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Changes - 7/3/2007 1:00:55 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline 		I have had something strange going on as of late and I am not sure why.  I think I have always been pretty open about finding women attractive, I am very bi and have been since I can remember.

The thing is I never, ever saw myself submitting to one.  I don't have anything against Dominas at all, it just wasn't a desire I held.

Now it seems like all of the sudden I can think of nothing else.  I have dreams about it, I have thoughts in my head all day, and I find myself looking for a Mistress.

If I look back on my life, I can see that I have always found powerful women very attractive.  I don't know if I realized it at the time, but it was always managers at work or something like that.  I never put the two together at all until now.  I wonder if it's because I have recognized my need to submit in a relationship, therefore I can see more clearly that it's something that really turns me on.

I find talking to Dominas very intimidating, I have no idea why.  I don't feel this way about Doms at all, but this is different.  I don't ever know what to say, or I am afraid I will say the wrong thing.  I feel like a nervous school girl on her first date..ugh!!

I admit I love finding out new things about myself and then exploring them.  I feel this is the next step in my submission.  It's a way to get rid of all of my past notions and to strip myself bare in a complete way.  It will reinforce the slave part of myself, not allowing me to hold back anything.  It makes my heart beat faster just at the thought, along with some other bodily reactions.

As a sub/slave..male or female.. Did or have you ever found yourself wanting to submit, or submitting to someone you never thought you would?  Be they the opposite sex, same sex, or just a different idea of what you thought you wanted.

I am trying to find my way in all of this with the support of Master.  I talked to him about it and he totally understands my desires and will help in any way he can.

I just want to go about it the right way.  I don't want a Mistress thinking she is just an experiment in my life or something like that.  If it didn't feel the need deep within myself I would never start on this journey in the first place. 



_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.
Profile   Post #: 1
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 1:07:31 PM   
littleone35


Posts: 2828
Joined: 2/17/2005
Status: offline 		Not mean i like being friends with women and as a teen i experimented but i did not like it.  I guess that means i am 100% hetro.  I like men in gereral and Master in particular.

Matt's littleone

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 2
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 1:45:23 PM   
KatyLied


Posts: 13029
Joined: 2/24/2005
From: Pennsylvania
Status: offline 		Have you considered that your Master and a Domme could co-dominate you?  Perhaps not all of the time, but for scenes?  Not knowing how your Master would feel about this, it's just a suggestion of a scenario that sometimes takes place.  I think it's positive to consider possibilities and not be stifled by what has always been.

_____________________________

“If you want to live a happy life, tie it to a goal, not to people or things.”
- Albert Einstein

(in reply to littleone35)
Profile   Post #: 3
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 2:23:40 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: KatyLied

Have you considered that your Master and a Domme could co-dominate you?  Perhaps not all of the time, but for scenes?  Not knowing how your Master would feel about this, it's just a suggestion of a scenario that sometimes takes place.  I think it's positive to consider possibilities and not be stifled by what has always been.


Yes, this has crossed my mind.  I wonder though if I would be less comfortable with Master in the room, if that makes sense.  Just having anyone watch I think would make me more nervous.  I know that I have to find a Domina that respects that I am collared to him, but with the understanding I would belong to her also.  It's not easy to find anyone under the best of circumstances, and these probably aren't the best for most.

Since I have never been in this situation, I am trying to keep my mind open about all possibilities. 

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to KatyLied)
Profile   Post #: 4
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 2:33:44 PM   
colkron


Posts: 11
Joined: 4/30/2007
Status: offline 		If your Master is behind you in all this, then you have won half the battle. In my mind, having Master there would comfort you, as you fear women so much. I am surprised to see you don't want Him there.

I fell in love with a woman once. I would have done ANYTHING for her, and did. She took terrible advantage of me and I wound up really hurt. I never did express my feelings, or it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Still is, I think, even though she had plastic surgery done to her face and tits. She was SO phony and manipulative, too. Women are strange creatures. Maybe Master can help you muddle through the women who respond to your ad. He may see things that you don't.

It's great he's behind you!!!

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 5
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 2:35:07 PM   
sublizzie


Posts: 1252
Joined: 5/26/2004
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: sleazybutterfly
I know that I have to find a Domina that respects that I am collared to him, but with the understanding I would belong to her also.  It's not easy to find anyone under the best of circumstances, and these probably aren't the best for most.


What if you just played with a Domina and didn't belong to her?

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 6
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 2:48:27 PM   
possom


Posts: 46
Joined: 5/14/2007
Status: offline 		Hiya sleazybutterfly

I can understand where you are coming from.  Ever since joining this site and reading the stories I have this urge for a Mommy/girl type scenario.

I am bi, have been in relationships with women and have wound up being very hurt.  I have to agree with colkron us women can be really nasty, therefore I'd have to be careful whom I got involved with.

Go with it 

(in reply to sublizzie)
Profile   Post #: 7
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 2:52:23 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: colkron

If your Master is behind you in all this, then you have won half the battle. In my mind, having Master there would comfort you, as you fear women so much. I am surprised to see you don't want Him there.

