Newbie Ettiquette Question... (Full Version)

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SexyBlondSub -> Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:06:11 PM)

While I'm naturally submissive, this is the first time I've ever formally sought out a Dom.  I have an ettiquette question but I really don't want to ask it on the boards - I'd prefer to ask an experienced master privately.



slaveish -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:07:02 PM)

~chuckle~

Bad etiquette strike number one.



mistoferin -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:13:29 PM)

That really isn't the best way to go. Number one, if you are brand new, how are you going to know if they are an experienced Master? I think that you are opening up the door to trolls who are going to want to rush in and take you under their wing and protect you. (By the way, if you get those kind of offers...decline them) It would be best to ask your question here on the forums where you can get a variety of answers and choose what feels right for you without pressure.



SexyBlondSub -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:20:20 PM)

Excellent point Erin....

Would someone please explain to me the etiquette of "being under consideration"?  I'd really like to please my Dom and I'm feeling very in the dark at the moment.



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:24:09 PM)

This is a good question...is one considered under consideration until collared?



LadyHeart -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:26:27 PM)

You will get a number of different answers depending upon who you ask, so the best thing to do would be to ask Him what his expectations are about your behaviour whilst under consideration. His reply may give you cause to reconsider him (!) or you may be enlightened and affirmed by it. But if you ask others you will likely get as many definitions as there are replies.
:))
LH



SexyBlondSub -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:29:33 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: imthatacheyouhav

This is a good question...is one considered under consideration until collared?

I don't know... We haven't gotten that far...



mistoferin -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:35:10 PM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBlondSub

Excellent point Erin....

Would someone please explain to me the etiquette of "being under consideration"?  I'd really like to please my Dom and I'm feeling very in the dark at the moment.



Well, this may ruffle some feathers but first, I would not advise you to rush into such a situation. There are many people out there who call themselves Dominants who like to scoop up the newbies and slap a collar of consideration on them....which is essentially kind of like staking their claim in a land rush. It takes you off the market and away from anyone else who may possibly question their motives and tell you so. They may even tell you that as a newbie you need such a thing to be "protected". Not true. You simply need to keep all of your common sense, don't rush into things and make good, fact based decisions regarding the people you choose to let in closer. I never think it is a good idea when a Dominant wants to isolate a submissive, especially a new submissive who should be learning all she can from as many different sources as are available to her.

If this man is someone who you have taken the time to get to know and found that he is indeed someone that you wish to continue with, then as other posters have said, it would be best to ask him what type of guidelines he is expecting you to follow.



LuckyAlbatross -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:45:09 PM)

You are under consideration when you choose to be.

You should choose to be under consideration when you understand exactly what that will entail for yourself.

http://www.collarchat.com/m_570779/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#570947
"Under Consideration" what does it mean to you?

http://www.collarchat.com/m_437842/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#437958
Putting under consideration

http://www.collarchat.com/m_297748/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#297748
collaring levels

http://www.collarchat.com/m_293199/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#293199
some slaves have no

http://www.collarchat.com/m_249659/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#249659
"Under Consideration"???

http://www.collarchat.com/m_167264/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#167264
Under Consideration

http://www.collarchat.com/m_167264/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#167264
taking someone under consideration

http://www.collarchat.com/m_136495/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#136495
under consideration

http://www.collarchat.com/m_86003/mpage_1/key_consideration/tm.htm#86003
different "stages"/different treatment?




AquaticSub -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 10:51:18 PM)

quote:

this is the first time I've ever formally sought out a Dom. I have an ettiquette question but I really don't want to ask it on the
quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBlondSub

While I'm naturally submissive, this is the first time I've ever formally sought out a Dom.  I have an ettiquette question but I really don't want to ask it on the boards - I'd prefer to ask an experienced master privately.



Do you realize that no one answer applies to every dominant? See, there isn't one right way to do things so you are actually better off biting the bullet and posting it here, getting a varity of answers and going with the one that makes the most sense to you.

Edited now that I've seen the actual question:
Ask your dom. He should be able to tell you exactly what he wants. This is definately something where asking another dominant would be fairly useless since what your dom wants could be completely different.



angelslave77 -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/2/2007 11:08:55 PM)

When I was under Masters condiseration it was basically a case of we knew we wanted each other but  as we were long distance we wernt willing to step it further till we had seen whether or not we "clicked " in r/t. Because eventually we wont be long distance anymore so we had to know it was right. 



MasterScotsWill -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 3:20:06 AM)

The proper thing to do I think would be to ask your Dominant what he expects from you and what you expect from him.  As it is a two way realationship.



julietsierra -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 4:11:40 AM)

"Under consideration" = dating with a sideways demand for exclusivity with no strings attached. A good thing if this is how you do things. Not so good if you don't.

Personally, while I do date exclusively upon meeting someone I really like, I'd be reluctant to be put into the category of "under consideration." It's kind of petty, but I can deal with a date not working out. I'd have a harder time broadcasting that I'm "under consideration" only to have that dominant possibly opt out sometime later, thereby thrusting me into the next category (even if in my head) of "not good enough."

So, while not necessarily an etiquette based answer, it's the best I can give you. Your decision to enter into this kind of relationship is completely up to you.

juliet



Rover -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 4:17:52 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: SexyBlondSub

Excellent point Erin....

Would someone please explain to me the etiquette of "being under consideration"?  I'd really like to please my Dom and I'm feeling very in the dark at the moment.



My reply is sure to put a bee in a few bonnets, though that is not my intention.
 
To begin, "collars of consideration" and the like have no historical basis.  They're pretty much online conventions.  Of course, if they appeal to individuals they do not require an historical basis, and their origin is meaningless.
 
