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Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 1:06:57 AM   
COCODOMINANCE


Posts: 5
Joined: 5/30/2005
Status: offline 		What is the most effective way to talk to a Sub?
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 5:13:03 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline 		That depends on what you want to achieve.

And, are you talking about your sub, or A sub?

~ Elektra

(in reply to COCODOMINANCE)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 5:16:23 AM   
fourpeas


Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline 		What's the most effective way to talk to someone in your daily life?

Use common sense. If you are giving direction or commands be crystal clear. Be kind. Listen to your sub and try to learn the ways that he/she communicates.

Being crystal clear, I mean, OVERLY CRYSTAL CLEAR is one of the best things that my Dom does for me and I appreciate it when he gives me very, very clear direction. That way there is no room for misunderstanding.

(in reply to COCODOMINANCE)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 5:17:27 AM   
pygmalionsub


Posts: 30
Joined: 5/21/2005
Status: offline 		depends on the situation, but in general when talking to any person a little respect and understanding go a long way.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 5:19:15 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas


Being crystal clear, I mean, OVERLY CRYSTAL CLEAR is one of the best things that my Dom does for me and I appreciate it when he gives me very, very clear direction. That way there is no room for misunderstanding.


OH, that goes for me too. I really don't want to have to think about instructions, just follow them.

~ Elektra

(in reply to fourpeas)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 5:52:51 AM   
fourpeas


Posts: 243
Joined: 5/6/2005
Status: offline 		Elektra: I sense some sarcasm? LOL

When I mean crystal clear directions, I just mean that the logistics of a command are thought out. I don't care if I don't understand the purpose of a command, but that said, there is definitely a difference between a command where I don't understand the purpose and a command where there is no purpose....

Crystal clear logistics also prevent the detail-obsessed among us from freaking out over minor details that aren't that important. My Dom sent me a 40-day journal and the instructions in that book are somewhat nebulous and yes, I do have to think about them, but the instructions for the journal itself were crystal clear. One assigment per day. NO PEEKING.

That's what I mean. It is beyond fair to force your sub to do some serious thinking BUT it is not fair to ask anyone to be a mind reader regarding logistics, common sense things, etc.

(in reply to ElektraUkM)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 8:05:05 AM   
ElektraUkM


Posts: 309
Joined: 2/19/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: fourpeas

Elektra: I sense some sarcasm? LOL


No! I don't do sarcasm. (hmmm how to make that sound un-sarcastic..???)

No, in all honesty, I've had to ask Master to be very, very clear and simple with his instructions. Not because I'm stupid, but because I just find following instructions difficult to do ~ not in terms of will, but in terms of not understanding if several steps are given out at once. That's actually probably to do with my Asperger's rather than anything. But I like it simple. LOL.

~ Elektra

(in reply to fourpeas)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 9:38:12 AM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		Treat them like they are a person. Be honest and fair. Respect them and try to think of yourself in their position.

perfection

(in reply to COCODOMINANCE)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 10:51:29 AM   
KittieSummers


Posts: 33
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline 		Could I just point out that we are not a different species?

Kittie
x

_____________________________

Kittie ~ honoured to be Hers...

Don't try to be a great sub, just be a sub and let history make it's own judgements.

Blessed Be

(in reply to perfection20005)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 1:31:14 PM   
MadameDahlia


Posts: 2021
Joined: 8/11/2004
From: SoCal aka Hell
Status: offline 		Loudly... and with many hand gestures...

Or just keep in mind what Kittie said above.

_____________________________

Insanity -- a perfectly rational adjustment to an insane world.
--R. D. Laing

"Oh, but if I went 'round sayin' I was Emperor, just because some moistened bint lobbed a scimitar at me, they'd put me away."

