Collarspace Discussion Forums


Home  Login  Search 

Submitting to a Married Man...


View related threads: (in this forum | in all forums)

Logged in as: Guest
 
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Submitting to a Married Man... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Login
Message << Older Topic   Newer Topic >>
Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 1:03:28 PM   
knotnilla


Posts: 47
Joined: 12/5/2004
Status: offline 		Is anyone doing this sucessfully? I managed to get myself into a situation where I have fallen in love and into a D/s relationship with someone who is married. I want to know if this sort of thing ever works out..
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 1:07:30 PM   
silhouette


Posts: 8
Joined: 12/31/2004
Status: offline 		If it is what you want, why question it? Though I am not married, I would not hesitate to form a lasting relationship with a married woman. Once marriage meant a great deal, today, it is disposable and has new rules. I do not think this matters any longer. I say, Go Girl!

< Message edited by silhouette -- 6/12/2005 1:08:08 PM >

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 1:13:20 PM   
BlkTallFullfig


Posts: 5585
Joined: 6/25/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla
I managed to get myself into a situation where I have fallen in love and into a D/s relationship with someone who is married. I want to know if this sort of thing ever works out..

I say the odds are against you especially IF his wife doesn't know and you are in a relationship with him but not her.
Good luck. M

_____________________________

a.k.a. SexyBossyBBW
""Touching was, and still is, and will always be, the true revolution" Nikki Giovanni

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 1:15:46 PM   
FuriousAngel


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		A long time ago my naive little began talking to a 'Dom' who was married. He told me that he speaks to the submissives alone first, and later introduces them to his wife (another submissive). Basically, it was portrayed as a poly situation.

I never did meet the 'wife', but we continued to chat online. After awhile, he began 'disappearing' offline only to arrive a few moments after with an apology. He was 'signing off' because his wife had entered the room. (The same one that 'knew' about his 'activities'? LOL).

I remember once this happened several times in a row while we were chatting. I was laughing so hard tears were streaming down my face. To be speaking to a 'Dominant' who continually ducked offline in fear of his wife finding him talking to another? It did nothing for me, aside from make me laugh.

I can't respect a 'Dom' as a submissive, when I know he's hiding/sneaking around on his wife. Something about it so pathetic and simulates a scared little boy, that I simply couldn't see myself 'submitting' to him. I'm not here to judge or debate the moralities of those married and engaging in relationships outside their marriage. I'm expressing how I percieve married dominants on a personal level.

Gawd! Years have passed and even recalling the memory to share it here has me hysterical all over again!

< Message edited by FuriousAngel -- 6/12/2005 1:16:38 PM >

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 1:36:46 PM   
pygmalionsub


Posts: 30
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		I agree with furiousangel. It would 100% depend on if the spouse knew or not. I am married myself, but my husband knows that i am seeking a trainer to experience some stuff that he isn't into. My husband WILL meet my trainer, the first couple times, just to make sure the trainer is who he says he is, and not a slime. I am always honest with all involved. When I say i believe in SSC, i believe the spouses invovled should be consentual was well.

(in reply to FuriousAngel)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 1:51:00 PM   
Raphael


Posts: 263
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla

Is anyone doing this sucessfully? I managed to get myself into a situation where I have fallen in love and into a D/s relationship with someone who is married. I want to know if this sort of thing ever works out..



Key question, is this a poly relationship, including his wife?

Or are you just doing him behind her back?

A key attribute of a Master is honour. A man running around behind his wife's back has none. And that sort of relationship isn't going to end well.

If they're poly, then *shrug* perhaps it could be real. But keep in mind that the vast majority of married guys that claim they're poly in situations like this are lying.

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 4:22:10 PM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		I was owned by a married couple, and the Owner now lives with his primary who is pretty much what a wife and husband would be except they won't get married unless there is extreme necessity to do so.

Of course it can work...though if it's a cheating situation it likely won't work for long.

(in reply to Raphael)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 4:50:36 PM   
Homewrecker


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline 		I would tend to dissagree, those who have answered have placed a moral judgement on cheating. I lived in France for 5 years and find that there it is accepted, almost expected. Certainly you should know, but to say it does not work, well, this is not proven in fact because most people cheat, men and women. How sweet the marionette who can entertain and direct two women. I applaud him.

< Message edited by Homewrecker -- 6/12/2005 4:52:03 PM >

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 5:30:59 PM   
FuriousAngel


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline 		Actually, I answered and stated specifically that I was not judging the moralities of those who cheat. It's not my problem, and I could care less what others choose to do with their lives, or those in it. I stated how I perceived a dominant I'd been communicated with for a short period of time appeared to me.

Imagine, a Dominant in the process of 'exerting control' only to 'hang up' or 'disappear offline' and reappear moments later with a sheepish explanation that his 'wife came in the room'. On a vanilla level, a person might not be so 'affected' by such antics. A submissive, on the other hand? Well ... like I said, I had tears rolling down my cheeks because I was laughing so hard at the "Domy One".

