RE: My name says it all

RE: My name says it all (Full Version)

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slaveish -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 9:50:03 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: octavia He may never speak to me again, he feels betrayed and mistrustful now. I feel at a loss, I need a place to vent and learn and talk about all this stuff as i go through it. He is within his rights to feel that way - wouldn't you if the situation were reversed? quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Since he has been reading my posts, I no longer have this as a place to just bring all this stuff up to process it without worrying about how it would effect him. It affects him anyway, regardless of whether or not he reads your posts. You have problems with him. You are in a ~relationship~ with him. In another thread, you say that you treat everyone with respect but this is very disrespectful and destructive behavior. quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Kinda like the friends I would go have coffee with you know? I don't have a slew of BDSM friends to turn too, only a few and these boards. Less self-pity, more work. Octavia, you have some serious stuff you need to work on, and I do not mean with regard to the relationship or BDSM. This is personal stuff. You rail against being a submissive, you hide things from your Sir, you manipulate and control in a passive aggressive fashion. You need to get to the bottom of it. Continuing to do what you are doing is quite unfair to your Sir and quite unfair to yourself. quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Ironically, as I work through the stuff I have gone through, he has always come out in my mind in a place of more respect and admiration, no matter what i originally post and frankly,. I thought I was posting about myself here and my stuggles. , I thought this was the solution. Apprently not. My deapest apoligies to everyone, exspecially Him. Having strangers pat your back and sympathize with you is not a solution, you are correct. It is anonymous emotional masturbation. The problem is, when you're done, the problems are still there. It is up to you to work on it and fix it, or don't work on it and let the chips fall where they may. I wish you well. My regards to your Sir.

Onesharpman -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 9:50:15 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: octavia quote: ORIGINAL: SimplyMichael I wonder if posting " I can't be dommed" did the trick and she now has a new batch of dominants to reject so she can start the cycle all over again about how superiour she is and how inferiorer men are. Actually Michael No. She doesn't cause she is me. I posted this under this alias in an attempt to vent and not attract attention or offend anyone. It didn't work. Had I been doing for attention I would have posted under my main profile. I have met many neato people on these boards and chatted with many Dom men. A few have stood out, I've made friends with a few more , and I've made arrangememts to meet One this weekend. The last time I got squirrly and posted about my struggles in getting to know Him, he read it and it upset Him. Rightly so, it wasn't very flattering to him. I am not a good submissive. I have known this all along and it is among the first things I cover in a new converstation. I question absolutely everything, every single intention every single action. I trust very sparingly. In my post here as uncollarable, I put in untruths in an attempt to throw people off, I didn't want him to read it and get upset again. Damn it all to hell, he fookin figured it out anyway!!!! Just to clarify, I have never faked an orgasm. My tounge is not bloody and he has been infinately patient with my "non subby" outbursts. He may never speak to me again, he feels betrayed and mistrustful now. I feel at a loss, I need a place to vent and learn and talk about all this stuff as i go through it. Since he has been reading my posts, I no longer have this as a place to just bring all this stuff up to process it without worrying about how it would effect him. Kinda like the friends I would go have coffee with you know? I don't have a slew of BDSM friends to turn too, only a few and these boards. Ironically, as I work through the stuff I have gone through, he has always come out in my mind in a place of more respect and admiration, no matter what i originally post and frankly,. I thought I was posting about myself here and my stuggles. , I thought this was the solution. Apprently not. My deapest apoligies to everyone, exspecially Him. Oct. Though I am normally not comfortable responding in public forums to our challenges, it is apparent that you find comfort in "venting" in this venue so I will participate. First and foremost, thank you for admitting so readily to creating the uncollarable profile. you asked how I "caught" you? Remember, I have paid attention rapt attention to everything you have said over the course of time we have known each other. How could I not know it was you? We resolved our current disagreement minutes after you posted your false profile and set up this topic for general discussion. My response to you was "we can always disagree, you can always speak your mind to Me, it is how we resolve the conflict that matters most". This is how you are going to learn about Me and I am going to learn about you. I do feel a lack of trust with you now. Though your motives of "venting" might have been acceptable, your methods of deceit were not. There was never a thought to telling Me (or anyone on this board) the truth about your false profile and post until you got caught. The fact is, you DO have friends on this board that you talk to. They have, by your own admission, told you that they agree with My motives and methods as being patient, understanding and respectful. I would expect that they would be happy to let you vent and provide advice. I will present this to this board. Do you feel that Octavia was correct in opening a fictitious profile and "ranting" on the board? Can you give her some constructive advice on how to better trust her Dominant when He disagrees with her? Does anyone have a compromise that will allow Octavia to retain her integrity with Me and still vent her frustrations? Thank you for taking the time to read this and I apologize for publicizing such a private matter on this board. Onesharpman

