Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom?

Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (Full Version)

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MsPleasure -> Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 11:45:48 AM)
For the Dom/Domme relationship who doms who in that situation? I've been asked to co-Dom with other Dominants some with good intensions to practice on subs together. On the flip side others masked friendship with the intention of trying to dominate me. The obvious answer is "no thank you". But...... My question is... have you been approached by other Dominants seeking friendship but had other motives in mind?

CreativeDominant -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:04:35 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: MsPleasure For the Dom/Domme relationship who doms who in that situation? I've been asked to co-Dom with other Dominants some with good intensions to practice on subs together. On the flip side others masked friendship with the intention of trying to dominate me. The obvious answer is "no thank you". But...... My question is... have you been approached by other Dominants seeking friendship but had other motives in mind? My first submissive is now a femdominant. When we have gotten together since that time, there has never been any question as to who dominates who. She feels submissive around me and I have not got a submissive bone in my body. I am sure that there are many dominants with an ulterior motive but you also have to consider that many just may be feeling dominant towards you. It may well be that they feel that way towards any woman but it could also be that something about you...even if it is the way you dominate others...brings out even more dominance in these individuals.

Grlwithboy -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:16:38 PM)
I've been approached more often by other people who walk primarily as Dominant in the world who want to test the waters with me as a bottom/sub. I think I get this because I honestly don't care and don't bring any bedpost-notching to the exchange and I'm not going to lord it over them - I tend to respect people more after topping them for some reason. and it opens the remote possibility that I MIGHT reciprocate. Normally if they don't have that interest and I don't have that interest, we co-top.

Lashra -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:17:27 PM)
I guess that would need to be sorted out ahead of any play going on. I know I am not in the least submissive so if someone tried to "spring" a Dominance dance on me he'd get his toes stomped on. I have had requests to "Co-Dom" and most of them ended with the Dom wanting me to be under his control. I told them sorry, no way. ~Lashra

earthycouple -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:35:09 PM)
You've asked a couple of things here. First it appeared you wanted to know how to handle being one of two dominants in a relationship. Then you seemed to ask how you co dominate someone then you seemed to want to know do male dominants who approach female dominants for friendship have other motives in mind. So, I'll tackle all three. First I don't enter into relationships with male dominants if one of us won't bottom. Luckily for us I do. I enjoy bottoming very much so I have no trouble working within this. If he bottoms too then we simply work it out ahead of time as to who is doing what when. Can be much fun. I was in an amazing relationship like this some time ago. If neither of you are bottoms "then what in the hell are you doing together?" is my question. Co-dominating someone can be scads of fun. I have done this with another female dominant who topped my vanilla husband and I assisted. Basically I have no desire to dominate him because it doesn't seem "right". It is more of a game to him but he wants to learn all he can and see if he can find the top or bottom in himself that doesn't feel this is a kinky sex game. So with another dominant female at the "controls" so to speak she led and I followed. It was a lot of fun for all of us. She and I didn't need to talk and discuss. My husband is his own person, I don't own him, he had a safe word and I chose to follow her leads. Again, if you are not sure if you are the leader or the follower in a co-topping situation, I suggest communicating beforehand. Lastly, until you get to the meat of a human you don't know their ulterior motives for anything. I try to live by presuming good up front and having a really keen eye and ear for crap. So as to a dominant male introducing himself as a friend to "share" with I try to think they are who they say they are until they begin to act differently. Until they do, I can't purport to know motives of anyone. Some time ago a man contacted me here and wanted me to meet him and his girlfriend because they are in a situation similar to my husband and I. I at first thought he was full of it and was trying to be covert and weasle his way in. Because I was meeting him with my husband I didn't mind at least meeting. Come to find out he was exactly who he said he was and we enjoy chatting on and off and helping them make more sense of where they are in their relationship. When they are in town they let us know and we get together as friends only. (Though truth be known I'd do her in a second...his girlfriend is amazingly beautiful S).