(in reply to Homewrecker)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 5:49:31 PM   
Homewrecker


Posts: 6
Joined: 4/25/2005
Status: offline 		Your sexual bias is showing. Why would you think that his wife was less Dominant than he? Dominance is not all or nothing, some people are more Dominant than others. Perhpas you assumed since she was a woman she was not a Domme? Or perhpas since you were submissive to him, you assumed all women would be? I should think that many Dominant men are Dominated by more powerfully Dominant women. Perhpas you were laughing at the wrong one?

< Message edited by Homewrecker -- 6/12/2005 5:51:27 PM >

(in reply to FuriousAngel)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 6:00:54 PM   
WarVet


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/4/2005
Status: offline 		I also agree with FuriousAngel........the way it see it my sub (surfergirl) and I have been Married for 14 years. we're still new to the lifestyle and always learning new things. To some marriage means squat but it should STILL be respected like pygmalionsub...the spouces should be involved

(in reply to FuriousAngel)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 6:22:26 PM   
eroticplay4u


Posts: 6
Joined: 6/22/2004
Status: offline 		Good luck with this one. It rarely works out. But it can happen. Make sure all parties are involved from the get go.

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 7:29:19 PM   
fourpeas


Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline 		I would say it all depends on the situation.

That said...

I don't care what kind of a relationship you are in, all relationships (monogamous or not) have boundaries that should be respected. I get discouraged reading posts about how "everyone cheats" because the main point is that people MAKE CHOICES... and when people make choices to be in an honest, and open relationship, (say a poly relationship for example) they are still making a choice to be HONEST and OPEN and not to sneak around a spouse/lover/boyfriend/girlfriend's back !!!

Every person's relationship is different and should be respected. And many people make choices to be monogamous or be poly, but cheating is not something that "just happens" it happens when people MAKE CHOICES to be dishonest.


(in reply to eroticplay4u)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 9:14:00 PM   
GoddessDustyGold


Posts: 2822
Joined: 4/11/2004
From: Arizona
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homewrecker

Your sexual bias is showing. Why would you think that his wife was less Dominant than he? Dominance is not all or nothing, some people are more Dominant than others. Perhpas you assumed since she was a woman she was not a Domme? Or perhpas since you were submissive to him, you assumed all women would be? I should think that many Dominant men are Dominated by more powerfully Dominant women. Perhpas you were laughing at the wrong one?


Spoken like a true submissive male! LOL NOT!
My first clue would have been because furiousangel explained that the Male Dom introduced himself by saying that his wife was submissive and he just began the process and introduced the wife later.

quote:

A long time ago my naive little began talking to a 'Dom' who was married. He told me that he speaks to the submissives alone first, and later introduces them to his wife (another submissive). Basically, it was portrayed as a poly situation.


I also took good look at your chosen user name...Homewrecker? That's a good one.
And your profile is even better.
Be careful how you portray yourself, dear.

_____________________________

Dusty
They that give up essential liberty to obtain a little temporary safety deserve neither liberty nor safety
B Franklin
Don't blame Me ~ I didn't vote for either of them
The Hidden Kingdom


(in reply to Homewrecker)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 9:46:31 PM   
ProScatman


Posts: 167
Joined: 5/28/2004
From: Ohio
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla

Is anyone doing this sucessfully? I managed to get myself into a situation where I have fallen in love and into a D/s relationship with someone who is married. I want to know if this sort of thing ever works out..


It all depends what your belief of success is! I'm involved in a non-sexual marriage. We haven't made any kind of love in over 20 years! She has known I've had lady friends, but doesn't get very uptight about it. She has many times told me she expects me to protect her, knowledge wise! We don't even sleep in the same room together? There are people that would like to see me hung, because I won't just rot and go the no sex route.
To answer your question, yes it can work out! My last Domm told me straight up all she wanted me for was to use me! Before we ever met in person that was well established. But, when you build up a relationship because it has to happen and fall in love as I did with Her. I knew I was going to end up hurt! She was beautiful, and talented and demanding and I just quit fighting the feelings that were developing over the coarse of two years +. I knew She as well was in the same boat so to speak, because she had began to go beyond Her own set limits in our activities; and that was something I would have been stearnly rebuked and maybe punished for only a year before. To get to the point here, one weekend she told me she was moving to the other side of town, and would e-mail or call me with her new address. That was the last I ever heard from her, and I hurt badly and I still miss her touch. But, to me it was successful, because I had the privilidge of serving Her for a little over two years! She told me often that I was the best slave She ever had! Would I have left my wife for her? Yes, if she had said the word, and She knew it, because I told her! I hope this helps you! I still haven't given up hope my Dom and Soulmate will message me someday, I haven't met her yet? I have to have faith she will find me or me her! Yes the loss of my Domm hurt, but I'd rather suffer that pain; knowing we had something rather than the pain of solitude unbroken!

_____________________________

The objection to Puritans is not that they try to make us think as they do, but that they try to make us do as they think.

