/key_sub%252Cdrop/tm.htm#399164
subdrop or what?

Is it drop or am I kidding myself?

Depression after a scene

Sub Drop

Nervous sub seeks reassurance

sleeping...



EvaLass -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 8:04:21 AM)

Sub drop does not mean that a submissive is emotionally unbalanced. It is a common event, and many submissives experience sub drop. A submissive who experiences sub drop and who wants to play needs a safety net and techniques to deal with it. Sub drop is a biochemical  and emotional experience in which the body and mind are struggling to reach equilibrium after play. It can happen up to 72 hours after a play session. The body has been flooded with endorphins, which cause a natural high, and the submissive's mind may be reeling from the powerful and intimate connection that she made with the Dominant during play.  I believe that a Dominant could do everything right in and after play, and the submissive could still experience sub drop. I had a great play session with the Dom I mentioned, then three days later I was in sub drop. He took great care of me, but I still went down.  For me, it is like falling down into a very deep well. Even though  it has happened to me nearly every time I play, I still didn't realize it until the submissive I met on CM once again said, "Girlfriend, you are in sub drop." When I reach sub drop, I tend to feel angry at Dominant who exposed me to such intense experiences.  One of the articles I read said this is very common. He finds this behavior confusing, so I am educating him. We get through it, I return to normal, and then it happens again after play. For some, sub drop may be a minor glitch. It affects me and some others who posted on a related forum topic that I ran. In some situations, the submissive needs some kind of support network beyond the Dominant she is dating.

I was merely suggesting that those who face sub drop might like to know that they can email or write someone in a network. It was really an informal idea to build community connections. Just a suggestion, that's all. I do have a social network and I feel blessed that it includes some wonderful people in the local community who will be there if I need them.

Regardless of whether or not people are interested in a support network, it is important for the submissive and Dominant to understand sub drop - why it is happening and how it manifests itself.  The submissive does need to feel that she can call on the Dominant for a few days after play if she is feeling depressed or isolated. The Dominant does need to understand that providing support for sub drop is part of aftercare. Some submissives may get everything they need from the Dominant while others may require a more extended support system beyond him that they can rely on if needed during sub drop. Everyone's needs and experiences are different.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 8:18:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass
The submissive does need to feel that she can call on the Dominant for a few days after play if she is feeling depressed or isolated.

Not all subs needs that.  And not all doms are or should feel they need to provide that. 

The sub AND dom need to communicate what they need- before, during and after a scene and make sure everyone is in agreement to reasonably ensure a positive experience for everyone.  This may or may not include aftercare of any sort.

And the sub needs to be willing to provide aftercare for the dom as well if it is communicated and agreed upon.



mistoferin -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 8:56:43 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: LuckyAlbatross

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass
The submissive does need to feel that she can call on the Dominant for a few days after play if she is feeling depressed or isolated.

Not all subs needs that.  And not all doms are or should feel they need to provide that. 

The sub AND dom need to communicate what they need- before, during and after a scene and make sure everyone is in agreement to reasonably ensure a positive experience for everyone.  This may or may not include aftercare of any sort.

And the sub needs to be willing to provide aftercare for the dom as well if it is communicated and agreed upon.


I agree with LA. I would also like to say that I think that most of the people who have responded understand subdrop very well....and some of us have had the opportunity to deal with it first hand, maybe thousands of times. I also agree with MrD, anyone requiring a whole entire support network(outside of their partner, their dog or cat and maybe a close friend) to get through sub drop should probably not be playing. That kind of need suggests that something more is going on. I get terrible sub drop....but I know what it is, I know why it is...and I know it shall pass. I stay in touch with the Dom I played with, hug my dog, talk a hot bath, a long walk, distract myself with a book, eat some Ben & Jerry's ice cream...or any of a million other things we all do to get us through a "gloomy" day. The sun has never failed to shine again after. 



RCdc -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 10:01:05 AM)

Eva, your idea is an good one and comes from a good place, however reality is that an online network would be open to abuse and is still no replacement for one on one contact.  And I echo people here who say if you cannot deal with the situation or your partner cannot then play should not even be considered - be it for sub or dom drop.
 
Some people do not need aftercare at all - they may not want to be touched or anything and aftercare is as simple as just keeping an eye on the partner whilst they 'come down'.  If you cannot communicate properly and deal with the needs in a constructive manner then why are you playing with emotions like that?  I believe it would be dangerous for someone to provide support over the net, with someone they may have never met, who has no medical knowledge and no way to ensure emotional care when they may not even know the dominant.  Plus how can anyone know that the person providing support is in any way stable themselves?  And what happens if play days collide? Too many scenarios to go through...
 
