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Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 10:51:10 AM

FemBot68

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline

Does your personal 'mood' determine the intensity of a punishment session for your sub?

I was chatting to a friend, also a Domme, and she was saying she was in a foul mood because of some trivial day to day stuff. She already had a planned session with her sub that evening and 'boy was he going to get it'.
The things that had affected her that day were in no way related to her sub or his actions.
I was horrified by this because I have always approached a punishment scene with a mindset of delivering the punishment that fitted his 'crime' rather than take out my personal mood on him.

I couldn't get my point across to her and wondered if any of You have ever allowed a personal mood to determine a punishment scene.

I know some would say that if that's how she feels and she knows her sub well enough, he should be willing to take what she gives as it is his duty to accept from his Mistress what she delivers, but I struggle with this mindset.

I know we allow our sexual moods to determine sexual scenes (for those of you that have then) - and I must say, if I'm horny, my sub is always used sexually for longer - and in return, it's a real treat for him, but I have always tried to keep any form of pain infliction or punishment completely seperate from what has happened in my Vanilla life.

I'd appreciate your comments and thoughts.

Phoebe (aka FemBot68)

Post #: 1

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 10:58:12 AM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

I don't operate from a "transgression/punishment" model, so it's moot about the punishment piece. H, my slave, is aware that sometimes SM is about stress relief for me. He is willing to function as an outlet for my stress as it affects my sadism, just as he's willing to clean my countertop or send an email to someone for me. I personally feel that there's more of a berth for abuse if stress is being funneled into "punishment" rather than simply being funneled into SM - so I would find myself saying something like "wow, I had a bad, day, H is going to get some really hard play" but not "oooo he's gonna get it" they're just different in a small but significant degree. But this is just my personal feeling about the subject.

(in reply to FemBot68)

Post #: 2

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 10:58:39 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I am unclear if this was an actual punishment or punishment "scene".

If it was a scene that was intended to be a corporal sadistic scene, then I would have to say that yes, there are times my mood affects how sadistic I may be feeling at a particular time. Sometimes it helps to get it out and when I have a willing maso sub around, all the better. That being said, I am always in control. Just because I may be in a more sadistic mood, which may have been triggered by daily events, does not mean that I have lost all control and am wailing willy nilly on some poor sub making it a miserable, negative experience. But playing hard can be really cathartic for both parties. Not to mention, just downright fun.

If we are talking true punishment, though, as in sub does something I do not like and Kat is going to show the consequences for the actions, then the punishment fits the crime. The severity would depend on many factors including whether or not it was a first infraction, the reason for it, etc.

If I felt I could not mete out a fair punishment because I was hormonal, had a bad day or whatever, I would first calm down, then make a decision.

We are all human though and mood affects a lot of things. Sometimes things happen. What is most important is that we, as dominants, strive to remain in control and cognizant of our mood so we do not overreact when something does occur.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to FemBot68)

Post #: 3

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 11:01:14 AM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

quote:

'boy was he going to get it'.

I have said something like this myself when feeling sadistic. It is usually said with an evil grin. It very well may be a turn of phrase and just means she is looking forward to playing her boy really hard. I would not necessarily take it to mean she was punishing him for things he did not do.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 4

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 12:05:30 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

Posts: 2809
Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
Status: offline

I have to go with the Ladies that posted already here as well.

If it's a true punishment meant to be inflicted with behavior modification as the intended point then the punishment is going to fit the crime. Increasing the punishment just because I had a crappy day isn't going to do anything but confuse the sub and more than likely go horribly wrong in the long run. While I can be a bit harsher in words when having a bad day I'm still going to keep the circumstances of the situation in mind and keep my feelings and the punishment under control. If that means an extra hard workout at the gym before hand to blow off some of the bad day then that's what I'll do.

To simply take out my bad day on someone during the course of punishment isn't going to happen. Of course if it's truly punishment I'm going to be using different equipment than I would if I'm just going the S/m route. Punishment, in my opinion, should be exactly that. If the hairbrush is what strikes fear in his little subbie heart but he enjoys the whip then punishing with the whip doesn't make alot of sense to me.

I have in the past (when I had an owned sub) called in the middle of such a day and made quite clear that he should be prepared for a little "therapy" when I get home. LOL One of the reasons why having a masochist for a submissive is a must.

_____________________________

Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to FemBot68)

Post #: 5

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 12:26:11 PM

FemBot68

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline

Sorry, it wasn't a scene, it was a session - planned because the sub had been a 'bad boy' and he was summonsed to take punishment. This aspect was more of a game they play, a regular thing, I don't think he had been particularly bad, but they both enjoy a session involing the game play 'you've been a bad boy, come here and bend over' type thing... ooh the thought of that makes me warm all over..
However, I would like to point out I know the sub only takes a little bit of pain whereas She is used to delivering a lot more to some of her other subs, and he is still quite a newbie.
The term 'boy is he going to get it' was discussed further between the Domme and myself and she had clearly stated that because she had such a crap day and was so pissed off over other people's actions she needed to vent her anger and as he was the sub she would be seeing, he was going to pay the price.
I even suggested she changed her sub and used another who was more inclined to hard play but this wasn't possible apparently.

