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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 9:52:17 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: najla12

my thoughts are my thoughts just wanting to see others options.
should a collar be begged or offered?

one more----- what means more a wedding ring or a collar?

There isn't a right way. A collar should be begged if that is right for the situation and it should be offered if that is right for the situation. Since Valyraen already knows I want to wear his collar, there probably won't be any offering or begging. He will just put it around my neck without much pomp or circumstance.

As for what means more, personally a wedding ring means more to me. It means he was willing to put up with my insane family, my stress induced freak-outs and my "But it needs to done this way because... it... just... DOES!" fixations when it comes to the things I really care about long enough to plan a wedding and then commit to spending the rest his life with me in front of all our friends and family. To me a collar is nice, but it's simply a physical symbol of how I already feel towards him and it will be given when he is sure that he wants to propose.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 10:07:50 AM

AquaticSub

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quote:

ORIGINAL: slaveluci

To me - and this is only my personal opinion about how I would feel doing it myself and not a reflection on anyone else - it would seem desperate. Kind of like a woman begging a man to give her an engagement ring. It's my feeling that if that man wanted her to have it, he would offer it and she could decide whether or not she wants to accept it and all that entails. For her to beg him seems a bit pathetic. I felt the same way with Master and the collar and the ownership that represented. If I had to beg and plead for Him to offer it, how interested was He in me having it to start with?

Agreeed. Maybe it's old fashioned, but just like I would never ask/beg for an engagement ring, I would personally never ask/beg for a collar. It would feel, to me, too much like the nagging girlfriend who keeps "losing" bridal magazine and ads for engagement rings in her boyfriend's apartment. I think I would feel that puts me too much in driver's seat honestly! But whatever works for others is good.

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Without my dominance you cannot submit. Without your submission I cannot dominate. You are my equal in this, though our roles are different.-Val

It was ok for him to beat me but then he tried to cuddle me! - Me

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Post #: 22

RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 10:16:43 AM

Domspaintoy

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my collar was both offered and begged for.

Master gifted me with my collar for my birthday but i begged Him to place it around my neck, and i felt a mix of fear and great pleasure when He placed it there.

i love my collar just as i do my Master, and it doesnt come off at all, although i had to go for chest x-rays recently and they wanted me to remove it until i asked if they had an allen key tiny enough to fit the hole?, it stayed there and is now proudly displayed on 2 of my x-rays lol

dpt.

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 10:23:54 AM

Rover

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quote:

ORIGINAL: najla12

one more----- what means more a wedding ring or a collar?

I believe that if/when a collar includes the same legal commitments (ie: half the house, half the retirement fund, etc.), there would be considerably fewer collars being bandied about.

Despite the obvious contradiction to lifestyle oriented romantic fiction, simple observation reveals that a collar means relatively little in comparison to a marriage.

But on an individual basis, both a collar and a marriage mean as much (or as little) as the two (or more) in that relationship wish for it to mean. And without a doubt, everyone is the exception to the rule.

John

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 10:56:44 AM

jauntyone

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From: Anchorage Alaska
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quote:

ORIGINAL: najla12

my thoughts are my thoughts just wanting to see others options.
should a collar be begged or offered?

one more----- what means more a wedding ring or a collar?

Greetings najla

the offer of a collar has not yet been presented to me. When the time is right though, I am expected to beg for the priveledge to wear his collar. Master says it is because for us, a collaring is a huge leap in the relationship; and if I want to take that leap, I have to make the first move towards it ( begging for the collar ).

As to marriage; Master and I were married not long after we met each other. However, the marriage means very little to me; it is simply a legal means of living together since we are both in the military. If there is any doubt as to what is more important; if today we were told that we had to choose between our dynamic or our marriage; Master would divorce me without second thought. I would expect no less. A collar means much more to me than a piece of paper ever will.

I wish you well

melissa

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Post #: 25

RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 11:18:46 AM

KatyLied

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quote:

one more----- what means more a wedding ring or a collar?

It depends on what you want. If you want a legally-binding committment that is recongized by the authorities, a marriage will get you that. It also bestows other benefits that can not be obtained any other way (next of kin during medical emergencies, health insurance), it will also bestow some difficulty if you want to leave the relationship permanently (divorce). If you are looking for a lifetsyle commitment, then a collar and whatever that means to you can work.

I don't think these things are mutually exclusive and there are many here who are both married and collared (to each other).

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 1:20:29 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear najla12, Ladies and Gentlemen;

As an old fashioned lifestyler; slaves beg my collar. This way, they are the one's who are pacing their growth and their journey into service and submission.

I will add that, although slaves can beg a collar from me--I have the right to refuse, to consider and delay an immediate response and the right to negotiate.

Being old fashioned, I believe in energy draws those who are meant to join. The old saying 'love at first sight' is possible however, it must be established if this 'love' is lust or something else.