(in reply to KittieSummers)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/13/2005 6:17:16 PM   
perfection20005


Posts: 419
Joined: 4/20/2005
Status: offline 		thats a great point, Kittie

perfection

(in reply to KittieSummers)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/14/2005 3:46:38 AM   
subversiveone


Posts: 332
Joined: 4/20/2005
From: Daddy's Lap
Status: offline 		to the OP if You are actually asking about the style, tone, attitude or level of Dominance used to verbally control, then please consider this.
yelling will only create annoyance in most experienced subs unless they have a personal proclivity for it.
deep growls are only appropriate when you're either very serious or perhaps very aroused ;)
whispers will force them to listen very carefully and are quite erotic unless hearing impaired...
depending on your sex, your partners sex and role, a deeper more masculine voice even for women can be highly dominant,
commanding vs. demanding attitude gets excellent results,
calm, even toned people are sometimes more 'frightful' or intimidating because you can tell they are truly in control...
and finally, a patronising, humiliating, degrading, seething voice can make their blood run cold
which may or may not be a good thing ;)

all tongue in cheek as always ymmv,
xoxo

_____________________________

[img]http://www.sloganizer.net/en/style4,de-spc-de-spc-dee.png[/img]

(in reply to perfection20005)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/14/2005 5:25:19 AM   
EmeraldSlave2


Posts: 3645
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		If I see another rash of gooey poetry about a "dominants voice" or a "dominants eyes" or a "dominants hand" out of this, I'm holding you all personally responsible.

(in reply to subversiveone)
Profile   Post #: 13
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/14/2005 6:31:59 AM   
KittieSummers


Posts: 33
Joined: 5/10/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: EmeraldSlave2

If I see another rash of gooey poetry about a "dominants voice" or a "dominants eyes" or a "dominants hand" out of this, I'm holding you all personally responsible.


What a frightening image! *leaves thread in terror*

_____________________________

Kittie ~ honoured to be Hers...

Don't try to be a great sub, just be a sub and let history make it's own judgements.

Blessed Be

(in reply to EmeraldSlave2)
Profile   Post #: 14
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/14/2005 8:36:05 AM   
ProtagonistLily


Posts: 1222
Joined: 12/27/2004
Status: offline
quote:

What is the most effective way to talk to a Sub?


I'm assuming you are talking about a female sub here.

How about in her native language? That would probably be the most effective. Also, you might want to approach her like you would approach a vanilla woman you were interested in...a little chit chat, a little light banter, maybe a few jokes.

When I am approached exclusively as a 'submissive', I'm generally turned off. I tend to gravitate toward men who are interested and interesting. One sided conversations about what a man wants to make me do frankly bore me.

My advice, treat her like someone you'd like to be friends with first, and see if you have a connection.

Lily

_____________________________

"Be who you are and say what you feel because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind"
~Dr. Seuss~

(in reply to COCODOMINANCE)
Profile   Post #: 15
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/14/2005 10:22:52 AM   
perverseangelic


Posts: 2625
Joined: 2/2/2004
From: Davis, Ca
Status: offline 		Practice by talking to pizzas and cold cut platters.






(ugh. i appologize. what they said.)

_____________________________

~in the begining it is always dark~

(in reply to ProtagonistLily)
Profile   Post #: 16
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/28/2005 6:49:05 AM   
Hissweetshiv


Posts: 200
Joined: 6/24/2005
Status: offline 		I'm assuming You mean Your sub. I appreciate clear instructions, but absolutely despise it when someone talks to me like i'm stupid. Speak to Your sub like a human being with a mind of his/her own and it will work wonders.

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 17
RE: Talking to a Sub - 6/28/2005 7:09:09 AM   
cellogrrlMK


Posts: 672
Joined: 3/11/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: perverseangelic

Practice by talking to pizzas and cold cut platters.



LMAO @ this and Emerald's "gooey Dom posts" post!! Thank you ladies, I needed a laugh this morning!

Aaaaaaaahhhh <walks off, wiping eyes>

cello

(in reply to perverseangelic)
Profile   Post #: 18
RE: Talking to a Sub - 7/22/2005 1:49:48 PM   
HalloweenWhite


Posts: 1028
Joined: 6/20/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: Hissweetshiv

I'm assuming You mean Your sub. I appreciate clear instructions, but absolutely despise it when someone talks to me like i'm stupid. Speak to Your sub like a human being with a mind of his/her own and it will work wonders.




This one caught My eye because of the bit about talking to someone as if theyre stupid. I get that ALL the time. TWICE yesterday morning at a cafe,Im in a wheelchair and people have always reacted the same way. Les so in this lifestyle though, online at least. Going to see if R/L experience is different next month.

Anyway, this post is absoloutely right. NEVER talk to someone as if they are stupid. Its just rude, nasty and unfair.


HalloweenWhite.



(in reply to Hissweetshiv)
Profile   Post #: 19
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