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MistressFire70 -> RE: Changing within the lifestyle (6/13/2005 7:33:05 AM)
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The part that has changed the most for me is on a spiritual level. When I started, as most people do, BDSM was something I “did”, not who I was. It was a hobby, so to speak. Slowly, things began to change. Now, being a Master is a spiritual path; one that uses SM to bring the here and now into focus. It is in the here and now that we commune with our deity.
What has all this meant? It means that I’ve changed drastically. I no longer consider myself Christian in the sense that most churches teach. I consider myself more Gnostic than anything, which is technically Christian, but certainly not mainstream. I no longer feel that Christianity is THE way.
I am also more tolerant in a lot ways; of others as well as myself. I once thought that being gay was wrong, although I had the attitude that it was their choice to sin. I no longer feel this way. And, I’ve admitted that I’m bisexual as well as poly (two very non-Christian tenants!). I’m also going to be celebrating Halloween this year for the first time in a decade; I’d not due to religious beliefs. I used to think that my gift of speaking in tongues was something sacred to church. While I still feel that, my concept of “church” has changed. Church is when we commune, not where we go.
I have grown in the understanding of myself, although this aspect is also wrapped up in the therapy I went through once I could no longer eat my feelings into submission (I had gastric bypass surgery). But, what this growth has shown me is that while BDSM is still what I do, Leather is who I am. There’s a subtle difference to me between the two that’s hard for me to articulate.
I used to feel I should believe in the whole Husband=Dominant, wife=submissive thing, too, and I tried very hard to play this role. I no longer do. This explains a great deal about my two marriages. My current one is ending due to this change in belief, in part. It’s an amicable separation; we love each other and want each other to be happy. That means not being married so we can each pursue the families we want and need.
Other snippets:
1. Leather isn’t about sex, although sex can be a component. In fact, for me, I’m feeling that it should be. This is annoying to me because I’ve never had sex with a submissive (I made that agreement with my husband) and now I feel like an awkward teenager about it. Yeah, it’s an ego thing.
2. Dominance isn’t about being domineering, although that can be a component, too. I want what I want and how I want it and I expect the slave to do it that way just because I want it that way. And, there’s nothing wrong with that, as long as it harms no one. If that’s going to harm someone, they need not be in a relationship with me, nor I them.
3. For me, there’s a fundamental difference between submissive and slave that I’m finding more and more difficult to explain. Likewise for a Dominant and a Master as well as the afore mentioned BDSM and Leather.
4. I make mistakes and will never be perfect. Thus, waiting until I’m “the perfect Master” before I begin my family is just silly. What was hard about this aspect wasn’t knowing that I wasn’t perfect (I’ve always known I wasn’t), but realizing I was expecting myself to be. That’s like waiting until all the lights are green before driving across town. Therapy is a wonderful thing!
5. I need to be more tolerant of those who do this for different reasons than I. Yes, some live as Female Supremacists, Male Supremacists and such. Yes, some do it only for the kinky sex. Yes, some do it only for the thrill. My ways and reasons aren’t the only way, even if I think they’re the best way! I can find pockets of people who think like me and be happy.
6. Deleting #5 won’t make the truth go away. I just need to accept that this isn’t an all encompassing, life changing thing for some. Just because I don’t understand that doesn’t mean it’s wrong.
Thanks for the question; it was a good one.
Fire
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