Resentment (Full Version)

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Saint -> Resentment (6/29/2007 3:52:49 AM)

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice and yet you can never be what they are looking for? I'm not talking knowing someone for days or weeks or even months, but for years? Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them? And I guess finally, have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

I am curious if anyone has encountered this and if so how do you deal with it?



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 3:56:05 AM)

I'm so sorry you are hurting....unrequited love is one of the hardest heart aches there is....i hope all gets better for you soon.



laineyjade -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 4:02:28 AM)

Hello Saint,

Not to make light of your feelings, which I understand are very deep and intense, but this sounds like an obsession has developed over the years. You know you cannot change the situation or make the other person want the relationship you hoped for, so the only option left is to change yourself. A little counseling can go a very long way with such things. Once you get a chance to really vent and talk to someone unbiased about what has happened and the way you feel, a lot of the emotional intensity will drain out of the memories and you will very likely feel much less dramatically involved. Going over and over the same script in your mind has turned it toxic and only letting go of it will help, so you can regard the person with fond memories and without resentment for not meeting your dreams. Good luck, I wish you all the best.



bandit25 -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 4:05:22 AM)

Been there, done that.  It sucks BIG TIME.  You have to reconcile yourself to either being the person's friend or not being in his or her life.  Those are, unfortunately, your only choices.  I would counsel against hoping that one day s/he will look at you and suddenly fall in love.  It happens in movies all the time...in real life?  Not so much.



akisha -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 8:01:45 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice <snip> 


Yes!!!!!

quote:


Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them? And I guess finally, have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

I am curious if anyone has encountered this and if so how do you deal with it?


To the last part no. Being able to love someone and not be with them or be more to them is not their fault. You have to take responsibility for your own emotions. It is not their fault you feel stronger then they do.

Personally I accept the fact that I love them more then anything, and I enjoy and revel inthe fact that I can love somone so deeply and completely and I hope that one day I can feel like that about someone that feels the same in return.

Loving someone is never a bad thing, but sometimes it can make you cry with as much passion that you love them with.



slaveish -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 8:17:54 AM)

Yes, I have been there, and yes I have cursed ever having met him. No one could match him in my heart. I compared others to him.

Now I have the benefit of almost 20 years of distance. I look at him, his life, his accomplishments, his situation, and I am relieved I am not in it. It's not that his life is bad, by any means, but it's just not something that would fit me well. I went from adoring him to ... ugh ... pitying him.

Time is the only healer of this wound. And therapy wouldn't hurt, not that you need therapy because of him, but rather because therapy is a portal toward strong self-worth.



kiyari -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 8:23:22 AM)

Perhaps unrequited love is easier borne when there is not so close a relationship, even, as a friendship. Those I have loved in this way, were heart treasures to me, and I have never grown to 'resent' them. Unrequited love has never failed me :)



AquaticSub -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 8:33:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice and yet you can never be what they are looking for? I'm not talking knowing someone for days or weeks or even months, but for years? Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them? And I guess finally, have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

I am curious if anyone has encountered this and if so how do you deal with it?


Yup.

I got over it by realizing that if I wasn't right for them, then clearly they weren't right for me. Otherwise they would be with me. It took awhile, but I got over it.



swtnsparkling -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 8:47:01 AM)

quote:

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice and yet you can never be what they are looking for?
  Yes once
quote:

Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them?  
Yes, same person
quote:

  have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

No never I still feel the same towards them



LadyOpinx -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 12:47:24 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: swtnsparkling

quote:

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice and yet you can never be what they are looking for?
  Yes once
quote:

Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them?  
Yes, same person
quote:

  have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

No never I still feel the same towards them


I can ditto swtnsparkling.

I have gone through periods of resentment for not being able to have him the way "I wanted".  But resentment just eats you up inside

I am finally getting to the point of realizing we just aren't right for each other---or like AquaticSub said--or we would have been together.

I am sorry for your hurt.  I know it and understand it.