LadyHeart -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 10:00:04 PM)
There are two components to reaching that "elusive" subspace - a Dominant who knows what he is doing and a sub who knows what she is aiming for. I have an article on my profile about how a flogging works (in my journal) that might help you to judge if your Dom is getting his half right. For you to get your bit right, you may need to change the way you handle pain. Some pain is best handled by blocking or distraction, but to reach an endorphin high, you need to focus on the pain, to feel each blow, relax into it and to ride it. After a while you'll feel yourself start to space out, a bit like the light headed feeling you get before you faint. You breathe your way into it, allow yourself to sag and slump, and away you go. If you've ever had laughing gas it's a bit similar - you still feel the pain but you just don't care any more. That's the best way I can describe it - it may help - or it may not! Good luck anyway! :)) LH

octavia -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 10:29:11 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: slaveish quote: ORIGINAL: octavia He may never speak to me again, he feels betrayed and mistrustful now. I feel at a loss, I need a place to vent and learn and talk about all this stuff as i go through it. He is within his rights to feel that way - wouldn't you if the situation were reversed? quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Since he has been reading my posts, I no longer have this as a place to just bring all this stuff up to process it without worrying about how it would effect him. It affects him anyway, regardless of whether or not he reads your posts. You have problems with him. You are in a ~relationship~ with him. In another thread, you say that you treat everyone with respect but this is very disrespectful and destructive behavior. Nothing I have posted he did not know already. I have been honest with him. I do treat others with respect, and to that end, when I saw how upset he got reading my first post struggling ... thought this might be a solution. I was wrong. I admitted it. I apoligized. quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Kinda like the friends I would go have coffee with you know? I don't have a slew of BDSM friends to turn too, only a few and these boards. Less self-pity, more work. Octavia, you have some serious stuff you need to work on, and I do not mean with regard to the relationship or BDSM. This is personal stuff. You rail against being a submissive, you hide things from your Sir, you manipulate and control in a passive aggressive fashion. You need to get to the bottom of it. Continuing to do what you are doing is quite unfair to your Sir and quite unfair to yourself. You know little to nothing of me. Those who know me, I would accept this from, not you. He is not my "Sir". He is Daddy for today and tomorrow. We have been talking and are planning to meet. This is still in the "get to know stages, a much different thing that an established committed relationship. quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Ironically, as I work through the stuff I have gone through, he has always come out in my mind in a place of more respect and admiration, no matter what i originally post and frankly,. I thought I was posting about myself here and my stuggles. , I thought this was the solution. Apprently not. My deapest apoligies to everyone, exspecially Him. Having strangers pat your back and sympathize with you is not a solution, you are correct. It is anonymous emotional masturbation. The problem is, when you're done, the problems are still there. It is up to you to work on it and fix it, or don't work on it and let the chips fall where they may. I wish you well. My regards to your Sir.

EvilGeoff -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 10:36:20 PM)
I started to reply to this thread... glad I read through to the end. Three words for you both Octavia and Onesharp, and that's all I'll say on this issue - communicate, Communicate, COMMUNICATE! 'Nuff Said! - Geoff

Onesharpman -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 10:44:23 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: EvilGeoff I started to reply to this thread... glad I read through to the end. Three words for you both Octavia and Onesharp, and that's all I'll say on this issue - communicate, Communicate, COMMUNICATE! 'Nuff Said! - Geoff Thank you Geoff, I absolutely agree. It is the method she chose that I take issue with. Appreciate your commnts. Onesharpman

Lewcifer -> RE: My name says it all (7/4/2007 11:59:47 PM)
quote: ORIGINAL: uncollarable I guess I am ready to give up the fantasy that I will ever be a good submissive/slave. What is a person supposed to do when they want to be submissive but they just, aren't. Get into a plain vanilla relationship, since you obviously don't want to handle anything more. Don't bother telling Me how plain vanilla is inadequate for you, as I only go by actions and not by words. your actions indicate a lack of desire, and that's all that really matters. your words only serve to try and cloak the facts with fiction. Want to be a sub? Start subbing. Same choice that I gave My sub wife when she started waffling. Now she's in slave training.

