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stella40 -> RE: Dominant because of past wounds? (7/5/2007 9:50:21 AM)
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quote:
ORIGINAL: Lockit
I know that there are those that use their domination to retaliate against those that represent those who hurt them. That is just a fact of human nature sometimes. What I would like to know is how many of us use our domination to punish others for past crimes against us? I was asked by another dominant to co-dominate with her and she mentioned many times how it would help me heal from past wounds. I am so not in that kind of place, but I know that others might be… so it just makes me wonder.
Also… how do you feel about someone thinking that a female dominant is only dominant because of past wounds?
I'm going to come in on this having been a submissive to a newbie Domme who had previously come out of a 12 year marriage to a violent husband.
As with any victim of domestic violence there were many issues, anger, hurt, bitterness, regret, a lack of confidence, and yes, the perceived opportunity to express all these negative emotions did serve as a reason for this Domme to go into BDSM and become a Domme because she felt that she could get her own back and lash out, but we have to ask ourselves is this really domination? I for one think not.
I could have walked away from the relationship, but I didn't. I stayed. I figured that this particular relationship was Karma, and an opportunity to help this Domme get into BDSM, just previously Dommes had given me the chance to get into BDSM. It took time and a bit of effort to help this Domme realise that far from being negative, the emotion and energy between Dominant and submissive is really positive. I was glad I stayed, and was able to witness the transition of a very insecure, aggressive, overweight, severely depressed and lonely woman into a very kind, sensitive yet strict BBW Domme and this relationship alone has given me some of my most satisfying experiences in BDSM. But what was very central and integral to this transition was the effort that this Domme made herself to become such a Domme. She was the one who asked the questions, she was the one who found the answers and she was the one who overcame her circumstances to become who she really is.
We all have a past, and we all go through negative experiences, and we all respond in our own individual way to such experiences and it is going through these experiences and how we respond to them which helps to shape and influence the people who we really are.
Did Lady B, this Domme become dominant because she was a battered wife? No, I don't believe for one moment she did. But somehow in the way she responded to her situation and how she dealt with and learned to overcome her experiences may have triggered something, which led her to explore herself or perceive herself in a different way, and this is what probably led her to realise that she is dominant and a sadist.
I don't think there can be any particular experience which makes someone dominant, or submissive, or switch, or whatever. There can be experiences which can make us look into ourselves and discover that we are dominant, or submissive, or switch, but I feel the only real answer as to why someone is dominant or submissive is because it's a part of them and the answer will almost invariably lie within who they are as a person.
Therefore why is a dominant female dominant? Because she is.
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