Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (Full Version)

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Davesgirl -> Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/14/2005 3:21:57 PM)

I saw the post about tips for new subs, and was thinking about new Dom/mes. Specifically for the male portion, as my own Master and I learning together. So...Any suggestions or advice or pointers would be muchly apprecciated

Thanks everyone! [:)]



MemphisDsCouple -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/14/2005 5:13:31 PM)

Hiya Davesgirl

I think you're better off following nature and exploring together rather than having someone tell you what to do and how to do it. For example, did you need an outside third person to help you become proficient in sex in general? (Assuming for the moment that you are.)

What I'm saying is..... my suggestion is that you not spoil the magic of exploring this new ground together. Sure, you'll step on each other's toes. But hey that's just part of learning to dance. Yanno? Keep a sense of humor. Laughter is good!

I mean..... do you two have what's called "common sense"? You know you don't want to hang each other, right? Restrict breathing, right? Cut off circulation, right? Common sense, right?

Sure.

Then just start slowly, go slowly and enjoy the journey. Talk a lot. (Talking is hot!) Talk about what you liked, what you were feeling, what you were thinking, what you dream about....... and so on. Nature will lead you.

If you want some reference material, I strongly suggest you look more to the printed word than to the online word. Even though cm enjoys an exceptionally high quality of contributions to its forums, still I think the printed word is a better reference for beginners. "Different Loving", for example, is a very good, factual, nonjudgemental reference. For fiction, "The Story of O" is the classic. Remember though, fiction is fiction. It is not a how-to. There are plenty more books. Ask around or do a search of the message boards here.

I think nature and common sense are your best guides. Enjoy!



LadyKim -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 5:31:45 AM)

Advice:

1. Be natural and don't force a preconceived 'image' to be a reality if it isn't.
2. Always follow the moto "Safe, sane, and consentual...... it must always be all three."
3. Remember that being Dominant does not equate to being domineering.
4. Think safety, safety, safety, safety.
5. Have your own sh!t together before trying to tell someone else how to organize theirs.
6. Be someone you would respect rather than pushing your need to be respected off on others.
7. Keep in mind that the dominant is not the only one in the Dom/sub equation worthy of respect.
8. Treat a submissive as a valuable addition to your life. Our roles are dependant upon each other.
9. Remember that the label of Dominant is not a license to be selfish, lazy, or abusive.
10. Watch other HAPPY D/s couples, talk with them, and don't believe everything you read in a book or on the internet as the end all be all of bdsm.

And most important.......... enjoy each other.

How's that for generic tips?

MzKim



asissyforher -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 6:45:14 AM)

8. Treat a submissive as a valuable addition to your life. Our roles are dependant upon each other.
9. Remember that the label of Dominant is not a license to be selfish, lazy, or abusive
=====
oh jeez........don't get me going.......i don't wanna go there today.
i have too many bad deals already just since january.

a slave



Domin81 -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 9:31:15 AM)

Gather knowledge. Read all the applicable books and reputable websites you can. I believe the fast track to learning is to get involved with your local bdsm community, talk to people sharing knowledge and experience, go to events/munches and especially go to workshops. If you are fortunate, you may find a good mentor.

There is no accreditation for bdsm….everything is someone’s opinion. You have to consider the sources and then how you might use what you have learned in your life.



FuriousAngel -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 10:22:44 AM)

I am so glad you began this thread! I was just posing similar questions to friends this week!



Davesgirl -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 12:33:05 PM)

Thanks everyone for all the suggestions!!! Please, keep them coming, we're both open to hearing others suggestions and advice

Thanks again [:)]



nonuts4thshoney -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 12:52:14 PM)

I found this website to be pretty interesting.



http://www.fetishalliance.net/Stories/stories.htm



RexLongBeach -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 2:00:12 PM)

Here's my $.02: know yourself; accept yourself.

Being Dom has its own set of circumstances attached to it, and the questions we demand from ourselves at the outset can lead us to many a false start.

What gives us the authority to Dominate? Why should she obey? Is this normal? What would mother say?

Knowing what you want makes it easier to express what you want, and be consistent in your expectations. It's ok to change your mind about what you like/want/need, just be sure to let your partner know.

There are many ways and places to start. But you can't go far until you know what you want and need, and accept yourself for who and what you are.

Enjoy!
Rex



FangsNfeet -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 6:55:05 PM)

Watch HBO's Sex Down and Dirty to start comming up with a few ideas together. Also go to a few sex shops and buy a few things of interest.

It never hurts to read a few dirty novels now and then as well. When it comes to bondage, rope may not be all the great at first. I recomend cuffs (leather may be perferd), syran wrap, and bandage tape. When trying out bondage, it's always a good idea to have a pair of scissors near by.
Blind folds are free when it comes to cloth and are fairly cheap at wally world. When it comes to spanking, the hand, belt, and paddle get the job done very well.