MaamJay -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 1:26:28 AM)
OK by now I am a bit confused. Earlier posts from octavia made it sound as if this was a live relationship, in that she reported "not being able to get to subspace". Yet it now appears this is relationship is very much in the "getting to know you" stage and they haven't even met yet! Seems like someone is trying to put the cart before the horse! To octavia: In negotiation stages, it is not only acceptable but desirable to question POLITELY - your Dom wants to get to know you, how you're thinking and feeling, and from your questions and responses, He can judge the growth in your understanding and knowledge. However, being polite and respectful is important, and also not being repetitive/nagging. I'm truly not sure how you expected to have orgasms or reach subspace when you and He haven't been together in person and actually touched each other! Yes, some people are capable of going there mentally, but not all. So I think you are doing yourself and He a severe injustice by judging the relationship as failing when it hasn't even got off the ground. And even when you do meet, it is unreasonable to expect you are going to blast off into subspace (or orgasm) straight away. The trust needed to do that grows gradually and shouldn't be given nor expected too soon. Be patient! I also agree with those that suggested you need to do some hard thinking about what submission means to you at this point of time. Too often subs judge their relationship in the beginning with established relationships that have gone for years, and that's totally inappropriate and ineffectual. Subs don't yield EVERYTHING to their Dom right away ... more things are surrendered as the relationship grows and evolves. A wise Dom knows not to demand everything right from the start, but begins with some aspects and allows that to grow. What is it that you ARE prepared to yield right now? And what are you not prepared to give Him control of just yet? Master and i have been 24/7 for 3 years and i have been collared to Him for 1, yet only just in the last few months have i yielded total financial control to Him ... even then, not without a few collywobbles about doing so! Also, your false profile said you were "uncollarable" ... how in heck can you know that? Don't be in a rush to accept a collar, and a wise Dom isn't in a rush to give you one. Take your time! However, you do need to be prepared for the fact that submission is more than just doing what you want to do ... ultimately. there are going to be some things you don't particularly want to do that you will agree to doing because they don't cause you harm, and you will get some pleasure out of doing them for Him. To Onesharpman: Obviously this has been very difficult for You to have this aired on the boards and I admired the restraint in Your post. No, the deceit involved with the false profile wasn't appropriate, for she was not only deceiving You but all of Us too. Are You putting her through a reading program? I find that directing subs to appropriate readings, with questions to answer and then discuss, is a great way of getting them to engage with the ideas themselves and refine their own thinking. This takes the emphasis away from Me as the font of all knowledge, and may well lead to less questioning and apparent distrust of You personally. If You need any help finding readings etc please feel free to message Me on the other side of collarme and I will send you some links. I am currently in discussion with a fem sub for Myself and so am putting her through a similar program. In terms of venting in future ... I would suggest that You direct her to air her concerns with You first. If there appears to be continued disagreement, try pointing her to some specific readings (make sure You read them first!). It's amazing what Google will find especially if You add BDSM to Your search! Then if there is still disagreement, suggest that You and she take it to the boards together and promise to read the replies and discuss them together. This avoids any deceit to those of Us who take the time to reply ... and also any subterfuge between the 2 of Y/you. There are a lot of good people here who are willing to share their ideas, experience and expertise ... it's a valuable resource, but it should be used wisely. Kind regards to both of Y/you and hope something can be worked out! Maam Jay aka violet[A]

slaveish -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 4:13:24 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: octavia Nothing I have posted he did not know already. I have been honest with him. I do treat others with respect, and to that end, when I saw how upset he got reading my first post struggling ... thought this might be a solution. I was wrong. I admitted it. I apoligized. You have ~not~ been honest with him. You created a fictitious profile, gave false information (by your own admission) and he caught you. You deceived him, you deceived us (no big deal really but indicative of a habit apparently), and he said "I do feel a lack of trust with you now." quote: ORIGINAL: octavia You know little to nothing of me. Those who know me, I would accept this from, not you. He is not my "Sir". He is Daddy for today and tomorrow. We have been talking and are planning to meet. This is still in the "get to know stages, a much different thing that an established committed relationship. I am not your Dom, your mom, or someone you hang out with at the coffee shop, so your little fits and chastisements mean nothing to me. I could care less what you accept from me. You posted, I replied. I am talking about a broader picture, not just this one instance. I do not know you personally but I am aware of destructive behavior when I see it. Why do you suppose my advice does not pertain to you since you are not in a commited relationship? Octavia, how on earth do you suppose you get to ~be~ in one? The time to take personal responsibility is ~not~ when you've been caught in a series of untruths but way before you feel the need to indulge in such manipulative behavior. Your Dom, Daddy, Sir, Master, ~whatever~ you want to call him, my dear, asked for constructive advice to you. I gave you some. Take it for what it's worth.

