RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (Full Version)

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SweetDommes -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (6/13/2005 9:45:01 AM)

My opinion on this is that relationships are built upon trust - and if this married man is lying to his wife (which we don't know if he is or not), then how can you trust that he is not lying to you as well? I would never be able to trust someone who admits that he/she is sneaking around behind their SO's back. We have dismissed more than one who offered to leave their SO for us, because it's dishonest. They are looking for something that they aren't getting at home, which is fine ... as long as their SO knows what they are up to (I'm totally with pygmalian on this one ... SSC includes more than just the 2 directly involved ... it includes any SOs as well).

We have seen it to be true over and over and over - "once a cheater, always a cheater" (with a few exceptions, of course ... but everyone knows that the exceptions make the rule). If he is cheating on his wife with you, knotnilla, how can you be sure that you are the only one that he's cheating on her with? If he isn't cheating on his wife with you, then have you talked to her to varify that she really does know about you? We have considered playing with attached submissives, but a qualification to it was that the first time we met them face to face, they had to bring their SO with (first meeting is always nilla ... no play, no D/s interactions ... just a 'get to know you' type meeting). So far, none have taken us up on it, even though each told us that their SOs knew about their D/s needs and that they were looking outside of the marriage. Kinda suspicious to us.

Without having any more information than was given in the OP, I would have to say that it probably won't work. I could be wrong of course, because if it is a case where the relationship is open or poly, it can work - as long as you, knotnilla, are ok with not being the primary.



lovingmaster45 -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (6/14/2005 5:02:41 AM)

quote:

My views had nothing to do with morals or sex. It was about domination, and how ridiculously out of 'control' and pathetic a 'Dominant' appears when he behaves like a scared little boy who might get 'caught' by his wife, regardless of what role, if any she plays in his life on a D/s level. To me, such things, work against the very exchange of power those seek in the lifestyle.


Amen brother. What a pathetic woos. He can't control his own relationships and he wants to be a DOMINANT? I don't think so. Let him go whack off to his silly fantasies.

My wife interviews all the sub females I am interested in. I find a female can spot another female playing games much quicker than I can. Must be because they don't have a penis involved in the discussions.



zaynab -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/3/2005 11:38:48 AM)

i had a 1 year chat only relationship with a married man once....
at that time, i felt that i had violated my own rule of "no cheating, ever!" but he pulled the old "if you dont chat with me, ill kill myself" trick on me.....

violating my own rule of ethics and morality was very damaging to me... my spiritual life suffered tremendously and it took me years to recuperate from.... if i ever did truly recuperate from it..........



BlkTallFullfig -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/3/2005 11:51:31 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: vtx1800rider
The majority of people who have answered this question do not truly, I think have a handle on exactly what it is the original poster is asking and are answering with their own personal feelings.
VTX

With all due respect Sir how would you suggest people answer (if not with their own views and feelings on the matter)? With scientific facts on the odds of a relationship where one falls in love with a married man being successful?
This thread has been failry positive in that people have not given her a moralistic answer. We simply think the odds are bad if the wife is not part of the equation and she is in love with this man (which in my view complicates things).
I agree completely that it's pathetic when a Dom or sub (it annoys me infinitely when a sub is chatting offering to be fully able to submit, and as soon as wife walks in the room, he says I have to go, disappears).
quote:

I can't respect a 'Dom' as a submissive, when I know he's hiding/sneaking around on his wife. Something about it so pathetic and simulates a scared little boy, that I simply couldn't see myself 'submitting' to him.
M



Kindred2Evil -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/3/2005 2:43:07 PM)

This topic is a button with me, so I thought I'd post my thoughts. I'm happily married to a wonderful man who is also a Dom. I'm a Domme...seeing a problem here? lol He and I both are currently in search of submissives or one we can both share. I have to agree with the majority who posted on if the SO knows about it and has no problem with it, where's the issue? If the SO doesn't know, well that's a whole nother can of wriggly worms isn't it.
It has nothing to do with morals or that rubbish, so long as both parties are honest and forthright. It's like couples who swing, if they both are into it and enjoy it, it's not adultry. Sneaking around is what makes it wrong. Just my thoughts



naughtinicki -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/3/2005 2:44:50 PM)

For U/us it works.

But then W/we are both married to vanilla's.

Both respect the limitations of time etc of each other and thus nearly two tears together has shown U/us it can work.

As to the ethics/morals of what W/we do, that is for U/us and U/us alone and no others.



Gent009 -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/3/2005 8:23:55 PM)

I believe that honesty and integrity are the benchmarks, and I could not look myself in the eye if I were not fulfilling my obligation to a relationship. That's the rub.

One of the obligations of my former marriage was monogamy. If that is an obligation in this fella's marriage, then I predict that he will one day fall apart which could be dangerous to you.

Ultimately you make the decision. Be well.



Lordandmaster -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/4/2005 12:15:17 AM)

To me the real woos is the man who leaves his children behind with his ex-wife because his marriage isn't convenient. Being dominant isn't about "controlling relationships." That's called "domineering."

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

Amen brother. What a pathetic woos. He can't control his own relationships and he wants to be a DOMINANT? I don't think so. Let him go whack off to his silly fantasies.




LordODiscipline -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/4/2005 7:17:12 AM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Homewrecker
I would tend to dissagree, those who have answered have placed a moral judgement on cheating.


True - but then, this question delves into morality.


quote:

I lived in France for 5 years and find that there it is accepted, almost expected. Certainly you should know, but to say it does not work, well, this is not proven in fact because most people cheat, men and women. How sweet the marionette who can entertain and direct two women. I applaud him.


Now this is simple rationalization for a socially unaccepted behavior:
1. 'Everyone does it'
2. 'It is accepted in <fill in the blank>'
3. 'It aint easy'

~J



krikket -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/4/2005 7:51:53 AM)

Having been in this situation, i called it cowardly, and a few other things i won't say in public..lol. However, when the dust settled, i was the one who still had the love and respect of my children, family and friends, my sanity, along with a strength i never knew i had inside of me. No one should have to go thru this, but it's not likely to stop happening. (And yes, for the record i know women leave their husbands with their kids too, which is equally sucky.)

As far as the OP's question: It's certainly possible for such a relationship to work, but i don't know of many. YMMV, however...

good luck

cheers
jimini



quote:

ORIGINAL: Lordandmaster

To me the real woos is the man who leaves his children behind with his ex-wife because his marriage isn't convenient. Being dominant isn't about "controlling relationships." That's called "domineering."

quote:

ORIGINAL: lovingmaster45

Amen brother. What a pathetic woos. He can't control his own relationships and he wants to be a DOMINANT? I don't think so. Let him go whack off to his silly fantasies.






wolfspirits -> RE: Submitting to a Married Man... (7/4/2005 7:53:38 AM)

I Disagree, Not Everyone Cheats. This Man Is Dishonorable On Various Counts, I Feel Badly You Were Deceived And Fell In Love. It Angers Me When People Use Poly As A Way To Cheat. On Another Thread I Mentioned That One Should Meet The Other People /Spouces . My Husband And I Have Been Poly For About 20 Yrs. Putting All The Cards On The Table Works Well. Here We Are Dominant Couple, I Will Always Be The Alpha Female, I Do The Same As MasterJerry''s Wife. I Interveiw/Handle Phone Calls And Email With The Other Females. We Also Swing, Together Not Alone, If At A Get Together A Straight Female Is Intrested In Him She Approaches Me First And Tells Me Of Her Intrest.
Lady Silver, Of WolfSpirits.



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