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ORIGINAL: themischievous1
Do you think more women are beginning to desire, accept, or even tolerate this type of arrangement, more than they used to say twenty years ago?
No, possibly, maybe. I don't desire, accept or tolerate that. Then again, I am me and I have standards as to what I find acceptable and not acceptable in any sort of relationship.
Why does it seem as if this kind of thing is becoming the norm now?(certainly for men at least, or am I wrong about that and women are embracing this idea too?) Is everyone becoming seriously jaded to real intimacy and commitment?
Because people are lazy and don't want to put effort into a meaningfull relationship; careers are taking the forefront and not so much healthy relationships. Men who engage in that stuff, are generally refered to as 'players' at least in my book they fall into a sub-catagory of player. More like, commitment phobic or immature. Women are following the guys bad lead; this is one time when playing follow the leader is a bad idea.
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When the tough times hit though, most aren't making their LTR's last, are they? I'm also wondering how any kind of serious D/s, M/s, or other lifestyle dynamics can develop the necessary trust to survive, much less possibly exist 24/7 in a friends with benefits type of arrangement.
My LDR is lasting, its been hard at times, but, we are making it work, it takes effort and a desire to make it work. MJ an I have been friends for years, we have taken the next step in our friendship; its not 'friends with benefits' its what has evolved from being friends for this long, we are in the beginning stages of a relationship, we have goals and we know where we are and what we each want, luckyaly for us, those goals and desires are on the same path; 'friends with benefits' sounds cheap to me, like a NSA [no strings attached] relationship.
I've always likened this kind of "relationship" to a very casual arrangement for sexual gratification purposes and convenience. It seems more and more though that many people will tell you they want a long term relationship when they really only intend to be your fuck buddy or a friend with benefits.
Just because something is convient, doesn't mean its right or healthy. The people I have been in relationships with want LTRs and not fuck-buddies or friends with benefits; you know that after talking to someone. If I think they want nsa or to be fuck buddies, I'm gone. I'm don't have the patience for that bs, so I leave those people to others who want the same.
So how do you tell the difference between those who are on the level and are seeking something more meaningful and those who just want the casual?
Communication, communication, communication.
Often it seems that if you start into the playing, scening, and various other intimate sexual activities that you've already started on the path toward the friends with benefits relationship. And if not, what makes it more meaningful and permanent for you so that it doesn't turn into this?
I won't let it. When I meet someone, I go into it with the same mentality as I do a vanilla or lifestyle meeting, I may have a friend at the end of it, if something 'more' is there then great, we see what happens. MJ an I are friends, I consider Him one of my closest friends, I have for years; now, we have taken a step into something more, its not just about sex or about playign and scenening, if it was, we would not put as much effort into things as we have; you don't put effort into a play or fuck buddy.
MJ an I work on our relationship, we may be at the beginning of a romantic relationship, yet to call us 'fuck buiddies' or 'friends with benefits' is way off, those both inply casual and for convience; considering that their is a 3 hr drive between us, and the grapevine, its not what I would construde as causal. Casual is like a bootycall. This is most definatly NOT that.