SubinMaine -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 4:51:22 AM)
Octavia, i do not know you personally, but i do know what works in a O/our D/s relationship. Communication and Trust are paramount. you need to know/feel that it's ok to have a discussion where the two parties disagree. There's nothing to fear and the only thing that will happen is growth. Which way that growth goes, no one knows, but it will help you figure out if your Daddy is the right One for YOU as well as Him being able to figure out if you are the right one for Him. you shouldn't have to bite your tongue, you should feel free to voice your opinion (respectfully of course), but you should also have enough trust (and an open mind) to listen to what He is saying as well. Deceit, of any kind and in any relationship, is not a good starting point. i think you already understand this, though. your Daddy seems to be willing to teach you a lesson here. you can fight against it or you can try to see His point. i don't see Him as giving up on you, only trying to work through the first of many problems you B/both may encounter during your time together. His posting here shows that on some level, He cares, that's half your battle right there. As always, just my opinion.

MrDiscipline44 -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 6:04:49 AM)
Maybe you should find a therapist or counselor and get some help figuring out why it is that you won't trust and do things that make you untrustworthy. I definately say that onesharp is a better man then I because with me, by now, you'd be rubbing your ass sitting on the curb wondering how you got from inside the house to outside so fast.

GhitaAmati -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 6:45:36 AM)
Who told all these submissives that they arent allowed to speak their mind? I guess that means Im not a good submissive either, cause I speak my mind quite often, never bite my tounge (although sometimes I wish I had) and never fake orgasms...ok, so there was this one time but really, who honestly hasnt EVER faked one?..there are times when you just want it over with and the guy thinks hes all that and isnt gonna stop till you get off and really..it aint gonna happen so...ok, sorry for that digression..anyway. Just because you speak your mind does not make you a bad submissive....in my opinion, whats worse for ANY relationship is NOT being able to talk. If you cant communicate honestly and without fear of retribution, how is the relationship ever gonna work?

SimplyMichael -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 7:09:28 AM)
Onesharpman and Octavia, I am one who has spoken to Octavia in private and live in the same city as Onesharpman. While I would do some things differently than Onesharpman that is vastly different than saying I would do them better. The whole problem with "talking" to others is that any decent relationship ESPECIALLY a BDSM one is unique to the couple, or at least should be. What would work for me and mine wouldn't necessarily work for others. So, talking to me, especially the submissive, is sometimes counterproductive. It is one thing to ask "is this abuse" to which I think I can give a fairly effective answer, asking if "is this good/healthy dominance" isn't something I can really answer ESPECIALLY if the question comes from the submissive. Octavia and I spoke yesterday and I did my best to focus on trying to get her to realize she isn't a "bad" submissive but a typical one. Doubts, resistance, issues, etc are part and parcel of being a submissive, especially a new one. I think being "in the scene" is a good thing for this issue as seeing how others act often makes you realize you are a far better submissive than you could ever have imagined! I am not one who places the highest stock in experience, while I think it is useful, it is secondary to being a well balanced and grounded person. I have seen new dominants (mad rabbit is their posterboy) who are far wiser than their age or experience would suggest. I have also seen "elders" who I wouldn't allow to dom a blow up doll. However, those judgements are based on fairly decent exposure to them, trying to give specific advice to people you know next to nothing about is much harder and sometimes in this case probably impossible. So, long ramble aside, OneSharpMan, if you would care to meet and talk I would be honored and I wish you luck with this. Octavia, please feel free to provide him with my contact info but for now, until you have seen this through, I think you are far better off taking your issues to him than me.

