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Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 2:11:54 AM

trixxitrash

Posts: 26
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline

I am not familiar with this scene, so I don't know what is considered appropriate or inappropriate. I recently received a personal message that rubbed me the wrong way, but I would like to get some feedback as to whether or not this is an accepted practice before I say anything.

The message was from a sub, who informed me that his Mistress hosts a certain group, and that she would be honored to have me as a member. This didn't sit well with me. As I see it, if you host a group which you would like me to join, you should introduce yourself to me, and extend the invitation personally, not through your sub.

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Post #: 1

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 2:17:10 AM

laineyjade

Posts: 56
Joined: 6/4/2007
Status: offline

it depends, if it is a public group then the invitations can be done by the other members... it's not like the owner has time to personally communicate with perhaps a hundred people just to invite them to a discussion forum or munch. Any member, sub or dom, can act as the group's secretary and share such duties.

on the other hand if it's a private party with only a few people attending, then the host would not be expected to use a proxy to do the invitations.

which kind of group was the invitation for?

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 2

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 4:47:32 AM

Eldritchdancer

Posts: 101
Joined: 12/26/2006
Status: offline

For many people, their sub(s) can serve the purpose of a dog robber.

For those unsure of the term, the generic definition is: An aide to a general officer whose duties are so varied as to defy explanation. What it usually means is General Secretary, gopher, step-n-fetch, personal attendant, etc.. You get the idea. (Think Alfred from Batman)

In polite circles, sending your secretary to make the arrangements/invitations is the polite way to do things. It is a human touch, where an email would have sufficed.

My advice is: Take the use of the 'sub as messenger' as a compliment.

Master Darkmoon

(in reply to laineyjade)

Post #: 3

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 5:31:21 AM

MsSonnetMarwood

Posts: 1898
Joined: 2/10/2005
From: Eastern Shore, Maryland
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixxitrash

I am not familiar with this scene, so I don't know what is considered appropriate or inappropriate. I recently received a personal message that rubbed me the wrong way, but I would like to get some feedback as to whether or not this is an accepted practice before I say anything.

The message was from a sub, who informed me that his Mistress hosts a certain group, and that she would be honored to have me as a member. This didn't sit well with me. As I see it, if you host a group which you would like me to join, you should introduce yourself to me, and extend the invitation personally, not through your sub.

For a non-prodomme Yahoo group, right?

Honestly - he sends those out to everyone. I wouldn't overanalyze it or take it personally.

_____________________________

~Ms. Sonnet Marwood~

Deja Moo: The feeling you've heard this bull somewhere before.

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 4

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 5:46:24 AM

MistressMelissa

Posts: 226
Joined: 11/21/2004
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixxitrash

I am not familiar with this scene, so I don't know what is considered appropriate or inappropriate......

The message was from a sub, who informed me that his Mistress hosts a certain group, and that she would be honored to have me as a member. This didn't sit well with me.......

Greetings,

As you say, you are unfamiliar with "this scene." Master Darkmoon is correct in how many of us utilize the services of our property. My house hosts dinner parties, dungeon parties and once a year my birthday party, which I personally, have never sent out an invitation. My girl Phoenix handles all of that. Too my knowledge no one has even been put out that Phoenix actually sent the invitations and not me personally. People have been upset that they did not receive an invitation, but not who actually sent them the invitation. The invitation comes from "my house" and thus as mistress of my house, it comes from me.

_____________________________

Melissa
Mistress of Ds Haven
www.dshaven.com

The person who says it can not be done, should not interrupt the person doing it. - Ancient Wisdom

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 5

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 6:39:12 AM

MistressRouge

Posts: 876
Joined: 3/18/2005
From: Birmingham West Midlands UK
Status: offline

The most effective source of networking or contact is usually sub to sub. Many subs do this for their Dominant in a friendly tone, and a referral for a yahoo group is not exactly that much of a bigie to be honest.

Many subs/players/slaves frequent many BDSM sites and forums, they like to spread the word about their Dominant.

I am sure many Dominants do not insist their subs do this, they do it from free will, I see no malice in that.

_____________________________

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(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 6

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 6:43:17 AM

DianeB269

Posts: 1596
Joined: 10/30/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixxitrash

I am not familiar with this scene, so I don't know what is considered appropriate or inappropriate. I recently received a personal message that rubbed me the wrong way, but I would like to get some feedback as to whether or not this is an accepted practice before I say anything.

The message was from a sub, who informed me that his Mistress hosts a certain group, and that she would be honored to have me as a member. This didn't sit well with me. As I see it, if you host a group which you would like me to join, you should introduce yourself to me, and extend the invitation personally, not through your sub.

Members of my group send messages about it to others all the time.

Diane

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 7

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 6:56:35 AM

thetammyjo

Posts: 6322
Joined: 9/8/2005
Status: offline

It isn't inappropriate if you sub is your secretary or personal assistant at all. That's him doing his job though not very well. He should have written a message that she dictated and then sent it in her name. Then he can be the contact point for questions and he might have the job or giving directions or answering common questions.

_____________________________

Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

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(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 8

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 7:56:29 AM

MasterFireMaam

Posts: 5587
Joined: 3/1/2006
From: Charleston, WV
Status: offline

Some people deligate work. If it's important for you to be personally invited by the group's owner, then perhaps the group isn't for you. But, honestly, running a group like that can be a lot of work. She simply may not have the time to be "recruiting".

