Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network

Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (Full Version)

All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion

Message

EvaLass -> Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 8:04:59 PM)
It may be impractical or even unwise for a submissive who is experiencing sub drop to rely entirely on a Dominant with whom she has played. The Dominant may not always be available, even if he has the submissive's best interests at heart; and for some people sub drop can involve highly charged emotional issues that the submissive may wish to process before deciding whether and how much to share her feelings with the Dominant. I am interested in the idea of creating a support network for those who suffer from sub drop. It could be as simple as being able to email others in the network for support during this vulnerable time or having someone to call and speak with on the phone. If you would like to belong to such a network, please send me an email to my CM address providing whatever contact information you are comfortable with sharing. If enough people respond, we could consider setting up a listserv. In the meantime, I am happy to keep a list of people who have volunteered contact information and to share it with those who need support during sub drop. For some people, sub drop can be a devastating experience that can undermine their relationship with their partner because it uncovers emotional vulnerabilities that may be expressed as hostility or angry gestures aimed at the Dominant. Having a support network of course is not a substitute for getting professional help if the submissive is truly and deeply depressed. The support network can serve as a safety net, by linking the submissive to caring people who can listen and provide support during sub drop that may occur within the 72 hour period after playing. eva

Rover -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 8:18:51 PM)
I'm sorry, but I just have the hardest time envisioning a submissive/bottom/slave meeting real time to scene with a flesh and blood Dominant/Top, only to run home and seek comfort from the electronic box sitting on their desk. It reminds me of the Dominant/Top that coaxes a submissive/slave/bottom to their home, leaves them bound and gagged, and then gets on the internet to brag to their online friends. Yeah, the net is great. So is some semblance of reason. John

texancutie -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 8:30:06 PM)
It's not that bad of an idea, as long as it was reality based and not just wanking material for some guy. Sometimes our Dominants are not always there when it hits. And it can hit a day or two later. Now am sure some people will say, well your Dominant is not a decent Dominant, for not being there for you a day or two later...but the reality of things are such, that people have careers, business trips go along with it, some people have kids and other things going on in their lives that they cannot drop every second. Though I am not sure I would ever use such a service, because if it does stir cause really intimate and intense thoughts, even insecurities, to surface later, I would not want everyone to be aware of them. My feelings and thoughts are at times highly private and deeply personal. And I need to think about keeping them that way at times. It's not just about me, it's about him as well. So for me anyway, if he is not there at the exact moment it hits, I just need to learn to be able to deal with my emotions as a well functioning adult. At the very least I can strive to do that, even if I am not always successful. I know that he gave me great aftercare anyway, and that I will be seeing him again soon. Let alone talking with him even sooner. But it really is not such a bad idea for some people, if they can pull something like this off.

LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 9:36:03 PM)
I can agree that OCCASIONALLY a sub may endure sub drop in which the dom or other regular social support people may not be available. Even then- a sub isn't going to die from subdrop and will get out of it just fine, unless they choose to wallow in it. However, there already are places to just talk and chat and find people to talk to at all hours- it's called internet chat rooms. And really, if a dom can't take care of the post scene issues in a positive way on a regular basis, they shouldn't be playing at all. Not to mention- what about dom drop? Do we get a support network too?

MzMia -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 9:41:10 PM)
Let's all just hold each other. I think we need unions!

mistoferin -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 9:46:57 PM)
I really see some big problems with this idea.

Trampler -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 9:47:38 PM)
I once comforted a friend,( who was just a friend, had no interest in being more.) who was going thru really bad subdrop. Well nothing physical happened, both of us felt a very strong surge of sexual need. Considering our friendship, we could deal with it. Someone who I don't really know, from a subdrop network? ehhh not sure

taintedgypsy -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 10:11:23 PM)
I can see why this could be a good idea yet like others I can see that it is full of problems ... some of the issues involved in sub drop are extreemely sensitive and personal and it may not be appropriate or wise to be sharring these with virtual strangers. For me it was my Dominant who sat me down and pointed out that what I was feeling was sub drop ... I personally had no idea why I was feeeling so vunerable and "bad", and I continued to have problems with sub drop but at least was now aware of what the hell it was. Again for me and not necessarillly true for others sub drop was closely associated with past issues that I had not faced or dealt with and dfinately not something I could go into with anyone who was not close to me. Part of my journey at the moment is facing and dealling with my past in order to move on in a positive way and reduce the power of the past over my present. I also hope that doing this may reduce both the intensity and frequency of sub drop for me personally. I also think that the point that relying on internet for support is less than desirable for something like sub drop as it can be to impersonal and too removed from reality. However these are only my thoughts.

chellekitty -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 11:27:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MzMia Let's all just hold each other. I think we need unions! i was all of a sudden racking my brain for the homeopathic uses of onions...then i read it again and the thought has dropped in intensity, but i think i must go look it up anyway

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 11:38:14 PM)
i experienced this sub drop once (it SUCKED balls) and my Master was not available so i can see how having someone to talk to would be nice ...but i'm not sure a total stranger is such a good idea.