MHOO314 -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 7:19:37 AM)
What do you mean? That you want to be yet when it comes to the real thing, your values prevent you from relinquishing control? That you have some reason no one wants you? That you seek kinky sex and you think that will not allow you to find someone? Or is this a ploy for sympathy to get a Dominants attention? *Uh oh, seems I did not read the thread--sooo a bid for attention?*

domiguy -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 7:51:23 AM)
Hmmmm....Drama!!! Gotta love it!....It was Onesharpman's choice to take this public....He could have sat back and let the thread run it's course....That is the path I would have chose....Then I would have dealt with Octavia in the manner I saw fit. Is it a betrayal? She obviously wasn't getting the answers she needed from her Dom. Is she crazy?...Possibly...Are you crazy?? (Domiguy looks over the CM crowd and starts pointing at people while his assistant busily writes down names) I could even be crazy! (Assistant softly chuckles) "You're fired!"...(Domiguy rips the Domiguy Industries patch off of her right shoulder and I continue jotting down the names of all the loonies on CM) Or maybe Onesharpman is a complete turd. Either way, I don't know these people....They have decided to make their on-line (long distance?) private relationship public... It doesn't speak volumes for either one of them. Why do long distance? Why come out here and talk about faking orgasms when you haven't even met....It's laughable..... What the fuck!!! Let's rant, shall we?....Before we go down the path of Dom/sub....I want us to be fucking cool...We don't have to share the same political notions...We can have different takes on life....But we have to be fucking cool with each other before I am at all curious about whether you dig anal or can deep throat or enjoy a flogging or bondage or...and on and on and on and on and fucking on and on.....Me beating my chest and saying "Me Dom...You sub." Doesn't begin to cut it....For some I'm sure it does. Where is fucking LA when you need her? First and foremost this a relationship no different than vanilla....Not everyone is going to click...Then you move on. Octavia is one of the more attractive women on CM...Big deal!...There are attractive women all over the fucking place. I've talked to women who live across the country off of this site...In time maybe we will meet...Until then there isn't going to be many discussions about any type of dynamic between us other than normal fucking conversations....Maybe a little more wacked cause we met off of CM....But at the end of the day, most of the conversation is just the usual day to day shit....Do we have anything the fuck in common? Oh yeah, now stick a 12" dildo up your ass. Whoopee!!! By last count, on July 4th, the Domiguy Soul Mate O' Meter * stood at 9,432 potential soul mates for Domiguy in the surrounding Chicagoland area...Last week it stood at 9,433...Four car accidents, a move , a fatal fire and then several birthdays which caused people to move in and out of my acceptable age range account for the disparity. This doesn't even account for people that I might find acceptable to meet for something short term or a random bang or two. All of my relationships take part on a face to face basis...It would be helpful if everyone would consider the benefits of adopting this policy. We are not that special...Find someone...Meet them....And voilà!!!! You got yourself one of them dang tootin' relationships. * The Domiguy Soul Mate O' meter is the trademarked property of Domiguy Industries.

KatyLied -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 7:53:26 AM)
Wait, this all an on-line thing between people who have not yet met?

domiguy -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 7:56:09 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Wait, this all an on-line thing between people who have not yet met? Yep....Katy on your fucking knees you betch!!! (Domiguy praying to the Gods that the top of Katy's head is as flat as it is portrayed on her avatar so he has a place to rest his cup o' joe.)

cjenny -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 8:02:21 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Wait, this all an on-line thing between people who have not yet met? Hmmm I don't know if I should say 'oh jeeeeez' or just sigh. If someone created an entirely new profile, took that to the forums to question 'our' relationship in public under the guise of a newbie seeking help um.. okay. Oh jeeeeeez!

domiguy -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 8:07:23 AM)
quote: ORIGINAL: cjenny quote: ORIGINAL: KatyLied Wait, this all an on-line thing between people who have not yet met? Hmmm I don't know if I should say 'oh jeeeeez' or just sigh. If someone created an entirely new profile, took that to the forums to question 'our' relationship in public under the guise of a newbie seeking help um.. okay. Oh jeeeeeez! I am preferential to your sighs...."Oh domiguy, oh domiguy....What do you want me to do now?....Shit!...My web cam fell to the floor!" (domiguy can see hundreds of wrappers from Twix candy bars, mouse droppings and a wrinkled discarded outfit from some ren faire littering cjenny's floor and promptly hangs up)

Blacknum13 -> RE: My name says it all (7/5/2007 9:38:57 AM)
The thing I find unsettling is that you commented on your own fake profile's thread. Like you was a different person giving advice. WTF? If you are this unhappy move on.

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