There that's enough to get you started. Best of luck and may you live corrupted ever after.




LadyAngelika -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/16/2005 8:02:04 PM)

quote:

I saw the post about tips for new subs, and was thinking about new Dom/mes. Specifically for the male portion, as my own Master and I learning together. So...Any suggestions or advice or pointers would be muchly apprecciated


You might find helpful information on a thread entitled What are the signs. For the record, I don't see why your request needs to be gender specific. A good Dominant is a good Dominant whether they are a woman, a man or other.

- LA



Davesgirl -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/17/2005 9:16:06 AM)

Thanks again for the suggestions everyone...very appreciated.

The only reason I mentioned asking for male-specific is only because that is the dynamic we live in...male dom, female slave. And, yes, I am quite new still, and unaware if things can work regardless of gender. So, my apologies if I offended anyone by asking for male specific questions. Just chalk it up to a newbie still learning.

Thanks again ya'll



Estring -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/17/2005 4:13:12 PM)

Don't be a jerk.



LadyAngelika -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/17/2005 7:41:54 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: Davesgirl

Thanks again for the suggestions everyone...very appreciated.

The only reason I mentioned asking for male-specific is only because that is the dynamic we live in...male dom, female slave. And, yes, I am quite new still, and unaware if things can work regardless of gender. So, my apologies if I offended anyone by asking for male specific questions. Just chalk it up to a newbie still learning.

Thanks again ya'll



You didn't offend me. It is simply my opinion that Dominance is dominance, regardless off gender.

- LA



subexpose170 -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/23/2005 3:35:06 PM)

Hmmm...this maybe contreversial but here goes

He should sub himself

I can't think of a better way to learn to value and use your submissive partner's gift then to have sincerly submitted to someone else. I think this is doubly applicable to men. If you can't walk in your sub's shoes how can she respect you?

...not time spent in the military
...not being raised in a strict household
...not switching as it always has an element of one up man ship

All of these have elements of top down imposition. The well done books preach a more holistic approach of bringing the sub out of your partner but if you never have can you really know what it is as you draw it out?

Sincere, private, away from partner...find a domme and ask to serve her. While you are there give yourself over and actually do it with your heart.

Wade





WyckedGryn -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/23/2005 4:07:31 PM)

The best advice I've seen here so far is communication. Talk to each other openly and honestly about your needs, wants and desires. And be sure to listen too. This will bring you closer together than you can possibly imagine. Feelings and minds change often, so talk often.
There are several places online you can get a BDSM "checklist", print one out and discuss each point, find out how you feel about things. Plus, it makes for good erotic conversation to get your mind going. >:)
Good luck on your journey...

Wycked



Davesgirl -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/23/2005 6:01:38 PM)


quote:

ORIGINAL: subexpose170

Hmmm...this maybe contreversial but here goes

He should sub himself

I can't think of a better way to learn to value and use your submissive partner's gift then to have sincerly submitted to someone else. I think this is doubly applicable to men. If you can't walk in your sub's shoes how can she respect you?

...not time spent in the military
...not being raised in a strict household
...not switching as it always has an element of one up man ship

All of these have elements of top down imposition. The well done books preach a more holistic approach of bringing the sub out of your partner but if you never have can you really know what it is as you draw it out?

Sincere, private, away from partner...find a domme and ask to serve her. While you are there give yourself over and actually do it with your heart.

Wade








MY Master has been in the military(Navy to be specific) and was raised in a pretty strict home. So, he does have a good idea about being under others control. As for him going outside our relationship and submitting to another person.......I dont know about that. He doesnt really have a submissive bone in his body. Not meaning that he isnt willing to compormise and be compassionate. But, him giving up that much control to someone...I just doubt he would be willing or able to do it, and still be a happy person. Not to mention my feelings on that, either.


We do talk...Constantly. He has a real desire to know how I feel and what I think and what things I am needing or wanting. Communication has always been a big factor in our relationship from the very beginning. That was the biggest reason I felt comfortable enough with him to broach this entire subject.

Thanks again everyone, for all your suggestions and advice!



Reiter -> RE: Quick tips for New Dom/mes.... (6/25/2005 1:15:01 AM)

Be yourself.

There is nothing more important than not wearing a mask, of sorts. A sub comes to someone looking for a new(er) experience and you should try to be as original as possible. Yes, something you think of may have been tried before or they may have experienced it, but just like a fingerprint, no matter how similar it is between people it may be just different enough to make or break as little as an orgasm or as big as a good relationship.



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