Peace
the.dark.



Celeste43 -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 10:51:44 AM)

The times when I've dropped the worst have been the times when he's dropped the hardest also. We found great comfort in commiserating over the phone to each other and as the relationship continued we both learned what worked to lessen the drop enormously. The talking to each other was very helpful in furthering the bond of the relationship. Why would I want to waste that emotional vulnerability on a stranger?

Subdrop is just a reaction to the intense usage of body and brain chemicals. Imagine if you ran a marathon without having trained for it, without warming up or cooling down. Your muscles would cramp badly, once the endorphins from the run wore off you would be in pain. Similar things happen from play. Lactic acid buildup in the muscles can be reduced by hydration, if you stop to change toys that's a great time for you both to have a swallow of water. Stop to untie a body part, wait a minute longer until it stops tingling and massage it, and have a bite of fruit while you're massaging. Always cold and shivering afterwards, get a small electric heater for your bedroom and raise the ambient temp a couple of degrees. Simple things added together can make big changes.



domiguy -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 12:31:16 PM)

Feeling alone?....Emotionally drained?....Are you experiencing sub drop?....Need a friend to talk to who can help? 

Well you are not alone!!!  Just call 1-(800) Dom-iguy. 

We at Domiguy Industries have been at the forefront of helping all subs* who are experiencing the symptoms of sub drop.....Just listen as one of our trained professionals helps a sub in need.


(phone ringing....Mechanized voice answers phone.)  If English press one...para continuar en espanol, presiona dos.(you hear a phone key being pressed)...  For Domiguy toys and floggers...Press #1, training videos...Press #2, To enroll in a Domiguy sensitivity training class...Press #3, sub drop...Press #4,Living in or planning on visiting Chicago, and want some hot Domiguy action...Pre...(sound of phone key being pressed....Phone starts to ring once again)

Domiguy..."Hi this is the sub drop hot line and my name is Domiguy....How can I help you?

girl on phone..."Ummm...Is this really Domiguy?"

Domiguy...."Yeah. I already said that...Now what's your problem?"

girl on phone..."Well, I got together with my Dom two nights ago and we had this really major scene and now I just feel so depressed ...I have done nothing but cry for the last two hours...I'm shaking, and sobbing....And I have never felt so empty and so alone....I think tha..."

Domiguy...."Whatever....Sounds like we are dealing with a level 2 S.D....Why don't you tell me about the scene."

girl on phone...."Ummmm...ok..I guess...Well, like I was saying, two nights ago my Dom and I got together...He immediately tied me up and blindfolded me....He used spreader bars on my legs...and immediately placed a rather large butt plug in my ass.  He grabbed my hair and started fucking my throat...Then I heard a feminine voice, and I think that is when this other person started going down on me....They used nipple clamps, floggers,canes, strap ons wax, there was endless pussy and face slapping...I sucked cock , I ate pussy...And just when I thought they were finished they would go at me again and again....Every part of my body was used and sore....Then there was nothing...They just left...I was tied up and they just left....And now I feel totally abandoned and outasorts...I feel just so small...What do you think?

Domiguy:  "Wow!....Sounds pretty fucking HOT!!!"

(Long pause...Complete silence....)

girl on phone...."Not about the scene!!!...What about me?"

Domiguy..."Did they ever come back?...You know...Your Dom and the girl."

girl on phone...."No they just left me there!!! I'm still tied up and I'm having someone hold the phone so that I can talk to you....What in the fuck is wrong with you?....Of course they came back...They went out and got some chicken."

Domiguy...."What kind of chicken?"

girl on phone...."How in the fuck would I know? ..For fucksake..I think it was Popeye's!!!"

Domiguy..."Well if they went to Popeye's I hope to God that they got some mashed potatoes, red beans and rice and some of that cajun rice....Have you ever had that cajun rice?  For Popeye's, let me tell you, that shit aint half bad."

girl on phone...."What in the fuck does this have to with anything?....You are a total a-ho.."

Domiguy..."Listen up cupcake....You've got an attitude problem...Things like this happen to rotten people like you...Shake it off!..No one wants to hang around some whiny little puke...Now pull up yourself up by your boot straps and get going....Feel better?"

girl on phone...."Actually I do....Thanks Domiguy!!!...Are we cool?"

Domiguy....We cooo.  (phone call ends with a dial tone)

Call 1 (800) dom-iguy....Now.



* only subs that are incredibly hot.
 