Now, I obviously wasn't there when they met, and I hope she had calmed down or he objected to her cruelties as it wasn't his thing and she was easy on him but my concerns were the way in which she so blatently thought that because she was pissed off, she could use her sub in this fashion.

My wonders are - what could make a Domme feel that it is OK to purposefully push a subs limits (in this case his pain barrier and floggin capacities) when the fallout of such could be devastating, ie, them splitting/parting company or the sub feeling he had to accept because She was his Mistress, and being so very unhappy about it.

Are there, in Your opinions, times when this 'I'm pissed off so you're going to pay the price' attitude would be acceptable - or is it that her actions were unjustified and selfish.

Isn't it like kicking the cat because the dog's pissed on the floor...

Phoebe (aka FemBot68)

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 6

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 12:38:11 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I think you may be making some assumptions here that may or may not be accurate. You really do not know what happened and he may have enjoyed the scene immensely. She may have pushed his pain tolerence a bit but this is also not necessarily a bad thing.

quote:

Are there, in Your opinions, times when this 'I'm pissed off so you're going to pay the price' attitude would be acceptable - or is it that her actions were unjustified and selfish.

I still think the motivations are not nearly as important as the control. She may have been pissed off and wanted to take it out on someone but was she out of control in doing so or was it just cathartic to play hard?

quote:

Isn't it like kicking the cat because the dog's pissed on the floor...

But what if the cat liked it and you both got something out of it? Case in point:

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2822548

(oops didn't paste the link)

< Message edited by MsKatHouston -- 6/30/2007 12:39:39 PM >

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to FemBot68)

Post #: 7

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 12:38:13 PM

Grlwithboy

Posts: 655
Joined: 2/8/2005
Status: offline

People are known to say one thing and do another constantly. You weren't there. It's entirely possible that she was speaking with some levity. Likewise, though I wasn't there so I don't know if she was or not - she may have been completely serious. In which case she'll have to deal with the fallout - maybe her sub will love the intensity of the session and he's kind of stagnating anyway. I don't think this is a great moral outrage. She may be screwing up. Does she play with safewords, does she normally communicate with her boys, does he have tools to communicate with her? As these are unknowns, I don't see anything horrible going on, just someone motivated differently than I might be.

(in reply to FemBot68)

Post #: 8

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 12:56:12 PM

imthatacheyouhav

Posts: 1259
Joined: 4/16/2007
Status: offline

I love this thread, and its very timely for me personally. I have some views on punishment myself, but since i am with my 1st Master I don't really have a "yard stick" to measure with in this. My views are just my own at this point , and i do believe a punishment should be just that a punishment. I feel like it should be a serious matter, and handled as such. It should be ZERO fun for the Master and the slave. I also agree with the notion that what is used in "play" shouldn't be used in punishment.

_____________________________

*if you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything*
**collared July 22 2007 by LordKen**

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 9

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 1:03:54 PM

MsKatHouston

Posts: 1909
Joined: 6/7/2006
From: Houston, TX
Status: offline

I hold this philosophy myself and it is how I do it. I am not that into role play, though so the "bad boy getting punished" scene does nothing for me. However, I do think it is valid if this is something you enjoy and for that, the scene is not true punishment and instead a sadistic/corporal scene that uses a bit of fantasy play to lead into it.

If the control is not there nor the mindset that this is not "true" punishment, then the sub may be confused and harm could come either physically or emotionally.

In the specific case cited, though, I don't think we have enough factual data to make that determination. It is definitely a possibility the domme went off half cocked and took out her aggressions on a sub without control and from a negative light. It is also a possibility she used a willing sub to take out her aggressions in a controlled manner for butual enjoyment.

I would be interested to hear continuing discussions from the OP and the domme in question to see if there was any resolution to it.

I think it is important for communication to occur between dominant and submissive, though, to ensure there is no confusion and to guage whether or not someone's philosophies on play, punishment, etc, are compatible and/or acceptable to the other.

_____________________________

-Kat

~If you can't be a good example, you'll just have to serve as a horrible warning~

(in reply to imthatacheyouhav)

Post #: 10

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 3:14:26 PM

cloudboy

Posts: 7306
Joined: 12/14/2005
Status: offline

Yes, I agree, people generally know what works for them and its hard to judge others from the outside. Sure, S&M has different protocols than other relationships, but one thing remains constant: mistreating your partner will either lead to problems or a breakup.

Submissives are perfectly capable of standing up for themselves and setting limits, and its a total falacy to think Dommes control everything. Its more accurate to say Domme's run the show when the proper groundwork is in place.

Hence, the sub in that relationship owns the burden of stating if there's a problem. Otherwise, the Domme is entitled to lead as she sees fit, and generally subs like it that way.

< Message edited by cloudboy -- 6/30/2007 3:17:56 PM >

(in reply to Grlwithboy)

Post #: 11

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 4:13:04 PM

KaramelGoddess

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Joined: 6/20/2006
Status: offline

quote:

ORIGINAL: MsKatHouston

I think you may be making some assumptions here that may or may not be accurate. You really do not know what happened and he may have enjoyed the scene immensely. She may have pushed his pain tolerence a bit but this is also not necessarily a bad thing.

quote:

Are there, in Your opinions, times when this 'I'm pissed off so you're going to pay the price' attitude would be acceptable - or is it that her actions were unjustified and selfish.

