Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes

Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (Full Version)

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littlebratbehave -> Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 2:02:36 AM)
My first master who I have only known for a short time has just decided to return to his last girlfriend to see if things will work out between them. I don't know what it means to be in transition in training to be a submissive without having my master in my life. I feel very lost actually and somewhat heartbroken as life was going very well between us day to day. Any suggestions from a master that might be helpful?

m0rgan -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 2:15:38 AM)
i can only offer platitudes, missy; the only way to eat an elephant is one bite at a time! just carry on with life and stuff happens. good luck to you.

mstrjx -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 3:49:05 AM)
What this means, if you haven't recognized it, is that your level of commitment was far greater than his (to your relationship). In other words, you were too good for him. Certainly it hurts now. But won't it hurt a lot less when you realize that you have (in the future) found someone who gave you all that you need, and possibly more? Whatever the quality of this dom/Master, there are plenty more and probably far better. Jeff

julietsierra -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 4:04:17 AM)
To the OP: I am sorry for your loss. That being said, I also think this can be a wonderful thing! You now have the opportunity to take what you've learned from this man and start to sort through it all to determine what is important to how you view life and what is not. It doesn't matter who your master was or was not. There will always be good lessons and not so good lessons that only really become apparent upon contemplation once you're outside of the relationship. You now have the chance to do this. I know that right NOW, EVERYTHING he taught you seems right for you, but in time, you'll see things that are and things that aren't and you'll have the opportunity to become the kind of submissive YOU want. This means that ultimately, if you continue in this life, you'll find someone who's even more closely compatible with you and the next time around, you'll have one more question you know to ask. "How long has it been since your last relationship?" I'm not trying to be callous here, and I know you don't necessarily want to hear this, but there really IS a silver lining here and you stand at the edge of something truly wonderful if, once you're done hurting, you choose to pick it up. I wish you well. juliet

NWRaven -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 4:13:26 AM)
Sadly, the ending of a M/s relationship affects a slave far more then in a vanilla relationship due to the dynamic of the relationship. There is really very little advise anyone can give you. You just have to take it one day at a time -baby steps!!! Remember - happiness is a choice! You are the only one that can make that choice for you. I know it's hard but you need to put it behind you and begin again. Good luck, Raven

becca333 -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 5:27:05 AM)
He was one step on your path. Now it's time to move on and find the next. Remember him with gratitude and fondness, but be open to someone new and different. And when his girlfriend dumps him again, DO NOT take him back.

SimplyMichael -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 7:54:23 AM)
quote: I don't know what it means to be in transition in training to be a submissive without having my master in my life. Good thing he was training you! Imagine, there are assholes on these boards who think people offering training are a red flag, what losers! <end snark> Seriously, you are better off without him. Spend the time looking inward and see if any of this is part of your relationship pattern and try and heal that pattern so you choose better partners. Read some on the forums here, find a real live local group and watch people interact and take your time choosing your next partner. Having relationships end is how you learn to find a relationship that will never end.

CrazyC -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/3/2007 5:48:31 PM)
Is transition really the best word for this? I think you will find that your learning more about yourself (which is what training is about) happens between masters, also. It is hard when you have found comfort to have to go, but at least you know what you are looking for. Continue working on yourself, so when the right one comes around you'll be ready for him.

Mystique567 -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/4/2007 2:36:39 PM)
You have my sympathys, I have been here before. I am not a Master, but I too was released by my first Master,he decided to return to a vanilla life. One that sadly did not include me. He will always hold a special place in my heart but I have found that there are so many people willing to guide you in a safe manner if you are willing to reach out. Weigh your options carefully, we are not doormats dear, we are strong, intellegent and sought after woman that like to submit. The one true lesson I learned is you can never go home again, trust is such a cornerstone of our relationships, and to so easily walk away from you has lost your trust. Whoever said in a previous comment that you shouldn't take him back is right, with my X the vanilla relationship fell through, and I could have gone back but I would never again feel the same so why bother.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/5/2007 6:51:36 AM)
I'm just a heartless bastard. Get over it, stop the "poor me" attitude and get on with life.

SeeksOnlyOne -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/5/2007 10:22:09 AM)
ive found that believing i am always where i am meant to be....for this moment in time......helps me get through everything..........learning to actually believe that was a bitch though.........

imthatacheyouhav -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/5/2007 10:44:38 AM)
To the OP...i know how you feel. All you can do is do your best to move on...and "cowboy up" and keep riding....and ignore the "heartless bastards" that think they have something to add. I hope your heart feels better soon

yuyu777 -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/5/2007 11:28:46 AM)
Did he commit to you in the D/s? if he left you just like that, I dont see he is really worth your sorrow. alth I can feel the pain you have now...

MasterHephaestus -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/5/2007 2:23:52 PM)
I've seen lots of good advice and platitudes and sympathies so I'll say what hasn't been said yet. "First Master" ..... "known for a short time".... First thing that occurs to me: smarten up and approach things more cautiously. I don't know how many times I've seen a sub or slave start talking to a Dom or Master and within a VERY short time have committed their hearts to his keeping without thinking or taking the proper time to approach the relationship. This is akin to dating someone for a month and getting married to them, then bemoaning the fact that he broke your heart because you didn't take the time to get to know him and TRULY see if you are compatible. Many subs and slaves, in their eagerness to achieve their dreams, throw themselves into a relationship that hasn't cemented yet. They almost always get burned. I'm sure this isn't warm fuzzy advice, but I like to hope it's sound. Edited to add: This also happens with Doms and Masters jumping into a relationship in their eagerness to have a sub or slave. Same results usually.