MsPleasure -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:35:28 PM)
Thats interesting....and I think you are right. Different people bring out different feelings. Although I think Im laid back most of the time....but have a very aggressive side, some men want to try to tame me. From reading some dominants profile...nothing in it indicates submissiveness...however, they want to submit to me. Or they want me to try being a switch. I like being the dominant one all of the time and often wondered how it would be to have another dominant mate. Just seems that I would butt heads with them. Im sure for me it would work better if my mate was submissive.

MsPleasure -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:40:30 PM)
Ditto...This person wanted to be friends and then proceeded to tell me how things would go if I befriended him. I told him if we met it would be my way only. He thought I was rude for expressing my feelings. I told him we are obviously not a match and to enjoy his search.

Trampler -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:56:10 PM)
While I strongly like the idea of co-domming someone, it would have to be someone that I am pretty close to. I really want a submissive-switch for a lifetime partner, he would be completely sub to me, but likes to dom other people. I especially like the idea of Domming someone that is collared to both of us. Sorry got alittle offtrack. I have had Male Doms come up to and ask if I want co-dom. I say lets talk this out before hand. Usually it comes out that they are interested in that because they know I switch. rolls eyes

MstrssPassion -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:56:42 PM)
You've a few separate scenarios going on here. quote: ORIGINAL: MsPleasure For the Dom/Domme relationship who doms who in that situation? If I am reading you correctly, you are talking about an couple who are in a relationship with one another & both identify as dominant... correct? Maybe & most likely, neither dominates the other but I can assure you that they will have a designated alpha in the relationship. I have known many D/D dynamics & in every combination thinkable. He was sub to her & dom to others or visa versa... neither were submissive & they shared a sub or subs & even a couple who had their own submissive & never interacted with the others submissive in any form. I've know same sex couples as well as heterosexual couples. If you can think of the combination it surely exist somewhere. I never had a serious/committed relationship with a dominant but I have dated a few male dominants. In every dating relationship I was in, if it had gone the distance, they would have most likely been submissive to me. In each case each of these men revealed to me that they would bottom to me if I desired such. I never interacted with them on that level & my choice to not do so was for many reasons. I honestly feel that doing such would have effected our friendship. I valued the friendship far too much to risk damaging it over physical interactions like that. So for me, when I dated a fellow dominant there were no D/s dynamics involved between myself & them. quote: I've been asked to co-Dom with other Dominants some with good intensions to practice on subs together. I've co-topped on numerous occasions & I find the experience to be a great deal of fun for all involved each & every time. quote: On the flip side others masked friendship with the intention of trying to dominate me. The obvious answer is "no thank you". I've never had anyone I know personally & in real time ever try that on me because they know to do such would be completely disrespectful, thus granting them being considered no longer friendship worthy (not to mention that attempt to be completely futile, I don't have a submissive bone in my body). From my observations over the years, the only time the male dominants make advances on the dominant women with intent to have them submit to them is when the woman has in fact sent out mixed signals & they simply acted upon them. The other cases have been when the women knew basically nothing about the guy & he suffered from a classic case of the arrogant dom syndrome. Those types can be easily avoided by careful observation & keeping them at arm's distance while you watch how the interact with others. quote: My question is... have you been approached by other Dominants seeking friendship but had other motives in mind? Already answered that one above. The closest I have ever came to that was when I have come face to face with those classic arrogant doms that feel all women are submissive & they haven't met the right (them) master yet. Pfffft <eye roll> It takes me less than the course of one evening socializing with multiple people for me to be able to peg a guy as being an arrogant fuck or someone that I would be able to form a friendship with that involves mutual respect. If they are incapable of respecting the fact that I am a dominant woman that will never submit to them or anyone else then how could there ever be a friendship established much less one that formed with ulterior motives in mind. It simply won't happen in my life because my sniff-o-meter is too well tuned these days.

Trampler -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 12:57:52 PM)
I don't think I could have a ltp with another person who is dominant all the time.

