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RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/6/2007 8:05:09 PM   
littlebratbehave


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Thanks for all the advice and comments, good, bad and other. He is still with her and I am still wanting him with me...though no idea at this point why. He told me if I stay attached I will just continue to hurt myself and he is right. That being said I am on a break from dating anyone and just taking time to take care of me for a bit.  Guess time will tell as to what happens but really does it matter? Who knows.... In the meantime I am enjoying reading online here to learn more at least as I was just beginning to experience this lifestyle.  Thanks again! C.

(in reply to Masternslave07)
Profile   Post #: 21
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/6/2007 8:15:04 PM   
LadyHeart


Posts: 561
Joined: 5/7/2007
Status: offline 		"When you love someone, set them free,
and if they love you enough, they'll come back....
and if they don't ....
hunt them down and shoot them..."

I'm not so sure about dumping him forever, but I would say, dump him for now, and don't expect him to return. Make a clean break and start getting your life back together. But if he does return, review it at the time, on the basis of what he says.

I'm saying this because I met my Master at a munch. He was married at the time. The marriage was bad, his wife wouldn't even consider BDSM, but told him to go to the munch anyway. We made the connection, he left his wife, all was great, but she was always trying to get him back, he felt guilty, the whole emotional catastrophe. He was miserably guilty so he went back to her. I let him go with my blessing as I only wanted his happiness, no matter who it was with. I moved on as best I could. A few weeks' later he was back, having resolved all his issues. He asked for a second chance and we've been together ever since. We married a couple of years ago. Some stories do have a happy ending. But for now ... let him go ... move on...

Big hugs from one who has been there
:))
LH

_____________________________

"BDSM is not an excuse for bad manners."

(in reply to Masternslave07)
Profile   Post #: 22
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/6/2007 8:41:42 PM   
TexasMaam


Posts: 1467
Joined: 6/22/2005
Status: offline 		You can find a great deal of comfort and solace in developing your relationships with other submissives right now.  They will know and understand what you're going through and you will not feel so isolated or alone.

Focus on friendships with subs for now.

Finding the strength to move on will come with time.

TexasMaam

_____________________________

~ My opinions are not necessarily those of the management... ~

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 23
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/7/2007 11:19:26 AM   
TemptingNviceSub


Posts: 3054
Joined: 10/1/2005
Status: offline 		You have gained knowledge from this experience..USE IT!!....Tempting

_____________________________

I have greatly enjoyed the second blooming...suddenly you find at the age of 50, that a whole new life has opened before you.........Agatha Christie.

You must make tracks into the unknown~~Thoreau

(in reply to TexasMaam)
Profile   Post #: 24
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/8/2007 8:06:59 AM   
SirDominic


Posts: 711
Joined: 11/22/2006
Status: offline
quote:

He is still with her and I am still wanting him with me...though no idea at this point why.


Indeed. This is the real question, and you need to go inside yourself, rummage through your thoughts and feelings until you do understand why. The problem with pain is most people try to avoid it because it is, well, painful. This is often especially true of emotional pain; some people go through their entire lives refusing to face that.

It takes willpower and courage to face your own inner pain, and to delve into the insecurities that underly it. If you have the courage to tackle it, you will find your answer, and you will not only have done yourself a HUGE favor, you will have grown considerably as well.

Namaste, Sir Dominic

_____________________________

You teach best what you have lived.

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 25
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/8/2007 8:18:17 AM   
lavenderblossom


Posts: 1
Joined: 10/16/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael


Having relationships end is how you learn to find a relationship that will never end.


Very wise and true words

(in reply to SimplyMichael)
Profile   Post #: 26
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/8/2007 12:00:41 PM   
velvetears


Posts: 2933
Joined: 6/19/2006
Status: offline 		i know this is easier said then done but the less analysing of the break up you do and just start doing things for YOU the faster you will get back on track and be able to put him behind you.   It's ok to miss him but don't make missing him your entire life.  Take time to recoup before getting into another relationship.  Keep in mind it has nothing to do with your self worth - he was probably not totally honest with you about his left over feelings he had for his ex.  Not fair at all to you, but not everyone is out to be fair in this world.  Take on some of the responsibility and learn from it - ie: maybe you got involved to fast and didn't evaluate everything quite the way you would with a more level head?  Hope you feel better soon

_____________________________

Religion is for people who are scared of hell, Spirituality is for people who have been there

(in reply to lavenderblossom)
Profile   Post #: 27
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/9/2007 9:15:48 PM   
PAsextoy4u


Posts: 58
Joined: 9/27/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebratbehave

My first master who I have only known for a short time has just decided to return to his last girlfriend to see if things will work out between them.

