RE: Is this where it goes awry?

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/17/2005 1:14:14 PM

Tormentius

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@ Iamsosorry: From this and your last thread though it seems that neither of you are using the slightest bit of common sense and are further toxifying an already bad relationship. You may have been able to get away with this kind of dramatic shit for the last 20+ years but now you have a child depending on you so its time to step up and act like an adult. My advice is to get both personal and relationship counselling and quit thriving on the drama.

< Message edited by Tormentius -- 6/17/2005 1:16:07 PM >

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 12:09:06 AM

IAmSoSorry

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Joined: 6/13/2005
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WOW!! Alot of responses.
And alot of talking between us, and alot of time to continue to grow and learn and all that's involved with it.
Maybe I cried a little wolf a little early and maybe I overdramatized a little, but mostly, I came into this in the middle of the story as far as everyone on here is concerned.
I really appreciate your input, but most of you, understandably so, since you only know what I wrote, are way off in the wrong direction.
For one, I NEVER said I was Dominating her, ever, at any point, so I don't know where that one response came from, and second, it was through alot of self realization on both of our parts, plus some time apart, plus a lot of prior healing and commitments to our relationship and family that went into effect way before BDSM came about.
Thirdly, After I posted this originally, I called her, and told her my thoughts and concerns, and she saw where I was coming from, and pulled back. One of the problems is that she was role-playing the "cruel, lifestyle Domina" so well, that she had me convinced that the only way we were staying together was in a 100% 24/7 slave relationship, with any other aspect of it being incidental. The sleep deprivation probably exacerbated those feelings in me.
That IS how military interrogators begin to break down their captives; Step one: Sleep deprivation.
Finally, she talks to this "mentor" every day, until she gets home (in about 13 hrs

), and then I'd say possibley on occasion, if needed. I have never talked to her. I never wanted to. BTW, this mentor thought I'd throw in the towel if it got to real, and coaxed her into being as rough with me at first, to see if I DID hang in there. I guess it's boot camp time.

Bottom line is, we are in love, deeply, and commited to each other and our daughter. We've needed counseling for some time but more so now to iron out the wrinkles than to save the relationship.

I just want to say one thing. None of you had ALL the details, which makes your concerns understandable, but when entering into a BDSM lifestyle, I'm going guess most of you made some mistakes, had some fears or reservations on some level, and generally fumbled along during the learning phase. She's never done this before. We don't grow up acclimated to BDSM, like we do the vanilla lives we grew up around. I never actively played the sub before and trying to shed the last remnants of the Dom I was once isn't as easy as I had thought it would be.
I think still, alot of you jumped to conclusions and were way off base.

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 12:44:47 AM

MaggieLynn

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Joined: 6/17/2005
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quote:

I think still, alot of you jumped to conclusions and were way off base.

While I didn't reply to the OP, not having been on the site very long and not knowing what may have been posted/discussed before, I do want to say that I found that last line of yours completely off base.

The replies that I've read here were right on target based on the information YOU yourself provided when asking for opinions/advise.

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 4:07:35 AM

subversiveone

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Joined: 4/20/2005
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Iamsosorry

been there
done that...

you want us to back you up, understand you, encourage your experiment
ain't gonna happen dude

all you are going to get here is skepticism and disapproval... it's not that we want to bring others down, it's that from what we're seeing this is such a bad idea, bad relationship...
if you had ANY perspective on it at all you'd agree... anyone would... you can't throw out personal info like this and expect positive results....

so go ahead, live out your fantasy, see where it takes you two, don't ask for opinions, approval, suggestions, ideas or comments...
this is not an online therapy site, nor is it your whipping post
save your energy for Master, get some sleep, eat some carbs and prepare for the worst... because this is going to be the 'fun' part of this whole deal...

shaking her head for you
positive energy,
subversive

< Message edited by subversiveone -- 6/18/2005 1:10:53 PM >

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 5:16:51 AM

IAmSoSorry

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quote:

ORIGINAL: MaggieLynn

quote:

I think still, alot of you jumped to conclusions and were way off base.

While I didn't reply to the OP, not having been on the site very long and not knowing what may have been posted/discussed before, I do want to say that I found that last line of yours completely off base.

The replies that I've read here were right on target based on the information YOU yourself provided when asking for opinions/advise.

I know. I admitted that your answers were based on the information I gave.
BTW, I wasn't looking for approval. The truth is the OP was made while I was in a state of confusion, exhaustion and was upset.

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 9:22:49 AM

SirKenin

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Now all it sounds like you are trying to do is backpedal to defend this deplorable scenario in the absence of A/anyone rushing to your rescue. I find that I am confused now more than ever....

< Message edited by SirKenin -- 6/18/2005 9:23:17 AM >

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 10:09:14 AM

BeachMystress

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From: Naples Island- Long Beach CA - Southern California
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Funny how we are totally honest when we are too tired and confused to make things up. You both need counseling.

BTW, I doubt you were still tired and confused when you told us she'd tried to commit suicide over your actions more than once and almost succeeded. The woman needs therapy, not more emotionally confusing interactions with you. You've been harming her for many years from what you've said. You're still doing it. Support her in getting help and healing if you truly want what is good for her.

BDSM is NOT helping at this point. You've added a destabilising element to an already unfortunate relationship. You're responding negatively because you feel you and your Domme are being attacked. Get it through your head, none of us really care about you. You've gotten some good impartial, if blunt, advice. The majority of it says quit BDSM and get help. You're a fool if you disregard that.

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RE: Is this where it goes awry? - 6/18/2005 10:34:20 AM

perverseangelic

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From: Davis, Ca
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quote:

ORIGINAL: BeachMystress
BTW, I doubt you were still tired and confused when you told us she'd tried to commit suicide over your actions more than once and almost succeeded. The woman needs therapy, not more emotionally confusing interactions with you. You've been harming her for many years from what you've said. You're still doing it. Support her in getting help and healing if you truly want what is good for her.

Yes, yes, yes, yes yes!!!!

I've tried to kill myself. Repetedly. I have some idea of what it's like to be in a situation and a mental state that creates the desire to do it. I was invovled in an authority transfer relationship at the time, and one of the best choices that my partner made was to STOP it. We dropped every trapping of bdsm and concentrated on getting me healthy again.

Regardless which post is "true" this woman is dealing with some serious problems. No matter -what- prompeted suicide attempts, the answer is -not- allowing her to take out that anger by hurting you. It isn't a good way of resolving hurt.

Based on what you've said, it seems like this relationship is incredibly abusive, on both sides. You hurt each other, and then you come back to each other, out of either habit or real affection. It reads exactly like the stories I've heared from friends in abusive relationships--they get hurt deeply, but feel they MUST come back to their partners, placate them, because the partner "really does love" them. That's how your situation comes accross.

PLEASE ditch the BDSM. Not forever. Just for...say...a month. Go to relationship conseling. Get -her- conseling. After that, when the anger's gone, try it again?

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