MsPleasure -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 1:05:48 PM)
I did start out with one thought and ended with three. Im glad you answered them all. I have many more questions that get answered very quickly here on collarme. I know co-domming is going to be fun, I just need to meet and trust the right partner. I had planned to meet a guy to co-dom and told him I was going to bring my sub/body guard. I never heard from him again. Also, I know that being with a Master can be fun because thats how I was introduced to bdsm. A friend I thought was vanilla was actually a skilled Master with two live-in subs. He lived 4 hours away and didnt reveal his lifestyle until a few dates later. We changed roles all during our sexcapades now that I think about it. He was my greatest lover. I just feel for me right now being the dominant one feels comfortable, and to think of another strongwilled master trying to enforce his ways irritates me.

LadyPact -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 1:07:09 PM)
Let's see if I can make this make sense. My situation may be close to what EarthyCouple described, with some minor differences. My husband, if anything would aspire to be a Switch, with mostly Dominant tendencies. At this point, he is really still just in the learning phase, and only been involved himself since last year. While he feels dominant towards others, he is definitely not towards Me. I'm not sure if that comes from Me having more experience (I had My first s long before I met him) or it is just the type of energy that I have. I'm inclined to think it is a combination of both, because other Switches I've played with almost instinctively take the submissive role to Me. As far as other Dominant men, most of them that I meet in person quickly realize that there is no opportunity to swing Me into a submissive stance. If there are any alterior motives behind those who approach with friendship, they fade pretty quickly. Those who want to bottom to Me, go through the same type of screening that I do with submissive males.

MsPleasure -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 1:20:37 PM)
You made good sense. I do a pretty good interview so eventually things get revealed in our conversation. What Ive been thinking all along seems to ring true, in a Dom/Domme relationship someone decides to submit. If anyone is in a dom/domme realtionship that you both are dominate all the time...I'd like to hear how you make it work.

WhiplashSmile -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 4:20:35 PM)
Love this topic, as always! Dom couple play is great long as nobody expects or trys to get the other to submit. Communications and finding common ground or making agreements as to WTF goes on very important. Keep a Quarter on hand, just in case you reach a situation where you need to flip. Head or Tails. The almight Coin toss has come in handy a few times, regarding who goes first. Just make certain the other Dom/me is agreeable to settling with fair coin tosses at times. LOL...

DommeChains -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 5:47:27 PM)
How we make it work is pretty simple really. We don't have a D/s relationship with each other. Our relationship is that of a married couple, both of us dominant and engaging in SM play or D/s connections with outside subs. I occasionally like to bottom (not submit but bottom for the sensations only) but that is a rare occasion and normally with a male dom who is known to both of us....and my husband is present during the scene. Otherwise, in our married life there are some things he is in charge of, some things I am in charge and everything else we either take turns handling it or do it together. All big decisions are discussed and decided together as a couple. We both have veto power over each other's sub potentials....but this is rarely invoked. Both times it was used was because the subs in question were attempting to come between us. We also know a few other dom/dom couples and they seem to also separate the SM or D/s from the marriage.

MissDiandSirHugh -> RE: Dom...Domme Relationship....Who Doms whom? (7/3/2007 6:28:41 PM)
We are a Dom/Dom married couple and like DommeChains Our married relationship is very separate to Our BDSM side and never has emerged when just the two of Us together and living Our Vanilla married life even though there are always instruments or other things around the house that are seen daily and used when that other side of Us is being Present. Neither of Us has ever had the desire to bottom to the other or felt any desire to switch as these are not a part of Our feelings or needs to do for the other even if there are times that We feel the want to Dominate some one and just not possible to at that time. Those who We do enjoy being in sessions with are and do submit to the two of Us and except that relationship as part of their submission but in these sessions each of Us also has Our Own special areas of expertease although Neither will ever call Our selves experts. In these areas the one who best to say enjoys that area more intensely than the other will do take the led while the other will both help and be involved in it as well but can if wanted just enjoy watching the other work their magic. We can not remember sitting and talking over which of these areas are suited to which ever of Us but in time and sessions these traits just became obvious to each of Us and became accepted as such.

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