EvaLass -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/27/2007 11:45:59 PM)
I found these responses interesting, since it was through CM that I met someone who has become one of my best friends and who also serves as my support network for sub drop. She contacted me after reading my CM profile to offer her friendship and entry into the local community. I was experiencing severe sub drop at that time from having been thrown into a play event by someone who felt little responsiblity for how I felt afterwards. I had no idea what was going on or why I felt so bad. This woman sent me her telephone number, spent time on the phone counseling me, and invited me to meet her and friends at a local dungeon. She gave me support then, when I was clueless; and when I start dropping now after playing, she is usually the first person to recognize and point out what is happening. It has taken me a couple of months to figure out that I have to educate the Dominant with whom I play about what happens to me during sub drop. Yes, he knows about sub drop, but he still doesn't recognize when I am experiencing it. I am sure that as his awareness rises, he will provide support. In the meantime, the submissive I met on this web site plays an integral role in helping me understand and cope with what is going on. So, I can see why there may be a tendency to think of the Internet as an impersonal place, but CM is where my own support network started.

Rastimmipitwax -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 12:15:36 AM)
Ignore what I posted before, I hadn't read your most recent post well enough. I think this has potential, because there are Doms out there who just don't realise the state they can leave a sub in (and they really NEED to learn this, and how to prevent it); however, it has to be done very carefully, because for every one good friend there are a thousand mindfuckers running around on the net (and out in the real world).

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 12:27:15 AM)
Eva...i hear you on that ...i too have meet 1 woman on here i would be comfortable talking with ...as a matter of fact i did give her my number and she suprized the hell out of me by actullay calling me one day...LOL...it was a very pleasent surprize. so i DO see your point.

flowered -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 1:46:58 AM)
One question- what is sub drop? Something I should know about?

MagiksSlave -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 2:01:50 AM)
Sorry I dont want comfert or anything from anyone other then Master when I am haveing sub drop talking to someone els just wont do period. Magik's slave

Rastimmipitwax -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 2:02:35 AM)
It is when a submissive falls so completely into submission that s/he can feel nothing but the overwhelming need for direction. It can lead to despondence and utter helplessness, depression and many other negative feelings. It is as if an endless void exists inside you and nothing will fill it. It often happens when a scene is not "closed" properly by a Dom/me with proper aftercare. The sub walks around seemingly to be in a completely normal state, but anything can happen. A parent scoldling a child nearby, a loud noise, virtually anything can trigger the drop. Of course, I do not speak from personal experience, but I do have the experience of having a sub I know, even one I am Dom to, go through this, because it is altogether too easy to be unaware of it from the Dominant's perspective. It takes care and practice to know how to deal with it, and any Dom/me should be very concerned that S/He learns how to recognize and deal with this in hir submissive(s). /me returns to wiping drool from His bottom lip and thinking "fresh meat!" [8D] (absolutely kidding! [:D])

flowered -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 3:47:24 AM)
Thank you [:)]

mistoferin -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 3:58:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: Rastimmipitwax It is when a submissive falls so completely into submission that s/he can feel nothing but the overwhelming need for direction. It can lead to despondence and utter helplessness, depression and many other negative feelings. It is as if an endless void exists inside you and nothing will fill it. It often happens when a scene is not "closed" properly by a Dom/me with proper aftercare. The sub walks around seemingly to be in a completely normal state, but anything can happen. A parent scoldling a child nearby, a loud noise, virtually anything can trigger the drop. Of course, I do not speak from personal experience, but I do have the experience of having a sub I know, even one I am Dom to, go through this, because it is altogether too easy to be unaware of it from the Dominant's perspective. It takes care and practice to know how to deal with it, and any Dom/me should be very concerned that S/He learns how to recognize and deal with this in hir submissive(s). /me returns to wiping drool from His bottom lip and thinking "fresh meat!" [8D] (absolutely kidding! [:D]) This is not a definition that I have ever heard or experienced before. We have a LOT of threads on sub drop here in the forums but most of those describe sub drop as the reaction that occurs a day or two after scening, not about "falling into submission" whatever that means. Maybe I'm reading it wrong?

mistoferin -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 4:32:55 AM)
I've seen all kinds of submissive "support groups" form. Most of them fail miserably because they turn into Dom bashing fests. "You're Dom isn't a "real" Dom"....."You're Dom is abusive"....that kind of shit. I can foresee the same thing happening with this. I think the more important message to get out to submissives is that they shouldn't get "thrown into play situations" with Dominants who don't give a shit about them and that they should take the time to make wise decisions as to who they play with. How sub drop will be handled between the two is something that should be discussed BEFORE play.

RCdc -> RE: Sub Drop: Creating a Support Network (6/28/2007 5:43:09 AM)
flowered sub drop can be like Rastimmipitwax described, but I have never personally experienced it that way and I definately would not describe it as something that happens 'if a dominant does not close a scene properly' - that is just bull, quite frankly. Sub drop can happen and often does happen at the end of a scene whether it was good or badly handled - it can happen within minutes and sometimes it can take two, three, even more days to kick in, depending on the situation and the person it happens to. Sub drop can be anything from extreme mood swings and depression, to a chemical rush causing your body to react in a way you are not used to. Some people need comfort, some people just want to be left alone. It effects everyone differently and as erin said.... search the threads for subdrop and you will read many threads on it. Peace the.dark.

Page: [1] 2 3 4 next > >>

Collarchat.com © 2025

Terms of Service

0.03125