I fell in love with a woman once. I would have done ANYTHING for her, and did. She took terrible advantage of me and I wound up really hurt. I never did express my feelings, or it wouldn't have lasted as long as it did. To me, she was the most beautiful woman in the world. Still is, I think, even though she had plastic surgery done to her face and tits. She was SO phony and manipulative, too. Women are strange creatures. Maybe Master can help you muddle through the women who respond to your ad. He may see things that you don't.

It's great he's behind you!!!



I think that part of my problem is trusting women.  I was in a relationship with one for a few years and during that time my trust was abused a lot.  I have seen the way women have done me over the years, I think that is why I have such a hard time with my feelings. 

I know not everyone is the same, it will take time to allow myself to open up though.  Perhaps that is where my fear comes in a bit, but like anything else it can and will be overcome.

It's not that I don't want him there, it's that I feel it would make me nervous being watched.  It's more of an insecure hang-up I suspect than anything.

sublizzie:  I wouldn't have to belong to her, at least not at first.  I do prefer more of a commitment, it takes so much time to get to know someone and to open yourself up in such an emotional way.  I am not really a play and leave kind of gal, never have been.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to colkron)
Profile   Post #: 8
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 2:56:46 PM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: possom

Hiya sleazybutterfly

I can understand where you are coming from.  Ever since joining this site and reading the stories I have this urge for a Mommy/girl type scenario.

I am bi, have been in relationships with women and have wound up being very hurt.  I have to agree with colkron us women can be really nasty, therefore I'd have to be careful whom I got involved with.

Go with it 



Exactly, I am sure being on here has gotten my interest peaked quite a bit.  I will have a lot to overcome in allowing myself to submit to a woman, but I do believe when I do, it will take me to a different level in my slavery.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to possom)
Profile   Post #: 9
RE: Changes - 7/3/2007 9:00:59 PM   
becca333


Posts: 1050
Joined: 4/11/2006
Status: offline 		Isn't it interesting, how our feelings change over time?  You're taking a brave new step, and if you plan it carefully it should work out well - having your Master's support is a huge help.

Is there someone you know in the local scene who could help you?  Do you yearn for Dommes in general, or someone in particular?  Or some particular type?

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 10
RE: Changes - 7/4/2007 9:33:46 AM   
k8trix


Posts: 29
Joined: 7/26/2006
Status: offline 		I have to admit, lately I've been a bit curious in that direction myself...

_____________________________

katie~
“Without mysteries, life would be very dull indeed. What would be left to strive for if everything were known?”

Charles de Lint

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 11
RE: Changes - 7/4/2007 11:26:25 AM   
sleazybutterfly


Posts: 2801
Joined: 5/15/2006
Status: offline
quote:

ORIGINAL: becca333

Is there someone you know in the local scene who could help you?  Do you yearn for Dommes in general, or someone in particular?  Or some particular type?


Not really, but I am looking into it.  I don't know if someone specific, but a type I can probably say is possible.  I think I will know her when I see her, or talk to her.  That probably sounds very fairytale like, but I really feel that way deep down.

I don't expect her to come and make everything perfect, nor to have all of the answers.  I just want her to help my growth as a woman and as a slave.  I hope to take from our relationship lessons and a new understanding of myself.

Probably a lot to ask, but time will tell.

_____________________________

~Flutterby
~Curvylicious
Just when the caterpillar thought the world was over, she became a butterfly.
Life is not a popularity contest, it's better to be hated for what you believe, than loved for a lie.

(in reply to becca333)
Profile   Post #: 12
RE: Changes - 7/4/2007 2:16:07 PM   
santalia


Posts: 142
Joined: 1/10/2007
Status: offline
quote:

As a sub/slave..male or female.. Did or have you ever found yourself wanting to submit, or submitting to someone you never thought you would?  Be they the opposite sex, same sex, or just a different idea of what you thought you wanted.


Greetings

This is a very interesting question, and for me, yes, i have found myself submitting to someone i never thought i would. In September, i returned to Collarme after taking a break from the site for several months. At that time, i began chatting in one of the rooms and a Man happened to be chatting in that same room. i began watching Him and learned He was a Gorean Master. Now, i'd been very wary of Gor for a long time, and shied away from Goreans. i'd heard some horror stories from former kajirae and from people who'd known girls who'd been abused and though i was attracted to the ritual and protocol and absoluteness of Gor, i didn't want to take a chance on it.

Meeting Him changed it all for me. i watched Him in the room for a long time before i got up the courage to speak with Him in private. He sat back and allowed me to come to Him. i did, and we talked a lot before i finally was able to admit i was His. my Master is not anything i imagined i might find in Gor, and i've come to identify as a Gorean slave now...i find my transformation into who i am today from what i was less than a year ago amazing. But, though i might be surprised at how far i've come, He doesn't seem to be...He told me in December He could see in me what i would one day find myself becoming. i now see the truth in His words and though i once would have told anyone who might have said i would become a Gorean slave they were nuts, i know now that i am and i would not want to be anything else but His kajira.

Well wishes

-santalia{JR}

(in reply to sleazybutterfly)
Profile   Post #: 13
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