I don't know what it means to be in transition in training to be a submissive without having my master in my life. I feel very lost actually and somewhat heartbroken as life was going very well between us day to day.  Any suggestions from a master that might be helpful?


I am not a Master, but I feel a need to reply.  On Friday, it will be 6 months since I was released.  It had been a 3 1/2 relationship.  It had built up slowly, and I had been utterly devoted to him.  He woke up one day and released me, without any prior hint it was coming, or any warning whatsoever.

I wanted to curl up and die.  I didnt know how to go on, after having given so much of myself to him.   My life felt empty and hopeless.  I sobbed for weeks, remembering his touch and his voice.

But in time, I stopped crying.  I was able to stand up and take baby steps in my life again.  I stopped hating myself and blaming myself.   I stopped trying to remember his touch and his voice.  I wouldnt let myself fantasize about him.

Each month on the date he released me, I did something to move farther away from him and closer to me feeling free enough to move forward in my life.  I wrote letters that I never sent, that were for ME to let go and express my feelings.

I know now that it wasnt MY fault that he did what he did.  I have been able to get angry at him and at how he released me.  I have been able to chat a bit with a another Dom.   And I know I can live without my former Master.

Im not sure I can ever trust another Dom to the degree I did him.  Im not sure I will ever feel as devoted to anyone as I was to him.  Only more time will tell.  But I am going slow, taking my time, letting myself heal, letting my heart give him up totally and heal.  I know I deserve that, to heal and find peace.

I wish you luck in finding your own peace and healing.


(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 28
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/9/2007 10:26:03 PM   
bbwdommelilith


Posts: 81
Joined: 10/25/2006
Status: offline 		I used to think that one should sit with the feelings and take time to grieve, but unless you've had a long-term relationship, life is too short for this!  There is a saying, "Women grieve, men replace." I know that this is a generalization, but I think that more women should take the male perspective. Get out there and get busy! (And I'm speaking from experience.) Good luck!

(in reply to Masternslave07)
Profile   Post #: 29
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/29/2007 2:57:10 PM   
littlebratbehave


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		Well the update ..... sure anough he was with her for a few weeks and they had words and he walked. And half an hour later he called me having been drinking (which I did not know at the time). I went over, spent the night (nothing happened and we just enjoyed time together), the next day he was sober and we talked...we were together for 3 days, and no notice he texted me when I was at work to say he had something to talk about that I wouldn't like...he was going back to her. They have been back together for a while now and things are going well for them, but they were last time too.  I think I have not learned as much as I should have. I still want him back.....(shakes head and knows full well that I make NO SENSE).  The answer should be that I never go back.   

(in reply to bbwdommelilith)
Profile   Post #: 30
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/29/2007 3:14:15 PM   
Estring


Posts: 3314
Joined: 1/1/2004
Status: offline 		 But my question is why are you so interested in filling your life with so much drama and pain? That is all you will get if you keep hanging on. Relationships should be a fulfilling and uplifting experience. If you believe you deserve better, you will find something better.

_____________________________

Boycott Whales!

