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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 8:34:58 AM   
CypherEnigma


Posts: 62
Joined: 7/24/2005
Status: offline 		I had a problem very similar to this with my ex Dom. It got toxic and extremely violent over a few years.I went ahead and pressed charges, and took the case through the legal system. He is now out. And i see his various profiles on various websites. I know he will find other women as he found me. I find myself wanting to reach out and warn the women i see on his buddylist. But this would do two things. It would  make me appear like the jelious ex (as he would tell them) and it would also keep him in my life (or at least in my thoughts). And telling the websites was of little avail in my case. He just made new profiles when they deleited his old ones. What works best for me is hoping and believing the other women he has befriended will see the red flags i did not. All i successfully did was worry and drive myself crazy with a situation i can do nothing about. I had to trust other people can take care of themselves, learn for what i have been through, and let it go.

Editited to say this is for the OP

< Message edited by CypherEnigma -- 6/29/2007 8:40:54 AM >

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 8:35:26 AM   
Arpig


Posts: 9930
Joined: 1/3/2006
From: Increasingly further from reality
Status: offline
quote:

How do You suggest i warn other women so this doesn't happen to them?

You don't at least not on CM

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 8:38:14 AM   
ScottishRose


Posts: 31
Joined: 5/13/2007
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: pashun8flame

first i'd like to say, "i'm so very sorry to hear you had a really bad experience" i had that problem on another site but never knew the persons name to report the incident.
post a warning message... here on the message board if you can:
post it with his or their nick and hope for the best,
that others will heed your warning
then block their name from your page so they can not contact you again

you cant unfortunatley post their nick on here it will be pulled by the mods blocking them is a better option

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 8:45:54 AM   
TheDiva


Posts: 129
Joined: 6/21/2006
From: Tallahassee, FL
Status: offline 		Others have pointed out that posting the nickname of the person in question is against the rules. And I'm not sure how much detail you can go into without affecting the upcoming trial. However, you could warn others about his general M.O. Or you could warn others not to go to another person's house for a first meeting (for example), using your very unfortunate experience as a cautionary tale. Best of luck.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 11:21:44 AM   
wantitnow569


Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		all of what You say makes a great deal of sense..i guess i just can't help but wonder what would've happened if the last woman had the courage to go forward with pressing charges....That and what will happen to the next one if i'm coerced into not pressing charges.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 11:24:53 AM   
slaveish


Posts: 1086
Joined: 2/19/2007
Status: offline 		Why do you feel you would be coerced not to?

It seems a pretty cut & dried situation to me, a grave societal responsibility.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 11:31:59 AM   
sub4hire


Posts: 6775
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		You don't.  You educate them...and show them where to go.  Let them make up their own minds.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 11:45:12 AM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline
quote:

i just can't help but wonder what would've happened if the last woman had the courage to go forward with pressing charges...


Just because she didn't press charges does not mean that she lacks courage.  It's her choice, she is the one who had harm done to her.  We don't know why she chose not to press charges.  I wouldn't presume the sort of things you are about another person.


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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 11:45:59 AM   
laineyjade


Posts: 56
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline 		I am so very sorry and horrified that you went through this experience. I am not doubting you in any way, but I agree with the others that if a man is a serial rapist then posting a warning with a nickname, or even an IP, will do nothing to stop him from inventing new nicknames and getting new IP's. The only real way to protect others is to do your best to get him convicted, and then educate other women about red flags and about doing a proper background check on someone which would show a felony.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 12:45:49 PM   
wantitnow569


Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

quote:

i just can't help but wonder what would've happened if the last woman had the courage to go forward with pressing charges...


Just because she didn't press charges does not mean that she lacks courage.  It's her choice, she is the one who had harm done to her.  We don't know why she chose not to press charges.  I wouldn't presume the sort of things you are about another person.



i'm sorry, i in no way meant to come off as presumptious.... However, here's what i do know..i know that she originally filed charges, had a restraining order, and he coerced her into dropping them.. That compiled with the downright arrogance and blatant disregard for victims rights that the police in that town displayed,  make it very difficult for anyone to go forward with even considering pressing charges..

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 1:02:23 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: wantitnow569

all of what You say makes a great deal of sense..i guess i just can't help but wonder what would've happened if the last woman had the courage to go forward with pressing charges....That and what will happen to the next one if i'm coerced into not pressing charges.


These types of posts do not bolster your position...How on Earth could I coerce someone that I have raped not to press charges...Aside from physical harm?

It seems there is some wavering in your position...Did this thing happen or not?...It seems your path is clear cut...If it did happen and you do nothing....How much culpability would you place on your own inactions if this event takes place again or possibly turns into a scenario that is even worse?

It is apparent that now days have passed since the "event" and that up to this present time that you have chose to do nothing....Why did you even come out here?  I see things for what they are....And I don't think it is entirely unreasonable to start questioning the validity of your claim.

I think it is very difficult to open yourself up to all that would be entailed in going to trial...I think many people rely on the hesitancy of the victim to come forward....If you had no intentions of proceeding with charges I think you have made a mistake in posting. It does call into question whether this post could be nothing more than a way to smear an individual.

