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Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 4:27:17 AM   
skareamoos


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline 		Although I realize that no two may be exactly the same, I am curious how many dommes enjoy domming because (1) it empowers them (2) feeds a touch of sadism, or (3) perhaps a bit of both.  (Or possibly a  LOT of both.)  The question arose when reading the recent entries re CBT, which seemed to run the gamut from mild to unhealthily severe.

Along those lines, if I am not mixing two subjects, for most of those of us who submit, and many who do are weird sensualists not really submissive, there are pains that are sought and others that are anything but that. (I do not use  "weird "as a perjorative; I believe I am in that group.)  Beaten or squeezed testicles are a total turnoff for me, but clothepins, clamps, weights, some abrasion, etc., while hideous as they are being endured, are quite acceptable.  Thus, would those who lean toward sadism restrict themselves, with one with my preferences, to the acceptable torments or feed their sadism by going to the unsought actions?  And if they do, how far afield are they, if at all.  Your opinions please.

Or is this so utterly foolish as to deserve no response?
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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 5:47:01 AM   
DommeChains


Posts: 415
Joined: 3/23/2006
Status: offline 		Just like anything else we do the particulars need to be negotiated between the dominant and the submissive or the top and the bottom.  Lots of folks are much more into the SM aspects of the lifestyle than the D/s or M/s aspects since they are primarily focused on the physical sensations, exploration of fetishes, etc.  Regardless of where on the spectrum one finds oneself clear, honest communication of needs, wants, expectations and goals is essential.

(in reply to skareamoos)
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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 5:48:54 AM   
LadyEllen


Posts: 10931
Joined: 6/30/2006
From: Stourport-England
Status: offline 		Yes, its empowering, but not overly so. A million pounds in the bank would be far more empowering, personally.
Yes, whilst I'm far from being nasty or violent, I do feel a streak of vicious sadism once in the moment. Its all very cathartic....

But I'd say its more than that. Its also about escapism, and its not concentrated solely in the physical by any means for me - the psychological is far more important, but also more difficult as whilst whip marks will heal, psychological scars might not.

E

_____________________________

In a test against the leading brand, 9 out of 10 participants couldnt tell the difference. Dumbasses.

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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 6:08:08 AM   
thetammyjo


Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline 		It is more empowering for me but I also believe that Ds should be empowering for the s partner too.

It does give me an acceptable outlet for my sadistic interests. Acceptable in my eyes and ethics.

Primarily I am dominant because that feels most like the full me. I don't turn it on or off, I didn't learn or study how to do it, I just let it out.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 8:01:07 AM   
LadyPact


Posts: 32566
Status: offline 		No, it is not utterly foolish at all, and absolutely worthy of response.
 
I'm in the "a lot of both" catagory.  I consider Myself a Dominant first and foremost.  The sadistic tendencies are secondary.  The empowerment is actually more important to Me.  This doesn't mean that I don't enjoy the delicious activities involved in sensation/pain play.  It just means it isn't the primary reason that I engage in the lifestyle.  If that were the case, I would be perfectly content to engage with bottoms only, rather than look for a submissive.
 
Some of Us, don't engage in CBT.  (At least not the more severe side of it.)  Personally, I'd rather administer a good old-fashioned flogging, or engage in wax play, over that particular practice any day.  It's not different than a lot of other catagories.  Not all of Us who engage in sensation/pain play are the same.  The key is to find someone who matches your fetishes or will respect that a particular form of play is a hard limit.

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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 8:10:08 AM   
skareamoos


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/13/2005
Status: offline 		Thanks for the prompt responses.   I believe I alluded to the fct that all are different, abut I truly  value your input.  (Re the No CBT for me, fine. I respect your preferences as I hope (and believe) you would respect mine, but for some of us males, those areas are the ones of most vulnerability, and thus most at the tender (?) mercies of a lady, and that in itslef is a turnon.

(You say tomato  ... and who cares how I say it 

(in reply to LadyPact)
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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 10:23:41 PM   
onthenosetone


Posts: 118
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		My Ma'am loves the power and is definately a sadist, so a lot of both here!

(in reply to skareamoos)
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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/28/2007 11:23:47 PM   
Evanesce


Posts: 2325
Joined: 9/14/2005
Status: offline 		I am a sadist, so that part is a big plus for me; but my life is all about power and control - who has it and who does not.   I am not "empowered" by what I do, because I'm already empowered by the choices I have made in my life; but "power" is a heady brew, indeed, and I would much rather wield it than surrender it.

_____________________________

Denise

Give a slave what he truly needs, and he will do what you want.

"There's never a hero in a battle of ego." - Big & Rich


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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/29/2007 12:56:47 AM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: skareamoos

Although I realize that no two may be exactly the same, I am curious how many dommes enjoy domming because (1) it empowers them (2) feeds a touch of sadism, or (3) perhaps a bit of both.  (Or possibly a  LOT of both.)  The question arose when reading the recent entries re CBT, which seemed to run the gamut from mild to unhealthily severe.


Since others have addressed the latter part of your query, I'll take the first bit. You have used the words "unhealthily severe." In other words, you are taking your own preferences, and projecting them on to other people. One thing I have learned through watching other people play is that as long as the play is consensual, then those sorts of judgments need to be set aside. You might not like to be caned. Someone else might love welts so severe that they bleed. You might think it is "unhealthy" for someone to want to have his balls pinned to a piece of corkboard, but if he loves it, who are you to say it's "wrong." To conclude that the person who is facilitating this kind of play is sadistic is equally invalid. The Dominant is helping the submissive to achieve the sensations he desires. It's a mutually negotiated scene in which each plays a part. It is obvious that you are new, and haven't thought this through fully, but you will make yourself unpopular if you continue to makes comments like these. It is also against CollarMe's Terms of Service to cristicise the things that others enjoy. Welcome to the world of BDSM - try not to bring into it the perspectives of the vanilla world.
:))
LH

< Message edited by LadyHeart -- 6/29/2007 12:58:20 AM >

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"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

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RE: Power, sadism, or something in between? - 6/29/2007 4:06:12 AM   
Lashra


Posts: 4900
Joined: 2/9/2006
Status: offline 		I do enjoy both and with the added facet that I happen to love my boy, it just pulls the whole relationship together for me. I do not consider my need for control and sadism to be unhealthy. It has not gotten to the point that I must micromanage him to the point that he cannot breathe unless he asks me. I also do not have the need to hurt him so badly that he is damaged in anyway. But you must keep in mind what one person may view as "unhealthy" another may consider perfectly normal for their relationship.

I like to keep a balance in my relationship and that balance keeps us both happy and healthy. Frankly, isn't that what it is all about?

~Lashra


_____________________________

“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”






(in reply to LadyHeart)
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