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 31
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 7/29/2007 3:19:24 PM   
sweetnsoftinpa


Posts: 19
Joined: 7/22/2006
Status: offline 		hun trust me i know where you are coming from. i had a Trainer i was with for over four months and when W/we split it hit me like a ton of bricks. He did it in an email that i got when i got home from work oneday. it took me a while to find that i did nothing wrong and S/some think He is married. that was last year. since then i have met and have been talking to a very nice Master. W/we started off as friends and things have gone from there. He knows what has happened in the past and has taken things slow. so yes there is Someone out there for everyone, it is just finding the right One for you. i think the phrase goes "you will kiss alot of frogs before you find your Prince"

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 32
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/4/2007 5:48:12 AM   
littlebratbehave


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		I can't believe it we were again together for A DAY and he went back to her. Guess I have FINALLY learned my lesson....I am glad I am not with him now as I feel sorry for her. She has NO IDEA just what he has been doing behind her back......I am glad not to be part of it any longer THANKFULLY.  He finally pulled anough strings that I could say OK I CAN'T HANDLE THIS....that was the biggest favour he ever did for me.  I AM FINALLY HAPPY TO BE FREE :)

(in reply to sweetnsoftinpa)
Profile   Post #: 33
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/4/2007 6:01:27 AM   
Aileen68


Posts: 6091
Joined: 8/2/2005
Status: offline 		He's using you and you're allowing it.  Once maybe.  Three times???  Your fault.
Grow some balls and tell him to fuck off.  Then move on and be happy.

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 34
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/6/2007 8:14:34 PM   
littlebratbehave


Posts: 7
Joined: 6/20/2007
Status: offline 		FINALLY OVER :)  He turned out to be the guy that most of you thought....I went to see him after he had dumped me again and I had to pick up some of my stuff....guess who answered but his GIRLFRIEND..so there we are looking each other in the face...I asked for him and my stuff, he stood there and was in shock with a smile....I left, wishing him to tell her GOOD LUCK (she'll need it and then some)...and I walked out.  It was classic as an ending......GOOD BYE SIR and THANK GOD!!!!! I am FINALLY emotionally and physically FREE!

(in reply to Aileen68)
Profile   Post #: 35
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/6/2007 8:19:09 PM   
MzMia


Posts: 5333
Joined: 7/30/2004
Status: offline 		Thanks for the update!
Pick yourself up, dust yourself off and wait for someone that deserves you!
Be glad you are free/rid of him!!!

_____________________________

Namaste'
To Each His/Her Own
"DENIAL ain't just a river in Egypt." Mark Twain


What's your favorite fetish?
"My partner's whisper"--bloomswell

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 36
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/6/2007 9:06:17 PM   
Darkhaven80


Posts: 76
Joined: 3/12/2007
Status: offline 		Ouch! Either this guy was on the rebound in a serious way, or else he's just being a coward and using that line as an excuse. Be glad you saw his true colors before things got more serious. I know it doesn't help the heartbreak right now, but this one's obviously not worth your time.

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 37
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/7/2007 9:57:41 AM   
desiresluv


Posts: 41
Joined: 6/13/2007
Status: offline 		Time is the only thing that will help.  I feel for you..and I hope that you find someone better that deserves you.  I firmly believe in the old saying.."What goes around comes around!"  You will get your victory by finding a better Dom..good luck to you..~smiles~

(in reply to Darkhaven80)
Profile   Post #: 38
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/7/2007 10:25:34 AM   
mmb1


Posts: 304
Joined: 8/3/2007
Status: offline 		I would say, check into the truth of that ASAP! It may be something that is very long over!!!!

(in reply to Masternslave07)
Profile   Post #: 39
RE: Where to go next? heartbroken goodbyes - 8/7/2007 4:00:57 PM   
windchymes


Posts: 9410
Joined: 4/18/2005
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: littlebratbehave

FINALLY OVER :)  He turned out to be the guy that most of you thought....I went to see him after he had dumped me again and I had to pick up some of my stuff....guess who answered but his GIRLFRIEND..so there we are looking each other in the face...I asked for him and my stuff, he stood there and was in shock with a smile....I left, wishing him to tell her GOOD LUCK (she'll need it and then some)...and I walked out.  It was classic as an ending......GOOD BYE SIR and THANK GOD!!!!! I am FINALLY emotionally and physically FREE!


I hope you're finally getting it that he wants HER and uses you for comfort when she disses him. 

_____________________________

You know it's going to be a GOOD blow job when she puts a Breathe Right strip on first.

Pick-up artists and garbage men should trade names.

(in reply to littlebratbehave)
Profile   Post #: 40
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