Personally, it seems rather contradictory.  If a collar is a symbol of ownership, then how can you own what you have not committed to (and has not committed to you)?  I don't get the title to a car that I'm considering buying.   I can't take it home and drive it as if it were my own.  They might even allow me to take it home overnight.  But I can't take it home and keep it as if it were my own, or lay any claim on it against other potential buyers.  And if I put too many miles on it... I've bought it, like it or not.
 
Theoretically, I'm considering every uncollared submissive/slave that I talk to.  And I don't slap a collar on each one of them. 
 
The only thing I can think of is that a collar of consideration affords a Dominant all the benefits of ownership, without the commitment.  And it affords the submissive/slave all the benefits of being owned, again without commitment.  And both get to proudly display that all important collar.
 
In so many ways I'm far too literal for the shifting sands inherent to the internet.  I hope that in sharing my own stodgy views it doesn't seem as though I'm denigrating other's choices.
 
John



MadRabbit -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 4:32:05 AM)

Its the BDSM equivalent of dating more or less.

What exactly being "under consideration" entails changes from dominant to dominant. There is no one set way nor is it something that can be defined in literal terms.

It might be "Hey your kind of cool...I'm considering you as a potential partner." or it might be as a elaborate as a trial period for the relationship.

For example, when I first meet a potential partner I like, the "under consideration" period (if someone wanted to call it that...I'm not much for formal names) would be a period of months where we got to know each other, understand my personal lifestyle in regards to M/S relationships, and understand what exactly being my slave would entail. This is something I feal is important and crucial before jumping straight into the kind of relationship I want.

Any D/S during that time is just completely natural, casual and "go with the flow" and isnt based on firm contigencies.



SubinMaine -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 4:39:50 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: mistoferin

Well, this may ruffle some feathers but first, I would not advise you to rush into such a situation. There are many people out there who call themselves Dominants who like to scoop up the newbies and slap a collar of consideration on them....which is essentially kind of like staking their claim in a land rush. It takes you off the market and away from anyone else who may possibly question their motives and tell you so. They may even tell you that as a newbie you need such a thing to be "protected". Not true. You simply need to keep all of your common sense, don't rush into things and make good, fact based decisions regarding the people you choose to let in closer. I never think it is a good idea when a Dominant wants to isolate a submissive, especially a new submissive who should be learning all she can from as many different sources as are available to her.

If this man is someone who you have taken the time to get to know and found that he is indeed someone that you wish to continue with, then as other posters have said, it would be best to ask him what type of guidelines he is expecting you to follow.


And...

quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

My reply is sure to put a bee in a few bonnets, though that is not my intention.
 
To begin, "collars of consideration" and the like have no historical basis.  They're pretty much online conventions.  Of course, if they appeal to individuals they do not require an historical basis, and their origin is meaningless.
 
Personally, it seems rather contradictory.  If a collar is a symbol of ownership, then how can you own what you have not committed to (and has not committed to you)?  I don't get the title to a car that I'm considering buying.   I can't take it home and drive it as if it were my own.  They might even allow me to take it home overnight.  But I can't take it home and keep it as if it were my own, or lay any claim on it against other potential buyers.  And if I put too many miles on it... I've bought it, like it or not.
 
Theoretically, I'm considering every uncollared submissive/slave that I talk to.  And I don't slap a collar on each one of them. 
 
The only thing I can think of is that a collar of consideration affords a Dominant all the benefits of ownership, without the commitment.  And it affords the submissive/slave all the benefits of being owned, again without commitment.  And both get to proudly display that all important collar.
 
In so many ways I'm far too literal for the shifting sands inherent to the internet.  I hope that in sharing my own stodgy views it doesn't seem as though I'm denigrating other's choices.
 
John


OP, there's good advice in the first post and a good assessment of the question on the second. 

i also never really understood the "collar of consideration"...to me it always just rang as a sneaky way to keep something to oneself without affording the other the opportunity of educating themselves further with the choice of lifestyle they're making...very dangerous for someone "new."

Just my opinion, of course *smile*




RavenMuse -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 4:56:53 AM)

The only two people who can fully define what it means for your particular situation are the two people directly involved... you and Him

I currently have a young lady under consideration. For us it means that we are both working toward My Ownership of her, she has submitted to My control and is My responcibility but we acknowledge there is much work to do before we know for sure this is going to be a lasting situation.



SimplyMichael -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 7:57:50 AM)

It means "I am a new dom and found a hot chick but am hoping to find a hotter one so I will let you wear my letterman jacket and then next week I will start pushing you to find me a "sister" slave...

Or the guy could be a great guy and wants to take his time getting to know you. 



imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/3/2007 8:30:33 AM)

quote:

ORIGINAL: RavenMuse

The only two people who can fully define what it means for your particular situation are the two people directly involved... you and Him

I currently have a young lady under consideration. For us it means that we are both working toward My Ownership of her, she has submitted to My control and is My responcibility but we acknowledge there is much work to do before we know for sure this is going to be a lasting situation.


This makes perfect sense to me.



nephandi -> RE: Newbie Ettiquette Question... (7/12/2007 4:33:56 AM)

Hi

First of all welcome to the forum. To make my reply very short, evey Dom have different ideas of etiquette. You can speak whit somone that have done this a hundred years and his intructions may be wrong compared to what your Dom want of you. Some BDSM pairs act like any other, calling one another by name and being very causal, some Dom's expect their submissive to always look down and use titels on them, it may wary so much and is not a universal right or wrong. Ask the Dom your are under consideration of what he want, not some random stranger.

i wish you well



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