 





MissOchistic -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 1:56:44 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover


 
It reminds me of the Dominant/Top that coaxes a submissive/slave/bottom to their home, leaves them bound and gagged, and then gets on the internet to brag to their online friends.
 



Well, what else is a webcam for?



texancutie -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 3:36:23 PM)

Not to belittle subdrop or domdrop...but that was really funny!  Thanks domiguy.  [:D]



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 3:53:37 PM)

Wow...i didnt realize that subdrop meant one was "so damned unbalanced"...Hmmmm  i guess you learn something new everyday.



texancutie -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:29:59 PM)

Not sure if you were replying to MrDiscipline44 or not.  I certainly don't think subdrop or domdrop means someone is unbalanced.  Just thought the joke domiguy told was funny.  [;)]



KnightofMists -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:43:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin
. I also agree with MrD, anyone requiring a whole entire support network(outside of their partner, their dog or cat and maybe a close friend) to get through sub drop should probably not be playing. That kind of need suggests that something more is going on.


DITTO




SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:46:13 PM)

lmfaooooooooooooooo



texancutie -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:50:35 PM)

Very true when one really thinks about it.  It shouldn't be an ongoing drama, just a matter of learning about oneself and what happens sometimes.  Subdrop shouldn't happen every freaking single time, and not in movie Epic proportion sagas.  Usually if  you are feeling a little down, some pampering helps.  Things like dark chocolate, a little champagne if you like that kind of thing, and maybe a massage or just hopping in the jacuzzi should do the trick.  It does for me anyway.  Everyone else needs to find their own thing.   [:)]



KnightofMists -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:53:00 PM)

ok... so there is 1 (800) dom-iguy for subdrop

BUT what about us Doms that suffer from Domdrop... I dare say we have further to fall... after all we are on Top and the sub is on the bottom.




shyinini -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 6:04:59 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: EvaLass

Sub drop does not mean that a submissive is emotionally unbalanced. It is a common event, and many submissives experience sub drop. A submissive who experiences sub drop and who wants to play needs a safety net and techniques to deal with it. Sub drop is a biochemical  and emotional experience in which the body and mind are struggling to reach equilibrium after play. It can happen up to 72 hours after a play session. The body has been flooded with endorphins, which cause a natural high, and the submissive's mind may be reeling from the powerful and intimate connection that she made with the Dominant during play.  I believe that a Dominant could do everything right in and after play, and the submissive could still experience sub drop. I had a great play session with the Dom I mentioned, then three days later I was in sub drop. He took great care of me, but I still went down.  For me, it is like falling down into a very deep well. Even though  it has happened to me nearly every time I play, I still didn't realize it until the submissive I met on CM once again said, "Girlfriend, you are in sub drop." When I reach sub drop, I tend to feel angry at Dominant who exposed me to such intense experiences.  One of the articles I read said this is very common. He finds this behavior confusing, so I am educating him. We get through it, I return to normal, and then it happens again after play. For some, sub drop may be a minor glitch. It affects me and some others who posted on a related forum topic that I ran. In some situations, the submissive needs some kind of support network beyond the Dominant she is dating.

I was merely suggesting that those who face sub drop might like to know that they can email or write someone in a network. It was really an informal idea to build community connections. Just a suggestion, that's all. I do have a social network and I feel blessed that it includes some wonderful people in the local community who will be there if I need them.

Regardless of whether or not people are interested in a support network, it is important for the submissive and Dominant to understand sub drop - why it is happening and how it manifests itself.  The submissive does need to feel that she can call on the Dominant for a few days after play if she is feeling depressed or isolated. The Dominant does need to understand that providing support for sub drop is part of aftercare. Some submissives may get everything they need from the Dominant while others may require a more extended support system beyond him that they can rely on if needed during sub drop. Everyone's needs and experiences are different.



Might I remind everyone.... this is EVA'S DEFINITION !!
 
Sir's girl
 



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 6:08:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: texancutie

Not sure if you were replying to MrDiscipline44 or not.  I certainly don't think subdrop or domdrop means someone is unbalanced.  Just thought the joke domiguy told was funny.  [;)]

Oh no hun...i was indeed referring to what MrDiscipline44 said ...sorry for the confusion...and yes Domiguy keeps me in stitches regularly



LadyHeart -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 6:09:43 PM)

OMG - I've just read Domiguy's Profile, and Shock! Horror! That's not His picture! To think I've had His photo on my altar, worshipping His image every day and drinking His honeyed words, and it's not Him! I'm suffering from a bad case of sub drop ... what was the number of that Hotline again...???
:))
LH



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