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RE: Domme vulnerability - 6/30/2007 1:55:45 PM

Ayanaev717

Posts: 72
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quote:

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub?

I think so because it shows we are human. We are not superheros.

quote:

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme?

I think it is a little bit of both. You have to show that you make mistakes and as a human being that you can deal with them or maybe not be able to deal with them. You have to admit when you're wrong or when you're upset about something because if not, a Domme could end up taking it out on Her subbie. It also should be a part of the relationship because although Domme's are suppose to be on top of their game. Sometimes they are just not, and they should admit that. Sometimes a Domme gets the sniffles, becomes emotional, gets sick, has a great loss, or even has an outburst of anger. A submissive who has a good solid relationship with their Domme will be able to understand this and make the mature assumption that She is simply being human. And adjust accordingly.

However, I do believe a Domme needs to be careful about how she shows this vulnerability. Especially in a new relationship because this can be manipulated to harm Her.

quote:

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself?

I think it takes time. You have to trust the person you are with. I am a very private person, and it takes time for me to share my vulnerabilities. So it really depends on the person and the relationship.

Always,

Ayanaev

(in reply to Nikko1962)

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Post #: 21

RE: Domme vulnerability - 6/30/2007 4:56:01 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
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If I have decided to get involved in a relationship, I want him to know all sides of Me. I think that in a relationship, both partners should be there for each other. What is more giving of a submissive than to be there for his Dominant when she is at her weakest.

I am human and I like every other person, I have vulnerabilities. Sometimes allowing others to help you make your way through a painful/difficult situation demonstrates more strength than if someone actually had no vulnerabilities.

The more a relationship partner gets to know me, the more he will get to know all sides of me.... so I suppose that would make me appear more vulnerable and stronger at the same time as the months pass.

It's not that it's important for me to show vulnerability to my submissive.... but it is important for me to show him all of me.

< Message edited by MistressLorelei -- 6/30/2007 4:59:09 PM >

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Post #: 22

RE: Domme vulnerability - 7/4/2007 4:21:41 PM

Nikko1962

Posts: 31
Joined: 2/7/2007
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Thanks everyone. It was nice to see the responses. Very validating and insightful. My experience has been that the more vulnerability I expose the greater the reward/risk factor. While not so satisfying when the risk is not appreciated for what it is, the other side brings an unbelievable amount of connection.

_____________________________

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If you are going to hide in the haystack from me, at least make a little noise.

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Post #: 23

RE: Domme vulnerability - 7/4/2007 4:27:54 PM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: cjenny

quote:

ORIGINAL: Nikko1962

To all the Dommes that speak with such respect and admiration about their subs strength combined with vulnerability.

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub?

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme?

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself?

It has been interesting to read the responses here. My thoughts are fairly unformed on this subject but I wonder about something.
If you are hiding your vulnerability then doesn't that show a lack of trust towards your slave/sub? How can one person expect another to be totally open if a part of your world is hidden from them?

I think that I would feel uncomfortable with someone that did not trust me enough to let down their guard especially if I were expected to lower mine. I would wonder just what else is not being shown & honestly I would wonder about the emotional strength of someone unable be open about things.

No one is perfect. Or maybe I just haven't met perfect people yet lol. It is not a strength of self to keep things hidden, instead I wonder why someone feels the need to block that.

As I said these are rather unformed thoughts but it is an intriguing set of questions.

For me, it isn't a choice.

My inability to be vulnerable around anyone is a strong survival mechanism -- I learned very quickly from a very young age that I needed to be invulnerable or I would be destroyed.

Anyone I train knows this. Anyone I own knows this. Why? Because I tell them.

If that time comes when they see me cry or lose control, in other words, be vulnerable, they have all then realized just how incredible our relationship had become because TammyJo felt safe enough to finally let it all out.

if someone doesn't understand that about me, then he/she is not anyone I'd want in my household.

< Message edited by thetammyjo -- 7/4/2007 4:30:23 PM >

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

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Post #: 24

RE: Domme vulnerability - 7/4/2007 4:56:29 PM

Cloudz

Posts: 836
Joined: 9/13/2005
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To all the Dommes that speak with such respect and admiration about their subs strength combined with vulnerability.

Is it important to you to show vulnerability to your sub? I do not view this as a yes/no answer. I need to establish trust with a submissive, or there would be no play. That is my personal choice. I also need to have an understanding of him...what makes him tick, to better enhance and enjoy play. In the "getting to know you" stage, it is a two way street. He gets to know me as well as me getting to know him. So, yes I am able to show my vulnerable side (not during a scene, but during life), I do not hide many sides of myself...if I trust you, then vulnerability (again, outside of a scene) is not a big issue.

If the vulnerability is shown, is it shown as part of the overall relationship, or do you show any vulnerability as a Domme? IF I have shown vulnerability as a Domme, it would be because I did something unintended, and I would correct my mistake, including apologizing if I felt it was in order. Does this qualify as being vulnerable?

How long or what does it take before you feel comfortable showing this part of yourself? As long as it takes to trust a person. That is not a simple answer.

_____________________________

Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

(in reply to Nikko1962)

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Post #: 25