IAmSoSorry
Posts: 20
Joined: 6/13/2005
Status: offline
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She called me on this one morning, this past Saturday, 2 weeks after arriving at her family's in the mid-west.
So far, her time away has been good. She's seen somethings about the way she was with me, and I've seen somethings about the way I was with her.
The prior night, she had gone out with her best friend from high school. I had awoken to a text message on my phone from her telling me that she loved me and the she had fucked up; it was her Christmas day and April 3rd.
Very cryptic.
She was distant on the phone, slowly telling me that bad things had happened last night.
I could only imagine what.
She is a handful and likes to be the center of attention, and this was one of her first times out since before she had gotten pregnant.
Alot of drinks, strong feelings over my consistant dishonesty about the porn, and finding herself in a strip bar overtook her and she had let loose. Lap dances, flirting with alot of guys who were buying her drinks, and an all around release had found her feeling guilty about it all. She had been threatening to cheat on me, so that she could have a secret over me, like I had with the porn over her.
I thought that's what had happened, but she said she stopped short of that. She said that there was no way we could be together. All the lies, and deciept, everything were just too much. I was not happy to hear this.
She also told me that she had been talking to her friend about us and somehow the conversation led to her friend telling her she knew a woman whowas a real dominatrix.
My love told her friend that she was going to be playing a role in which she had to play that tytpe of part (she's an actress) and wondered if she could talk to this woman. In reality, she wanted to learn somethings she could do with me that I may like. Somewhere in these conversations, I had said to her "Let me be upfront and blunt; I am a very submissive person."
This was all she need needed. This woman has become her mentor.
She called me to tell me that they were talking and that she wanted to give me what I wanted, but it was going to be for real. No bullshit.
From this point, I'll refer to her by the title she has chosen for herself; My Master. Yes it's masculine. She didn't want to be called anything that I may have referred to any other women. She also said that since I fuck her like a woman, she wanted to fuck ME like one. (We're talking metaphorically here).
These two have for the last few days been in hours of conversation, exchanging ideas, talking about the implication of a relationship like this, etc. My mind had been racing. This was the precipice. It was step off and free fall, or climb down and walk away, a coward.
Last night is what I'll call Day One. She called me last night, and it was late. During our conversations, she has eluded to several different things. Like the bathtub becoming a big part of my life, for one. There's a reason for this.
See the bathroom is where she would go everytime she was upset. Crying for endless hours. She was a cutter, so it was there that she would maim herself. Scar her flesh. The last time she lay in the tub in her clothes, shower running, that bathroom feeling like it was her prison.
Now it's mine.
So anyhow, she called me late last night. She told me that our lives were changed and that mine was totally changed. She gave me a small list of items to get and to be ready to rearrange the house. This is so that everything in my life is new and different. Then she had me take my clothes off and crawl into the tub. She had me on my knees stroking myself and asked me what I was doing to her. I thought she meant as if she was here, so I said I was worshiping her ass, her feet, etc. Everytime I got close to cumming, she'd stop me. Then she had me slap my penis, ooops, HER penis repeatedly. I am not into pain, btw, but I did it. She had me get on my knees and press my spit covered fingers against my ass. Then penetrate it. More slapping. More stroking myself.
Then she had me get her vibrator. It's a small one. Back on my knees with orders to impale myself, and then drive it in and out, while stroking myself. The pleasure in pain concept was setting in rapidly. Now on my knees, plunging it in, faster, faster, harder. GOD it hurt. Bringing me to the brink over and over, all the time telling me how pathetic I am. How worthless I am. She had me lick my hand and wipe it all over my face. Then she had me masturbate the vibrator, and to thank it for what it was doing to me, them wipe my hand all over my face again. As it grew in intensity, she asked me what I was doing to her and I told her I was submitting to her. That I was humiliating myself for her. Then she had me repeat over and over that I was her slave, as I was finally allowed to cum. I had tears in my eyes as it all subsided. Then she had me rub my face in the semen that had spilled on the porceline of the tub. Here I am, on the phone with her, face covered in spit, semen, and whatever had come out of my ass, crying and feeling love for her like I've never known.
Afterword, we talked about it. She gave me some directions. One was to create a devotion to her. Another to find a message board where we'd detail my training. We agreed that until she get's home, there's still time to walk away from this. To ask questions, say things about where we're headed, etc.
This is not the woman I've been with these last few years. It's as if she had crawled into my head and was unlocking every deviant fantasy I've ever encountered.
This woman that's mentoring her is opening up something in my Master, in us that is now in full motion and I can only pray it never ends.
So, here I am scared, excited, apprehensive, anxious like I've never been over anything in my life. I wonder if this will just grow into the type of relationship we've craved, not D/S, but one based on openess, honesty, trust, being totally together. Better than the average couple. Completely one. But scared that at some point, for intance, she see me degraded, humiliated, covered in my or her or our filth, and she'll lose respect for me, or lose interst in me. That scares me more than anything.
I'll elaborate more on this as we go on.
_____________________________
Faithfully serving Her, in all ways.
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It Has Begun - Day One - 
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