Have a good day, Mike

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/12/2005 10:35:06 PM   
FuriousAngel


Posts: 102
Joined: 1/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Homewrecker

Your sexual bias is showing. Why would you think that his wife was less Dominant than he? Dominance is not all or nothing, some people are more Dominant than others. Perhpas you assumed since she was a woman she was not a Domme? Or perhpas since you were submissive to him, you assumed all women would be? I should think that many Dominant men are Dominated by more powerfully Dominant women. Perhpas you were laughing at the wrong one?


Sexual bias? He introduced himself to me as the male, dominant half of a 24/7 D/s couple. I don't see how any of what you said addresses what I shared in my posts. Again, allow me to repeat, though with more elaboration so you don't misinterpret me as being 'biased'.

As far as dominant personalities go, be it a Dominant or a Domme, the day either is attempting to dominant me, and has to 'run hide' from their significant other, is the day they lose all dominating powers they may have had. It is not an attractive sign (to me) of a Dom/Domme to scamper off hiding so they don't get caught with their hand in the cookie jar, so to speak.

Can such relationships last, who knows? I don't care. The woman asked a question as to whether others felt relationships with a married dominant can survive. I shared an experience I had, from a submissive's point of view towards a dominant. Though, each person is unique and it might not bother her to have such encounters. It was still worth noting as it's something to think about, at least, from a submissive standpoint.

My views had nothing to do with morals or sex. It was about domination, and how ridiculously out of 'control' and pathetic a 'Dominant' appears when he behaves like a scared little boy who might get 'caught' by his wife, regardless of what role, if any she plays in his life on a D/s level. To me, such things, work against the very exchange of power those seek in the lifestyle.

If the submissve who posted the thread has not yet encountered such instances with the Dom in question, she may find the information helpful, or at the least, file it away to drag out at a future date, in the event that it does happen. It was a sharing of an experience I had for a Dom I thought I respected from a D/s level, only to discover .. I couldn't stop laughing at him.

< Message edited by FuriousAngel -- 6/12/2005 10:36:44 PM >

(in reply to Homewrecker)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/13/2005 3:03:10 AM   
MemphisDsCouple


Posts: 146
Joined: 11/1/2004
From: Memphis, TN, USA
Status: offline 		It's working just fine for the married man isn't it?

quote:

ORIGINAL: knotnilla

Is anyone doing this sucessfully? I managed to get myself into a situation where I have fallen in love and into a D/s relationship with someone who is married. I want to know if this sort of thing ever works out..




_____________________________

B. (the male half of MemphisDsCouple)

(in reply to knotnilla)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/13/2005 4:51:09 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		The answer depends on too many variables, first of which is ~ does his wife know?

If she doesn't, then whether or not it will 'work' depends on what sort of contact you have with him, and what you expect/hope to get out of the relationship, and what sort of person you care to submit to.

If you can see him for periods of time where you're his sole focus of attention, and you're not looking for any kind of permanent, closer, (i would say 'meaningful') relationship, and you don't mind that he's able to be dishonest with someone he really should he honest with... then it has a chance of working out.

If you think this isn't the case, then I'd say... get out now before you get TOO emotionally involved to walk away.

~ Elektra

< Message edited by ElektraUkM -- 7/4/2005 2:38:59 AM >

(in reply to MemphisDsCouple)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/13/2005 8:08:45 AM   
johne37179


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/9/2005
Status: offline 		I think the problem here is not the marriage of your Dom, but that you have fallen in love with someone unwilling or unable to return that love. With over 40 years of experience in this genre, I think the primary problem is unrealistic and unmatched expectations. For some the relationship is an equisite experience they keep isolated from the rest of their lives...I think these relationships have the best chance of being long lasting and rewarding for both partners. On the other hand for those who want to combine romance/love with the BDSM experience -- they need to be upfront about it and both players need to desire the same thing.

Just a bit of shared scar tissue.

< Message edited by johne37179 -- 6/13/2005 8:09:38 AM >

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 19
RE: Submitting to a Married Man... - 6/13/2005 8:33:51 AM   
vtx1800rider


Posts: 1
Joined: 5/16/2004
Status: offline 		johne37179

I think you are absolutely correct. Be upfront with each other about expectations.

I am married. My wife does not know. I am as upfront with this as possible.

Knotnilla is in a very tough place emotionally. However her open-ended question does this ever work out has no fixed question for people to work with. Will they always be together? Will he care for her and always try to keep her feelings in the front of his mind? Will he leave his wife and possibly kids for her?

The majority of people who have answered this question do not truly, I think have a handle on exactly what it is the original poster is asking and are answering with their own personal feelings.

Just remember us Marrieds are not all the same anymore than all of you are the same.

VTX

(in reply to johne37179)
Profile   Post #: 20
Page:   [1] 2   next >   >>
All Forums >> [Community Discussions] >> General BDSM Discussion >> Submitting to a Married Man... Page: [1] 2   next >   >>
Jump to:





New Messages No New Messages
Hot Topic w/ New Messages Hot Topic w/o New Messages
Locked w/ New Messages Locked w/o New Messages
 Post New Thread
 Reply to Message
 Post New Poll
 Submit Vote
 Delete My Own Post
 Delete My Own Thread
 Rate Posts




Collarchat.com © 2025
Terms of Service Privacy Policy Spam Policy

0.094