Collar means more to me than a wedding band. These days it is easy to get married and divorced. My collar is extremely hard to obtain--so, it isn't McDomme's drive through with me.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

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Post #: 27

RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 2:05:49 PM

julietsierra

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quote:

ORIGINAL: LadyHugs

Dear najla12, Ladies and Gentlemen;

As an old fashioned lifestyler; slaves beg my collar. This way, they are the one's who are pacing their growth and their journey into service and submission.

I will add that, although slaves can beg a collar from me--I have the right to refuse, to consider and delay an immediate response and the right to negotiate.

Being old fashioned, I believe in energy draws those who are meant to join. The old saying 'love at first sight' is possible however, it must be established if this 'love' is lust or something else.

Collar means more to me than a wedding band. These days it is easy to get married and divorced. My collar is extremely hard to obtain--so, it isn't McDomme's drive through with me.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted with a bit of wit,
Lady Hugs

My Master is "old fashioned" as well. That's why, in his world, me begging a collar would have gone over like a lead balloon. He makes the decisions - whether it's to play, to move to the next level in what we're doing or to collar or not. Me begging - to him - according to HIS "old fashioned" belief system, is extremely inappropriate since it is HE that sets the pace - not me.

"Old fashioned" is whatever was taught to whichever dominant and/or submissive at the time they were first coming into this. He's been around now for 30+ years. That, along with simply the way he has always been, bdsm or not, set the stage for the fact that in all things, these are his decisions. I have one decision. Do I go along with his decisions or do I leave. I don't have the power, or frankly, the right to control any part of this life we lead.

I love "old fashioned" men.

juliet

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 2:08:00 PM

slaveluci

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quote:

ORIGINAL: julietsierra
My Master is "old fashioned" as well. That's why, in his world, me begging a collar would have gone over like a lead balloon. He makes the decisions - whether it's to play, to move to the next level in what we're doing or to collar or not. Me begging - to him - according to HIS "old fashioned" belief system, is extremely inappropriate since it is HE that sets the pace - not me.

"Old fashioned" is whatever was taught to whichever dominant and/or submissive at the time they were first coming into this. He's been around now for 30+ years. That, along with simply the way he has always been, bdsm or not, set the stage for the fact that in all things, these are his decisions. I have one decision. Do I go along with his decisions or do I leave. I don't have the power, or frankly, the right to control any part of this life we lead.

I love "old fashioned" men.

juliet

......my sentiments exactly! luci

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 4:20:49 PM

cadavera

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He asked me to write down why i thought i should have His collar, i did, so i sort of beeged i suppose, as to wether they should be offered. or if you should beg, i guess that is up to the Master

ACHERONSflame

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 4:40:02 PM

robertolapiedra

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Hello najla12. Should you beg for a wedding ring or wait for it to be offered? In vanilla culture you normally wait, but there are exceptions.

In BDSM? depends what it means in "your" dynamic. In a classic style, since it is you that gives "you" away as property to a master, you beg (or ask). In a more modern style, in can be either, depending if "suggestions" are permitted at this stage of the relationship.

In my style (classic variant), the sub may ask for consideration of submission only. Collaring is up to me, after the slave as finished her apprenticeship. In my case it is a 24/7 D/s collar.

There are many kinds of collars. Again in "my" style a slave may beg for a "training" collar (apprenticeship), but not for a "formal" collar (when considered for a longterm relationship). But, just like for a wedding ring, there are exceptions, and it is all ok.RL.

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 4:53:42 PM

angelic

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quote:

ORIGINAL: Rover

I believe that if/when a collar includes the same legal commitments (ie: half the house, half the retirement fund, etc.), there would be considerably fewer collars being bandied about.

Isn't that the truth. Thank you for saying so.

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RE: begged or offered - 7/3/2007 5:39:29 PM

sublimelysensual

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To me collaring is a very big deal, and not something I would take any more lightly than a wedding ring. When the time comes, I fully expect to have to beg for it. First because it does signify you know what you're asking, you've put a lot of thought into it, more than likely stressed over it, and realized you can't imagine being with anyone else. Second, my thought is that it will be the last major, independent decision I ever make *my mindset in play there*, and is therefore an extremely significant one,and again, begging the collar shows awareness of that.

All that being said, to me, it's not something you bandy about and beg for over and over again until you get your way. It's not something I would do without a considerable amount of time (meaning years, not months) involved with the Dom and knowing that he's the person I want to spend the rest of my life with. It's still his decision..he can choose to accept or reject the petition, so I don't know how it can be construed as a girl assuming she knows what he wants. She's showing she knows what SHE wants, is aware of what it implies, and is opening herself totally and completely to Him and His judgement. As always, just my two cents...

-a

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