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Preferences - 7/4/2007 11:56:33 AM

GoodgirlFind

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Joined: 6/24/2007
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Do the women alphas (Mistresses, Dominants, whichever name is used) prefer a significant other who submits to them in the bedroom only or do they prefer a man who submits to them beyond bedroom activities?

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RE: Preferences - 7/4/2007 12:04:48 PM

YouKnowNotPain

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It's all up to the individuals personal tastes. There are no set rules.

(in reply to GoodgirlFind)

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RE: Preferences - 7/4/2007 1:19:16 PM

thetammyjo

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To me, someone who submits in the bedroom is basically vanilla with a bit of spice -- this is what I have with Tom.

I'm interested in a Ds relationship where the Ds is the foundation like I have with Fox.

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Love, Peace, Hugs, Kisses, Whips & Chains,

TammyJo

Check out my website at http://www.thetammyjo.com Or www.tammyjoeckhart.com

And my LJ where I post fiction in progress if you "friend" me at http://thetammyjo.livejournal.com/

(in reply to GoodgirlFind)

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RE: Preferences - 7/4/2007 1:29:53 PM

MisstressNboytoy

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I'm sure there is a whole range of what people like. I started out just with "only in the bedroom" and then it branched out from there to suit my individual tastes. I used to think a 24/7 relationship would be a lot of work, but then I learned it doesn't mean that your submissive is always on a leash at your side. It's more a figurative leash...

(in reply to thetammyjo)

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RE: Preferences - 7/4/2007 2:31:28 PM

Lashra

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In my relationship I am the Dominant in all things, he is the submissive. Works for us.

~Lashra

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“We can never judge the lives of others, because each person knows only their own pain and renunciation. It's one thing to feel that you are on the right path, but it's another to think that yours is the only path.”

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RE: Preferences - 7/4/2007 2:39:50 PM

Cloudz

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IMHO submitting only in the bedroom is kinky sex. I am Dominant in all areas of my life.

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Enjoy the Journey,
~Cloudz

"Life isn't about how to survive the storm, but how to dance in the rain."

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RE: Preferences - 7/4/2007 10:30:38 PM

SDFemDom4cuck

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Joined: 5/23/2005
From: P'burgh PA
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My preference is for a s/o that submits in all areas of a life shared together. Regardless of the action or activity, the mindset is one of submission and service directed towards Me.

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Ms Jo

She dealt her pretty words like Blades -
How glittering they shone -
And every One unbared a Nerve
Or wantoned with a Bone -

I want a sensitive man - one who'll cry when I hit him.

(in reply to GoodgirlFind)

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RE: Preferences - 7/5/2007 11:35:55 AM

MHOO314

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Nope, I want TPE---in and out of the bedroom, house, life, world.

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SLUTS: Southern Ladies Under Tremendous Stress...

Mistress Hathor

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RE: Preferences - 7/5/2007 7:04:53 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear GoodgirlFind, Ladies and Gentlemen;

My preferences are to have a total dynamic to which I am Master/Mistress and the other(s) slave.

I will not have any slave, no matter how tempting to define where my mastery begins or ends --especially restricting it to just the bedroom. In my mind's eyes I see--it is all about sex and not all about the total relationship and the people within it.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

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RE: Preferences - 7/5/2007 7:53:37 PM

LadyPact

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My view on this is a bit different than some others that you might find, due to My particular situation.

I am married. I have a husband who will occassionally bottom for Me in the bedroom, but I do not consider him My submissive. I have had submissives before and during Our marriage, which to Me, is something completely different. I do actually search for a current submissive. (I was trying to figure out how to say that without it sounding like My own personal ad.) My husband is accepting/aware of this, as he understands that he does not fill that particular role with Me. If that little part was confusing, the whole explanation would spin your head. <Laughs>

The short answer, is I seek a submissive, rather than a bottom.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

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RE: Preferences - 7/5/2007 8:38:07 PM

DagnyTaggart

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I'm in the minority here but I like a submissive in the bedroom (or the kitchen, or the yard, or...) but my partner has to be an equal in all other things. His equality is what makes him significant as my significant other. A submissive who is always in a state of submission can't hold my attention.

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Preferences - 7/5/2007 10:07:46 PM

LadyHugs

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Dear LadyPact, Ladies and Gentlemen;

Being single--I don't have that complex situation.

Unfortunately, men who petition to start a relationship with me, then define where their submission begins and ends in the bedroom--is not a relationship that would feed me. I don't want or need sex but, I would like the aspects of a relationship. I just tire of being seen as a bedroom dominatrix for kinky sex rather than a total person who is a Dominant as much as I am a lady. These men want to change who I am.

I do understand when married, if a married couple is honest and they understand the intent of getting different partners--it is fine with me. So many people get married and grow in different directions--some don't grow and yet--love for each other remains. I can indeed wrap around that situation because, as you pointed out--you and your hubby are fully aware and consent to the expansion--you acquiring a submissive for example.

You will have a dual relationship where marriage isn't disrespected and neither will your relationship with your submissive.

I do believe that the problem most individuals will have is how to juggle the two relationships but, it can work. Lot of communication and agree to things where everybody can be happy with the boundaries and ethics. You are blessed with the marriage that allows communication and pursuit of happiness beyond what marriage defines.

That said, I grow concern for those who cannot communicate or have partners that are unwilling to give freedoms to their partners outside marriage 'relationships.' This is when people cannot be honest and suffering occurs.

We all have preferences--it is wonderful if we're surrounded by those who respect, understand and support those preferences.

Just some thoughts.

Respectfully submitted for consideration,
Lady Hugs

< Message edited by LadyHugs -- 7/5/2007 10:14:17 PM >

(in reply to LadyPact)

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RE: Preferences - 7/6/2007 5:59:50 AM

LadyPact

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Lady Hugs, and A/all,

One of the reasons I gave My little blurb on why I am seeking a submissive, rather than a bottom, is because I do believe that honesty is so essencial to My situation. It's My personal opinion that honesty helps to breed both trust and respect. Afterall, how much does one trust someone who is prone to be dishonest? Honesty, trust, and respect are cornerstones of both marriage and a D/s relationship alike. Either of these relationships can not survive without them. They quickly wither and die and bring the suffering to the individuals involved that you mentioned.

Communication is definitely a key. There has to be a lot of openness for this kind of thing to work. Not just here at home, but with potential submissives as well. This is another of the reasons that I put My situation out there and don't try to hide the information about who I am or what I seek. It is only fair to be up front about these things. We do have intricate house rules which have made helped to make the situation successful in the past, and hopefully, it will be again. While the circumstances, at times, narrows My prospects, I don't feel it eclipses them completely. I see the juggling of the relationships very similar to other situations such as poly households or to those of Dominants who have more than one submissive. These boards, as well as people that I meet r/t, are a testiment to the fact that many are able to have successful arrangements such as this.

I do understand very much that I am fortunate to persue My happiness. Without such liberality, I would be in a position or either going against My own morals, or giving up that which I find makes My life more fulfilling. I'm very grateful not to have to make that choice of one over the other.

This has been a Public Service Announcement. We now return you to your regularly scheduled BDSM discussion.

(in reply to LadyHugs)

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