But  everyone seems to be saying we can get through it .


I'm gonna believe in that.


*Bright Blessings*

Linda






MagiksSlave -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 12:50:00 PM)

Hurts more then anything... I know the feeling.. I tend to withdraw and distence myself when I even think something like that will happen... growing up I never even allowed myself to have a crush.. i guard my heart with iron gates!!


Magik's slave?



vhyden -> RE: Resentment (6/29/2007 1:44:19 PM)

I have finally come out of a relationship where I cherished the person I was with and also resented them for not being what I wanted.   She led me on in the beginning and then created years of drama to keep me from her.  I have just had to let go knowing that she'll never be mine that way but I'll always love her.  It's a sadness that reminds us that we are here for more than just survival.

Master Vhyden



TemptingNviceSub -> RE: Resentment (6/30/2007 1:42:10 PM)

Loving someone or having love is never bad. It is what you do with it that can become the problem. Your choice...Tempting



asubmissiveheart -> RE: Resentment (6/30/2007 4:35:09 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice and yet you can never be what they are looking for? I'm not talking knowing someone for days or weeks or even months, but for years? Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them? And I guess finally, have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

I am curious if anyone has encountered this and if so how do you deal with it?


I had situations like this as a teenager and years ago, I don't allow myself to become involved with someone
that I know is going to cause me that type of pain.



GhitaAmati -> RE: Resentment (6/30/2007 7:30:10 PM)

Im slightly (ok I abit more than slightly) drunk at the moment, so Im actually gonna work up the courage to answer this. About 6 years ago I accepted (actually begged) for the collar of a wonderful man. someone I am still to this day in love with. When our relationship begain I knew he was married and I told myself it wouldnt matter. We spent along time together...a wonderfule time. I miss him greatly. After a time, the fact that he was married was to much for me to bear, I knew I would never be able to be with him comepleatly, and I screwed up our relationship by cheating on him because i decided that maybe if I went out and just screwed some guy it would help me get my mind off my Sir...I know, please doint flame me, it was stupid and I regret it even to this day., Every time I  hear from him, or see him around town my heart is in my throat. I want so much to throw myself at his feet and beg forgiveness and i know I cant. When anyone on this list asks questions about the perfect Dom I describe HIM.....its been 4 years since Ive seen him and I still  cry whenever I think about him.



KatyLied -> RE: Resentment (7/1/2007 3:45:31 PM)

quote:

until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.


I've had a situation very much like yours.  With the exception of the hating.  This person meant so much to me that I don't think I could ever hate him.  And hate is something I've reserved for only a few people.  Time makes things better.  But the best thing you can do is move on with your life and allow other possibilities to enter it.  It's not easy and it doesn't happen in an instance. 



HutchGarahl -> RE: Resentment (7/1/2007 4:41:08 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: Saint

Have you ever known someone so wonderful, so special that your heart hurts when you look at them or hear their voice and yet you can never be what they are looking for? I'm not talking knowing someone for days or weeks or even months, but for years? Have you ever had your heart captured involuntarily by someone like that and yet you cannot be anything more than a friend to them? Yes
And I guess finally, have you ever slowly started to curse them or their memory? No, I could never do that to someone I loved.
Not for anything they did wrong or deliberate. But for the simple fact that the pain inside after so long of trying to let it go finally just starts to overcome you until you reach a point where you hate them for being so very wonderful.

I am curious if anyone has encountered this and if so how do you deal with it?
I met a woman back in 92, we became best of friends. I fell in love with her...but was unable to tell her of my feelings and be with her because she is straight. How did I handle it? I moved almost 1500 miles away. I thought if I was that far away, my feelings would die. I was wrong. I am still vey much in love with her and we are still the very best of friends. Though she now knows my feelings. Will there ever be a chance we'de get together? Maybe. She and her husband are exploring this lifestyle and getting deeper into it all the time and the thought of her exploring bisexuality is now in her mind...but only in thoughts for now. Sure would be great if she opened up. :P



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