I think the majority of people would have simply pressed charges...Not come out to perform a debate about it on the CM forums.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 1:27:40 PM   
wantitnow569


Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		Domiguy,
While i respect Your point of view, i must beg to differ..In that You in fact have no details of this incident..For one, not only did i ask the police to press charges but was told what a "whore" i would be made to look like and repeatedly told how i had "made my bed" and "put myself in this situation"...After being brutally assaulted, i'm not sure how You would have responded, however i went home..Two days later (because it had not occurred to me) i did go to the hospital and had a rape kit done.. They were actually able (yes two days later) to collect a great deal of evidence..... (and lots of pictures!!)
Additionally, i am in the process of pressing charges, which is not exactly the easiest thing to do when the police do not want to assist me in moving forward with the criminal charges. 
Lastly, had this just been a "smear campaign" i think i might have  posted his name, his town, his location, or at least some identifiable details..Which, You may notice i have been very careful not to do..
i'm very sorry if i'm coming off defensive and bitchy in this post...It's just that my question was fairly simple and straightforward...and i'm growing tired of having to defend myself everywhere i go and every time i turn around.
my apologies,
want it. 

(in reply to domiguy)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 1:39:24 PM   
domiguy


Posts: 12952
Joined: 5/2/2006
Status: offline 		I do not mean to give you grief....I'm sorry for all that has happened to you.

And once again, I hope that whomever is responsible....Will be punished in accordance to the damage that they have caused.

I wish you nothing but the best.  And I apologize for my words for they seem misplaced at this time.

I hope everyone can understand the difficulty in trying to discern what is the truth from a thread like this....It always seems that more relevant information is garnished later than sooner which on a forum makes it very difficult to speculate what actually happened....I wish you well.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 2:02:34 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		What you have done and in the future need to do takes a lot of courage and you should be proud of yourself that you have gotten this far into the process.  Cops for the most part are lazy idiots - they don't need any kind of education to be cops so depending on who you get is a real toss up. There are some super ones out thre and some real assholes, don't let them sway you they are only public servants and they try to avoid as much paperwork as possible.  The DA will decide if you have a case or not depending on the evidence presented. i suggest you get some kind of support system - perhaps go to a women's groups, rape crises team for ideas etc. don't face this alone.  You are the victim... always keep that in mind and maybe by pressing charges you might prevent another woman from stepping into your shoes.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 2:15:40 PM   
NorthernGent


Posts: 8730
Joined: 7/10/2006
Status: offline 		'Glad I'm not a 16th century woman/witch in the modern day US. I'd be well and truly fucked.

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 2:47:10 PM   
popeye1250


Posts: 18104
Joined: 1/27/2006
From: New Hampshire
Status: offline 		Sorry but I just don't think jail, prosecution does any good to lowlifes like that.
As they say in this part of the country; "Give him a good South Georgia beatin'".
They get out of jail and within a year they're terrorizing women again.
I think they need to have what we called "a significant emotional experience".
One of my friends told me once in a similar experience, "You have to make sure *they're* afraid for the rest of their lives."
"You knock them out, cut off their dick and balls and then go to work on their fifth vertebrae and make SURE they're in a wheelchair for the rest of their lives!"

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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 5:16:39 PM   
SugarMyChurro


Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		Okay, so the call for blacklisting goes out and now the profile for the OP doesn't even exist.

What gives with that?

-----

People, if you meet someone on these types of boards have a safecall, have more than one even! I have a friend for whom I regularly provide safecalls - she gives me the address of where she is going, phone number, and the driver's license number and full name of the person(s) she is meeting. When she arrives on the scene she calls me back to confirm that the person(s) can provide the I.D. with the aforementioned information and she confirms that the address and phone are also correct. The person(s) being met are informed that safecalls have been prearranged. If a safecall time comes and goes I will try to reach my friend on her mobile phone. If I don't get an answer and the place is close enough, I will go to the address myself in the mood to kick someone's ass and carrying the necessary tools to do the job right - if the location is farther off, I will call emergency help of the official kind and explain the situation.

That's it. That's what you do. You do this even if you have already met your hookup in a public place prior to the "real" meeting for fun and games.

This approach may not be foolproof, but it's far better than nothing at all. It wouldn't hurt to have some knowledge of self defense tactics also.

(in reply to wantitnow569)
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RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 5:56:04 PM   
wantitnow569


Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		SMC,
My profile was actually de-activated the night that i arrived home after  the incident occured...i decided to post this question after being repeatedly told that i needed to do what i can to warn other women....
If You want to email me on the other side, please let me know..
i'm sorry for the confusion that this has caused.

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 6:12:22 PM   
SugarMyChurro


Posts: 1912
Joined: 4/26/2007
Status: offline 		Well, I'm confused - how would I contact you on the other side when the status is: "Profile Not Found"?

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Profile   Post #: 39
RE: How do You warn others?? - 6/29/2007 6:41:56 PM   
wantitnow569


Posts: 75
Joined: 4/22/2006
Status: offline 		my apologies...i was unaware that You would be unable to email me if my profile was deactivated; and as a result i have re activated my profile.

< Message edited by wantitnow569 -- 6/29/2007 7:21:20 PM >

(in reply to SugarMyChurro)
Profile   Post #: 40
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