Master Fire

_____________________________

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(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 9

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 10:02:21 AM

LuckyAlbatross

Posts: 19224
Joined: 10/25/2005
Status: offline

Ditto TammyJo and MasterFireMaam

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Find stable partners, not a stable of partners.

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(in reply to MasterFireMaam)

Post #: 10

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 10:14:12 AM

gooddogbenji

Posts: 5094
Joined: 11/15/2005
From: Toronto
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: thetammyjo

That's him doing his job though not very well.

I disagree. He may be doing his job just as she wants him to. Maybe this is not how you would have it done, and you could say she has not taught him well, but his job, in theory, is to obey. If she says "Invite this list of people," he can't say "Okay. Dictate me the damn notes! What do I look like, your slave????"

At the end of the day, as others have said, you don't like it, you don't go. Rocket science it aint.

Yours,

benji
Who would be owned by no woman who would resort to wanting him as her slave.

_____________________________

Prevent global warming. Stop burning patchouli.

(in reply to thetammyjo)

Post #: 11

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 11:06:59 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

(quick reply)

Think of it as a business. The owner/CEO of a company does not always personally attend to correspondence. They usually have assistants who do it, answer mail, answer questions, etc. Same thing goes here. There was a delegation of duties. I would not be offended by it.

quote:

For a non-prodomme Yahoo group, right?

Honestly - he sends those out to everyone. I wouldn't overanalyze it or take it personally.

Yea, what she said.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 12

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 11:25:02 AM

MagiksSlave

Posts: 2768
Joined: 9/11/2006
Status: offline

Honestly I dont see anything really wrong with this though I can see how you would want the invite from her... it isnt even uncommon for sub/slaves to look for another sub/slave for their Master/Mistress and that is a much more personal thing!!

Magik's slave

_____________________________

If you’re going through hell keep on moving
don't slow down
if you’re scared dont show it
you might get out
before the devil even knows your there.

-Rodney Atkins-

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 13

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 11:31:01 AM

CreativeDominant

Posts: 11032
Joined: 3/11/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: trixxitrash

I am not familiar with this scene, so I don't know what is considered appropriate or inappropriate. I recently received a personal message that rubbed me the wrong way, but I would like to get some feedback as to whether or not this is an accepted practice before I say anything.

The message was from a sub, who informed me that his Mistress hosts a certain group, and that she would be honored to have me as a member. This didn't sit well with me. As I see it, if you host a group which you would like me to join, you should introduce yourself to me, and extend the invitation personally, not through your sub.

Actually, your view of this seems a bit off-balance to me. As others have noted, there is nothing wrong with having your submissive do things for you. Especially if the submissive is service-oriented or enjoys doing things that make the dominant's life easier (something you find many dominants requiring of their submissives).

Given that the dominant is the one running the group, they probably have all kinds of things to attend to. Delegating inviting people to join to a submissive that is interested in performing service...or is obligated to perform service...makes sense to me. And just as an aside...a lot of groups send invitations to people they think might be interested in what the group has to offer. Receiving an invitation from said group does not mean that the owner/CEO of the group is personally interested in having you specifically.

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 14

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 11:51:58 AM

TemptingNviceSub

Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline

I do not see the sense of taking an invitation extended to you, with the phrase that they would be honored at your attendance, and twisting it into an insult?Go or do not go, that is the question..quit analyzing it to death!..Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 15

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 11:59:39 AM

goodpet

Posts: 458
Joined: 6/8/2005
Status: offline

Here at Castle Griffin (ok, it's a cute little house but it's our castle..) i am the one who sends out, whether it's online, snail mail or personal face to face, invites and requests. i keep the social calendar and work with others for our parties, events, meetings and dinners. All under the guidance of Sir. If it is a small personal thing/event then Sir will usually do it himself. Such as inviting a buddy over for the game, but not always.

He will ask for a report on how things are progressing, who's responded or not, and then he will often contact them personally.

Important thing is to find what works for you, and to accept what works for others. Work with the method they have chosen, no one way is better then another.

(in reply to gooddogbenji)

Post #: 16

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 12:32:50 PM

littlesarbonn

Posts: 1710
Joined: 12/3/2005
From: Stockton, California
Status: offline

To be honest, if I was approached by a dominant's slave in the name of the dominant, chances are pretty good that would be the last and only communication with me. I know there are a few submissives who also take it upon themselves to do the old "my dominant friend is upset, so I'm taking it upon myself to write to the person who has upset her" and this would get complete hostility from me as a response. My correspondences are between me and the person with whom I'm communicating. I don't want to, nor will I, talk to someone else's submissive in the name of the dominant. Just won't happen. It would seriously make me disrespect the dominant, and our conversations would dry up right then and there.

_____________________________

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The Adventures of Stickman and the Unemployed Lego Spaceman

(in reply to trixxitrash)

Post #: 17

RE: Dommes using their subs as messengers - 6/30/2007 12:58:30 PM

AquaticSub

Posts: 14867
Joined: 12/27/2005
Status: offline

I suppose it might depend on the message. I confess I would be irked if someone's sub contacted me to ask if I wanted to meet their owner for an informal coffee break, but it doesn't seem weird to me to have them to be one telling me/inviting me to a larger event.

_____________________________

Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

Member:Clan of the Scarlet O'Hair

(in reply to littlesarbonn)

Post #: 18

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