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IAmSoSorry -> RE: Is this where it goes awry? (6/18/2005 12:09:06 AM)
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WOW!! Alot of responses.
And alot of talking between us, and alot of time to continue to grow and learn and all that's involved with it.
Maybe I cried a little wolf a little early and maybe I overdramatized a little, but mostly, I came into this in the middle of the story as far as everyone on here is concerned.
I really appreciate your input, but most of you, understandably so, since you only know what I wrote, are way off in the wrong direction.
For one, I NEVER said I was Dominating her, ever, at any point, so I don't know where that one response came from, and second, it was through alot of self realization on both of our parts, plus some time apart, plus a lot of prior healing and commitments to our relationship and family that went into effect way before BDSM came about.
Thirdly, After I posted this originally, I called her, and told her my thoughts and concerns, and she saw where I was coming from, and pulled back. One of the problems is that she was role-playing the "cruel, lifestyle Domina" so well, that she had me convinced that the only way we were staying together was in a 100% 24/7 slave relationship, with any other aspect of it being incidental. The sleep deprivation probably exacerbated those feelings in me.
That IS how military interrogators begin to break down their captives; Step one: Sleep deprivation.
Finally, she talks to this "mentor" every day, until she gets home (in about 13 hrs [8D] ), and then I'd say possibley on occasion, if needed. I have never talked to her. I never wanted to. BTW, this mentor thought I'd throw in the towel if it got to real, and coaxed her into being as rough with me at first, to see if I DID hang in there. I guess it's boot camp time.
Bottom line is, we are in love, deeply, and commited to each other and our daughter. We've needed counseling for some time but more so now to iron out the wrinkles than to save the relationship.
I just want to say one thing. None of you had ALL the details, which makes your concerns understandable, but when entering into a BDSM lifestyle, I'm going guess most of you made some mistakes, had some fears or reservations on some level, and generally fumbled along during the learning phase. She's never done this before. We don't grow up acclimated to BDSM, like we do the vanilla lives we grew up around. I never actively played the sub before and trying to shed the last remnants of the Dom I was once isn't as easy as I had thought it would be.
I think still, alot of you jumped to conclusions and were way off base.
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