I still think the motivations are not nearly as important as the control. She may have been pissed off and wanted to take it out on someone but was she out of control in doing so or was it just cathartic to play hard?

quote:

Isn't it like kicking the cat because the dog's pissed on the floor...

But what if the cat liked it and you both got something out of it? Case in point:

http://www.ifilm.com/video/2822548

(oops didn't paste the link)

OK I don't know whether to be freaked out, turned on or whaaaaattt!!!????? The most unusual thing: that kitty looks just like Mine!!!!!!!!!
~Kara

_____________________________

"Never eat more than you can lift." ~ Miss Piggy

(in reply to MsKatHouston)

Post #: 12

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 4:23:21 PM

Celeste43

Posts: 3066
Joined: 2/4/2006
From: NYS
Status: offline

That doesn't sound like it was punishment. Just that it would be a heavier scene than normal.

Punishing me because he got turned down by a major client he was courting? Claiming I did something wrong when I didn't to have an excuse to hurt me? Very wrong. That would be emotionally something that would have major relationship repercussions.

Coming home and telling me what happened and that he needed me to get out the toy bag and into whatever outfit he wants? Fine.

Is it sensible to warn me that it may be rough sailing ahead? Obviously because if I'm not prepared for it I might red at the first hard hit.

But there have been times when I've asked for things in order to handle the stress of the day. Why shouldn't he have the same courtesy?

(in reply to KaramelGoddess)

Post #: 13

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 6/30/2007 5:41:21 PM

MistressLorelei

Posts: 997
Joined: 11/7/2005
Status: offline

To me punishment and behavior modification acts are something that are thought about and decided with care as a remedy for specific negative behaviors. The type or severity of the punishment would not be affected my general mood- typically the punishment acts/severity are chosen to appropriately counteract the specific negative behavior and are never based on my general mood at the time. However, if I had an extremely stressful day, something tragic had happened, etc., I could be inclined to delay the punishment till I was feeling better.

On the other hand, I have had stressful days where I just wanted to heavily embrace my most sadistic side as perhaps a form of sress relief. At such a time, I might partake in less sensual/soft activities and play more heavily on things that scratch my sadistic itch. It would not be a punishment, but just a way within our normal limits to allow my submissive to serve me as I need it. I can see myself telling my submissive that I've had a rough day and that he will get it when I see him. A caring submissive will likely want to make me feel better, whether it be running a warm bath and giving a shoulder massage.... or bending over till his bottom is red (or his testicles are clothespinned) to my satisfaction.

< Message edited by MistressLorelei -- 6/30/2007 5:58:57 PM >

(in reply to Celeste43)

Post #: 14

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 7/1/2007 12:45:01 AM

Red82

Posts: 79
Joined: 4/13/2007
Status: offline

I personaly dont like the idea. I understand that you need a stress relief, but go beat on a punching bag then, and then come back to me when your head is more clear. I dont want you seeing your asshole boss's face when your weilding a big stick, savvy?

I have been in that situation before, and maybe to more or less of an extent, but not a good place to be, for either involved. I remember being there wondering what I did to have it dished to me so harshly, and her later apologizing for not having her head.

So like i said, beat on the punching bag first if ya have to, but dont take on me what others deserve.

(in reply to MistressLorelei)

Post #: 15

RE: Does your Mood reflect your subs punishments? - 7/1/2007 2:34:05 AM

FemBot68

Posts: 4
Joined: 6/27/2007
Status: offline

Wow, I'm glad I envoked such an open discussion.

My question, I understand, did rely on some assumptions as to what actually happened afterwards. I was more interested in the state of mind the Domme in question was in; I can only assume what happened.

Nevertheless, the state of mind and the things she said were more what got my mind thinking. I think this is where my questions arose initially.

Absolutley, I agree, some assumptions were made on my part, but I would like to know what You think about the state of mind She was in, I think this is what pushed my buttons in the first place.

Maybe it's because I have always kept my personal life quite seperate - and role play punishments have been just role play (a bit of spanking for fun) and 'real punishments' have been just that, punishments that I have metered based on the subs actions. I have always punished to fit the crime, and yes, sometimes the punishments and the things I have done have been harsh, but purely because he deserved it. In some cases where a punishment has been particularly hard, I have told the sub exactly why Mistress is angry and what he has done to evoke that. Mainly, I guess, so he knows why his arse is going to be particularly bruised that time? I don't know why I explain, some might say a sub deserves no explanation, I think deep down for me personally, I get a kick out of telling the sub that his punishemnt is going to be 'X' so the anticipation is higher.

Difficult discussion, I appreciate, but it's the mindset I'm interested in more than what happened afterwards.

I will try to find out what happened though and update on here.

I'll piss myself laughing is she calmed down before they met...

Thanks for the different opinions though, appreciate Your thoughts.

Phoebe (aka FemBot68)

(in reply to Red82)

Post #: 16

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