MagiksSlave -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/6/2007 4:16:36 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: NWRaven Sadly, the ending of a M/s relationship affects a slave far more then in a vanilla relationship due to the dynamic of the relationship. There is really very little advise anyone can give you. You just have to take it one day at a time -baby steps!!! Remember - happiness is a choice! You are the only one that can make that choice for you. I know it's hard but you need to put it behind you and begin again. Good luck, Raven Ok Im choseing to respond to this first and then tackle the op because stuff like this erks me!!! The feelings in a D/s relationship arent any deeper or stronger then that of a vanilla relationship, we dont feel deeper or hurt more then they do, why minamise how much a person hurts when their vanella relationships ends, why invalidate like that the truth is these are relationships like any other the pain is the same the situation just differen. If my sister broke up with her boy friend the same day I broke up with my Master who the hell would I be to tell her I hurt more because he was my Master and I was his slave and they where only boy friend girl friend?? Point is they weren "only" boy friend and girl friend they where in a relationship that ment as much to them as mine did to me (/end rant) To the Op... it sucks seems as if he was just useing you as a rebound girl till something better came along or in this case his X desided to take him back, doesnt seem to me he is worth much at all and even though I know it hurts like hell you are most likely bettter off with out him. Magik's slave

rave -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/6/2007 4:30:25 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: NWRaven Sadly, the ending of a M/s relationship affects a slave far more then in a vanilla relationship due to the dynamic of the relationship. There is really very little advise anyone can give you. You just have to take it one day at a time -baby steps!!! Remember - happiness is a choice! You are the only one that can make that choice for you. I know it's hard but you need to put it behind you and begin again. Good luck, Raven Ok Im choseing to respond to this first and then tackle the op because stuff like this erks me!!! The feelings in a D/s relationship arent any deeper or stronger then that of a vanilla relationship, we dont feel deeper or hurt more then they do, why minamise how much a person hurts when their vanella relationships ends, why invalidate like that the truth is these are relationships like any other the pain is the same the situation just differen. If my sister broke up with her boy friend the same day I broke up with my Master who the hell would I be to tell her I hurt more because he was my Master and I was his slave and they where only boy friend girl friend?? Point is they weren "only" boy friend and girl friend they where in a relationship that ment as much to them as mine did to me (/end rant) To the Op... it sucks seems as if he was just useing you as a rebound girl till something better came along or in this case his X desided to take him back, doesnt seem to me he is worth much at all and even though I know it hurts like hell you are most likely bettter off with out him. Magik's slave

MagiksSlave -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/6/2007 4:41:32 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: rave quote: ORIGINAL: MagiksSlave quote: ORIGINAL: NWRaven Sadly, the ending of a M/s relationship affects a slave far more then in a vanilla relationship due to the dynamic of the relationship. There is really very little advise anyone can give you. You just have to take it one day at a time -baby steps!!! Remember - happiness is a choice! You are the only one that can make that choice for you. I know it's hard but you need to put it behind you and begin again. Good luck, Raven Ok Im choseing to respond to this first and then tackle the op because stuff like this erks me!!! The feelings in a D/s relationship arent any deeper or stronger then that of a vanilla relationship, we dont feel deeper or hurt more then they do, why minamise how much a person hurts when their vanella relationships ends, why invalidate like that the truth is these are relationships like any other the pain is the same the situation just differen. If my sister broke up with her boy friend the same day I broke up with my Master who the hell would I be to tell her I hurt more because he was my Master and I was his slave and they where only boy friend girl friend?? Point is they weren "only" boy friend and girl friend they where in a relationship that ment as much to them as mine did to me (/end rant) To the Op... it sucks seems as if he was just useing you as a rebound girl till something better came along or in this case his X desided to take him back, doesnt seem to me he is worth much at all and even though I know it hurts like hell you are most likely bettter off with out him. Magik's slave Ok Im confused as to why you just quoted me?? Magik's slave

slaveish -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/6/2007 8:14:36 AM)
When we are not the ones doing the ending of a relationship, often we feel that we are somehow defective and unworthy of the other. That isn't the case. If you are letting it drag you down, or resort to destructive behaviors to "cope" (eating, smoking, promiscuity, drugs) take a step back. You have only known this man a short time. While I do not doubt your feelings are real, they are inappropriate. Go through your stuff to see what you've had longer than you had him, then go do something that makes yourself feel good (like buy a really cute pair of shoes or a hot dress). Force yourself if you have to, and force yourself to enjoy it and be thankful for it. Life could be much worse. Do some journaling. Be as hateful and as sad as you want to be - don't hold back. When you're done, burn it and imagine the rising smoke as the release of your bad feeligs. Good luck.

sireninchains -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/6/2007 4:25:30 PM)
quote: And when his girlfriend dumps him again, DO NOT take him back. Here, Here! You do NOT need this grief a second time, your too good for it!

Masternslave07 -> RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes (7/6/2007 4:26:47 PM)
Move on as fast as possible.

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